Sunday Funday Link Pack

Lately, writing has felt mostly like work. At my day job, the holidays start in September. The closer you to get to Thanksgiving/Black Friday/Christmas/Chanukah/New Year, the busier it gets. I write so many words a day, I frequently feel like I’ve run out. Like I have nothing more to say.

Well, that’s not true — I could be dead exhausted and still write a bangin’ Instagram caption about my SNL crush, Michael Longfellow.

But I’m here now. I’m rested and ready to have some fun. I’m dogsitting for my parents and eating all of the cookies in their pantry. I’m currently watching The Great British Baking Show and drinking my second cup of coffee. It’s Sunday, and boy do I have a lot of fun links for you!

Speaking of coffee, my parents have the worst Keurig in the world. It’s old, it takes forever to heat up and it only makes coffee pods. MOM DON’T READ THIS PART — I’ve decided that I’ll be upgrading their old ass Keurig to an Instant Pot Dual Pod Plus. This kitchen gadget makes coffee AND espresso. Plus, it’s compatible with K-Cup pods, the reusable coffee pods my mom likes that you can also put tea in and Nespresso capsules.

My friend Mijal’s sister wrote a book, and now it’s a TV show about their lives. No, really. It’s called El Fin Del Amor and it’s streaming on Amazon Prime now.

Looking for something to read? I couldn’t put this book down. I heard the author on The World’s First Podcast and bought the book the very next day.

These are the best socks. They’re nice and thick and look great with any outfit you pair them with. I’m currently wearing them in grey and black.

I loved this very cozy movie.

It’s finally chili weather! This is my favorite chili recipe. I recommend topping it with sliced avocado and some shredded cheddar.

When my sister and I were teens, we swore that when we grew up, we’d have exclusively Anthropologie dishes and drinkware. Well we’re adults now…so why not? I think fancy cups/plates/dining accoutrements make an excellent holiday present ;)))) (Hiiii to my sister if she is reading this!!). I mean how gorgeous are these dessert plates?

For all my peeps dating an older man.

I am BEYOND hyped for Fleishman Is In Trouble. It’s so nice to see Jesse Eisenberg in something again!! The rest of the cast is incredible. Lizzy Caplan? Claire Danes? Adam Brody?? HELLO!!! Did you read the book? It’s also really good. (Wow this is a book heavy link pack.)

Update: I DID get the Dae monsoon moisture mask. It is every bit as good as I had hoped it would be!! If you have thick, dry hair — get this. It also smells incredible.

My bed doesn’t have a headboard…and now I want one. I don’t know when the bouclé trend will end but I hope it’s never. As a person with mild sensory issues, the nubby feeling is extremely good for me.

Remember this old post that’s just soothing photos of casseroles?

‘Tis the damn season:

xo

L

Everything I want from the Sephora VIB Rouge sale

The Sephora Rouge sale starts Oct. 28. All Rouge members receive 20% off through Nov. 7.

This is everything I have my eye on right now.

I get $0 from talking about any of this btw. I just love sharing product recs. If you hypothetically DID want to give me money for talking about beauty/skincare….find me on Twitter.

iNNBEAUTY PROJECT Slushy Serum Moisturizer Crush Infused with Bakuchiol

I’ve slowly become obsessed with this brand. I love the retinol and the peptide moisturizer. I really want to try the Slushy serum moisturizer and the skin barrier protect and glow.

dae Monsoon Moisture Mask

A TikTok user with the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen said she uses this hair mask.

Westman Atelier Vital Skincare Dewy Foundation Drops

I’ve become quite the Westman girlie these days. Gucci Westman’s products are bux-deluxe but worth it. I’m obsessed with my Westman contour stick. It blends better than Rare Beauty AND Fenty. The color is the perfect cool tone without looking ashy on my fair/pink skin. I also LOOOOVE her highlight stick which gives an extremely dewy finish. I know these foundation drops will round out my collection nicely.

Kosas Air Brow Tinted Clean Volumizing Eyebrow Gel

This is the best brow gel on the market. Period. I’m also out of my mine so I need to replenish.

Bio Ionic 10X Pro Styling Iron

Every hair dresser I’ve ever had has told me to buy this flat iron. Since I’ve the same flat iron since 2011…..it might be time to listen and upgrade to the Bio Ionic 10X Pro.

Shani Darden by Déesse PRO LED Light Mask

I’m gonna need you to pretend that this isn’t $1,900. My building just contacted me to let me know they’re raising my rent by 10%. Even with that inflation, my rent still costs less than this face mask!!! I really love red light and I want to believe it works. I always select it as an add-on when I get a facial. Also….that reminds me — I need to book a facial.

OUAI Rue St. Honoré Eau De Parfum

The chokehold!!! Jen Atkin has over me!!! I guess I’m collecting all the Ouai perfumes. I have Melrose Place (my fave. it’s very rosy) and Dean Street (sometimes I love it and sometimes it smells too much like clean laundry). Now I want Rue St Honoré. The packaging is so adorable! These perfumes look so good lined up on my vanity. They’re 20% off!! How could I not?

Tower 28 Beauty MakeWaves Lengthening + Volumizing Mascara

Should I try this? I’m running out of my Curl Bounce mascara.

Charlotte Tilbury Pillow Talk Dreams Come True Makeup Vault

If I were rich I would buy this! It includes every CT item you could ever dream of.

Hope you’re having a good week. I’m not!

xo

L

My Honest Taylor Swift ‘Midnights’ Review

I used to be extremely h*rny for the past. I made sure every song I listened to took me back to pre-pandemic. I wanted to taste that sweet spot between 2012 and 2018 so badly again, and make the flavor last forever. But as of late, that sort of nostalgia has been making me ….sick? I don’t know if I’ve moved on or outgrown the saccharine taste of my former lives.

I think maybe I just don’t need it anymore.

Lately, I’ve been blooming where I’m planted. And that’s firmly rooted in the present. There is too much going on right now to waste precious brain power praying to the memory of a sweaty Saturday night in Santa Monica.

It’s not even because I like my life so much? I mean I do. But my devotion to feeling my current emotions isn’t because they’re better than they’ve ever been. But they’re definitely not worse.

Also, why did I just rhyme lol.

As someone obsessed with introspection (really just navel-gazing), I think I can definitively say I’m over the hurt. And by hurt, I mean the self-flagellation of reminiscing. It used to feel like a little treat to pick at the old wounds of toxic relationships and talk myself in circles — imagining different scenarios — living in a universe where I was still experiencing that life, and paying for it dearly. But why?? Maybe that’s something only my therapist can know.

There’s nothing to let go of if your hands were always empty to begin with. I’m just balling up my fists.

And maybe that’s why I’m having trouble getting into the new Taylor Swift album!! I can’t with the nostalgia porn anymore! About my life or anyone else’s. Her music marked certain milestones in my 20s that I am tired of re-living again and again. If she’s speaking about her current experience I’m not hearing it. Or maybe it’s just too different from mine? My boyfriend and I are not in some sort of mythical romance that takes us to dark bars at midnight where we can hide from the paparazzi. At midnight I’m asleep and he’s reading Fire & Blood on his iPad.

The threat of performing the mental gymnastics to get back to a place where I can relate to her words exhausts me. I think I now prefer the narratives of Evermore. It’s even hard for me to appreciate the celebrity of it all because we, as an audience, know so much about her life. I feel as though I can speak on Taylor Alison Swift like she is a childhood friend. I feel immense affection for her. But that doesn’t mean I have the urge to keep reading her diary.

Of course, I will listen to this album 1000 more times. I am going to a Taylor Swift party this evening! I’m sure it will grow on me…..like mold. 🙂 Maybe I just need to experience it drunk and in an Uber. There used to be no greater high than ignoring the stranger driving me to nefarious destinations, blasting music that felt like an Old Fashioned-sweet tongue in my ear, calling me names.

But do I still crave that??? (No.)

There’s an album out there right now that makes me feel things for the present moment. I don’t have to picture myself at 22 or 24 or 26 to “get there.” I’m here now, and I feel the same release absolutely sober, absolutely alone, absolutely present — no matter if I’m on my morning walk or it’s pitch black outside. I won’t tell you what it is but if you follow me on Instagram I’m sure you can guess.

I don’t need midnights. I have 9am reconciliations with my barista. I have 7pm meeting friends for dinner angst. I have a 10pm bedtime. And I feel SO MUCH for where I am now. I want to swallow it whole because I know that it will become nostalgia again soon. The feeling of now will taste so sweet in the years to come.

TLDR; You’ll love Midnights if you need it. If you don’t, there’s always Carly Rae Jepsen or The 1975.

Saturday Link Pack

Hi, I’m back.

How are you?

I hit 10k steps today before noon and I can’t get my work computer to remember my new password. I don’t really feel like shooting the shit today. I’m in a bad mood. But I do feel like linking! So here’s a link pack.

I just started the Peacock series A Friend of the Family which is based on this absolutely BONKERS documentary Abducted in Plain Sight. I have high hopes that the scripted version will do the original story justice. It has Colin Hanks, Jake Lacy and Anna Paquin.

This Lush shower gel smells like dessert.

You know I love Poppy Lissiman. I want to upgrade my old fanny pack to this chic-looking crossbody for when I go on walks.

I love Ugly Baby’s shower art. Their Halloween suction cup pieces always do it for me. Especially this one.

This candle is so pretty.

I have TWO movie recommendations for you. The first is Triangle of Sadness. The second is Catherine Called Birdy. Watch them and text me what you think.

I happen to think Ghirardelli makes theeee best brownie mix on the planet. I made Ghirardelli brownies topped with homemade Oreo buttercream frosting for my family’s break the fast celebration. They were a major hit!

If you’ve been following my quest for a great pair of black jeans — I think I’ve found them.

This is everything sitting in my Sephora cart right now: Charlotte Tilbury Pillow Talk on the Go Eye and Lip Set, Patrick Ta Double-Take Crème & Powder Blush (in the shades “Do We Know Her?” and “She’s That Girl”, re-up of my K18 and Murad Retinol Youth Renewal Eye Masks.

Every day I’m closer to buying these pretzel earrings. I’m not joking.

I know I’m late to the party…but I want this cookbook. I want to make fat noodles with pan-roasted mushrooms and chicken legs with warm spices!!

Have a good rest of your weekend.

x

L

Manifest your dreams, marry Nick Jonas

Once upon a time, I had a therapist who told me to keep a journal. In that journal, she wanted me to list 5 things I was grateful for and 5 things that I wanted to happen, every single day.

I don’t remember her name (Tamara? Heather? Nancy?) and can only vaguely mentally conjure the image of her face. But I DO remember that she was huge into The Secret and once told me a story about going on a double date to Cheesecake Factory with her husband, and that the other couple snuck away to do cocaine.

She did tell me that story for a reason. Unfortunately, that reason has been lost to time!

ANYWAY. Sometimes I still journal in this way. Especially when I’m angry or sad or the day before had elements of negative shit that I’d like to remain in the past.

When I’m not on Miami Boys Choir TikTok (team Binyomin, btw), I’m inundated with TikToks about reiki healing, manifestation techniques, jumping timelines and special crystals.

While I love receiving reiki as ASMR ….IDK if it works. I hope it does!!! That would be sick. I’d also love to have a session IRL to compare because any reiki I’ve experienced has just been via my phone. Jumping timelines sounds exhausting and like a lot of work just to feel like I have a more beautiful face or a better job. And crystals… I own a ton of pretty rocks and used to hide rose quartz at an ex-boyfriend’s apartment. He cheated on me anyway.

My grandpa had a paranormal talkshow for many years.

Yes, that sentence was as strange for me to write down as it was for you to read!

Zayde was a very serious man who largely called BS on pretty much all of it. Before he died, he told me I could ask him whatever I wanted, and he would tell me the truth about everything: ghosts, mind readers, energy healing, crystals, the zodiac, evil spirits, whatever. He said 2% of it all MIGHT be real.

But he didn’t say WHICH 2%.

I am choosing to believe that part of that real 2% is manifestation. I’m not saying I believe in The Secret (sorry former therapist Rochelle/Joanne/Matilda) but I think something must happen in your brain? in your reality? in the universe? When you write shit down or say it enough times that you actually start to believe it.

I think it’s all related to perception. Maybe once you choose to accentuate the positive, you have an easier time seeing it everywhere. It starts to feel like good things are all around. Maybe they start to feel like they flow more easily toward you. Or maybe TikTok was right and manifesting opens the timeline jumping portal to better skin. WHO CAN SAY, REALLY?

But I think it works. Maybe I’m not living in a mansion (yet), but I think journaling has helped me feel like I am attracting the things (or at least the energy) that I want. When I journal I’m not asking for things. I’m more so reminding myself, this is what you’re working towards. Sometimes it’s a job promotion and sometimes it’s an under $60 gel manicure.

Like my former therapist, the TikTok manifestation girlies are all about the power of writing down their intentions/things they want to manifest. They start small (and I do too.)

When I write down 5 good things, I’m reminding myself how lucky I am that I got to have my favorite coffee this morning. That I went for a walk in the sun. If I were journaling right now, I’d mention how grateful I am that 1. I am dating my delicious little boyfriend and that 2. He went out and bought me a delicious little chocolate chip cookie after lunch today.

What else am I manifesting? Continued good health. General prosperity. A really hot Instagram photo.

You can write down whatever you want.

I’m just spitballing.

Can you believe this post was originally going to be all about condo hunting on Zillow??

ANYWAY

Manifest your dreams, marry Nick Jonas, log off early.

xo

L

Wednesday Link Pack (sorry I couldn’t come up with a more compelling title)

It’s the hump of the week!

Time for a link pack.

I recently got into a fight with my coworkers about air fryers. I think my air fryer rocks (they think air fryers take up too much space and also suck). I say they’re just using the wrong air fryer. My air fryer is thee best. It’s thee most-used kitchen gadget in my apartment and it deserves a spot on my counter. This is the one I have. If I was going to upgrade to a new one, I’d choose this one (because it has a little window).

Madewell is offering 40% off all sweaters for Madewell Insiders! I worked at Madewell in college (and a little after). I think Madewell sweaters always hit. They’re perfect for work/dressy family events/anything where you can’t show up in pajamas but don’t have the energy to really dress up. I already own this espresso-toned pullover, but if I were shopping the sale I’d buy: this striped number, this stunning duster and this quarter-zip. Remind me to write about working in retail another time.

I’ve finally found the perfect black cowboy boots. I can’t get enough of this trend for fall.

I think I might make these apple pie cookies for my family’s Rosh Hashanah celebration.

This TJ’s pasta with a little pesto, topped with a fried egg? Perfection.

I’m obsessed with these skincare ASMR TikToks. Like ….almost ready to book a flight to Dallas for a facial, obsessed.

I’ll be in Chicago next week! I can’t wait for fall weather and hanging out with my best friend. In case you feel like arguing today, my fave Chicago pizza is Pequod’s and my fave Chicago hotdog is Wiener’s Circle.

I am currently on the hunt for the perfect pair of black jeans. I really have my eyes on these (out of stock 🔪), but I also like these and these.

Did you watch Do Revenge? I did. The best part of the movie was the soundtrack. And it’s on Spotify!

I love this artist. I found her on Instagram!

Speaking of Instagram…..please buy me this funky cow pillow.

I love u, u love me

L

Movies that feel like a hug

Since we’re about to hit the season of canceling plans and staying in, I’m thinking about all the best cozy-making movies.

I’m talking movies that make you want to pour a glass of wine, light a damn candle and cuddle up under a big blanket.

But sometimes all that coziness can wear off while you’re trying to decide what to watch. Don’t stress! I have created a list of the coziest, easiest movies to put on. These movies just feel like a hug. Some are about lovers some are about friends some are about family.

It’s Sunday! Skip the scaries.

Tuck yourself in. It’s time to watch….

It’s Complicated

Let the Nancy Meyers of it all soothe your soul. Team Jane and Adam FTW. Alec Baldwin’s character can gtfo.

Practical Magic

This witchy little movie is perfect for a fall evening. P.s. I love this hair on Nicole Kidman!!

Mystic Pizza

My crush on Vincent D’Onofrio began when I saw him as Thor in Adventures in Babysitting. This movie made me crush even harder. Why does he look so good in a beanie? Why is he so cute with Lili Taylor?

Serendipity

The shmaltz of this Christmas movie is absolutely everything. Watch this movie if you’re tired of the random chaos of life and want to believe in fate and true love (even if only for 90 minutes).

The Holiday

Imagine how different your life could be if you swapped homes with someone (rich) in another country! You might fall in love with Jude Law! Or maybe just grocery shop in what looks like the best possible grocery store of all time?

Shoutout to my best friend Andrew, this is his favorite movie.

Last Holiday

This movie is a feast for the eyes and the heart!! Watch Queen Latifah live her best life (as her character Georgia). This movie will make you want to stay in a fancy hotel, eat delicious food and live every day like it’s your last.

When Harry Met Sally

In a pinch, any Meg Ryan movie will do. They all feel like hugs. Watch this one if you’re in the mood for friends to lovers. Or just if you find Billy Crystal as charming as I do.

You’ve Got Mail

Watch this one if you’re looking for enemies to lovers. Or if you need to learn how to spell Fox. F-O-X. (This doubles as a movie reference/an inside joke with someone who definitely doesn’t read this blog.)

Sleepless in Seattle

This is just straight lovers. In my ranking of Meg Ryan movies I would put WHMS first, then Sleepless in Seattle. I love the opening shot with Chicago, all the scenes with Tom Hanks on the dock, the way he’s on the phone as he says “mmmmagic.” Just delicious.

