Lately Snack Break: The Broke Yolk

“Snack Break” is Lately’s new interview series where we chat with people we think are interesting for about as long as it takes you to finish your work snack. Our first in the series is with The Broke Yolk founder and friend of Lately, Tori Hyndman.

Tori Hyndman is one of the funniest people on the internet.

She’s the creative force behind The Broke Yolk, the most entertaining food and lifestyle blog that you’re not reading yet, but need to be.

Hyndman does it all from suburban food tours to easy recipes to snarky side comments that will have you howling. Her voice is that of your best friend who also knows how to whip up the perfect hash AND make a mean martini. She’s who you want in your kitchen but also who you want in your phone to call when you’ve drunk texted your ex on the way to get 2am pizza.

Yes, The Broke Yolk is part cooking blog and part diary but it’s also 100% “Whatever [Tori] wants it to be goddamnnit.

Lately was lucky enough to ask our longtime internet friend a few questions. Check them out below!

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So, why did you start The Broke Yolk?

TBY: I started The Broke Yolk because I was getting tired of Twitter being the only place I could write/scream into the void. I do some writing at work but I don’t have the ability to drone on about non-dairy milks or deliberately call out the guy who I hooked up with last Halloween. I think I just wanted a new place to talk about food and what I’m cooking. And I wanted to be creative and try my hand at graphic design and work on my website skills. 

Who is inspiring you rn?

TBY: I am a fan of women doing cool things in the food and restaurant space – Molly Yeh makes me want to be happy and bake cakes. Ina Garten makes me feel like I can roast a bird, luxuriate and order custom shirts and not feel bad about it. My mom is a great cook who taught me to use an obscene amount of garlic and I will forever thank her for that. I like Alison Roman’s red-orange nails.

Not Bobby Flay he sucks. 

LOL. I know you’re also obsessed with the Bon Appetit staff. A lot of people on the internet are these days. I sadly am not. Please explain this to me!!

TBY: I am not “obsessed.” I did have an unhealthy crush on a human employed by the magazine and slid into DMs more than once but I have moved on and am better for it.

People love BA, especially the Test Kitchen crew, because the content is centered around beautiful people making delicious food while they hanging out with (what appears to be) their friends. The newer verticals like Basically and Healthyish are doing a good job of meeting Millennials and Gen Z where they are and what they want out of cooking/feeding themselves.

Mostly I think people like BA because the Test Kitchen people are hot and are all individually micro-influencers. Personally, I think they’re all sleeping with each other.

What’s YOUR best cooking advice, Toe?

TBY: Wolfgang Puck told me to learn how to make one thing really well (I didn’t think that was great advice, but it’s my only chance to say that Wolfgang Puck gave me cooking advice, so take it haters).

Okay then to make it more relatable, what’s your worst cooking mistake?

Sometimes I leave the oven/a burner on which is scary I guess because we could die. Other than that, and the time I accidentally dropped all of my ravioli down the garbage disposal when draining the water, I like to roll with the punches.

You currently live in D.C….where are your favorite places to eat?

TBY: Depends on the occasion and who’s buying but I love Le Diplomate. It’s a Steven Starr restaurant (Philly-based restaurateur) so I feel a kinship to my cheesesteak brethren when I eat there. Regardless, everything is so yummy.

Must-gets are the oysters (seafood tower if you’re not paying), the gougères, which are these little airy bread-cheese puffs of heaven, the warm shrimp salad, the mushroom tart, roast chicken, crème brûlée— it’s all so good.

What would your last meal be?

TBY: Probably shake shack

Give me three people (living or dead) that you would love to eat a meal with.

TBY: I always get nervous with these questions because I don’t think I want to eat a meal with three strangers??? I would be so nervous. Picking people I know seems weird unless they are dead relatives or something.

Can I bring a friend? If so, it would be Friend, Mindy Kaling, and BJ Novak because I mostly just want to see how Mindy and BJ vibe in real life. Is there tension? Does he listen or smile when she speaks? I need to know.

I’m not cooking (because what if it’s bad). We can order in some fancy takeout and I’ll bring wine and a dessert from a nice bakery.

