Imagine A World Like That

Never having to wear a bra

Free delivery every time

Bathtub water that doesn’t get cold

Boys text back in 2 seconds

A working government

A female president

Freelancers being paid on time and also a living wage

KISS ME AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES

IMMMAAGINE A WORLD LIKE THAT

IMAGIIIIIINE A WORLD LIKE THAT

(this could have been a tweet lol)

Cool Gifts For Your White Elephant Party

White Elephant, Yankee Swap, Dirty Santa – whatever the hell you want to call it, you’re bound to be heading to at least one gift exchange party. Whether it’s with your office, extended family, or local girl gang, there’s always an abundance of Starbucks gift cards, scratch tickets, bottles of wine, and seasonal chocolate boxes.

WHAT A SNOOZEFEST. The whole point of a gift exchange is that the gifts are so good, it erupts into all out brawl. After all, that’s what the holidays are all about, right? Consumerism gone crazy. Just kidding. It’s about making someone’s day a little brighter and putting a smile on their frostbitten, chapped lips!

Here’s our top picks for the best, non-obvious, and coolest gifts under $25 for your next White Elephant/Yankee Swap/Dirty Santa!

For pasta loving peeps

Why it’s cool: The tote of the year beloved by art girls and add in some gourmet fettuccine to eat for breakfast! What’s not to like?

 

fettuccinetote-2

For a crew working on their night cheese

Why it’s cool: First of all, it has the word “party” in it so that’s a done deal. Secondly, it’s like the sexier version of a cheese board, which is another boring gift. If I see more one slate and cheese knife set, I’ll slap someone. Did I mention that this little baddie melts formaggio in 40 seconds?!

Raclette

For a crowd that likes practical gifts

Why it’s cool: Yeah I know it’s a trash can but hear me out. Trash cans are normally such an eyesore but not these babies. They’re so sleek and modern, they’re more decor than dumpster. Trust me, people will be trying to swipe it as soon it’s unwrapped.

TrashCan

For a group that gets down with self care

Why it’s cool: Yeah, everyone and their mom knows about face rolling but do they know about gua sha? It’s like a face roller’s butch cousin and actually makes you concentrate more on the act of massaging your face, compared to a face roller which you can do mindlessly for hours.

Gua Sha

For the squad that said FUNNY GIFTS ONLY

Why it’s cool: Sometimes the gift exchanges that don’t take themselves so seriously are the most fun!

Au Revoir

Women Talk About Heartbreak

The holidays can dredge up a lot of feelings. Sure, it’s all Christmas cookies and Chanukah gelt, but with all those holiday songs about lost loves, Aunt Denise asking you if you’re still single, and couples posting ice skating Instagrams, it can also be a really lonely time.

Most everybody comes home for the holidays, even your ex. It can feel especially sting-y to think about, or even worse–to see. People get drunk on eggnog and send regrettable 2.am. texts. Luckily, you’re not alone. Unfortunately (and fortunately) heartbreak is the most common thing, like ever. That’s why we talked to women about having broken hearts.

Some told us stories, some gave advice, some even shared their fears. We would like to think that this would make anyone with a broken heart or anyone “going through it” feel like someone can relate. Somebody has been there or is where you are right now. You’re not alone.

Think of this as your team Lately sleepover. It’s that weird part of the night right before everyone falls asleep and you’re all talking about deep stuff. There are still bowls of Chex Mix and M&M’s on the table. Your dad has come downstairs and said “SHHHHHH” three different times. There will be pancakes and french toast in the morning. But for now you’re talking about what it’s like to have a broken heart.

 

It took almost two years for me to stop being angry. It took me less time to come to terms with the fact that we wouldn’t ever get back together. None of that mattered because I was hurt and alone and he had someone who loved him and who he loved too and why does he get to feel that way again? Why don’t I have that? Sometimes I feel silly that my only meaningful romantic relationship was in high school.

As an adult it’s hard to justify that what I was feeling at 16, 17, 18 was real. Sometimes I don’t care, and I know that I’m lucky to have experienced love when I did.  At 25, I am happy for him. My hurt has healed. I’m still alone but it doesn’t feel as lonely.  I’m just scared I’ve already had my one great love.

 

“Heartbreak is a necessary evil. We need it in order to love, live, make art, and subtweet. Heartbreak allows you to uncover and decipher Dorothy Parker’s rhyming couplets, ruminate and relate to Billlie Holiday’s recording of “Good Morning Heartache” (on repeat, of course), and eat a bag of Skinny Pop popcorn for each meal. Kidding, kidding, you can always eat a bag of Skinny Pop — it also works as a celebratory meal.”