French Kiss

Watch this if you’re sick of seeing Meg Ryan with Tom Hanks. This movie is funny and silly and light and keeps you guessing.

The Five-Year Engagement

Please ignore this exceedingly long caption in….Russian? I think? My sister is the one who told me about this movie and it’s so sweet.

Definitely, Maybe

I can’t watch this movie without crying a lot. Another movie about love and timing and a dumb guy who can’t seem to get it right. But it all works out in the end. Because of course it does, this movie is like a hug!

Waitress

Absolutely yes. Also this movie WILL make you want pie.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

I am a big believer in the medicine of watching anything with John Candy. He always comes across as funny, smart and sweet. This buddy movie is no exception. Ofc Steve Martin is great too.

Uncle Buck

Uncle Buck is probably my favorite movie ever. Part of it was filmed at my dad’s high school! Also this is the movie that allegedly inspired John Hughes to make Home Alone with Macaulay Culkin.

Only the Lonely

This is a John Candy romcom. It’s a little off-beat but I personally think it’s cute.

Defending Your Life

I have a soft spot for Albert Brooks. He’s so grouchy! And this movie about what happens after you die is very silly. Plus, Meryl Streep!

Modern Romance

Again, Albert Brooks is everything.

Baby Boom

Basically this is me in 10 years. Business bitch gets a baby, moves to the country, becomes applesauce mogul. I would say spoiler but this movie came out in 1987.

Paper Moon

My heart!!!!!! The sweetest movie about a father and daughter (maybe).

Barefoot in the Park

The two hottest people on the planet sharing a shitty apartment and being in love? Yes please.

Anyway

I have to go dry my hair now.

xo

L

Boo-sted Baby! 👻

Hello from paradise!

I’m sitting on my couch with a pumpkin cream cold brew, streaming House of Ho while a pumpkin praline-scented WoodWick candle crackles in the foreground. It was 70º when I took my walk this morning and I spent my lunch break bookmarking fall coats on Nuuly. My NYT Cooking widget has been showing me a recipe for cinnamon babka all day.

This is living.

My therapist would call this an “oasis of calm.” I would call this “the calm before the storm.” I got my combination Covid booster-flu shot this morning. My left arm freakin hurts, I’ve had a headache all day and I’m starting to get a little hot and sweaty despite the fact that I have the A/C on.

So in an effort to prolong this pumpkin oasis of peace (tragically, the initialism for that comes out to P.O.O.P.)….

Let’s look at some links!

I NEED this fuzzy checkerboard coat. Don’t sell it out before I can Nuuly it.

This Cup of Jo piece about crushing on Daryl McCormack totally gets it right. That accent! *sWOon*

Do you listen to The World’s First Podcast with Erin & Sara Foster? Well, you should. This is my favorite episode. It’s all about manifesting, healing and creating your own set of non-negotiables.

I really want to see Spin Me Round. This movie has it all: fake Olive Garden, Molly Shannon, Aubrey Plaza being sexy, Zach Woods (also being sexy), pasta, mystery, intrigue!

I love practicing these jaw massage techniques. I don’t know how NOT to clench my jaw so these intentional moments of relief are necessary — I lowkey need masseter botox (hmu if you know a good spa).

How do I convince my boyfriend to go in on these cool kitchen chairs with me?

These little ghost candles are too cute to light.

Just some Rosh Hashanah socks.

I love Jake Cohen’s challah recipe. He shares a bunch of tips on how to make the perfect challah here.

Imagine getting cozy under this positively MASSIVE blanket.

I want a new carry-on bag. After seeing 8 million TikToks about it, I think I’ve been influenced to get this one from Beis.

How cute are these pumpkin gnocchis?

Anyway!

I hope you’re embracing your inner fall queen. I’m enjoying being old and basic as hell.

Love you/talk soon/it’s 6pm and I’m falling asleep

L

My Mom’s Best-Ever Vegetarian Chopped Liver Recipe

Rosh Hashanah is just two weeks away. In honor of the impending Jewish New Year (5783 baby!), I’m sharing my mom’s really, truly, so very good recipe for vegetarian chopped liver.

If you’ve made it this far and you’re thinking “what the heck is chopped liver?” It’s basically Jewish foie gras.

It’s a pâté.

It’s a meat spread made of chicken livers, eggs, onion and spices.

Chopped liver is savory, iron-y and delectably rich. Some people avoid it for health reasons. Some people avoid it for vegetarian reasons. Some people avoid it because they find the idea of eating liver kind of gross.

Most of my family isn’t big on meat. I’m sorry if this makes you so mad you stop reading right now. But also, it’s 2022. Please get over it.

Sure, my great grandma has a delicious chopped liver recipe that we bust out on occasion. When we gather for the holidays we usually have a brisket or some form of chicken. But most of our dishes are mainly veg/carbs (shoutout to kugel).

Vegetarian chopped liver is always the star appetizer. The herbaceous, meat-free spread evokes the seasonings and consistency of real chopped liver, without being… ya know… meat! Plus, it’s great on Manischewitz Tam Tams or with a carrot stick.

I know chopped liver seems like more of a Jewish thing, but don’t get it twisted — anyone can make/enjoy chopped liver! Especially the vegetarian kind. That’s why I am sharing this. And if you’ve made it this far and you’re STILL shaking your head in disgust, thank you for logging that sweet, sweet time on site but you can officially log off!

She is not beautiful but she does not have to be! Let her power be a lesson to you all!

NOW! THE RECIPE!

You can always make more or less but this should serve about 6 people.

You’ll need:

The vegetable oil of your choice

3 hard-boiled eggs

1 cup green beans

1 and 1/2 cups green peas

2 big onions, coarsely chopped

“A shit load of salt and pepper” – according to my mother

A pinch of lemon pepper

A little garlic powder

A food processor (or a blender that will pulse and not turn things into juice when you don’t want them to be).

DIRECTIONS:

Hard boil 3 eggs for 10 minutes. Set aside to cool. Once cooled, peel and quarter.

Pour 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil into a pan. Wait until the oil is shimmering. Then add your onion and cook until it starts to caramelize. Turn off burner heat.

Coarsely chop up your green beans, then add them to your onion pan, along with your green peas. Sauté everything together until cooked. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Add 1/2 cup of vegetable oil to your food processor. Add eggs, onions, beans and peas. Season well with salt and pepper, add as much garlic powder as you like (I only like a pinch but it’s your VCL).

Start pulsing/blending/pulverizing. If it’s too thick, add a little more oil. You want the final product to be spreadable but NOT liquid-y. Think hummus or any other sort of dip!

Once you’re there or nearly there, add a pinch of lemon pepper to taste. I would mix it up with a spoon so as not to ruin the consistency.

Chill for several hours in an air-tight container. My mom said that if it’s not air-tight your refrigerator is gonna stink lol.

Serve chilled with lovely crackers and vegetables. You could also serve this with challah, which would be pretty good too.

Anyway, almost Shana Tovah!

L

The Zodiac Signs As Halloween Costume Ideas

This is the best (and the worst) I could do.

Aries

This 666exy costume is perfect for Aries. You’re the devil! You’re widely hated for the way you lead others into temptation. But it’s not all bad. Some people worship you! Not me though.

Taurus

Miss Piggy is one luxurious beyotch. She prizes living well and looking good above all else. If she isn’t a Taurus, she should be. Wait…let me Google it real quick. Oh she’s a Leo. WHATEVER. Just be Miss Piggy for Halloween so you can be rude, sip martinis and kiss frogs.

Gemini

Hi Gemini! You’re more excited about someone ripping your Halloween costume OFF than putting one on this year. This punny costume also doubles as a massive red flag! Awww, just like your personality!

Cancer

Absolutely be the Sleepy Time Tea bear but slutty. Sure, the Sleepy Time Tea bear is not slutty in essence. It’s a bear. It’s sleepy. But Cancer, I bet if you rocked this night cap-sleep shirt combo…things could get a lil …cheeky. I mean we never see that bear standing up. How short is that top exactly??

Leo

Leo’s love attention. The fastest way to get it in 2022? Be Nathan Fielder. While this Halloween costume is definitely easy if you’re a white man with dark hair (esp one who graduated from one of Canada’s top business school with really good grades), you’ll still need to rehearse this role a bunch of times before the big day. Bonus points if you wear Summit Ice. Deny nothing.

Virgo

Virgo, you’re Tito the anxiety mosquito. Halloween is chaos. It ruins your sense of order and control. No one will be able to tell if you’re voicing your racing thoughts or if you’re just deep in character! I feel like you could make this costume slutty if you really wanted to.

Libra

I’m not totally sure HOW you’d pull this off but you should definitely be Bella Hadid. She’s hot, Libras are hot. Can you achieve this costume simply by getting bangs? I don’t know. Just don’t be the “home boy’s gonna like… get it” meme. That’s a zillion years old.

Scorpio

Scorpios are cool. Some might say too cool. So to level the Halloween costume playing field, you should be the 2011 swag trend. Wear a hat like this one. Wear an American Apparel zip-up hoodie in an obnoxious color like purple. Say “swaggy” or go “swag, swag,” while making dancing hand motions. I don’t remember what else happened in 2011 but this feels like most of it…. Oh yea, Jabbawockeez.

Sagittarius

Sag, you’re the perfect combination of quirky and classic. That’s why you should be Scout’s ham costume from To Kill A Mockingbird. The literary hoes gon’ looooove this.

Capricorn

All Capricorns are just Carl from Up. This is what you look like to me! You’re all so cranky and sad! Cheer up!!! Damn! You could also make this slutty if you want.

Aquarius

What’s so spooky about Kathy Hilton? Everything! Give your friends a real scare by showing up to their house but not for a trick-or-treat. Ask for crackers…and some cheese…. and a diet Coke.

Pisces

If this photo just seems like two men lifting a piece of luggage to you — educate yourself. THAT’S TAYLOR SWIFT IN THERE!! In 2017(ish) Miss Swift traveled to-and-fro not by private jet but by luggage. Now, it’s your turn Pisces. Recruit two strong friends to help you recreate this iconic look for Halloween! Preferably Sag and Leo.

Let’s just be honest, let’s just BeReal

Hello from swampy Los Angeles! How have you been? It’s been ages. You look so good! Have you gone keto? Are you dermaplaning?

Recently, I attended a party where someone asked me what I do for a living. When I told them, they said they couldn’t imagine writing every day because it’s “just not fun.”

Let me clue you in on a little something — sometimes, it’s NOT fun!!

I log on and do this shiz every. single. day. Deals pieces on Apple TVs don’t just grow on trees. My “writing” job involves researching, drafting, editing, updating, SEO software, endless Slack conversations about heds and H2s, reading analytics software and uhhh trying to make it all sound interesting so somebody will click or buy.

Then I get to share the damn thing and have you bitches DM me some variation of “TLDR LOL which is better?”

Obviously, I’m a glutton for punishment. Harry Styles did to Chris Pine what I guess I appear to be begging all of you to do to me every time I share anything.

But I love writing. Especially when I get to write about whatever the hell I want. Unfortunately, ~this~ can be really fun for me. But somewhere between 2021 and 2022 I lost the thread. My professional writing life took the wheel and the part of me that likes to gab about buying things, inventing new careers and deleting Facebook fell asleep in the backseat.

Well, she’s awake now and she wants to stop at Starbucks.

My goal is to write something on here every day for the rest of the month. It might not be good. It might be silly. It might be embarrassing. It will probably be about shopping/eating/HBO programming.

Read it or don’t. I just want to have some fun writing before I inevitably delete this thing.

ANYWAY!!!!!!

Here are some recent fun things I purchased/want to buy:

I am now the proud owner of a pair of those Birkenstock Boston clogs that everyone is wearing.

Have you heard of skin cycling? I’m trying it out and this is my new go-to retinol.

L.A. is a sauna right now….this tinted, blurring skin balm stays in place and keeps my skin from getting oily.

Tell me why I NEED these boots. P.s. are cowboy boots over? Or are we just getting started? Discuss in the comments.

This scalp oil changed my life. I’m probably going to do a whole piece on it because it’s just that good.

I read this Ottessa Moshfegh book in one sitting.

You know I’m a hoops girl. I would love a new pair for fall. I’m thinking these?

When will it be cold enough to wear a crewneck!! I have never been to North Dakota but that does NOT stop me from wanting this amazing sweatshirt!

Speaking of crewnecks, it’s football szn. Bear down, bb! I’m on the hunt for a cute vintage Chicago Bears sweatshirt that I can wear when my boyfriend drags me along to watch the big game. So far I’ve found this option. It’s listed as “funny vintage” but that’s probably because the Bears usually lose. See! I know sports. Urlacher has hair!

Are you in LA? You need to have dinner here. Order the hummus ful and get the lamb skewers. You’re welcome.

BTW I don’t have a BeReal account. Stop asking!!

love u

L

Los Angeles Tsunami Saturday Link Pack

I picked a tarot card this morning. The wheel of fortune. It signifies change, destiny, good luck and new directions. But that was after the tsunami warning canceled my Hermosa Beach yoga plans. And after the rain canceled my last-minute Silver Lake Reservoir walk plans. And after I didn’t go out to get a fancy coffee. I just had one from the Keurig.

So I’m hoping my luck changes.

For whatever reason, my The Best Things I Have Purchased At Erewhon post keeps getting clicks. But I don’t have any Erewhon recommendations today. Just a homemade puppy chow of salty, sweet deliciously random links. I hope you like them.

EAT THIS:

I’m not doing Veganuary. I’m just trying to eat more vegetables. I’ve been cooking my way through The Weekday Vegetarians and posting my progress via Instagram. You guys keep asking me to send you photos of recipes but I would like to remind you that Google is in fact, free. I got about five requests for this super-green pasta recipe made with kale pesto. It was VERY easy to find online.

The Kardashians like this salad dressing and so do I. Special shoutout to the El Co shopping center. Real ones know East Coast Bagel and always see Howie Mandel sitting outside the Starbucks.

If you know me, you know I love California Chicken Cafe. I have made this CCC Chinese chicken salad dupe to much success, multiple times.

Do we think this vegan calamari could be good? I have all the ingredients for it.

Has anyone been to Little Barn Coffee House? I really want to go.

The Girl Scouts have a new cookie out and if you have a daughter/niece/cousin/friend who is a Girl Scout, I would like to buy these from them!!

Really craving an M&M cookie rn.

WATCH THIS:

I watched The Worst Person in the World last night and it felt like swallowing a pair of scissors (emotionally).

Are you watching Yellow Jackets? Let’s talk about it. I think I’m a Jackie 😦 Anyway, Showtime turned the soundtrack into a Spotify playlist. It reminds me deeply of my time in the Midwest.

Are you trying to get into ASMR videos as a way to relax? I freakin LOVE this one.

WEAR THIS:

The TikTok girlies were right: This is the best concealer.

So, who is going to try this new tinted Supergoop! CC Cream?

These are my favorite jeans I have ever owned. Don’t go for the weird diagonal button. Pick the regular button. They are super high-waisted, comfortable enough to wear all day and make your legs look 10000 miles long.

Still not back on hard pants? These are the softest lounge shorts I have ever worn.

Costco has Pendleton sherpa fleece blankets for $30.

Does anyone feel like buying me these boots?

Remember when I really wanted this $2,100 Balenciaga le cagole shoulder bag? I found a $70 dupe. HINT! HINT! TO ANYONE BUYING ME A VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT!

No idea what this smells like but the bottle is so pretty. I want it.

The next Okay to Rest drop is happening soon. Trying to remember this while I chill out during my day of canceled plants.

HOUSE STUFF ? IDK WHAT TO CALL THIS SECTION:

I ❤ my Amazon Basics food processor. Gonna make this hummus with it.

I need some art for a blank wall in the kitchen. Honestly, I might get this.

Looking for a wall clock that looks like this but isn’t $300. 😡 Lmk if you find one.

Ready to replace my bedroom mirror with this massive one.

Dan, can we pretty please get this bed frame?? Or this one.

Okay it is now 1:36 p.m. which means it’s time to mope in the living room and consume a full mason jar of water.

love u

text me

im bored

L

Holiday Gifts Under $25

‘Tis the damn season, so I figured I would make another gift guide.

Can you believe I make $0 off these links?

Me either!

Anyway, why is everything so dang expensive?? I’m just trying to get my friends some Christmas and Chanukah presents and go. If you are also trying to find some small things to mail to your far away friends, hand off to your next door neighbor, stuff in your sister’s stocking or just reward yourself for getting through the week: These holiday gifts under $25 are for you!

Really cool wine glasses: $25 via Amazon

Shoutout to my friend Tori who told me she was looking for some “cool” wine glasses. That sent me down a rabbit hole of various glass shapes and price points. If you don’t want to spend a ton of money but still want to feel like you’re sipping out of something fancy, I really like this $25 option.

Trendy sunglasses: $10.99 via Amazon

These sunnies are such a cute shape. They also come in a few other colors. Plus they’re $11 so if you’re prone to losing sunglasses (like I am 😩) then you will only feel slightly less bad when they disappear into the crevices of your car/the leather booth at a CPK/your friend’s parent’s vacation home.

The Tinx Tumbler: $22 via Amazon

I use this tumbler every single day. It comes in multiple colors, sizes and keeps your drinks icy cold AND super hot (yes, I have hot girl walked with a hot coffee in here!). Tinx, everybody’s favorite cheugy older sister TikToker, is the one who originally recommended this product. Unlike her taste in L.A. restaurants, she absolutely did not miss with this one.