I will also make note of how much BJ tips the delivery guy.

I can’t believe I am the friend you are bringing to dinner with Mindy and BJ! Thanks! But if it was just us, where would you take me?

TBY: In D.C. I would take you to this place called Little Sesame for lunch. It’s a yummy hummus shop and it’s so good and decorated all cute. For dinner we could do Compass Rose or Iron Gate for nice ambience and good cocktails. There’s a cool vegan restaurant called Fancy Radish we could go to because I haven’t tried it yet!

You’re on your way to becoming an influencer. What food or beverage brand would you want to sponsor you?

TBY: Eggland’s Best needs a hot young face and I am up for the challenge. 

Let’s say you come out with a cookbook. What are you going to name it?

TBY: Eggs n’ stuff. Cooking with Friends (your anxiety and depression). I’m still brainstorming. 

Also, you are my only friend who makes martinis and I love that about you. Tell me what got you into this?

TBY: My mom is my martini inspiration! [Queen Jag] loves dirty vodka martinis (exclusively Ketel One) and taught me how to make one. I do strictly vodka over gin, extra dirty, and I LOVE a blue cheese stuffed olive.

My mom always says, “no vermouth” when she orders them, but honestly, I can’t tell the difference. You can get buzzed off one drink which makes ‘Tini Time classy and economical!

If the whole internet isn’t  reading The Broke Yolk by now, they SHOULD. What are some things you want your new readers (and old readers I guess) to take away from your posts? Besides laughing at all your incredible asides, of course.

TBY: I want them to learn that you do not need to be cool or hot or good at cooking to make food and have fun with it (I am however all of those things so I see where this can get confusing). I want them to allow themselves to feel feelings and not feel guilty about whatever they’re putting in their mouths (I want to allow myself that too). 

What post should they start with?

TBY: I’ve only been posting for about a year and I’ve only posted like 10 times…but I worked really hard on the one about my hometown’s weird eating spots. It was fun to write when I was hiding from my family at my parent’s house over the holidays and I came out of it with an appreciation for the strange, but also extremely normal, place I grew up.

I also love the Glossary page (does that count as a post?) because I say wild things and I want to continue to say wild things and play with language and abbreviation and acronyms so I like the idea of having a resource for my readers to learn a little more about me and why I say the things I say.

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Tori Hyndman aka Toe aka The Broke Yolk

Celebrities I Would Have a Full-Scale Meltdown Over If They Unfollowed Me

Maybe you know (or maybe you have a life) but Billie Eilish unfollowed YouTuber Tana Mongeau on Instagram and it ruined her existence day.

She even made a vlog about it.

I don’t know anything about Mongeau other than the fact that I think she got married to one of the Paul brothers (the one who didn’t take a video of a dead body). However, I respect the level of extra she is being over this unfollow.

Billie Eilish is a queen. Unfollowing Mongeau is like revoking her stamp of approval. She is officially no longer “cool” by music prodigy/baggy clothes wearing/green haired, William Eyelash’s standards.

Damn. That must feel cold ASF.

Luckily, there are really only a few celebs I would lose my lunch over if they unfollowed me.

***Please note, none of these people currently follow me (and probably never will!)****

Chrissy Teigen

Chrissy unfollowing me would be a deep personal burn I would never heal from. I feel like we like/talk about a lot of the same things??? Don’t reject me Chrissy! We have the same face shape and I use your pics for hair inspo!!!

Luna Stephens

She doesn’t have an Instagram because she’s 3 years old but IF SHE DID (or in the future) if she ever followed and then UNFOLLOWED me, I would throw myself off a cliff. She is my favorite celebrity baby!!!!

North West

This is a personal rejection I would not be able to face.

Rihanna

People would have to hide sharp objects from me if this happened.

Martha Stewart

Honestly, I would understand if she unfollowed me. She’s such a fucking queen. But if she unfollowed me it would disappoint my mom and my grandma a lot lol.

Diane Keaton

Genuinely love her social media presence and would cry if she and her multiple layers of black and white clothing and accessories clicked “unfollow.”