 

Girls, I’ve never been heartbroken. I had one boyfriend for 2 weeks in high school, but other than that I’ve never dealt with anything like this. I was completely shattered. In my mind I had this, admittedly not rational, fantasy that I could have a husband and a girlfriend, and I was on cloud nine. I was in love with two people and it was going to work out. But it didn’t. I went in to a very deep depression that I can only summarize as pure heartache induced. I was dumb as fuck, y’all. We didn’t talk for 2 straight months.

We only occasionally talk now, and we’re chummy, sure, but it will never be the same. I feel like my heart was divided in three even parts, and the part that had her name on it will always have her name on it, but the candle was blown out by a tornado of emotion. I won’t say I feel like I lost my other half, but I won’t not say that I feel like I lost my other half. I will always be in love with her, I think. And on the off chance that she ever reads this and knows it’s about her, I hope she knows that.

 

“It’s not that I felt relief ending things with my last relationship– if you can call it that. I don’t know if going over to someone’s house a few days a week to watch Westworld, eat pasta, and hookup is a relationship–but it was something. We had a routine, he met my friends. I went to a couple of his shows. We talked about being exclusive once and I got scared and ended the conversation. I couldn’t confide in him. But it felt like a loss. I still can’t drive past this one part of the 134 without getting teary, or listen to certain songs, or talk to him at all.”

 

“You know what’s heartbreaking? Being in love with someone you can’t trust. In between hot flashes of having the best time ever and being beside yourself with grief over every new betrayal that comes light, you have these moments of complete clarity where you’re like ‘what the fuck am I doing??’ But you can’t get yourself out of there. You don’t want to. You’re too sick and he’s too strong. It’s comfortable and you love him, so you stay.

 

Here’s what heartbreak feels like for me. Three years out, I’m still waiting for you to realize that you miss me. At this point, I don’t think you will. I don’t miss you, and you’re the one that dumped me, so it makes sense that you’ve totally moved on a few times over. But it still just doesn’t make sense to me that you don’t miss me at all. It makes me feel like my part of your life was insignificant — and that just can’t be right after we spent seven years together.

When we broke up, though, I found at least one other person for every inside joke or reference that we had. That way, when I see something that reminds me of you, I still have someone that I can share it with. Because if you don’t miss me, I don’t want to open any lines of communication again. But it sure would be nice to know that you miss me. Just so that I could know that it all mattered to you. It mattered to me.”

 

What’s secretly awesome about heartbreak is the way you get to get over it. You have an excuse to act insane, cut off all your hair, dye it a different color, stay out late, eat like crap, do whatever you want all because you have a broken heart. Your friends can’t judge you because you’re crying in the middle of dinner. You can be a hoe. You get to be the person you weren’t when you were dating someone.

This Is What Christmas Song Your Zodiac Sign Would Be

Aries

Hallelujah – Pentatonix

You’re a traditionalist at heart, and you privately think Hallelujah is the fucking most gorgeous song ever. Aries, you’re one to have a hot toddy and get all misty-eyed while mumbling along. This Pentatonix cover is acapella so it’s JUST different enough to capture your goldfish-like attention. You’ll never admit how beautiful you think it is–that is, until you’ve had a few.

Taurus

Happy XMas (War Is Over) – Celine Dion

First of all, fuck John Lennon. This Celine cover is incredible and you know it Taurus!! You love the message of this song, because it’s not too Jesus-y but it’s about treating others with respect and kindness. You also believe that you can hit those high notes like Celine when you’re alone in your car. Sure, babe!

Gemini

Santa Tell Me – Ariana Grande

You’re such a tricky little B, Gemini. You’re obsessed with the idea of mistletoe and getting kissed under it. You want an Xmas flirtation more than you want a new iPhone. A traditional Christmas song just won’t do for you. An Ariana bop it is!

Cancer

Last Christmas – Taylor Swift

You get the most emo Christmas song, Cancer. For you Christmas is definitely a time of reflection. While Wham! is nice, you’ve never really escaped your 2008-self. That’s why you instantly adore this Taylor cover. You’re dedicating it to all your exes. Especially the idiot nursing his whiskey and crying to Pentatonix.

Leo

All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey

Did you think we would make you anything other than the most popular Christmas song like…ever? OFC you’re Mariah, Leo! Christmas is all about you!!!! Like Mariah Carey, you’ve probably made all your friends/siblings/children memorize the backing vocals so you can sing lead. Good work.