Everyday Oil: $22

Hands down, this is my favorite body oil. The glass packaging feels EXTREMELY luxe. I use the mainstay blend which is scented with palo santo, lavender, geranium and clary sage. If you’re scent-averse (or gifting to someone who is) they also sell an unscented version. I like to store my bottle in the shower. As soon I turn off the water I apply a heavy pump of this oil all over my skin to trap moisture. The 1 oz size is $14, 2 oz is $22 and 8 oz is $48.

Designer Dust Co. highlighter: $18

My friend Nicole’s brand Designer Dust Co. makes THE BEST sparkling highlighter. They come in four gorgeous, buttery-soft shades. A must-have for any friend/family member who is into beauty. The brand even has a celebrity following– Rachel Bloom is a fan!

A very cute ceramic cup: $20

You know what would make a cute gift? This ceramic cup and some fancy hot cocoa with artisanal marshmallows.

Did someone say hot chocolate and marshmallows?

These cuties are $10.

Ariana Grande Cloud Eau De Perfume: $25

It was the cult perfume of 2020 and I’ve heard it’s a good dupe for Baccarat Rouge. I personally can’t wear the scent anymore because it reminds me of my depression. HOWEVER, it smells wonderful on everyone who wears it and it’s $25 at Walmart rn.

Palate Polish: $14

My friend Bri turned me on to this wonderful women-owned nail polish brand. Palate Polish is 10-free, vegan and cruelty free. Their polishes come in a variety of gorgeous, quick-drying colors and are named for foods. I personally own a bunch of their polishes and love them.

For your friend who STILL doesn’t have a wine corkscrew: $14

This purchase is absolutely inspired by my beautiful friend Mijal. If you too have a friend who deserves a rose gold wine opener (I personally don’t call them corkscrews but that’s because I am trash), this is a pretty and practical option. It’s something everyone should have in their home on the off chance a guest brings over something BESIDES a twist-off.

Wall art: $25

Perhaps you have a sister who went camping at a national park once and made it her entire personality or a best friend that you drive to Joshua Tree with whenever you want to sing Olivia Rodrigo anthems at the top of your lungs. Brandi creates prints representing a variety of national parks, in the style of classic tattoos. While you can buy a poster right now, her next t-shirt drop is on Dec. 4. Swo set your phone alarms accordingly!

Cozy plush open-toe Slippers: $19

You KNOW there is nothing I love more than some fluffy footwear. If you’re not looking to spend Ugg money on a loved one, these vibrant, soft-looking slippers are almost as good. They come in five different colors and are under $20! I might even get a pair for myself lol.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS !

I HOPE THIS POST DOES WELL IN SEO-HO-HO-HO

xx

Chanukah Harry

A Very Specific Gift Guide

Ask and ye shall receive.

Doesn’t it feel like the older you get, the less exciting your wants become? I remember being eight years old and wishing for a Meygan Bratz doll harder than anything. She came with a furry vest and a corduroy beret. Now, all I think I want is new underpants.

But apparently my readers need me.

And as I am still a girl with a passion 4 fashion (second Bratz reference!) I have no problem doing the necessary shopping and listing to inspire your gifting needs, whatever they may be.

I’m going to write about the things I want. If you’re doing some shopping for friends/family I imagine these would make good presents for:

A. Extroverted introverts who would rather stay in and be cozy with dinner, a glass of wine and a bubble bath

B. Cool grandmas/ aging aunts/ exhausted 28 year olds

C. Someone exactly like me (See A and B)

Fawn by Ellis Brooklyn

In college, my best friend Andrew and I were obsessed with this Bobbi Brown scent called “Bath.” The scent truly captured the essence of having just stepped out of a warm, milky bubble bath. Brown retired the scent a number of years ago and I’ve been looking for a dupe ever since. Somehow, this is it? The scent description is all wrong in my opinion. Whoever did the copywriting for Ellis Brooklyn seems to think it smells like tropical vacation. I firmly disagree. Anyway, it’s on sale right now at Sephora.

Thinx Boyshorts

Are you a person with a period? Do you hate sleeping with something all up in you? You need to get a pair of Thinx. My favorite is the cotton boyshort (mom if you are reading this I am a size M) but these period absorbing panties come in a variety of styles. They are comfortable, won’t let you down leak-wise and don’t look too crazy bulky under jeans/leggings/etc. I currently own three pair but the tops have all started to fray and I need to replace them ASAP.

Madewell Flannel Oversized Ex-Boyfriend Tunic Shirt

I love the color, the length and the oversized fit of this Madewell flannel. As a longtime fan of the brand (and former employee), I can attest that their flannels are always soft, cozy and flatter a variety of body types. They tend to run big so I would size down. For instance, I’m a size small in their flannels (if you are a person reading this who wants to buy this for me).

More clothing wants/recommendations

  • I want everything from Favorite Daughter, namely these jeans. However, they’re currently out of stock. Keeping my eye on these for when they refresh.
  • Every year I want this Everlane sweater, every year it is sold out in a size XS before I can order it. LOVE the colors pepper and persimmon. Pro tip: they run HUGE. Hence why I order an XS.
  • Who doesn’t love an Ugg? I own three pair and the Fluff Yeah are my favorite.
  • Have been obsessed with this FP Movement jacket ever since I laid eyes on it. No idea why I am so dedicated to looking like a traffic cone.

Bijou Candles

This queer, women-owned brand makes cruelty-free candles inspired by women in pop culture and history. I have my eye on the 70’s icons trio (especially the Cher). They also have coven, punks, starlets and First Wives-inspired candles. Use this link and you’ll get $10 off your order.

More candles:

  • I’ve heard nothing but good things about the brand Borough Home. This citrine collection looks amazing.
  • My friend TC got me a “This smells like Harry Styles” candle from Cool Girl Candles. They have a lot of other candles that smell like celebs that would make a great gift for someone you luv who luvs…Timothee Chalamet? Jack Harlow? Idk they have a lot of people.

Fairley Jewelry

Are you my boyfriend? Are you reading this post? I want this peridot necklace. Thanks for stopping by! No but really, I enjoy this jewelry brand. They look like what I thought grown up jewelry looked like when I was a kid. Big sparkly gems on thin gorgeous chains. They ship from Australia so if your name is Dan thinking of getting this, I’d order it soon.

Other cool jewelry I have my eye on/recommend:

Nice Pajamas

Normally I fall asleep in a big t-shirt covered in a variety of permanent stains. But I’ve decided that because I’m approaching 30, it’s time for me to own some nice pajamas. Why do nice pajamas cost so much money??? I love these silk ones from Summersalt and these from Nap. I guess I’ll keep looking for dupes. However, if you have $$$ to spend on the sleepyhead in your life…. I imagine these would be great options.

These cookie sheets are kind of a Great Jones Holy Sheet dupe, don’t you think? Plus, they’re half the price.

More kitchen wants and recs:

Jew-ish by Jake Cohen

Because I’m tired of having to search the internet for various recipes from this book and I might as well own it anyway.

More cookbooks I want:

Maude Bath Kit

Do you love Dakota Johnson? I love Dakota Johnson. She’s an investor and co-creative director for this sexual wellness and body brand. Also, this really cool girl that I follow on Instagram is their EIC. Anyway, this trio of bath items is scented with warming notes of amber, cedar leaf, lemongrass, tonka bean and medjool date. Doesn’t that sound delicious to soak in?

More relaxing essentials that I want or you need to know about:

The Best Things I Have Purchased at Erewhon Part 2

Hello again! You guys really seemed to like reading about the best things I have purchased at Erewhon, so I thought I’d make a part 2.

Let’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Three Wishes Cereal – Cinnamon

I have always loved cereal. When I was little and we would go visit my grandma, she always had mini boxes of cereal that I would eat for breakfast and snack. In college, my aunt would buy me boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and I would eat it for (what felt like) most meals. Three Wishes is grain free, gluten free, has 8 grams of protein and 3 grams of sugar per serving. Even though it is not the absolute candy that is Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I happen to think Three Wishes tastes really, really good. My favorite way to eat it is with almond milk and frozen blueberries.

Mama Emma Fresh Pumpkin Gnocchi

Idk who Mama Emma is, but I would like to be her child. The first time I tasted this gnocchi, I gasped. It’s lighter than air, flavorful and takes about 3 minutes to make. I went on the Mama Emma website, and they say their pumpkin gnocchi has “extraordinary nutritional and healing properties.” Mama Emma!!!!! Guaranteed, this is a food I will be eating all fall long. It’s great with marinara, pesto or a little olive oil and some parm.

Erewhon’s Turmeric Tahini Dressing

This is the best-tasting salad dressing ever. This salad dressing is a gorgeous saffron color. It’s lightly tangy without being too acidic on the tongue. It’s also made with tahini (my fave), turmeric (anti-inflammatory!), maple syrup, lemon juice, ginger, oregano and sunflower seeds. WARNING! It does not keep forever (prob about 7 days). When I buy it, I like to top my salads/roasted vegetables with it that week.

Misha’s Kind Foods Non-Dairy Cheese – Joi

If you’re reading this and it’s giving you the icks because I am talking about things that are gluten-free and dairy-free…..why are you reading a piece about Erewhon then? If you’re STILL with me and haven’t logged off to go buy McDonald’s or sm, I like to use this spreadable non-dairy cheese as a cream cheese on bagels and as a spread on crackers/sandwiches. I LOVE the Joi flavor, described by the Misha Kind Foods website as: “blending the bright spice of fresh jalapenos, de-seeded to infuse flavor without a hint of heat, along with herbaceous, bold notes of thyme and oregano.” It’s not spicy. It’s herbaceous! And really hits that cheese craving.

Atlantic Sea Farms Fermented Seaweed Salad

If you’re trying to incorporate more fermented foods for your gut health (and these days, who isn’t?) might I suggest this tasty seaweed salad? You can eat it plain, add it to rice, toss it in a salad, pair it with some fish, idk do whatever you want. It’s really good. PRO TIP: If you don’t like seaweed, you definitely won’t like this. If you still want a lil fermented something, I recommend Wildbrine’s Probiotic Red Beet & Cabbage Kraut. It’s semi-sweet and tastes mostly like beets. Also good on everything I mentioned above.

Erewhon’s Eggless Sandwich

Erewhon’s prepared foods are unrivaled. You know this. We have been over this. If you’re a fan of hand-held breakfast items, this morning sandwich is freakin IT. No, it’s not made with a fake egg. There are no eggs or pretend eggs. That’s what I like about it. It’s an English muffin, perfectly spiced turmeric curry tofu, tempeh bacon, spinach and a little olive oil. It’s so incredibly savory and filling but not in the way that a Starbucks breakfast sammy is. I feel nourished after I eat this. Try it (esp when you’re hungover 🤪) and thank me later.

Metagenics OmegaGenics EPA-DHA 1000

Remember when you were in college and your new roommate/best friend told you that you both should start taking Biotin to strengthen your hair and nails, but all it made you do was break out? Those long words I typed up there in the caption hed are a brand of fish oil pill. Want to know why my hair/nails are so long and strong? These pills. These do exactly what Biotin was supposed to do for me (and DID NOT). The lovely holistic health expert at Erewhon recommended this brand, because the pills are slightly lemon flavored (masking the fish taste) and don’t make you have fish burps. They also conveniently keep my heart healthy! I know some people think fish pills don’t do anything. Those people probably have brittle nails.

Happy shopping!

xx

L

Hashtag Career Goals

You’re supposed to dress for the job you want, but we all work from home now.

Plus, I have no idea what a “podcaster with no agenda” would wear.

Probably pajamas?

While I am a “rock star content producer” interested in creating “viral hits,” I am also “extremely tired.”

There was a time when I had the energy to bounce back and forth from freelancing job to freelancing job while also writing for my normal 9 to 5. I was pitching anyone with an email address and piling up clips like I worked at SuperCuts.

I had ideas! This is less of a brag and more just sheer shock at the way I used to exist compared to the current husk of a human I have become since the onslaught of global pandemic that is never not onslaught-ing.

I feel uncreative and sexless about being a writer. To clarify, that’s “sexless” in the “not sexy” way. Not “sexless” as in purposely left that part of my driver’s license blank. I looked the word up and those were both options for the definition.

So to break myself out of my bad mood? funk? evening of self loathing? I will write for you some creative, fun job ideas that I think I could be really good at and that will not only revitalize me, but also re-invigorate my waning existence as a human being under capitalism/career.

Nail Polish Namer

I am fairly certain that this is already a real job. But I know I would absolutely crush it. I am very good at naming things. For instance, when I was a small child I named all of my dolls and stuffed animals, Carrot. I think that shows a remarkable brilliance on my part, as most children were not sporting produce names until after the birth of Apple Martin. Meanwhile, I had like seven baby dolls named Carrot. Naming a nail polish should be no problem.

Coffee Shop Playlist Coordinator

I’ll say it, because no one else will. Coffee shops need better/louder music to muffle the sound in the bathroom. Did you really think your Damien Rice track is going to muffle the sound of a triple iced latte exiting my body? Because I know it won’t. I think more cafes need to play The White Stripes with heavy a focus on “Icky Thump.” Pardon the pun.

ASMR Video Test Subject

Over the last year and a half I have really started to fall in love with ASMR. The soft-spoken videos where someone pretends to brush your hair/give you a facial/pluck negative energies are a welcome brain break from Netflix and TikTok. ASMRist itsblitzzz frequently practices her techniques on her friends. Honestly, I am quite jealous! None of my friends run a popular ASMR YouTube account (that I know of). No one has ever offered to ASMR me! I want to do this! I promise I will sit and not make noise. I probably (50/50 chance) won’t even fall asleep! Itsblitzzz even provides her ASMR subjects with a snack! This is my new dream job! Who will pay me to do this?

Supportive Friend Concierge

I used to work fashion retail, so I can tell when someone wants “a friend” to validate their impulsive choices. Basically this is a service, where you call or text me (I could show up but that will definitely cost you extra) to give you the support you “buy now”! Are those ugly-cute shoes actually cute? Or just ugly? Babe, they’re on sale! Who cares! Listen, I am not here to judge and I am certainly not your friend so you won’t have to worry about me ever saying “why do you never wear THATTHING again?? You used to love it!” when you inevitably hate your impulse buy after 2 to 3 business days. Hypothetically, this concierge service could also extend to supportive texts about hooking up with your ex. However, I feel like that could get me sued?

Bread Bitch

Hear me out on this one— You’re at dinner with a group of friends. The waiter plops down a basket of fresh, steaming sliced baguette. Everyone is paralyzed with nerves. “Are we eating bread this week? Does no one want it? Will I look like crazy if I go first?” you think. A bead of sweat trickles down your back. “Please god someone break this curse!!” That’s when I step in. I will be the bread bitch. I will go first. I will give the gluten green light. Sacred moments with your sourdough roll are forever saved. You’re welcome, America.

Anyway, feel free to pass around my resume if any positions like these open up.

I’ll be here all week.

Try the plant-based veal.

L

Are You Watching ‘The White Lotus’?

If you’re watching The White Lotus then you are legally obligated to talk with me about this truly unhinged show.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

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My dad hates this show and yet he is still watching it. He told me he didn’t appreciate seeing Steve Zahn’s (fake?) balls. He thought Jennifer Coolidge’s boat scene with her mom’s ashes was too long. He likes Armond (Murray Bartlett). He does NOT like Alexandra Daddario.

And now that you have a 60-year-old man’s opinions on this new HBO show, let me give you mine!

While this show is doing a lot of interesting things (chief among them: white affluent families, all the worst parts about a long vacation and analingus), this show is mostly dragging our living generations.

Show me a better depiction of a rich white Millennial than former Obvious Child white boy of the month, Jake Lacy.

I’m starting with Millennials because I am one.

What is the Boomer buzzword for Millennials? ENTITLED. His character Shane Patton believes he deserves everything. If he’s ever thwarted in his search for lazy self pleasure, he can always call his mom to do it for him. Why does he get away with it? Well he’s white…he’s rich….he is semi-nice looking. If I didn’t appreciate Jake Lacy’s range so much I would HATE Shane. He’s such a little asshole. I’m pretty sure in one scene I clocked him wearing Chubbies.

And then we have Rachel. She doesn’t come from money, she’s hustled her entire life only to get to a career of creating fluffy content for listicle-based sites (please believe me when I tell you I am crying) and now she’s “made it” by marrying rich. She’s having a hard time letting go of her “identity” a.k.a a white girl in debt. Rachel isn’t the other end of the Millennial spectrum. If she were, she wouldn’t be on vacation in Hawaii with her new rich husband.

She’s a vehicle to express this generation’s malcontent with everything despite achieving what GenX/Boomers see as a dream….I think? Idk. She is worried that her identity is going to be sucked up into her husband if she doesn’t keep working, but she also doesn’t seem to find any value in what she does. If they wrote this like 5 years ago she would work at Buzzfeed.

Then we have Gen Z. The three Gen Z-ers are Olivia (Sydney Sweeney), Paula (Brittany O’Grady) and Quinn (Fred Hechinger). When Connie Britton says something like you’d hear from the mouth of Gwyneth Paltrow (isn’t CB’s character’s company called something similar to GOOP? Like GOOF? GOOL?), Olivia and Paula are quick to explain to the audience why it’s problematic in the snarkiest of ways. I think that’s due to a combination of Gen X/Boomers fearing but respecting Gen Z’s ability to publicly acknowledge social justice issues.