Harry Styles

Let’s be real, him FOLLOWING me would send me into a tailspin.

Jimmi Simpson

Hahahaaahahahahhahah

 

 

 

Hailey Bieber As Princess Diana Is My Fall Vision Board

These photos came out a week ago and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them since.

Yes, I’ve seen THOSE iconic photos of Princess Diana (bike shorts and oversized sweaters, baseball caps and riding boots) sporting around London, but they never impacted me the way THESE photos of Hailey Bieber (née Baldwin) do.

She looks at once both fresh and refined. I’m not much for pearl earrings but her sporty elegance speaks to the essence of bygone East Coast royalty, her long blond hair tousled in the wind like she’s god damned Caroline Bessette-Kennedy.

This look, this VIBE is the central feature of my fall vision board.

I want it all.

I want to live inside those photos. I want to be it. MAKE ME THAT!

But just as that photo of her wearing a soft red flush across her cheeks (and nose) while biting into a strawberry made me look more like someone with a bad sunburn than summer-cheeked Hailey when I tried it out, I’m sure I will look less like Lady Di and more like Lady Disaster.

HOWEVER I will soldier onward, living my truth (as I did all summer with my faux-sunburned face) because fall is a new beginning anD I CAN WEAR COWBOYS BOOTS WITH MY BLAZER IF I WANT TO.

Here is how I am preparing:

I ordered bike shorts from American Eagle. They’re on sale right now and in a bunch of colors.

Although I 100% plan on stealing any collegiate-looking crewneck sweater of my boyfriend’s, I also recently acquired a UCSB crewneck that I will be wearing/living in all of fall because it is also quite cozy-making. Did I go there? No! That is not the point!! My Chicago school’s sweaters are expensive as fuck, kind of ugly, and don’t have cute initials. No offense. Go Blue Demons!

In order to be sporty chic, I also need sneakers. I currently own one pair of dusty pink New Balance (and by dusty I mean caked in the dust of Beachwood/Runyon Canyons) and one pair of sky blue Vans. This will not do. So far I really like these Adidas that I made people vote for on the Lately Instagram and Hailey is actually wearing THESE in the pics, but I’m not crazy about them.

I really need to buy some taller socks. After being CYBER BULLIED by my friends for wearing white socks on Instagram, it will feel insanely validating to wear tall ones with pride. If I wanted to be really sporty I would go with these, but realistically I will go with something more like this because I love color options and polka dots are cute.

It is 100 degrees today in Los Angeles and I’ve been peeping fall blazers. Currently I have my eye on this one. Perfect for when I venture to a gorgeous apple orchard/horse show/cobble stone street or some shit back east

I’m on the lookout for cowboy boots but I still really haven’t cracked how to wear them without it feeling like a costume! Comment below if you have good advice! Also looking for riding boots.

I’ve been dying over this Poppy Lissiman bag that IMO looks refined as hell. (Also super in to this cutie shape.)

Jeans wise….Madewell all the way, you can’t convince me otherwise. I recently tried on Levi Wedgies or whatever the hell and they were terrible. As far as I’m concerned, there are no other jeans for me. I’m not saying this because I used to work there. Madewell has the best jeans, hands down and their fall fit will be out soon.

I’m pretty covered in the way of baseball caps and I think I’ll just stick with subtle little gold hoops in my ears.

ANYWAY my autumnal pumpkins, that’s all for now.

TTYL

See ya in the comments!

All my love,

Princess Lady Lily Baldwin Rose-Simpson-Styles

 

 

What to Pair With Wine When You’ve Got Nothing in the Fridge

Forgot to grocery shop?

Didn’t have time to grab anything on the way home?

Too exhausted/depressed from the stress of your daily life to make a real meal and too poor to order Postmates (until Friday 😈) but have a bottle of wine on hand?

Don’t drink on an empty stomach!

Lately has got you covered.