Virgo

Step Into Christmas – Elton John

You stan a classic, Virgo. This Christmas song is super jazzy and dance-able. It makes you smile immediately when you put it on. You love Christmas because you get to be in charge of decorating, list-making, and gift-giving. It’s all about order and preparation, which is where you thrive!  Luckily, singing along won’t throw off whatever psychotic system you’ve prepared for wrapping presents and decorating the tree.

Libra

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays – N’Sync

Christmas for you is all about feeling cozy, Libra. It’s just the right amount of love and cookies and decorations. That’s why you’re a song that celebrates the feeling of the season! Because you’re a Libra and all about balance, you’re not just saying Merry Christmas, you’re also wishing everyone a happy holidays! Shout out to Jews!

Scorpio

Baby It’s Cold Outside – Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton

Scorpio, you’re the best possible version of the worst possible song. This song is probably about date rape? No one can really tell. But Dolly Parton and Rod Stewart together is absolute magic. This song is sleezy but also a little sexy–like you! If you’re mad that we didn’t make you the Meghan Trainor version that is sooooo Scorpio of you.

Sagittarius

My Only Wish (This Year) – Britney Spears

Your secretly squishy heart loves this song. Also, it’s Britney so–duh. You love this song. It’s poppy and fun like you and reveals your most hidden desires, which you’re not so great at doing IRL. I hope you find the Justin to your Britney this year, boo boo.

Capricorn

Say All You Want For Christmas – Nick Jonas and Shania Twain

You’re trying to act like you don’t love a little drama in your life, but Capricorn, you do. You’re desperate for some Christmas love to disrupt the placid waters you’re currently floating in, going nowhere. This dazzling duet is just as complex and capable of love as you are. If you were Nick Jonas, I would kiss you rn.

Aquarius

Mistletoe – Justin Bieber

My forever young-at-heart and oh so enthusiastic Aquarian, this J Biebs song is sO you. The beat is super catchy, the lyrics are cute, and it’s chill as fuck but people still get so hype when it comes on. Sound familiar?

Pisces

Hoping For Snow – The Vamps

Pisces baby, you’re non traditional and would be a Christmas song we’ve never heard of but you’re stanning ever since it came out. The song is actually good, which you’ve been saying the entire time you showed it to us. Okay, we get it! I hope Santa Claus brings you the validation you so clearly need to function!!!! Yay!

 

BONUS

All the signs are also somehow the Chanukah Song Part II (the better one)! Great! Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

December Horoscopes

Aries

You know that idea that you’ve had ruminating inside that gorgeous head of yours? This is the time to turn that mere idea into a reality. After a hectic fall season, you’ve finally getting some much needed free time off from everything that you’ve had going on. While some people would bask in the downtime, you’re not some people. Use that feisty Aries energy for your own good! You might even surprise yourself by how much you can achieve when you put in the extra effort.

Taurus

Over the past few weeks, you’ve been feeling slightly off. Just a little bit prickly, a tad sensitive, and on and off overwhelmed. Fear not though, you’ll soon be back where you belong. Those scenarios and situations that had you flustered? It’s time to revisit them with fresh eyes. Resolution is still possible! It’s perfect timing to gain some clarity and harmony ahead of the very full calendar of gatherings with friends, family, and colleagues, coming soon to your life!

Gemini

While this year may have felt like it was full of loss, when you look back and take an inventory of what has come and gone in 2018, you’ll realize that all of the tears and angst has taught you so much about what you value most in a relationship. Yes, the year was full of crazy rollercoasters, with some of them screeching to a halt at the apex and knocking the wind out of you, you’ve come out stronger and smarter. And thankfully this December is going to be a bit of a reset for you so keep your eyes open for some new people popping up in your life. Just don’t be too afraid to let them in!

Cancer

The first part of December will have you feeling a little rundown, a bit under the weather. Don’t fear though, it’s short-lived so you’ll be right as rain in time for all of the holiday festivities coming up. Your weekends are likely already booked solid until 2019 but take some time before the New Year to reflect on what you’ve achieved this year and use it as your inspiration and benchmark for what else you can achieve in the future. 2019 will be a big year of expansion for you so make sure you write down any and all ideas or goals that come to mind so you can be sure to act on them!