HOWEVERRRRRRR White Lotus writers have gone the Euphoria/Gossip Girl reboot route and decided that today’s teens are all fucking and on drugs.

Is this true? I am not a teen. Even when I was one, I am pretty sure I took nothing harder than an Advil PM and stared at a poster of Nick Jonas.

A moment that sticks out for me is when Paula, the only main-cast person of color besides Belinda (Natasha Rothwell), is cuddled up in bed after excusing herself from dinner. Olivia is with her and Olivia apologizes for her family. “I’m not like them. I’m your friend,” she tells her. Obviously, this bitch is lying. She is trying to steal Paula’s crush and this is AFTER she promised she wouldn’t take a guy from her again. AGAIN?? Olivia is a bad friend! And she is just like her wack ass family! Thank you White Lotus writers for that heavily loaded line.

Also, when is Euphoria coming back? I miss that show.

All I will say about Quinn is that I think he is supposed to be the neutral good. His only crime is jerking off on the beach and being obsessed with his phone. But who amongst us has/is not!

My first exposure to Connie Britton was Friday Night Lights. Now, I believe she should have a starring role in everything. Connie Britton supremacy!! Also, please god never let my love for this strawberry blonde woman to come back and bite me in the ass.

Connie’s character Nicole Mossbacher is a total Gen X girl boss (if that’s a thing). She always has meetings!! She is rearranging the room for feng shui! She is usually holding a glass of wine or slathering lotion on her arms. She loves Hillary Clinton! She believes it’s hard out there for young, straight white men! She would be a male Boomer’s wet dream if she wasn’t so empowered/refused to have sex with her husband.

Speaking of her husb, he cheated on her. Now she gets to wear $75,000 bracelets. Of course, she seems rich enough to get those on her own…but whatever. Also, why did we have to sit through Steve Zahn talking about his constant boner for her. We get it. Connie Britton is gorgeous!!!

Also is this what Gen X straight men worry about? Their sexual attraction to their wives fading so they have to resist the urge to gag when they have sex with them? They also seem to have gay panic when they discover their ultra-macho dads loved fucking men instead of feeling angry/sad that they grew up in a culture that forced people to hide an important part of themselves. Even when it seems like he’s sad that his dad had to hide, it’s still in the context of so that MARK never knew him. Not that his poor dad couldn’t be himself around his son.

TBH everything out of Mark Mossbacher’s mouth is trash. I was more invested in the idea that he might have cancer/am more invested in MarkMond (Mark and Armond shippers hello!) than I could ever be in his relationship with his wife/son/dad/self.

That’s it for my generational dragging discourse.

Dear, Mike White and Natasha Rothwell (White Lotus writers/ Rothwell plays Belinda) you’re doing an amazing job.

I would also write something about Jennifer Coolidge but her “box” is crazy rich white lady (not in the way that Connie Britton’s character is) and that is less “conditioned generational stereotype” and more of an essence of spirit that has permeated the ether since the dawn of time.

Armond as well, transcends time and space.

Also if this show doesn’t end with Belinda somehow obtaining the funds to start her own wellness space and saying BYEEEEE to the psychopaths at this hotel, I will throw my TV off the balcony. I see the “Black woman healer” role her character is trapped in and it is depressing AF. She deserves much better than caring for crazy ass Jennifer Coolidge and horny Armond.

Also, I apologize for using people’s character names and real names interchangeably. I won’t go back and fix it.

I hope next week we see more of Lukas Gage’s butt. That was a treat. Also what the fuck ever happened to Lani (Jolene Purdy) ?

Until next time

L

Links for Lunch

Hello it’s me! Using my newly allotted work-enforced “creative time” to uhhhhh show you some things I found on the internet and share my thoughts.

Gonna just gloss over the fact that it has been a while.

Things that happened while I was gone: went on a real vacation for the first time in a year (!!!), got a new couch, celebrated a birthday, figured out how to use my WaterPik without spraying my entire face/body/bathroom, discovered my new favorite bronzer, watched a lot of babies on TikTok, etc…

It’s nice to be back and writing to you again ❤️

We jUST bought a new couch (Living Spaces, baby!) but my friend Jessica showed me what is essentially the Hawaiian Ikea and they have some great pieces including a dupe for the Restoration Hardware cloud sofa.

I’ve been craving routine and structure— I’m just about to enter my Saturn return— so I’ve started cooking Sunday night dinners as a cozy way to wind down the weekend and show myself some love. I have two favorite recipes right now that I swap depending on my mood. This one (from TikTok) is lighter (but still filling) and bright and crunchy and delicious. This one is….a white lady casserole nightmare so please don’t click on this and think it is anything BUT that. It is a comforting, cheesy delicious Sunday night blanket and nothing more. I usually add ground turkey for some protein.

I bought this candle as a birthday present to myself and also because I love all things Goldie Hawn.

The candlemakers also have their own pop culture podcast that I can’t get enough of.

I’m home from my humid tropical vacation and back in the desert dystopia that is L.A. If you live in a dry climate, this is my holy grail moisturizer. My skin would be shattering into 1000000 sharp pieces without it.

I read The Ugly Cry: A Memoir on the plane and I am STILL thinking about it. Danielle Henderson is a superb storyteller. I highly recommend buying from your local bookstore. I’m linking out to my favorite one: Unabridged in Chicago.

This is the No. 1 product that has saved my long, heat-damaged hair.

If you’re feeling anxiety about finding meaning while living a tiny life on a small dying rock that is hurtling through space, listen to this podcast.

I’m going to San Diego in 2 weeks and I’m really looking forward to trying this restaurant. My dermatologist also recommended this taco place. Have you ever been to SD and/or tried either? Lmk! And send me some recs.

While I’m in town you KNOW I am going to be checking out this haunted hotel.

And on that note:

July is pretty much almost not quite over…so basically it is Halloween IMO.

Can’t wait to wholly embrace this aesthetic:

lots of luv

ur spooky ghoul

L

Skincare That Actually Works*

*or at least it did for me

The dental hygienist complimented my skin today. Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve noticed that it’s been looking more glow-y and even recently.

I’d love to share my new fave products with you, but before I do you should definitely know your skin type for best results.

For example, my skin is dehydrated (NOT dry), sensitive and acne-prone. I also have rosacea.

If you DO NOT have any of those things, I don’t know that these products will benefit you in any way! Maybe they will, but that can be your science experiment and I don’t want any part of it/any blame if it goes wrong. Also, I know I said I have sensitive skin, but if your skin is the type of sensitive skin that gets a rash from anything that isn’t 100% pure idkwhatthefuck, consult a dermatologist before using any of this!!

Secondly, I am not claiming that any/all of these products are affordable. Some of them you can definitely find at a drugstore and are under $30, but some of them aren’t!

Basically, this list won’t be for everyone.

We love an author that alienates their audience in the intro!

ANYWAY

If you’re still reading….. I am going to list my routine in reverse. Nighttime first. Why? Because chaos is fun.

Then I Met You Living Cleansing Balm

Do you ever have a skincare product that you look forward to the scent of? This cleansing balm smells SO good. I love its marigold color. I love its melty texture. I love the way it gently but effectively dissolves any and all makeup on my skin. I don’t love how whenever I need a new one, it’s always out of stock!! But when I have this in my rotation, it’s bliss.

I get the best results by doing a few passes over my face with a cotton pad soaked with micellar water (any kind will do), rubbing a nickel-sized portion of this balm all over my face then removing with a water soaked cotton pad (or several), then washing with a cleanser like the one I’m going to tell you about below.

Dr. Loretta Gentle Hydrating Cleanser

This cleanser is soooo beyond extremely gentle. I have stopped cleansing with a product in the morning (Charlotte Palermino taught me), so I keep this in the shower to cleanse with after a workout/before bed.

ENature Birch Juice Hydro Sleeping Pack

Allow me to be tragically honest with you. I don’t like the way this product smells or feels. I DO love how it works. When I wake up, my skin feels so freakin hydrated and soothed (V good product for this someone with rosacea) after I go to sleep with this weird goo slathered on.

If you were a kid who sunburned their face a lot and their mom made them go to bed wearing an aloe mask, it feels like that and smells stranger. But this works. Effectively.

OKAY NOW THIS IS THE MORNING STUFF.

As previously mentioned, I no longer cleanse my face in the AM with a product. Typically, I wet a wash cloth and gently rub it all over my face. Then, while my face is wet, I apply the following:

Then I Met You Birch Milk Refining Toner

This toner is one of the main reasons my skin has been looking brighter and more even. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Then I Met You Living Cleansing Balm, but I can always use Banila Clean It Zero in a pinch. I think this purple-milky toner is my new must-have. The blend of acids LIGHTLY exfoliates my skin without burning or stripping it. I get hormonal acne AND mascne, and this product has helped prevent it and clear any dark spots up.

Skinfix Barrier+ Triple Lipid-Peptide Face Cream

Hands down, this is my favorite moisturizer. Tragically, I ran out and currently don’t feel like spending $50 to replace it. I am going to try a La Roche-Posay cream in the interim, and I’ll let you know how that goes. But really, this moisturizer strengthens the F out of my skin barrier and plumps my skin to baby cheek goodness. It’s worth the money. I’m just currently broke!

Be sure to make sure your face is still a little wet when you apply this, it will trap the moisture in (a MUST for dehydrated skin). If your face isn’t a little wet, don’t be afraid to splash a LITTLE water on. Then apply product.

M-61 Hydraboost Face Oil

What started as a sample in my Blue Mercury bag has become a staple in my routine. I am a big fan of facial massage/lymphatic drainage every morning and I can’t even imagine doing it without this oil. I guess I love peptides and squalane, babes.

Cerave Healing Ointment

As someone in the skincare cult of Charlotte Palermino, I love an occlusive. Is this step overkill? Maybe! Is it locking in all my face products when I use smaller than a pea-sized amount? Yes! Is it hurting anybody? NO! IT GROWS THE ECONOMY.

Seriously use like…half a pea-sized amount, rub it between your hands and then gently pat it into your face. I have noticed a DRASTIC difference from doing this. Plus, it’s under $10.

Anthelios Mineral Tinted Ultra Light Sunscreen Fluid SPF 50

This is one of my favorite sunscreens. I am pale as hell. Something other white people LOVE to point out to me. This is tinted so when I wear it, I don’t wear foundation (or honestly even concealer). It’s SPF 50 so I feel protected. Because I am not typically wearing other makeups with it, this is super easy to reapply without worrying that I am messing up the makeup masterpiece that is my face. The only con is that it WILL stain your clothing should you get any on it before it dries.

My other fave sunscreen rn is from Saie, but it’s a lower SPF. I know I upset some people last time when I said you should be wearing sunscreen indoors, but the Saie one is a good option for every day if you aren’t planning on being outside all that much.

LMK if you have comments, questions, concerns.

I am not a derm or an expert. Just a human being with skin on their face who has tried some things and liked them.

yours,

Boo Boo the fool

On Mental Health

Hello, and what the fuck is going on.

What is transitioning back to “regular/real life (??)”

And do I even want it???

I am not speaking for the collective we, because I know some people did fuck all during the pandemic to “slow the spread” (I fully expect to see my future fifth grade child make some awful history unit diorama on the 2020 pandemic with a little clay man holding a sign that says this).

I am just speaking for me.

I spent over a year inside. I spent almost 400 days seeing the same 4 people (with tiny treats seeing anyone else and I was BEYOND privileged to get to do that). I binge-watched every episode of The Crown, plowed my way through Michael Douglas and Al Pacino’s oeuvres, cooked fancy meals, defrosted tater tots, stopped eating, worked five days a week while mass chaos ensued, called my therapist, went for long walks around the neighborhood, had family die, continued to do every day that wasn’t Sunday, drifted apart from friends, stopped working, called my Grandma more than I ever have in my life, went further into debt than I ever have in my life, still had to work, learned how to give myself a fucking fantastic manicure, gave up on laundry, filled my apartment with plants, acted as a therapist to my parents, got in fights with my sister, drove down PCH blasting showtunes with my boyfriend and convinced and unconvinced myself that I should get a dog like 15 different times.

And now, New York is back, baby!

Or so I’ve heard.

I don’t fucking live there.

But over here in LA life is resuming too. People are going into the office. Or at the very least, going to indoor malls. We’re seeing our friends again. We are going to bars. Some of us are finally going on vacation and posting bikini pics WITHOUT a caption to justify the action!

So why does the whole thing kind of feel like shit?

I’m delighted that I get to see more of my friends again. I can actually go see my grandma and worry less that I am going to kill her! I’ve started taking pilates classes (with a mask on) and on June 15 the mask is coming off.

But a lot of things look and feel different to me and it’s making me fucking uncomfortable to pretend that I am eager to enjoy them.

I’m scared, dude!!!!

I grieved my 2019 existence for over a year. What am I supposed to do now? Dig it up out of its grave and dust it off? That version of me died and didn’t get a funeral (like my step Grandma!) and I’ve been struggling to make up for the loss.

I had a social life and now I’m at square one. I was having fun and now I’m at square one. I felt secure with what I wanted my life to look like and now I’m at square one.

It doesn’t help that this shit started when I was 26 and now I am going to be 28.

The only good thing about being 27 was that I survived.

But I also don’t have the same wants that I did when I was 26 (naturally). However, I also don’t have the same wants that I did when it seemed like the 5 second rule applied to dropping food on a table.

Now it’s like, how the fuck did I ever eat food that I dropped on a public table that hadn’t been cleaned?? That other people sneezed on or wiped their ass on (idk what people do, I’m just saying)???

Like what the fuck, who was that and why did she not fear for her life then???

Someone hit the play button on the world (LOL just the U.S.) and it’s all so loud and fast.

I feel 10000000 steps behind and at this point I can’t tell if I want to try to keep up or just quit.

I’d start a new life and move to the desert but I don’t think the man I live with and love very much would appreciate that.

This was traumatic. 2020 through now. The world has PTSD. Why are we just moving forward and not dealing with it?

Logically, I know I have the choice to opt out. I could sit at home and do more therapy and see people in little bits and work my way up to something sort of like comfortability.

But life will blast past me.

I will feel even more steps behind.

I could throw up.

I don’t even know really why I am writing this. I guess to see if anyone else feels this way? If anyone wants to talk about it? Just so someone knows that they are not alone. Including me.

If you spent the pandemic doing everything that you could and it fucked your mental health and now you feel painfully emotionally slow while everyone is blasting past you to enjoy life and you feel like you can’t or don’t….I am right here with you.

2021 doesn’t have to be a botch if we treat ourselves right. We just have to figure out what that means. And I won’t make any more depressing posts. I swear. (Maybe.)

Hopefully we can add some cham to all our pain….

like champagne

get it?

that was stupid.

Anyway

see you on the bull at Saddle Ranch!

x

Not Another Friday Link Pack

Welcome to Friday!

It’s MDW!

That stands for “Memorial Day Weekend.” I know this because I received about five different emails with those initials in the subject line before I finally thought….okay, I’ll bite. What the hell does MDW mean?

My long weekend looks like friends and family coming in from out of town that I haven’t seen in over a year, dining on outdoor patios, splish-splashing in the Four Seasons pool, drinking espresso martinis, wearing lots of white (prob a bad idea while sipping a brown drink but w/e) and avoiding doing laundry.

But before I take 100000 new Instagram pics….

LET ME HIT YOU WITH THE FIRDAY LINK PACK!

I f*cking GOT the ruffled Alo tennis skirt, only to be massively disappointed with how frumpy it looks on me!! On a whim, I also got the Alo Match Point Tennis Skirt (no ruffles) and basically….welcome to my new summer uniform. I plan on purchasing one in every color. (PRO TIP: the ruffled skirt will prob look better on you if you’re more pear-shaped. It’s a lot of fabric for me and anyone with darling little chicken leggies [and no ass].)

I am in desperate need of a new duvet. I always tend to go for something white. It makes the room look brighter during the day and feel cooler at night. This UO one is basic but I’m into it. This floral one is also a really pretty option AND it’s on sale.

Dan and I have been watching Hacks. Joe Mande alert on Episode 5!!

I think I’ll make this Alison Roman pasta salad recipe and take it to the beach at some point for a picnic.

Just painted my nails this color. Got it at Target.

I also watched a TikTok where this girl did a whole face of ELF makeup and it convinced me to buy this primer and the adorable application brush that goes with it.

Going up north to see family in Oakland this summer. Really want to try the hand-pulled noodles at this place.

Are these the cutest shorts you’ve ever seen?

Good Fur you.

But also these the best things ever for erasing bikini bumps and I am devastated for all the years I did not have them.

If you’re in LA and you’re plant-based/GF and LOVE Italian food… do yourself a favor and check out Pura Vita. Prob my new go-to spot for comfort food.

NOT Harry Hill influencing me to want this ugly Coach bag like it’s 2006.

My favorite TikTok story line? That girl who discovered via another person’s video on the app that her shitty IRL friends actually didn’t want her hanging around. Welp! She’s thriving now. ☺️

Also not a thing to click, just something incredible my therapist said to me that I feel like screaming from rooftops. I was explaining to her how I was “trying” to take care of myself and listing all the things and ways. She was like “what do you mean by trying? You are doing. You are DOING it.” It was very much a holy sh*t moment. So when you notice that you are doing nice things for your brain and for your body, I urge you to see it as less of a “trying” to make it work and more of an act of legitimately doing it.