Josh Cellars Sauvignon Blanc + left over pineapple fried rice with a shit ton of Sriracha + Bachelor in Paradise

Nobilo Sauvignon Blanc + Trader Joe’s olive oil popcorn and some defrosted pot stickers with sweet chili sauce + old reruns of Law & Order: SVU + a phone call to your mom

Apothic Red + 3 Babybel cheese rounds and some really stale cracked pepper crackers + an hour of mindless Instagram scrolling + one questionable Amazon purchase

Mezzacorona Pinot Grigio + a pizza bagel that you made yourself with jarred tomato sauce, an onion bagel, TJ’s shredded mozzarella and some dried basil + a face mask + You’ve Got Mail

Dry Creek Chenin Blanc + a salad you made with the end of your lettuce, a lot of Persian cucumber slices, a leftover half of browning avocado, TJ’s jasmine rice and some Chinese dressing + a really hot bath

14 Hands Winery Rosé + a handful of cheddar goldfish + a phone call to your ex

 

I Tried Starbucks’ Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew So You Don’t Have To

I’m basic but I’ve never been PSL basic.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

The cloyingly sweet, orange-hued hot seasonal beverage that ushers in autumn earlier and earlier every year, has never been my Buxie (not Starbs or ‘Bux, mind you) drink of choice.

I own a pair of Uggs and multiple Kylie Lip Kits but when it comes to coffee, I’m relatively tame. An iced almond milk (or oat if you have it) latte please. Hot, if it’s below 50 degrees outside.

Black, if I’m hungover.

When I saw that Starbucks had released a seasonal cold brew, my interest was piqued. Cold brew tastes like jet fuel to me (in a fun way) and I wondered how they were going to add pumpkin spiciness to that. I texted my best friend Andrew about it and he told me to “shut my mouth.”

I meditated on the idea of this coffee concoction for a day or so. I talked to other friends about it, none of which had tried it–but suggested I do…for science.

What tipped me over the edge was the fact that Andrew (aforementioned friend) later tried it and LIKED it. Armed with the knowledge that he and I like almost all the same things, I entered Starbucks this morning and ordered one.

First surprise: The drink itself is a light brown color, topped with an orange-y foam that is sprinkled with cinnamon.

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It’s more like a nitro cold brew than an actual cold brew with ice and stuff.

Second surprise: It’s not very sweet. It’s a neutral taste with a hint of pumpkin.

It’s more milky than coffee. I wish it was more coffee-forward. Also, as someone who only drinks alternative milks (LOL THERE IS NO DENYING MY BASIC-NESS IT PERMEATES ME) I am worried about how this will effect my tummy/skin.

Third (not-so) surprise: I don’t like it.

I wish it was sweeter!! Which is weird for me, someone who isn’t huge on sweet coffee drinks. It’s like a pumpkin milk but not in a dessert-y way. That’s the best way to sum it up. I could see this being the milk left behind after a bowl of pumpkin granola. Kind of bland and not nearly as cold as I would like it to be with a smattering of scent and flavor.

1/5 stars. Would not drink it from a cereal bowl or a Buxie cup.

Very glad I only opted for a “tall.”

Venmo me for this quality research…I’ll be grabbing an iced latte to go around noon.

xx

 

 

 

Things I Want to Buy Off Instagram

Let us not forget that at any given time, I am a parody of myself.

This shopaholic, boy-crazy, bittersweet persona exists solely to be blown out of proportion, whenever I feel like giving it wings.

That being said–there’s a lot of sh*t I want online.

In the words of President Ariana Grande, “I see it, I like it, I want it.”  As much as I would LOVE to finish that lyric, seldom are the times that “I got it,” and more frequently are the times that “I put it in my virtual shopping cart, I made it all the way to check out, I saw what shipping would cost, I gave up.”

but IF I had a sugar daddy (or mommy heyyy 👅) these are the things I would send them screenshots of, hoping they would do that thing I like (spend money on me).

Necessaire Scrub

The worst thing about Necessaire is that every influencer I like promotes the f@ck out of it, so I’m Stockholm Syndrome-d into wanting it.

The best thing about Necessaire, is that it seems to actually work. I’ve been looking for a new scrub to replace my summer scent (too citrusy for September) and this sandalwood one seems perfect. Plus, it contains glycolic acid, lactic acid, and salicylic acid, so the majority of the exfoliation is not going to be from gritty beads but rather a gentle chemical exfoliation that always ALWAYS does my skin right.