Leo

Lately, it’s been all work and no play for my little Leo. December will see the return of balance to your life, with plenty of time for both holiday hijinks and work work work. Yes, I know that you’re an overachiever and likely are trying to check off as many things as possible from your 2018 to-do list but let’s not forget that December is also a time to take a pause and reflect on everything that you’re proud to have accomplished. Don’t worry, you’ll never lose your drive even if you take a few days off here and there.

Virgo

Lovely Virgo, this month will find you leaning into nesting and being a cozy homebody. All you want to do is beautify your space and gather up your best peeps under a big pile of blankets with Friends on repeat. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t make a habit of saying no to every party or night out invite that comes your way. You may feel like staying at home is the easiest way to stay clear of things that give you anxiety but avoiding everything beyond the comfort of your home isn’t doing you any favors. Remember, we are on the cusp of a New Year and you have so much ahead of you.

Libra

You know that question that you’ve been turning over and over in your head for months? December will open up your lines of communication and finally bring much needed clarity and a feeling that you can at last move forward. These harnessed communicative superpowers will have everyone and anyone reaching out with invites to parties and night outs, you silky social butterfly. Just don’t get caught up in your ever present FOMO! Your communicative superpower can also be used to say no once in a while.

Scorpio

My sweet scorpion, this month, everyone is going to want a piece of you! You’re standing tall and shining bright just like a beautiful menorah and/or Christmas tree and catching everyone’s attention. While you’re reveling in this limelight, keep your eyes peeled for influential connections who can help you advance towards the goals that you’ve been scheming up, putting you on a path to some serious cash! So as you approach your office holiday party, prepare yourself to rub shoulders with the bigwigs and make a lasting impression!

Sagittarius

Baby Sag, it’s your season and you’re so fucking excited to be FINALLY be in your element after a long year of questioning yourself at every turn. It is essential that you harness as much of this happy go lucky energy that Sags are known for while you can! This good mood already has you thinking about all of your adventures for next year, both near and far. There is so much that you want to see and do yet it feels like there is so little time. That might be true for most but you’re a Sagittarius goddamn it, you’ll make it work! Pay close attention to every single idea that floats through your head – you’re most attuned to your potential right now.

Capricorn

December brings about a change of pace for you, darling Cap. Now hear me out… how about you take a backseat and not try to plan out and control every single thing in your life? You’ll surprise yourself by how readily you’ll welcome a break from your typical rigor. It’s been a busy few months and you’ve been up to your armpits in projects and deadlines. This month, self care is your major key. You owe it to yourself and to the universe. A recharged Capricorn body and mind will do you (and the world) a lot of good.

Aquarius

This month, you’ll be paying extra close attention to the company you keep. You put so much value in those who energize and lift you up and the closer we get to the holidays, the shorter your patience will become for those who drain you of your good mood. It’s one of your most intuitive areas – instinctually knowing who will waste your time. However, you’re not the best at putting yourself out there to discover who is actually worth your time. In 2019 though, it’s of the utmost importance that you surround yourself with people who show you how much you can get out of your life so make good on that by getting into the habit of seeking out those people starting now!

Pisces

Beautiful little fish babe, December is a perfect time for you to put your best fin forward at work. Be vocal and take the lead when the opportunities arise because when you speak, your colleagues and communities will be listening to every word you say. Your performance and persistence will not go unnoticed, setting you up to gain new responsibilities and experience. Say yes to any and all challenges that present themselves because this month will have you feeling more energized and motivated than usual, which will automatically set you up for success in 2019 and beyond!

Ketchup Is So Fucking Good On Everything*

French fries, hash browns, chicken nuggets, burgers, and grilled cheese.

Scrambled eggs, fish sticks, potato chips, onion rings, corn dogs, crab cakes, and if it touches your bacon. 

Macaroni and cheese. Matzo brei. Accidentally getting some on your bagel or pancakes. 

Avo-freakin-cados. 

These are all things that taste amazing with ketchup, because ketchup is so fucking good on everything, with a single caveat!

The food item must contain a starch.

Look at the above foods. Besides being mainly things you can order at McDonald’s, what else do they have in common?

A STARCH!

Yesterday one of our Lately editors (who shall remain nameless) posted a photo of her delicious breakfast to her Instagram story and raised mass hysteria because it depicted a hash brown with sliced avocado topped with ketchup.

While some were shocked that an editor who works in food journalism would consume a Trader Joe’s frozen hash brown (which is ridiculous, considering that I make like $4 a week and they are a tasty budget friendly TJ’s item), many were disgusted–nay, devastated! That someone! Would put! Ketchup! ON! AN! AVOCADO!!!!!!!!!

But they were missing the point.