Because you are.

There is no dress rehearsal for life (or for self care). It requires daily maintenance and any act, even drinking more water or making sure you get more rest, is fucking DOING the damn thing.

BYE BESTIES PLS WEAR UR SUNSCREEN THIS WEEKEND

Friday Link Pack

First of all, stream Sour by Olivia Rodrigo.

Second of all, hello! My brain feels broken. TGIF.

Let’s do some shopping/looking/gabbing/glazing over!

Starting this on a high note by telling you about this plushie that I got for period cramps. They offer it in a variety of shapes, but I picked the turtle. What’s great about this little toy is that you pop it in the microwave for a minute or so and the beans (or whatever the hell it is inside) heat up and feel very soothing on your tummy area/uterus. Plus, it smells like lavender and I think it’s a super cute little bud to have when you’re feeling gloomy on the couch/in bed.

Currently on the hunt for a dupe of these Lisa Says Gah! flatforms. Could have sworn I wore a similar pair to my fifth grade graduation….?

I bought this fancy candle and now I feel like an adult.

I wore these Poppy Lissiman sunglasses on my IG and got DMs asking about them. I truly have no idea what my personal style feels like anymore, so I am experimenting. These were a little out of my comfort zone but after a successful coffee run wearing them, I’ve decided to keep them. The lenses also come in different colors.

Want a reading rec? This is one of the best books I’ve read in a while. Will make you want to travel/eat good food/cry/call your parents. I also read this book…the first half is a walk down meme-memory lane and the second half is an emotional wallop. I think I am grieving life before and the strange middle times we just had. So recently, sad books with strong endings have been feeling appropriate.

Fascinating discourse on the genesis of Hot Cheetos. “This guy should run for office if he’s that good at fooling everyone.” Damn. Fake it ’til you make it I guess?

I am currently obsessed with Human Design. I’m a Generator. What are you? This TikTok lady is an excellent source once you find out.

Goose just came out with a new nightgown style! This one is inspired by Madeline. Yes, the little red haired French girl. I already own the Amy (Little Women-inspired) and it is the perfect post-shower/bath ensemble.

I love this meatball recipe. I love meatballs in general, but this one is extra tasty and a snap to make. I came home from a pilates class and whipped this up in 10 min, popped it in the oven, showered and by the time I came out it was done.

I want this frikkin tennis skirt!!!!! Why is it ALWAYS out of stock!!

This white bean pesto recipe looks so damn good. Imagine it on toast?? Ffff mm.

Did you listen to Sour yet? I know I told you to stream it at the top of this link pack but I just kind of assumed you would go do it immediately. What is your favorite song??? I want to scrawl the lyrics to “brutal” all over my personal property HOWEVER my Cancer sun and rising signs have forced me to play “traitor” on one endless loop, simply to feel validated by this line:

“Ain’t it funny, remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?”

Until the next time girlbosses!

gaslight, gatekeep, green M&M

L

Things That Are Gone & Never Coming Back

Taking stock of my life and the things that are no longer a part of it, in the year and some change since the global pandemic began.

As per usual, all thoughts and feelings are my own and I would never claim to be speaking on a global perspective or even a city-wide one. I am also not an expert on anything besides my own human interactions and experiences.

Even then, I am barely an expert.

The only thing I am probably an expert on is crying at work and (maybe) the Jonas Brothers.

Things In My Life That Are Gone & (Likely) Never Coming Back

The blissful years of my life I had never heard of the word “cheugy”

Grocery store salad bars

Trusting the person blowing out the candles on their cake before I eat any of it

Letting strangers kiss me on the mouth (or anywhere else)

Not being icked out by movie theatre seats

Feeling comfortable in jeans (for a multitude of reasons)

Shaving my legs/armpits/arms/toes/the strip of hair under my belly button

Eating out of a shared bowl of chips at a party and/or funeral

My Facebook and Twitter accounts

Any love I had for James Franco

Being able to sleep without my midnight snack: melatonin gummies

Group hot yoga

Believing “it’s just allergies”

Some of my friendships (okay, a lot of my friendships actually)

Stimulus checks

Airbnbs

Being able to say I’ve never seen an episode of Frasier

Not spending 4 hours at a time on TikTok

All of the high heels I sold to Buffalo Exchange

My attention span

Some family members bc death

Vitality

Like probably most people you’ve ever met (whether you know it or not), I too struggle with mental health issues.

Although I am incredibly happy for the people who have said that 2020 and the slow beginnings of 2021 have been “the best year of their lives,” I do not feel this way. Maybe I am fooling myself, but I feel like most people do not feel this way? And the people who are saying this are people who extremely needed a break from something in their lives and used this time where the world slowed down to take it.

For me, it was full of suffering.

JK

But actually. It sucked. My mental health has sucked. I had JUST started seeing a new therapist before the pandemic hit and before we could even get to the mashed potato brains of it all, I felt like I needed to talk about my fears with the pandemic 99% of the time before the real stuff even got addressed.

This year and a half I have felt fragile and weak and unsafe and at sea with myself.

I’ve rarely been alone.

I can’t imagine how this must have been for people who feel like I have been feeling and have been alone.

And yes, there are millions of people who have had it much, much worse.

During a recent conversation with my therapist, we discussed finding vitality in everyday life and what it means— or could mean, to me.

For all the time that I have spent feeling like I was actively breaking apart, I want to find resilience again in the dawn of….something. I want my post-pandemic world independence to be focused on activities that do not drain me but rather fill me with strength.

I just googled the definition of “vitality.”

It means: the state of being strong and active; energy.

Similarly: the power giving continuance of life, present in all living things.

My therapist gave me an example from her own life. She said that having a cup of coffee with milk every morning gives her a sense of vitality.

My two coffees-a-day habit has had me feeling extra jittery as of late and after a recent doctor’s visit, I was advised to no longer consume dairy! So there goes that example.

But I digress.

At the risk of sounding like that “every day I put on my silly little outfit and do my silly little tasks” meme, here are the things that give me a sense of vitality:

(Editor’s note: most of these things sound simple but I don’t think things that give you a sense of strength and energy necessarily need to always be hard. Also, everyone’s can be different. These thoughts are my own.)

  • Being prepared. Nothing fills me with a greater sense of self care than having a jacket in the car for when it’s cold, sunscreen on my body whenever I step outside of my house, tampons at the ready in my bathroom at LEAST a week before. Showing myself love like this makes me feel strong.
  • Walking in the sun. I feel healthy and good when I am outside taking steps in the daylight.
  • Having clean sheets and pillow cases on the bed every week.
  • Going to yoga on the beach every Saturday. It hit me the third week of going how much I love this weekly activity and how much it replenishes my spirit. I was in a pose where my heart was cracked open towards the water and I couldn’t help but think of the Kurt Vonnegut quote, “if this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
  • Doing my makeup. I am not a woman who feels better bare-faced. Surviving a global pandemic did not change this. I don’t hate my face. I love my face! Painting it with makeup feels like appreciating it. It’s like putting the “Happy Birthday” icing on a cake to me. The ritual application of products with brushes is also soooo soothing.
  • Reading in the morning instead of looking at my phone.
  • Cooking my boyfriend and I a nice dinner. This makes me feel cozy and good. However, sometimes I am too tired to cook. So, I am learning to appreciate the days where I feel up to this.
  • Traveling by myself. I have been writing little iPhone notes to myself with trip ideas. Last night I decided that this fall I want to go leaf-peeping on the east coast and stay in a cozy little hotel. In my future visions I am wearing a down vest and a flannel. I know this might seem silly. I told my boyfriend about it and he laughed. I used to travel all the time and it made me feel independent and whole. Once upon a time, in another life, someone very close to me made the keen observation that I don’t like staying put for very long. I have a curiosity for the world around me. I think part of the reason I have felt so stir-crazy is because I have been physically confined to Los Angeles and not allowed myself to travel (and for good reason! it’s not like I was denying myself cross country trips just for fun). But in the coming months/years/decades/whatever, traveling more is something I know will give me hope/energy.

I am sure there are more tiny little things like this that make me feel strong. Things that throughout my days hopefully I will notice and realize that they contribute to my soul’s growing resilience.

I want to close this by saying, it is okay to feel weak sometimes. It is okay to feel unmoored. You are still strong. Find little things that anchor you. Find small joys in every day life that contribute to your sense of well-being and vitality.

You can do it.

I trust you.

xx

I Deleted The Facebook Account I’ve Had For Over Half My Life

When I joined Facebook in 2007, I was 13. I was in the 8th grade.

This was back when someone attending high school or college had to approve your entry. I have no idea when they stopped doing that, but it was a real thing that you used to have to do. I had a friend in 9th grade who approved me.

I don’t really remember why I wanted to join Facebook, I already had a Myspace. But I joined it.

14 years later (a.k.a February 19 at 12:40 P.M. today), I deleted it.

I am currently sitting here, sorting through my anxiety feelings.

It’s not like I ever go on it. I probably haven’t been an “avid” Facebook user since I posted all those photos from my senior year study abroad. I mostly use Facebook to log in to the Shake Shack app and Spotify. Facebook is how I confirm that someone got married or died or how I find dining room furniture at a discount price. It’s where your elderly relatives wish you happy birthday. It’s not Instagram (even though Facebook owns IG). I haven’t posted a photo of myself to Facebook since 2017.

But I have had Facebook in my life longer than I have without it. It’s a place where photos of me in braces exist, photos where I am wearing a sequined shirt and singing with my fellow sparkly show choir friends. Facebook is where you can find the first photos of me in my navy and tan high school uniform, awkward photos of me performing on cheer squad and oh my god “group bonding” on Kairos.

My Facebook is a graveyard for statuses that in hind-sight were so unbelievably cringe-y, I am going to need a medical professional to come over and lower my shoulders. My Facebook is an archive of messages and posts to friends and crushes that make me wish I could go back in time and teach little me about boundaries!

I made groups like “Spring Awakening Runs My Life” and “I Want All The Jonas Brothers To Lick Me” because I thought Facebook groups were just like Neopets guilds—which holy shit, I hope my Neopets account isn’t still online.

To be totally honest, my Facebook account is also a place with a lot of fucking trauma.

For me, my account holds the memory of my high school sexual assault and its social aftermath. Feeling incredibly lonely, trying to lose myself in a community of other weird girls online, getting mean messages, feeling like I never fit in, etc… When I look at this godforsaken social media site I think about all the people who have tried to “friend” me over the years for one reason or another and sometimes I feel rage. How dare you find me. How dare you request to be my friend?? Don’t you remember what you said and did? Followed by gaslighting myself about my own feelings. “It’s just Facebook! Who cares!”

We all exist so easily, almost thoughtlessly online. For whatever reason, the accessibility (that I have allowed) has been feeling like a giant F U to myself for a long, long time.

And I get it, I’m on Instagram. I’m on TikTok. I only recently deleted Twitter. But I have the ability to curate and share (and honestly just protect) what’s new without having the weight of 2,000 photos and posts from the 11th grade behind it. Maybe I would feel differently had it been a positive experience. But, it wasn’t and it will never be!

And that’s actually fine.

By deleting Facebook I have lost hundreds of black and white and sepia high school MacBook photo booth pics, Winter Formal shots from the year I dyed my hair brown (don’t worry I still have physical copies if you really want to see), pieces of Facebook Flair, messages with my friend Becca who died, the ability to list myself as “single” or “in a relationship” and have my followers react to it, any idea of what my fourth cousin twice-removed’s baby looks like or will look like in the future and also probably the easiest way to log in to my Everlane account.

But it’s all worth it, because I also feel pretty fucking free.

I am letting go of something that no longer serves me.

I wish that I could have made this post about how Facebook is evil and stealing my privacy or something. But I have already uploaded multiple photos of myself to that one app that makes you look like a boy or old. Plus, I think I might have shared my social security number on Neopets many years ago.

So unfortunately for you, this is just about me, breaking the link on an invisible chain that has been causing me mental anguish for no reason other than, it just has. For a while.

If you’ve been thinking of deleting, I say do it! It takes about 30 seconds of your life. It might be a little scary at first or it might feel like nothing. Maybe it will feel like both.

I FULLY RECOGNIZE THAT SOME PEOPLE READING THIS CAN’T QUIT FACEBOOK BECAUSE OF THEIR JOB.

BUT THIS IS NOT ME TELLING YOU THAT YOU SHOULD DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT!

THIS IS ALSO NOT ME TELLING YOU NOT TO LIKE FACEBOOK.

LIKE IT! LOVE IT! MARRY IT!

I am not even saying that social media is evil. I love social media!

I put this out here because I DO have a need to chronicle my tiny existence. Who knows! Maybe in another 14 years this will seem deeply embarrassing and I will delete it and write a piece about how my blog was full of trauma and embarrassing twenties-something stuff for Mars Magazine (this is assuming we all move to Mars at some point).

But I am also putting this out there on the off chance that maybe someone can relate. Maybe you already deleted for a similar reason and you read this and you feel validated for your choices. Or you want to delete but you’re worried about what it’s going to be like and you want to see if I have dissolved into nothingness because of it.

Well.

Right now, it is 2:35 P.M.

I told my boyfriend I deleted and he seemed surprised but not shocked. I did not fall off the face of the Earth. My grandpa’s cousin who wishes me Happy Birthday every year on Facebook stills knows that I exist. In the past two hours I have not had the burning need to access those high school rally pics I took in 2009. I still feel a little anxious, but that’s because I’m never totally not.

So don’t worry. There is life after Facebook.

Plus, you can still find me on Instagram!

Unless you’re blocked.

xx

L

Link Pack Friday, Friday, Gotta Get Down on Friday

Hello and good morning it is 3 P.M.!

Today I woke up and felt ,,,,, not so great mentally,,, so I decided to treat my brain like a friend and devote my day to doing things I like.

It was supposed to rain this morning but it ended up being gorgeous outside. I took a little walk in the sunshine and picked up an almond milk triple-shot latte and a slice of red velvet cake at Starbucks. I got home, put on my favorite podcast and did some work. Then I did some pilates with a really fun Blogilates video and after took a shower and used every single luxurious product I own.

Now we are here and I honestly feel better.

I know it’s not always as easy as this. I can’t ignore the thick coat of depression and anxiety we’re all under thanks to a global pandemic, shady/shitty/just plain bad politics, systemic racism, the U.S. COVID response/vaccine distribution disaster, every small business and restaurant we know and love closing because our government failed to provide monetary relief, wide-spread death, etc…

But on the personal level of just me, and just my OCD-addled brain, I am choosing to celebrate that today it was not so hard to turn one thing around.

ANYWAY ! LINKS !

So my order of the new Parade seamless underwear came and I am thriving. I can’t stand underpants with any sort of elastic against my skin and these are truly buttery soft and won’t just slide down your butt like most seamless pairs do. 10/10 recommend. I really love the grass green and the sky blue colors in the brief and hip-hugger styles. If you’re thinking about getting a pair (or a few) use my code lily-d26 for a free pair!

It’s the Lunar New Year! Here are some traditions and taboos you should know about.

Hate crimes fueled by anti-Asian racism have risen by 1,900% in New York after the start of the pandemic. There have recently also been a string of violent attacks on the Asian community in Northern California. Want to help? Fight Asian-targeted (and all) racism by calling it out when you hear it, reporting it, and donating to the people and communities it causes harm to.

I made the TikTok pasta. How was it? I really liked it. It was sort of like a feta mac-n-cheese. I also used gluten-free pasta which I think helped the heavy dish feel a little lighter. My notes? Use garlic powder not actual garlic and add scallions to the tomatoes while you roast them. Mix spinach in with the dish once you start combining it with the pasta for some added greens. If you haven’t made it yet and your main worry is that you won’t like it because you think it’s a lot of cheese, it is. This is probably a skip for you then.

I really need some new dishtowels. I think these are pretty. These are cool too.

So people can see my face when I’m on a Zoom in my cave-like living room (god I hate this WFH existence) I purchased a ring light. This ring light to be exact! It plugs into the wall (my laptop does not have any USB outlets,,,,thanks Apple), has adjustable tri-pod legs, a holder for your phone (in case my beauty vlogging career takes off I guess), three different light settings AND makes it so my boss can see me scowling during the 10 A.M.

Why do I love these smiley nails? @ Color Camp please make neon green ones with frowny faces.

Dan and I are doing fondue for Valentine’s Day! We’re doing a meat, a cheese and a chocolate. I found some inspiration for things to dip here. I already know what Dan got me (because I asked for it and sent him a link lmao).

We made these Trader Joe’s mac & cheese bites for the Super Bowl and they were the hit of our 4-person pod feast.

I have NOT been able to stop fantasizing about these shoes ever since I saw them on my favorite TikToker….GlitterParis!!

Most days I feel exactly like this:

Can’t think of a gift for your BFF or S/O? Might I suggest….

Anyway, my wet hair has dried into a triangle and I must go burn it into submission with various heated tools!

xoxo

What I’ve Cooked in My Air Fryer & What Actually Works

When I received an air fryer over the holidays, my boyfriend thought that I had been gifted a deep fryer. I think he assumed I would be making things such as french fries, corn dogs, fried Oreos, etc …

Alas, I am yet to receive that type of power.

An air fryer is similar to a tiny convection oven. The device bakes and roasts (like an oven) but its final result mimics that of a deep fryer. You get crunchy-crispy goodness, but you don’t have to use a shit-ton (or ANY!) oil.