Laura Lombardi Chains

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My fascination with this jewelry line was born out of a joke. It was included in a StartPacksofNYC meme that was just so…me. These twisty, curvy, chubby gold chains are deeply aesthetically pleasing. I can see them looking chic over a turtleneck at work or against my bare skin, adding a little edge to a cocktail dress.

My favorite pair of earrings right now are these little gold hoops I have from & Other Stories  (they were $19 and one of my best purchases ever) but I’ve often bemoaned that I don’t have anything simple to set them off.

Luckily for me, after a few drinks I was feeling like a Rockefeller and purchased this bracelet and this ring.

Lisa Says Gah

As I’m sure you can tell, my brain is gearing up for fall. We yet to hit Labor Day but I’ve already texted multiple people about Starbucks’ new pumpkin cream cold brew (scared of it). But this creamsicle-colored sweater and the little neon crossbody bag spark MAJOR joy in my pumpkin patch-meandering, apple picking, cinnamon candle-having heart.

If it weren’t 1000000 degrees in Los Angeles and I had my sugar parent’s AmEx, this ensemble would be ordered and on the way to my house in 2-3 business days.

Treasures of NYC

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grab n go

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Treasures of NYC always posts things I want, I’m just too stinkin broke. I love this lil cutie, also this little one that would help me like my Carrie Bradshaw truth:

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★sweet saddle dreamzz ☾

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Fashion Secrets

I am going to show you my favorite Instagram account, so for starters, you’re welcome. They find the best stuff on Amazon. You can prime like half this stuff. Incredible.

I almost don’t want to share this because all 8 of you who read this will make their IG blow up (jk). But whatever. Here are some of their things I have bookmarked:

That’s it for now.

HMU if you’re rich and feel like buying all of this.

Thanks

x

My Office Job Made Me Lose Interest in Making Breakfast

When I worked from home, eating breakfast was an event.

I would fry eggs while I dialed into the morning editorial meeting. It wasn’t uncommon for me to leisurely munch on avocado toast topped with tomatoes while editing something from a freelancer. But now I work in an office.

Whereas before, I had time to throw a bunch of fruit and mylks into a blender, now I have about 10 minutes to eat, brush my teeth, paint on a face and rip off my pajamas in favor of real pants.

I’ve trained myself not to get hungry until 8:45 A.M. when I’m in my car, one exit away from work.

In the shuffle (or in the interest of more sleep), I’ve completely lost breakfast.

My morning scrambles have turned into to-go iced coffees and at best a gluten free muffin or a Kreation juice. By 11 a.m. I am both starving and increasingly broke. Oat milk is an extra dollar! An extra shot is $2! (And of course, I need it.)

It’s not that I don’t WANT to eat breakfast. I do. But in the grand scheme of thing a.k.a arriving at work on time and with clean clothing on my body, I’ve stopped making it a priority.

Ideally, I’d love to save money and eat food from home or even AT home. But losing sleep just so I can butter a piece of toast and shove it down my gullet hardly seems like a realistic option.

Yes, I see people eating breakfast AT work but the thought of having a bowl of cereal at my desk sounds revolting. I don’t want to microwave a frozen breakfast burrito because frankly–they smell like farts.

My office practices a weekly bagel Friday but I view the communal cream cheese as a breeding ground for bacteria. PLUS, I don’t think dairy (cream cheese) is meant to sit unrefrigerated on a conference table for that long.

Meal prep comes to mind, but that always leads to some sort of Pinterest disaster and besides, I find overnight oats to be gross and gruel-like.

SO WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?

Don’t suggest yogurt. I only like to eat that if it’s covered in fruit and honey. I’d like to eat something nutritionally beneficial or at the very least, something besides a bagel.

I’d even settle for a filling (and tasty) green smoothie!

I miss breakfast and I want to become a breakfast girl again.

After all, it is the most important meal of the day.

*Cue “Making Breakfast” by Twin Peaks*

Help me out and LMK in the comments below.

xo