The avocado is anchored to the hash brown aka the starch. We have already established that hash browns taste good with ketchup! If this editor (okay, it’s me guys. I did it) had been having eggs with avocado and ketchup, would you have been so offended? Do you not add things like vegetables to your dishes? Do you not eat your colors? What kind of 5-year-olds are you!!!!

I am a big fan of hot and cold combinations. I love warm brownies with ice cream, Shaq-promoted Icy Hot, and I’ve always been interested in that lube that’s supposed to be cold and warm sensations.

Ketchup is so cooling and so sweet. When I eat it on a hot food like macaroni and cheese (something other people have called me a monster for doing!! which is WILD because it tastes fucking amazing) my mouth sings a little song of joy.

The flavor of ketchup is also like sugar tomatoes. Which is appealing to me, a person who did not like actual tomatoes until roughly this year.

Ketchup is made for the pedestrian palate. Think of how many adults put ketchup on their hotdogs!! The actual one thing I will not do because it is sacrilege to the city of Chicago, Illinois!!

Tr*mp puts ketchup on his steak. Okay…maybe that is a bad example. But still, I think THAT is more outrageous than someone eating a fried potato rectangle with avocado on it and some ketchup.

Basically what I’m saying is, you’re all a big bunch of babies. Not because I’m over hear eating caviar topped snails because I am some sort of big time food editor. No. Because you’re all grossed out by ketchup, on something you 100% would eat if it didn’t have a green vegetable (I guess they’re a fruit?) on it. I’m urging you to try it.

Literally make a scramble with eggs, potatoes, and top it with avocados. Squirt a tiny bit of ketchup on the side. Dip your forkful in, and let the combination make your mouth smile. It’s fucking good, isn’t it?

Now that we’ve got that settled, would this be a bad time to tell you that I do eat avocados plain, with barbecue sauce?

 

 

 

 

The Morning Tonic That Makes Me Glow

Lately LOVES apple cider vinegar. Kate and I have texted about it before for like 15 minutes, just talking about how we take it (shot vs in a mixture), how often, how much, and what it does.

Yes, it smells super strong and on its own kind of tastes like ass. But the BENEFITS!!!

The first time I read about taking ACV (what we shall henceforth be calling apple cider vinegar bc abbrevs are totes amaze) was on The New Potato. I don’t remember who said they take a tablespoon of it every morning–either some Polish model/actress or a writer I really admire–but I was instantly intrigued. She said it made her skin absolutely glow.

So, I started taking shots of ACV in the morning, which I promptly quit after about 4 days. I couldn’t get used to the taste of it on its own and would have to drink like 4 big glasses of water after–which I guess, is another way to make your skin glow–but didn’t feel worth it.

Because I am a person who spends a lot of time reading about health and wellness trends I also tried drinking warm lemon water every morning, which I also quit after a short while because….who wants to drink warm lemon water all the time? I don’t. I think it’s kind of gross.

Then I realized, I could combine the two! And not just combine the two, but improve upon the concoction! So, what I have been doing is putting about a tablespoon and a half of ACV into a mug, adding boiling water and tea bag of my choice (frequently it’s throat coat because I like the taste and also I spend 80% of my day screaming) a generous splash of honey, and a teaspoon of lemon juice.

The whole thing has made me absolutely RADIANT!*

*a lie

But it HAS improved my skin, my gut health, and my immune system. According to Reader’s Digest (where I get alllll my health news) (jk) ACV has serious antibiotic properties which help assist with things like digestion and getting rid of bad bacteria that could be impeding your gut health and/or causing forms of acne. So basically, it makes you *ahem* regular, but it also fights the bad shit that might be wreaking havoc on your skin!

The lemon juice I add is also full of a shit ton (pardon the pun) of Vitamin C which is great for your immune system. It also helps maintain PH levels in your body and makes you pee a lot–which is annoying, especially if you’re hanging out with me–but helps not only to fight toxins, but to flush them out of your body and give a little boost to your renal system.

IMPORTANT: I DO NOT drink this to lose weight/detox/whatever bullshit anything online says like “drink lemon water/ACV and never be hungry again!” That is bullshit. I glow because I take time to nourish myself and give my body fuel. I make this beverage every morning, along with a lARGEEEEE glass of ice cold water, and my breakfast of choice.

I 10/10 highly recommend.

If the ACV taste is too strong you could always reduce it to 1 tbs or 1/2 tbs. Or add more lemon. Or honey! Play with it!

Anyway

Lmk if you try! It’s good.

Ok

bye

ily