While I have yet to make any fried candy bars, I have made a bunch of meat and vegetable dishes in my air fryer.

If you came here to read about making french fries, I am sorry to disappoint — I haven’t tried those yet but I s2g they are on my list!!

THIS IS WHAT I HAD MADE SO FAR:

SALMON

I normally bake my salmon in an oven. It is a no-muss, no-fuss way of getting the job done. I hate touching raw fish and baking it in a glass pan usually equals minimal touching.

HOWEVER!!! I never get a delicious flaky-crunchy top that way, and I really like it when salmon is like that— especially if I am having it on salad or with a lot of vegetables. I was told that cooking salmon in an air fryer gets you that result, I decided to attempt Skinnytaste’s air fryer blackened salmon with cucumber-avocado salsa.

The recipe says: “Cook until the fish flakes easily with a fork, 5 to 7 minutes, depending on the thickness of the fish.”

Perhaps I chose a THICC cut of salmon….but after 7 minutes my fish was still very raw? I popped that bb back in for another 7 minutes, when it beeped, tested it with a meat thermometer (my kitchen must-have) and then only after seeing that it was at an internal temp where it could be consumed without causing bodily harm, pronounced it done.

The top was crispy and well-seasoned (the Skinnytaste recipe’s seasoning mix was v good) and the center was cooked (although perhaps a tad over-done). I have cooked salmon in an air fryer since then (for a total of 12 minutes at 400º) and had much better, less stress-inducing results.

HOWEVER!! You think your apartment stinks after you cook fish in an oven? WHEEE! Get ready for it to be way worse!! Stink city bb!! Also, is there a way to prep your air fryer so the fish won’t stick to it or no? I had to touch (cooked) fish stuck on bits when I was trying to clean my device and that was gross! ALSO no matter how much I have scrubbed since, I feel the scent of salmon still lingers in my air fryer. I am not entirely a fan.

8/10 for taste……..4/10 for experience

CHICKEN NUGGETS

If you have an air fryer, you need to make chicken nuggets. They can be real chicken nuggets, gluten-free nuggets, naked nuggets, soy nuggets, whatever you want them to be. But just go make them.

RIGHT NOW!!!

Never in my life have I made such perfectly crispy nuggets. Not since the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru have I been blessed with such crunchy, crispy, golden PERFECTION!

Here is how to do it: Pre-heat your air fryer to 400º. When that’s done, dump in your nuggets. Cook for 5 min at 400º. Once they beep, shake them in the pan so they flip over. Cook for another 5 mins.

I am dead ass serious!!!! This is nugget bliss!! AND SO EASY!!

Now if only I had saved all those extra Chick-Fil-A sauces 😦

10/10 for taste……10/10 experience!

BRUSSELS SPROUTS

What I have learned about air fryer recipes from the internet is that they are semi-trial and error. I mean that’s a lot of recipes, but I find it to be especially true for those involving an this particular device.

When done correctly, an air fryer will produce potato chip-like brussels that you won’t want to stop popping in your mouth.

However, oven-baked brussels caramelize in a low-and-slow way an air fryer won’t. Oven-baking also allows your sprouts time to really soak in your seasonings. Sure, air fryer brussles will have a few crisp, tasty leaves, but the entire sprout (at least in my experience) has not been as flavorful as say….olive oil drizzled sprouts, sprinkled with sea salt, black pepper, rosemary and a little garlic in a 425º oven.

But here is how I have made good air fryer sprouts:

Halve or quarter your sprouts (depending on size). In a mixing bowl, toss them with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and a bit of salt and pepper. Preheat for 400º, dump them in your air fryer. Cook for 7 min at the same temp. Take them out, give the air fryer basket a shake, then cook for another 5 min at 400º. If you like them extra salty, add another pinch of salt.

8/10 for taste……8/10 experience

TOFU

I am not a tofu wiz but cooking your tofu in an air fryer feels like a really good hack! I have never successfully pan-fried tofu. I always use too much oil or just straight up burn the tofu. BUT HERE IS WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO TO MAKE IT EXCELLENT SO YOU CAN ENJOY A BAHN MI OR RICE BOWL OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU WANT TO MAKE WITH TOFU.

Step 1 is go to Trader Joe’s. They have a Sriracha tofu that you should buy. I like it. If you don’t like spicy, they have a plain version but then why are you buying tofu from Trader Joe’s if you’re not going to get the obnoxious flavored kind? Go to Ralph’s (Kroger/Jewel/Ask your local pizza rat) or something.

Step 2!! Preheat the air fryer to 400º. While it’s heating up, cut your tofu into a way that makes sense for you. If you’re putting it on a sandwich, I would recommend long strips. If you are eating it in a rice bowl, burrito, salad or whatever else, I recommend making cubes.

Step 3 – if you are going to add seasoning to it, now is the time to do that. I am not going to tell you what to do … I got the Sriracha tofu.

Step 4: Dump your strips/cubes into the air fryer. Cook for 5 min at 400º. Give it a little shake after the first timer goes off and then repeat!

CRISPY DELICIOUSNESS!

10/10 for taste…..10/10 for experience!

BAGEL

Full disclosure, I saw someone attempt this on TikTok before I tried it. Their bagel looked gorgeously golden brown!

I did not have a regular bagel, but I DID have a bagel thin.

This was my first and final mistake.

I put it in the air fryer at 350º for 4 minutes.

Basically, I made a cracker?

It was edible but it was…..not a bagel/sort of burned!!

2/10 for taste…….0/10 for experience!!!!

GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH WITH AN EGG IN THE MIDDLE

Another one that I saw on social media, this time from Instagram! The original poster made a grilled cheese sandwich. It was breakfast time for me, and I added an egg. So sue me!!!!!!

I preheated my air fryer to 400º.

I buttered the sides of my bread that would be touching the air fryer. I placed one piece of bread butter-side down, topped it with cheese and cracked an egg (which mercifully stayed in place).

I let it cook for 5 minutes on that side and when it was done, I placed my other piece of bread (butter side UP) on to the sandwich and cooked for another 5 minutes at 400º.

IT LOOKED GORGEOUS! The bread wasn’t burnt (prob because it wasn’t a bagel thin) and the butter and cheese and egg had kept the bread moist enough to not dry out too much. BUT I forgot one crucial step. I did not flip the sandwich in the fryer!! The bread on the bottom was a soggy mess as it had never fried and bore the weight of all that dairy.

The worst part is, I didn’t realize it until I had it in my hands, ready to eat.

I want to attempt this one again. I am not a fan of mushy bread.

7/10 for taste …… 4/10 for experience

If you’ve made it to the bottom and you’re wondering what sort of air fryer I have my grubby mitts on, it’s this one.

I am still learning how to do things with it (clearly) but it has been an overall enjoyable experience so far. Please do not confuse this device with an Instant Pot. That is a pressure cooker. Allegedly, pressure cookers can cook a chicken but can also make yogurt (?). I don’t know much about it, other than I once had a boyfriend who was a lawyer and he was representing someone who had been badly burned after their pressure cooker (I don’t remember if it was Instant Pot?) exploded. He made me promise never to purchase one. I am afraid of explosions and also burns so I will likely keep this promise for the rest of my life!!

thanks for reading

xx

A Saturday Link Pack (Because Why Not?)

Hello from gloomy LA, where it has been raining since 9 a.m.

Since waking, I have consumed two Dunkin’ donuts and an iced toasted-almond triple-shot almond milk latte. So, my body is 97% sugar.

That means I am in the mood to shop!

Since we can’t go anywhere or do anything (it is day 327 of the pandemic), I am putting this sugar-high to good use by building you an awesome link pack!!

Today’s pack will be full of things to buy, stories to read, recipes to try? (I am so tired of cooking), TikToks, podcast recs, random chit….I don’t even know. I am just typing out an intro.

After this goes live, I will now have posted 2 shopping pieces in a row. Is that too many? Do you hate it? Do you love it?

Lmk (also idc!!!!)

Enjoy!

Have you been watching Bling Empire on Netflix? It’s so good. If you’re as entranced by Anna Shay as I am, read this Town & Country profile on her life. She once managed a Salsa band and literally learned what a Target store is 2 years ago!!!

Speaking of Tarjayyyy, I wore a very 90’s sweater on my Instagram story yesterday and got a bunch of DMs about it. It’s from Target!

This is my new favorite beauty/skincare podcast. It’s called Natch Beaut. Start with the Caroline Moss (of my other fave pod, Gee, Thanks! Just Bought It) episode for a lot of laughs and some good cruelty-free product recs. Listen here.

One of the recs was for Chemist Confessions. This skincare brand is owned by two WOC chemists, who both used to work for “a beauty conglomerate”  (idk which one but 👀 👀 👀). They are now focused on making products that are transparent about ingredients and how those ingredients work on your skin. I am trying their Baby Steps Exfoliation Treatment and I ordered a sample pack of their moisturizers (which cost $0!).

I don’t want to rub my face the wrong way (aka try too many exfoliants at once), but this influencer I follow is using the new NudeStix micro-peel and it looks so pretty in her medicine cabinet. Very MILK vegan moisturizer neon packaging vibes. It also has really good reviews AND it’s cruelty-free.

Selena, Selena, SELENA! If you are my friend IRL, then you know I feel like Selena Gomez might be my wife. I love her. I don’t know why it took me so long to start trying products from her beauty line, Rare Beauty. Rare Beauty’s Stay Vulnerable Melting Cream Blush is EVERYTHING. Like noah fence, but I might be throwing away my Glossier? The color of these cream blushes is a lot softer than her previously released Soft Pinch Liquid Blush, and the application is apply-with-your-fingers-fool-proof. Plus, it’s cruelty-free! Are you sensing a theme? I own the shade “Nearly Apricot” but when my next paycheck hits, I have my eye on “Nearly Mauve.”

I really want some new bed sheets. I love these rose quartz-colored ones from Urban Outfitters. Of course, Amazon has a much cheaper dupe. Would love to give my precious coins to a brand that deserves it, so if you know of any more sustainable beddings brands HMU.

Why am I so into this chunky-knit blanket?? I’ve also been obsessed with this tufted throw forever and now UO is selling it in a very cool Chartreuse. Or is green over with in 2021?

This is your reminder to go for walks outside (with a mask on), drink lots of water, do yoga at home after work, and take breaks from screens!!

Can I convince my boyfriend to order pizza for dinner? Dan if you are reading this pls don’t say no.

These are my new favorite Uggs.

Find me riding out the rest of the pandemic this summer here… or here…. or maybe even here (if I suddenly become very rich).

MARK YOUR CALS FOR FEB. 12!! NADIYA BAKES!! PEAK COZY BAKING SHOW GOODNESS!

These super high-rise Everlane jeans will give you an amazing butt (even if you don’t have one). They run a teense big. I sized down.

Chicago is doing indoor-dining again and that scares the fuck out of me tbh!

This TikTok compilation of the best Olivia-Joshua-Sabrina tweets is very LOL for those who know the drama.

Can’t sleep? These are the best melatonin gummies. You can find them at Target. I would eat them by the fistful if they weren’t designed to make me pass out.

Speaking of crashing, I feel the sugar leaving my body. Gonna go hydrate with a bunch of water. If you liked my link pack, bought anything, have comments, questions or concerns, LMK on Instagram. Send me a DM. Put it on your story. At least give me a follow!!

xo

The Best Things I Have Purchased At Erewhon

Erewhon is a grocery store in Los Angeles for crazy people. Not just crazy people, crazy rich people. Sometimes I delude myself into thinking that I can shop there. These are some of my favorite purchases!

All of the Juices

I am a juice girl. Please say nothing to me about the sugar content of juice. I am ignoring you. I am too busy turning my tongue green, chugging a concoction of chard, dandelion, cucumber and moss. I love drinks that taste like dirt. I also love drinks that taste like citrus. Erewhon has all of that! And more (check out their Strawberry almond milk. Omg so good)! If you ever go to Erewhon, buy a juice. You will be like “$9??? For this??” Yes. For that.

You came here! Now pay the troll toll.

Erewhon Hand Sanitizer

THIS SMELLS SO F*CKING GOOD. As someone with a hand sanitizer for my entry way, purse, and car, I need a variety of scents. Otherwise, all I smell is Purell-alcohol and I feel sick. This is my favorite hand sanitizer for the car (I also keep like 3 Kreation sanitizers stashed in there as well, but tbh those smell like ass). Erewhon’s sanitizer smells like sandalwood and lavender and lemon and probably Kourtney Kardashian (notorious Erewhon shopper).

It by no means replaces hand washing— it’s not even my hand sanitizer with the highest alcohol content! But it is the nicest, best-smelling way to remind myself that everything is germ-y and terrifying and that I should not touch my face. Plus, it makes my car smell so good after I’ve sprayed.

Zab’s Hot Sauce St. Augustine Style

Okay, so I originally saw this hot sauce on an influencer’s IG story (itsmetinx), but I trust her taste in pretty much everything. First of all, the bottle is so cute. I love the little fire-breathing blue dog(?) (fox?) on it. It’s described as having a slow-burning heat, but the hot sauce itself is vaguely fruity, with a little bit of spice. I like to use this on rice and beans, avocado, chicken, sweet potatoes, etc, for a little bit of sweet heat.

Wylde One Yoga in a Cup

I had a really strong Four Sigmatic phase, and I still gravitate toward anything made with mushrooms. Yoga in a Cup is a blend of chill-inducing reishi mushrooms and Ashwagandha. It tastes a bit like chai tea, especially when you mix it with a little almond or oat milk. As someone who has tried many mushroom elixirs, this one makes me feel the most mellow. I recommend sipping on some while you take a candle-lit bath or watch TV.

Deux Enhanced Cookie Dough

You’re either a person who wishes they could eat cookie dough with a spoon, or you’re not. If you’re not, please get off my site. I don’t need that kind of negativity here. This vegan, gluten-free, immunity or beauty-boosting (depending on what flavor you pick) dessert is…..perfection? It tastes like luxury. It’s a PMS cure. My personal fave is the chocolate chip flavor but the brownie batter is also divine. Why can’t all my immunity/collagen/protein ish be given to me in cookie dough form???

Matzo Ball Soup

All of Erewhon’s soups are good, but if you like and regularly enjoy matzo ball soup, then you know the struggle of finding good supermarket MBS (matzo ball soup) is hard. Is Erewhon’s like your Bubbe makes? No. But it is a revelation!!! The matzo balls are light and herby. The broth is as drinkable as your favorite tea. There are BIG chunks of juicy chicken, vibrant carrot and celery in there! Where Gelson’s and Bristol Farms MBS fails, Erewhon EXCEEDS. These soups come in mason jars and my favorite thing that I have ever done is turn my Erewhon soup jug into an iced coffee …jug? cup? I never have to make a second coffee this way. It holds so much.

Joolies

If you like dates and don’t want to risk getting Covid at a farmer’s market, buy these. Put them in a salad. Put them in a smoothie. Eat them as a snack. Trust me. You’re welcome.

Iwon Organics Spicy Sweet Pepper Protein Stix

Apparently, Hot Cheetos are bad for you. I know, I was shocked too. But now I am on the hunt for a spicy, crunchy snack dupe. I love my Cheetys. Not because of their cheese-factor but because they are spicy and I like it when my mouth gets a little numb. These are nicely spiced! Not to mention non-GMO, soy-free, gluten-free, vegan and made with plant-based ingredients. However, they do not turn your fingers that lovely shade of red-orange.

I really like these but I am still on the hunt for something that really makes my mouth sweat. (Gross!)

Health Essential Candle Frankincense-Myrrh Luxury Glass

There is something truly unhinged about being in a grocery store and seeing an 8 ounce candle that retails for $23.99 and deciding, I’m going to get that! But let me tell you, IT IS WORTH IT. Is it a financially smart decision? No. But is shopping at Erewhon a financially smart decision anyway? Also probably no!!! Some days demand expensive candles (a lie I am telling myself and you, sorry) because you feel like the world is burning and the only thing you can control is what scent you want your bedroom to be.

This candle smells like a very expensive mom. Imagine you are the small child of wealthy parents, and you’re living in a mansion. You have wandered away from your nanny to go hide in to your mother’s walk-in closet. You are letting the sleeves of her cashmere sweaters tickle your face as you hide behind them. The cool silk of her skirts is brushing lightly against your knees. It smells like safety. It smells like fancy lady perfume. That is this candle!!!!!!!

Honorable Mention: The Salad and Hot Bar/Prepared Foods

I mean technically it’s not a salad or hot bar anymore because you can’t serve yourself. However, they offer a bunch of salads and hot food options pre-packed in individual servings, that were once a part of their salad and hot bar. My faves are their asian chicken salad, macrobiotic salad (which is less salad and more vegetables and rice and beans) and their kelp noodle salad. V good chicken, falafel, salmon and veggie sides.

Skip the sushi. It’s eh.

xo

Things I’ve Been Doing Instead of Drinking

I’m just going to start by saying, I really want a glass of wine right now.

I’ve paused Real Housewives of Salt Lake City to write this (because inspiration rarely strikes at convenient times), and normally I would be watching all the drama go down accompanied by a nice glass of red (or white) (or rosé).

But no.

I am doing Dry January, which I sometimes also call “Dryanuary.”

Never has the urge to drink in daily life been stronger. We are living through a global pandemic, a bunch of fuckwits stormed the Capitol, Harry Styles is dating Olivia Wilde, Tr*mp was impeached again, Armie Hammer wants to eat people, we still have to do our jobs, I haven’t had eye lash extensions since last March, every single restaurant we know and love is closing for good, I haven’t seen my friend group since last year and I think they all probably hate me because of it, I can’t stop crying because of that song “drivers license” AND I missed a dental appointment so they are billing me $125!

I!

WANT!

A!

DRINK!

But,,,,, if I am being honest with myself, and with you — mom, the only person who still reads this site anymore — I was drinking more often than I liked.

I would like to note that in pre-pandemic life, drinking was also a social activity. Rarely did I drink alone.

I miss cozying up between friends and strangers at the bar, gabbing about work, ordering apps, bonding hard over a second glass of something. I miss everyone in various stages of hair and makeup while the most ready person fixes drinks. I miss getting a little buzz and hitting the dance floor.

I really fucking miss blasting Taylor Swift in my ear pods, drunk in the Uber and on the way home.

During pandemic life, I live with my boyfriend so if I am not drinking with him then I am drinking alone.

Drinking by yourself is fun if you’re in the bath or cooking dinner. I have found that it is less fun when you are doom scrolling through Twitter or seeing photos of people on Instagram in M*GA hats, wearing shirts that say “6 MILLION MORE.”

So new year new me, even though I haven’t had a hair cut in ages.

No drinking. Also I deleted my Twitter.

So what have I been doing for the past 14 days? LET ME TELL YOU!!!!!!

I have been drinking a lot of tea and non-alcoholic kombucha. Tea is nice because it makes you feel cozy and sleepy. Kombucha is nice, because it tastes like juice and it is especially nice to drink when it is icy cold.

I have been working out. I started doing Blogilates routines because this influencer that I follow did Blogilates last year and she had the most amazing butt.

I have had discussions with people — both negative and positive — about Dryanuary. I have found that some people who typically don’t drink, like to use your month-long resolution as an excuse to remind you that they aren’t like you and that they don’t feel the need to do this. It has been an opportunity to both practice and lose your patience!

I have also had some encouraging conversations too.

I have been on walks. I have taken baths. I have tried reading books. I cooked more meals. I online shopped. I called my parents. I called my therapist. I have been doing yoga for my upper back and I have read through all my old text messages, even the ones that cause me to hurt.

And to be honest, I don’t feel that different. I still have anxiety. I still have depression. I still have OCD. I still feel like whyyyyyy is this happening? But I didn’t expect to quit drinking and have everything magically change for me.

This is/was an exercise in breaking a bad habit for me. It was never about making a permanent change. Like most of us who resolve to do better because the Earth has successfully completed another spin around the sun, I wanted to kick off the first day, week, month in way that inspired future physical and mental health.

It has only been two weeks but my face feels less puffy and I am sleeping better — both things I will remember once January fades into whatever the hell we are headed towards.

But I don’t feel mentally amazing. And how could I expect to? I am thankful for so many things in my life, but the world (especially America rn) pretty much sucks! It’s not like drinking ever deluded me into think it wouldn’t, or that it could ever stop the pain of being robbed of an entire year of life.

Maybe one day I will quit drinking totally. I probably should, this audio book about alcoholism that I am listening to is scaring the crap out of me. Plus, because I drink for pleasure I like to drink things that taste nice and those things tend to be a little $$.

But until then, I will continue to have tea, paint my nails, call my mom, water my plants, take self-inventory of my feelings and try to enjoy the rest of this month (where I have spent all my money on $$ health snacks).

When it’s over, maybe I’ll celebrate with a kombucha.

xo

LL

The Zodiac Signs As Quarantine Snacks

Did I do this already? I don’t remember. Doing it again!

ARIES

Iced Coffee

You love to start your day by absolutely ruining your empty stomach with a large iced coffee. Then, when it’s well past lunch and you still haven’t eaten, you get a second one!

TAURUS

Leftover holiday candy

You survived off of mini-Snickers bars and packets of M&M’s from Halloween to Dec. 1. Thankfully, your Reeses cups don’t taste too much like the Lush bath bombs your mom put in your Christmas stocking.

GEMINI

Any Kind of Chips

You love that CRONCH!! Potato, tortilla, even pita. Just be sure to brush those crumbs out of your bed in between episodes of Bridgerton.

CANCER

Microwave Quesadilla

Every quarantine snack pretty much doubles as a depression meal, but nothing says I HAVE GIVEN UP ON MY LIFE PLEASE LET ME SLEEP FOREVER quite like a nuked tortilla with a few slices of Kraft American cheese.

LEO

Bell Peppers + Cream Cheese + Hot Cheetos/Takis

You’ve been watching a lot of TikTok and this seemed like a fun snack to try. Now you’re really into ALL TikTok snacks, but you can’t bring yourself to try those TikTok egg salad pickle-boats just yet (thank god).

VIRGO

Charcuterie Board

No one has any control right now, but at least you do over this charcuterie board. Make a salami river! Cookie cutter a fun shape into your brie! We’re all gonna die.

LIBRA

Apple Sauce/Yogurt Pouches for Babies

We get it. You’re baby.

SCORPIO

Gabagool

Whether you are Tony Soprano or someone who took a trip to Gelson’s for hummus and left with a lot of expensive food items you didn’t really need, it is powerful to eat loose cured-meats. You can’t tell me otherwise.

SAGITTARIUS

Expensive Cookies Your Roommate Bought

Okay, THIEF!!! The next gluten-free double-chocolate chip Tate’s box is on you, I guess.

CAPRICORN

Alcohol

Drunk since March, drunker in September and now DRUNKEST in 2021! Maybe you can get a Cancer to make you a microwaved quesadilla to soak some of that up.

AQAURIUS

Fruit With Alternative Nut Butters

Isn’t it nice that someone has a nutritious coping mechanism??? You go for apples, bananas, persimmons, dates, figs, etc… all with almond, cashew, sunflower, whatever the fuck else butter!! You’re getting some good protein and fiber god damnit!

PISCES

Ice Cream

At least you’re more upfront about your need for comfort food than a lot of these other signs. Good thing it’s never too cold for ice cream — especially when you’re parked in front of your space heater.

How to Make Eggs

I recently watched a TikTok where a girl was sobbing about how “it” never ends. She panned to piles of dirty laundry and a sink full of dishes.

The video was duet-ed by a woman who explained that “care” never ends. You will always have laundry to do, dishes to clean, bookshelves to dust, etc. She explained that your level of “care” fluctuates, depending on what you have going on in your life.

A really important “care” thing for me is knowing how to make food. Sure, sometimes care looks like Postmating Thai food, but the need to nourish your body never ends and money does (otherwise I would be ordering Thai food for every meal for the rest of my life). That’s where cooking comes in.

I didn’t realize how few of my friends knew how to boil or fry an egg until quarantine began. Please believe me when I tell you that I had three different people text me about this.

A desire to learn is worthy of applause, as is a desire to care for oneself.

If you are a person with access to a kitchen with a stove, have a frying pan and a small pot, and want to learn to cook eggs for yourself but never learned how, THIS IS FOR YOU!!!

I promise, this is all easy as hell. Even if you’ve never done it before.

Plus, you’re not just learning how to hard boil an egg, you’re half of the way to making egg salad or a breakfast sandwich or a pasta topping.

HOW TO MAKE A HARD BOILED EGG

There are two ways of doing this, but I’m going to teach you the way my grandma taught me, which I think is the easiest. You will need a pot, so something with tall sides that can hold a lot of water, a spoon, some water and then as many eggs as you want to make.

  1. Fill a small pot with water and set it on a stove burner at a high heat.
  2. Bring your pot of water to a boil on the stove. You will know it is boiling when the water is bubbling.
  3. Take your spoon and gently put an egg on it and place the egg into the boiling water. Do this GENTLY. You’re trying not to crack the egg.
  4. Take the spoon out
  5. Set a timer on your phone for 8 minutes (if you like your egg yolk to be a little runny) or 9 minutes (for a firmer egg).
  6. DO NOT TOUCH THE WATER LET IT KEEP BOILING
  7. When the timer goes off, TURN OFF THE WATER.
  8. Take your spoon and scoop the egg out of the pot. You can either leave it on the counter to cool or run it under cold sink water (while it balances on the spoon) until it is cool enough to touch.
  9. When it is cool enough, you can peel the shell off the egg. My best advice for peeling the shell off is to 1. GET A PAPER TOWEL. 2. Put the egg on the paper towel. 3. Gently crush the egg with your palm (don’t flatten it so it explodes. Be gentle!), rolling it back and forth a little until cracks form all over. Then peel all the crunchy part off.
  10. Throw your shell away. I recommend pouring a little salt and pepper on your plate and dipping your egg into the mixture for a lil flavor.

WANT TO TURN YOUR HARD BOILED EGGS INTO EGG SALAD?

Boil and peel 4 eggs (assuming you’re making egg salad for 1 person. If you’re making it for two, I would double the amount of everything). Cut the eggs up on a plate or cutting board. It doesn’t really matter how. You could also put them all into a bowl and mash them. You do you. But you’re going to need to combine your eggs in a bowl anyway, with some mayo (I would recommend about 1/4 cup but you can eyeball it), about 1 squirt of yellow mustard, chopped up green onion, pepper, salt and paprika. Mix it all up with a fork. Voila! You just made egg salad. Put it on some toasted bread or eat it with peppers and pickles if you’re a TikToker.

HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS

My boyfriend is practically a genius, so when we started living together I was stunned to discover that he doesn’t know how to make scrambled eggs.

That, or he is completely pulling my leg and doesn’t want to make breakfast.

There are many different ways to make scrambled eggs. However, you don’t need to do it the fancy French way, or add milk or a ton of butter. All you need is two eggs (three if you’re really hungry), a small bowl, 1 fork, a frying pan, a wooden spoon or spatula and some sort of fat, like butter or olive oil.

  1. Crack your eggs into a small bowl. If you get eggshell in there, take one of the halves of the already broken shell and fish out the tiny piece that got way. Shell attracts shell. My grandma taught me that and it is probably the best piece of advice I have ever been given.
  2. Take your fork and stab the yellow yolks until they don’t look like perfect circles anymore. Then, mix the eggs together. You should be left with a yellow-y mixture.
  3. Set the bowl aside.
  4. Take your pan and set it on a stove burner. Turn the burner to medium-high heat.
  5. Let the pan get hot. You’ll know it’s hot (DON’T TOUCH IT) when you hold your hand over it, and you can feel the heat.
  6. Turn the heat down to low.
  7. Throw some butter or olive oil in there. Not a lot. If you want to use a measurement I would say 1/2 a teaspoon of olive oil or if you’re using butter, I would say use about as much as you would typically spread on toast.
  8. Spread it around the pan with your wooden spoon.
  9. Pour your egg mixture into the pan.
  10. LET IT SIT FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS.
  11. Then take your wooden spoon and make small circles. You don’t want the egg to cook in one solid circle, you’re trying to make curds by breaking them up.
  12. You will know your eggs are done when there are no longer any sort of mucus-y looking parts to it. If you are like my boyfriend and you can’t be bothered to pay attention to what that means, I would say about two minutes.
  13. Serve immediately

WANT TO MAKE BREAKFAST TACOS?

*I am in no way claiming that this is the way to make authentic tacos. It is definitely not!!*

You’re going to need any tortillas of your choice. They don’t even have to be taco-sized, you could also make this a breakfast burrito or roll-up. You’ll need cheddar cheese and hot sauce. Assuming you just made the scrambled eggs, take a clean frying pan and put it on the burner at low heat. Put your tortilla in the pan. While your tortilla heats up, sprinkle it with cheddar cheese. Wait for it to melt. If you’re feeling fancy, this is when you can add things like tomatoes, onions, jalapeños, beans, meat, etc… Then dump your scrambled eggs on top and let them get a little warmer (they likely will have cooled). Remove taco from frying pan, top with hot sauce!

HOW TO FRY AN EGG (THIS IS THE LAST ONE I PROMISE)

You’ll need an egg, a frying pan, a spatula and some sort of fat like olive oil or butter.

  1. Put your frying pan on a stove burner at high heat. Let it get hot. You’ll know it’s hot (DON’T TOUCH IT) when you hold your hand over it, and you can feel the heat.
  2. Put about a tablespoon of olive oil or butter into the pan. Can’t be bothered to measure? Cut off a big hunk of butter or make a small pool olive oil. Let the butter melt (or just leave the olive oil alone in the pan).
  3. This part is the trickiest part IMO. You need to crack the egg and put it in the pan. The simplest way to do this is to crack the egg against the pan and dump in its contents. If you are afraid of getting burned or of leaving shell in there by mistake, get a small bowl and crack the egg into there instead. Then dump the egg from the bowl into the frying pan.
  4. Yes, the oil/butter will make scary noises while it cooks the egg. Get over it tbh.
  5. You will know when one side is done because the outer edges of the egg will start to brown and turn crispy.
  6. Take your spatula and slide it under the egg. You are going to flip the egg. Yes, you can do this. There is no way to fuck it up other than to chuck the egg on the floor. Focus!! Flip the egg over so the other side can cook!!!
  7. Wow you did it.
  8. Let it sit there are like….2 to 2 1/2 minutes. Do a little longer (3 min) for a firmer yolk.
  9. TURN THE HEAT OFF.
  10. Take your spatula and take the egg out of the pan!!!! Now you can add this fried egg to a piece of toast, bowl of pasta, rice or something!!!

I don’t really have another recipe for you with this. My only advice, is that everything tastes better with a fried egg on it. Try it on pasta, pizza, a grain bowl, on some fried rice, avocado toast… honestly the sky is the limit with this one. My favorite way to eat a fried egg rn is between two halves of an english muffin with some cheddar cheese and hot sauce mmmmmmm.

ANYWAY

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. If you want to learn how to make other basic things, LMK. I can also teach you how to make harder things. Idk. I’m here!! Caring never stops! And that is okay. We can do this together.

Lately Snack Break: St. End

“Snack Break” is Lately’s interview series where we chat with people we think are interesting, for about as long as it takes you to finish your afternoon snack. Our second in the series is with St. End founder and friend of Lately, Erin Gabriel….who for the longest time, I thought was named Erin Gabe.

Erin is an internet cool girl with a natural eye for design that would make Alexa Chung blush.

The florist by-day, jewelry designer by-night is the sole force behind the accessory brand St. End, named for the latter half of your childhood “BEST FRIEND” necklace.

Whether you’re looking to rock a cow-print hair barrette, give your kid sister a beaded bracelet that says “Paul Rudd” or want to elevate your outfit with a pair of glow in the dark flower earrings, Gab(ri)e(l) is your girl.

Her brand St. End is full of bold colors, dreamy shapes and original ideas that turn your ears, wrists, and hair, into a full-on party.

You just always seem to know what looks good. Where do you think that comes from? Do you have any inspirations?

EG: First of all, thank you! I would accredit my Aquarius-ness for always having my finger on the pulse of any new style trends; it’s important for me to stay on top of the curve, or try at least. 

I also think growing up with a mother that was constantly repainting, redecorating, and tweaking the style of our home played a huge role in how attuned I am to design. She and I have always been keen on DIY projects for home decor and fashion, so I think that translates into my inspiration for starting St. End. 

So your DIY spirit is what drew you to making jewelry?

EG: I have been making my own jewelry since I was little and got my first pair of jewelry pliers and a tackle box full of beads. In high school when I couldn’t find accessories that were to my liking, I would buy cheap costume jewelry from Forever21 and reconstruct [them] to add charms or rhinestones or beads, until I had a piece of jewelry that was totally unique to me.

I used to make bracelets out of zippers and vintage beads my Grandma gifted me and sold them at art fairs. I guess I’ve always been a jewelry entrepreneur lol.

You’re so creative! You’ve made earrings in the shape of gummy worms, tombstones, bananas, mushrooms and butterfly wings! Where do you get your ideas from?

EG: When I’m designing pieces, I start by sketching ideas for shapes if I plan on working with polymer clay. This then leads to a big trial and error process where I see what color and shape combinations I like. I also use Pinterest and IG for inspiration. 

You also give your pieces these insanely good pun-based names. Where do those come from?

EG: I keep a running list of names I like or think are clever and usually end up texting my friends to see what they like best. Niche references are a big part of the St. End brand.

Your Halloween collection just dropped and it was amazing. What’s next for St. End?

EG: I really hope to get into designing molds for custom metal jewelry. I would love to have custom molds cast into finer materials like sterling silver or 14K gold.

Five years from now, I just hope I’m still designing and creating pieces that are fun and I want to wear! That’s really why I started St. End- to create jewelry that I want! I just got lucky that other people want to wear it, too.

If you could make jewelry for any celeb, who would it be? 

EG: Immediately I thought of Phoebe Bridgers since I recently made a pair of ghost earrings inspired by her Stranger in the Alps album artwork. I think I would cry if she wore a pair of my ghost earrings.

Oh, also AOC. I can picture her wearing a pair of my tiny gold hoops. I think it would be very on brand for her. I just want people to feel cool when they wear my stuff and to know that it was created with so so much love.

Honestly, that’s my favorite part of your brand. You can tell a lot of thought and care went in to every piece. It feels like you’re wearing a little piece of art. For Lately readers who haven’t shopped St. End yet, what are the essential pieces?

EG: Crushed Little Stars, Uptown Pearl, Daisy Dukes, More Cowbell, and a custom Stretchy Bracelet to finish off the look.

You can follow St. End on Instagram at: @st.end_

Saturday Link Pack

Hello!

Happy weekend! I am currently sitting on my couch, next to my boyfriend, who is depressed that I have announced that I want lip injections.

I ran an Instagram poll this week asking you all what you’d like to see more of on Lately, and many of you (the 5 people who responded) answered roundups and recipes. So on this grey LA October day, I am posting a roundup of just….shit from the internet? And a recipe or two.

Enjoy

Speaking of D*n, he LOVED this brown-butter salmon with lemon and Harissa recipe that I made the other week. It’s an Alison Roman dish and was fairly easy to make.

I have been dreaming of these press-ons from Color Camp. The orange is fall AF. If you’ve never ordered from CC, they send you a try on kit before your order ships so you can give them the exact size of your nails. The result is press-ons that actually fit and look natural. This autumn floral design is super cute too.

This is THE BEST smelling & looking candle.

Repeller (formerly Man Repeller) shut down this week, right after a relaunch that held the promise of inclusivity and would have opened the door to much-needed conversations in the fashion/beauty/lifestyle digital space. If you want details on the close, you can read about it here. If you want some insider gossip on the sitch….click here.

I’ve been eyeing these bike shorts (yes bike shorts are still a core part of my wardrobe) from Aerie. The v-seam looks ultra-flattering. Plus, they’re on sale right now for $25. They also come in legging form.

I just started using these much-hyped Japanese beauty skin cloths in the shower. They exfoliate like a mofo. 10/10 recommend.

I’ve been trying to up my fermented foods/probiotics intake, because I have severely screwed up my gut health during quarantine. I’ve been really enjoying drives to Erewhon for Kombucha Kat (and I am a person who typically doesn’t like kombucha but this stuff is really tasty). I’ve also started drinking this blackberry apple cider vinegar tea in the mornings.

You STILL need to wear SPF in the fall/winter!! Even when it’s not sunny out. Even indoors! They discontinued making my favorite one from Purito : ( right as I am squeezing out of the last drops from my bottle! I might try EltaMD next, or Solid & Striped.

Maybe I’ll wear this dress to Thanksgiving. I know it’s not even Halloween yet, but I have been dreaming of eating stuffing.

Somebody buy me these earrings.

Halloween is in 1 week! My grandmother sent me some Halloween/fall cookie cutters and I put them to good use. She even sent me a card with the sugar cookie recipe she has been making my entire life.

Albertson’s was out of purple and orange icing. Peep the pilgrim hats I tried to turn into a spooky witches hat and a fall hat for gardening.

Anyway, we saw a rat on the balcony yesterday. Tell me again why we left the valley?

xoxoxo

Lily

M*ney

I am currently saving money for a pair of shoes that don’t actually exist.

I know that I want new shoes. I mean, I always want new shoes. But after a recent closet purge at Buffalo Exchange where I made $160 selling what felt like $1,000 worth of goods, I realized I had sold a lot of my nicer pieces, including fancy shoes that I currently have no business wearing (because where the hell do I even go?), but will want to replace to wear later.

I pulled open tabs on Staud, Suzanne Rae, Maryam Nassir Zadeh, Brother Vellies, etc… and quickly realized — 1. Sh*t, I am broke, and 2. Would it feel as good to instantly replace my shoes (and go into even MORE debt) than it would to save up for a pair I actually have my eye on?

Also 3….. or do I want a purse??

So, they’re more metaphorical “shoes” than anything.

One of the few reasons I am so glad to live in 2020 (including being on the same plane of existence as Harry Styles) is that there is an app for everything. I’ll preface this by saying, THIS IS NOT AN AD. I have in no way been paid to endorse anything. I just really love the Digit app.

You can make this money app do whatever you want (besides give you more money lol). Right now, I have it scheduled to pull a little money (and I mean truly a tiny bit) from my checking account for a “rainy day fund,” and a little bit of money that I use to pay my credit card bill with.

So when I realized I might want new shoes/a new purse/diamond earrings/the magic potion that will make Harry Styles fall in love with me, I set up a new “Savings Goal,” as the app calls it.

I labeled it “NEW SHOES!!!” Because I am someone who enjoys caps and exclamation points to make life more exciting. I picked a random number to save up to that would afford me dream shoes, and in a time frame that would turn my little nest egg into a present for New Years (because 2021 HAS to be better than 2020. Especially if I start it by wearing new shoes.)

The app then alerted me that it would need to save between $5 – $15 every day, depending on what’s in my checking account.

My lizard brain thought…$5 to $15?? That’s like…my daily Starbucks coffee and a bagel! NO! But then my humanoid brain whispered into my hippocampus, “I dare you to do it, bitch.”

Yes, this post is disgusting and steeped in privilege. I am a woman who can afford to save money for something she doesn’t actually need. Giving up a daily dose of Starbucks is not a hardship.

What I have learned about myself since March 2020, when everything shut down and changed, is that I am a person who spends money to feel better. During the pandemic, it has reached a fever pitch (mom I know you are reading this and freaking out. Please take a breath and calm down.) I know, through communicating with friends, that other people are going through a similar thing. But it still feels incredibly shameful and isolating.

It feels good to buy goods that support small business, because everyone is floundering. But then I feel like I am floundering (mental health wise) and I want to support myself through self care. Then I realize that I am a piece of sh*t because the world around me is crumbling and I need to donate to bail funds and free food fridges and NOT buy that Amazon potato peeler because I should be at a place in my life where I am perfectly fine just peeling all my fruit and potatoes and things with a knife, and if I wanted to practice good self care I would just go paint my nails or something. Which makes me think about how I want new nail polish and then the cycle starts again.

So I have been meditating on it.

I may not actually buy “shoes” or a “purse” or anything at all.

I would like to think I am trying to break this money cyclone I have created for myself, and be more mindful when it comes to WHY I am making purchases, and stop that bottomless hole feeling. Do I feel anxious right now? Am I buying new bedsheets because I am depressed or because I can’t get that hot sauce stain out? Will I still want this item in 2 weeks? Remember the glitter chair quarantine purchase????

By acknowledging that I am saving money for a goal, I am attempting to have less of a knee-jerk response to self-soothe by entering my secret code on any website that takes Shopify.

That includes unsubscribing from sites I like that offer me daily deals and my compulsory “I left the house coffee” (which NGL, is going to be super hard because it has become a ritual for me to go on a walk to get that delicious, delicious iced bean water).

I will be real with you my beautiful readers, who I hope don’t think I am now scum on the bottom of a Jimmy Choo… I do still want shoes. And I will probably allow myself one coffee outing a week. But I have made this blog post in an attempt to be accountable? In an attempt to be transparent?

Both, I guess.

I just hope someone out there relates to this/doesn’t tell me to burn in hell for behaving irresponsibly with my money.

Please don’t punch me in the face if you see me with an iced latte on the street.

X

LL

Have a Cozy-Making Sunday

I am writing this to you from my kitchen table, where I have a lovely view of an aluminum butter wrapper that has flown onto my balcony and out of someone’s trash. Either that or my upstairs neighbors are dumping their garbage out of their window.

I have yet to learn to love life on the east side.

ANYWAY.

I have a face mask on, I’m wearing my gnocchi Uggs, and I’m sipping some re-heated coffee. To add to the major relaxation vibes, Dan has football on (which is serving as my background noise ASMR for the day) and I have lit every single candle in our apartment. It is the late-teens of October and I am extremely dedicated to the spirit of Sunday cozy-making.

While it still may not be cold enough in LA to wear a sweater and I will probably have to say R.I.P. to any plans I had to go to a pumpkin patch this year, here are some things on the internet that are making me feel especially cozy today:

In the spirit of becoming my own favorite Midwestern aunt, it is my duty to inform all of you that this is the last day of Bath & Body Works buy 1, get 1 3-wick candle sale.

This weekend I listened to the Amelia Diamond episode of Gee Thanks, Just Bought It, and it was like spending time with an old friend. Diamond left Man Repeller (now called, Repeller) in 2018 and I have missed her voice/sense of humor ever since.

As soon as I take a leisurely solo trip to the grocery store to buy ingredients, I’ll be baking this apple cider doughnut cake.

Independent book stores really need your help right now. Even if you don’t have time to read (or like to), you definitely have friends and family who do. Consider buying a book, tote bag, or cool crewneck sweater to keep these places open. Here are a few independent book stores that I love: Unabridged Bookstore (Chicago), Women & Children First (Chicago), Skylight Books (Los Angeles), City Lights Bookstore (San Francisco), McNally Jackson (New York).

I got into my friend’s car after months of not seeing her and one of the first things she said to me was “you smell SO good.” I just started wearing this perfume.

I used to hate tomatoes and now I am obsessed with bursting them with olive oil and a little garlic to make pasta sauce. Will probably make some variation of this for dinner this week.

Have you been doing yoga at home? I’ve been really into SarahBethYoga’s videos. Sometimes I take a 15 minute break from work to do this one. I’ve also been looking for a new yoga mat. Anyone have any recs?

Just copped this plaid jacket from Minnesota/North Dakota brand Kittsona. I’m going to have to wait a little until the temps drop to wear it, but when I do I’d love to pair it with something like cozy like this. Mommy blogger fall is the vibe.

Speaking of mommy blogger fall, every year I consider buying this Everlane glove boot. TC if you’re reading this, I need you to peer pressure me into it!!! NO RAGRETS

Hope you’re somewhere cozy, enjoying Great British Baking Show, and drinking mugs of tea.

Love

LL

Rating Sh*t I Bought Because of TikTok

If you think there aren’t 27 year old women on this app, you’re probably on the wrong side of TikTok. This video app (which has completely ruined taken over my life) is influencing the crap out of me to buy things.

There are so many makeup artists touting must-have setting sprays, hair stylists with holy grail conditioners and just cool/smart people who have put me on to products that “actually work.”

But do they?????

Because I am a complete and total sucker, I have bought some of these things. Here’s what is actually good:

The Revlon Salon One-Step Hair Dryer & Volumizer

I bought this at Ulta after a bunch of women that I follow on TikTok used it to give themselves DryBar-worthy blowouts.

Full disclosure, I am a DryBar ADDICT. I used to go every other week because it was in my building at work. Shoutout Burbank. I fully believe that if I were to have even the faintest whiff of a DryBar candle right now, it would give me a full body orgasm.

But not only do I miss DryBar, my frizzy little head misses it too. My hair has not been sleek or bouncy in the months? years? That we have been here.

I am fairly okay using hot tools. I have been flat ironing my own hair since I was 13 (humblebrag).

This hair-drying round brush isn’t difficult to use, but it is definitely bulky. I had to section my hair into smaller portions than normal to get the strands as sleek as I wanted to because I just couldn’t get in there, on account of how big the brush is.

I did love how quickly it dried my hair, even when it was wet-wet. It’s a great tool for creating sleek/flipped ends. I DON’T love that I can’t get as close as I want to to my roots, like I typically would be able to with a flat iron.

It gave me lots of volume. I had to go back over the top with my flat iron 😦

8/10 — Excellent hair tool. Probably easier to use if you have thin to medium hair and aren’t a total chia pet like me.

Essence Lash Princess Mascara

This mascara was $5 at CVS and worth every penny. That’s 500 pennies so…that means a lot. This mascara will give you black-blash lashes with lots of buildable volume and length. HOWEVER!!! due to the heaviness of this mascara, it won’t hold a curl no matter how many times you attack your lashes with a curling wand.

7/10 — a great drugstore mascara, especially if you have naturally curly lashes.

The Ordinary Azelaic Acid

This product from The Ordinary is all the rage on Skincare-Tok. Normally, I am slightly afraid of this brand because I have no fucking clue what anything does or is for. BUT!!! After seeing too many TikToks where teens AND adults used this acid to help fade acne scars, I knew I needed to try it out.

IT. WORKS.

10/10

Actually holy grail for me??? I have scarring, largely from my dermatillomania (chronic skin picking!), and after only a week of using this, my marks have faded dramatically. Plus, it was $7 at Ulta. THANKS TIKTOK!

NYX Powder Puff Lippie

1000000/10. It’s like dream matte mousse but for your LIPS!! And in so many gorgeous shades. It’s budge-proof, it’s light, it’s pigmented, it smells good….it’s perfect. AND IT IS CHEAP!! If you wear lipstick, get it.

ART

There are some pretty amazing artists/designers/creators on TikTok. These are some of the ones I’ve made purchases from. I know these aren’t like….products I can give feedback on exactly, other than to say they were all so pretty and I love them/supporting small business!

All 10/10!!

Things in My Los Angeles Apartment That Just Make Sense

We’re in our new space! I can’t believe I finally left the valley! And that all the people who used to make fun of me for living there have had to move back to Pennsylvania/central Illinois to live with their parents!

Here are some bright spots about our new place:

This candelabra set my boyfriend hates but I think is really cool

He told me they remind him of when Delia Deetz decorates the house with really modern furniture in Beetlejuice. That may have been meant as an insult, but Delia Deetz manically decorating things might just be my overall vibe. Anyway, I love their cool squiggly shape and brassy color. It was actually difficult to find candlesticks that would fit into these mASSIVE holes, but I finally did.

I got both from Urban online: candle holder, candle sticks

A rolling cart

I have already mentioned this rolling cart a few times, but I am obsessed with it. My new kitchen is teeny tiny and I need all the storage space I can get. You can’t really tell in this photo but I am currently using my salad bowl as a fruit bowl. Chic!

If you’re straining your eyes to read what the art above my cart says, don’t. It says “Orange you glad you’re still here despite it all.” It feels appropriate because fruit belongs in the kitchen and because this is an old-ass Los Feliz apartment building, it has had a LOT of issues! Even before we started officially living in it! Also the frame is not off center, you’re just crooked.

Also Tori if you’re reading this, my Always Pan in sage green just shipped.

A lot of plants

Don’t let this photo fool you. My new apartment is basically a little cave. This is one of the ONLY sunny spots for plants. Luckily, these plants aren’t like….sun-obsessed (plant community please don’t come for me if I am wrong).

I am planning on going to my fave plant store in the valley to get some plants for the rest of the apartment that thrive in low-light.

A haphazardly organized bar cart

I really want to make this look cute and it is kind of looking like a disaster! Please HELP! I think I want to put a plant on it? Again, it will need to be something that thrives in lower light. Because of course it does.

However, I do love that this cart solved a lot of my storage issues and that it is cute, even if it is disorganized. Yes, I drink Casamigos AND Trader Joe’s rum. Yes, we exist.

A Larry David pillow

It’s Dan’s. Peep the purple rug below!!

My little bedroom reading nook

After much back-and-forth with my interior designer a.k.a. my friend Erin who has a great eye for design and gave me advice for free, we decided to put this little bench-moment under my bedroom window to make it look purposeful.

You might think this iced coffee and book placement was just for the photo, but I was actually curled up reading before this.!

Also, if anyone has some goo-gone for the leftover sticker bits on my mirror that they could bring me, it would be much appreciated.

A shower curtain that looks like a lot of nipples

When I purchased this curtain online I thought, how sweet! It will add some texture and I love the rosy color. Then I set it up and thought hmmm….looks like nipples. It is definitely more flesh-toned in person, but I still like it a lot. I got it from Amazon, where I also got my cute little peach bath mat. I wanted Urban Outfitters but at “fell off a truck” prices.

bath mat, shower curtain

My shelfie

Honestly, I wanted to show off what skincare I’ve been using. Aside from the mask-ne I’ve been dealing with (one of the many pleasures of the pandemic), my skin has been looking and feeling pretty good. I am especially obsessed with the Rio Viera-Newton-approved double cleansing duo with my Then I Met You Living Cleansing Balm and the Dr. Loretta Gentle Hydrating Cleanser.

Also, I started using Megababe on my pits and now I believe the hype and my armpits smell like flowers. 10/10 recommend.

Anyway, I have more apartment than this. I just can’t show it to you because it’s Dan’s office not fully decorated yet.

I have one very large wall in the bedroom that I am considering hanging some shelves on. Also we might get a new coffee table. HMU with some ideas. You know where to find me.

I’m an east side girl now.

xo

L

Saying Sorry

Everything is different this year, including my apologies. Yom Kippur begins this weekend and I have been taking stock of what doesn’t sit right with me. Last year, I sought to forgive myself for the way I was mistreating me. This year (in my eyes) is less about the push and pull of asking for forgiveness and granting it. It’s about apologizing and expecting no forgiveness at all.

First and foremost, I would like to apologize to Breonna Taylor. An entire country — YOUR country — failed you. I am so deeply sorry that you have continually been denied justice and for the meme-ification of your murder and your life. You are more than a hashtag and the products and magazine covers made to capitalize off of your existence as a Black woman. The treatment of your memory is abhorrent. “Sorry” could never be enough. What has been done to you is unforgivable. All I can offer is my words and my actions. Your life mattered.

I deeply hate and am disgusted by the treatment of the Black community by police in the United States. I am naming Breonna, but there have been many other Black people — who all matter — who still have not received justice. I am dedicating 5781 (the Jewish new year) to education and action.

I am sorry to all the kids who were excited about their first year of kindergarten, middle school, high school and college. I am sorry to everyone entering their last year of those things. It’s such a shitty time to begin or to end anything. I am so sorry you were robbed of your excitement and had to adapt to this weird non-way of living life. It sucks so much.

If you were planning to get married this year or go on your honeymoon or had a big family trip planned, I’m sorry you had to hold off. This isn’t our year, is it?

I am really sorry to anyone who got sick with coronavirus. The people in charge grossly mishandled all of it. I have come to accept that our country could have done so many more things right and chose not to. I am so sorry to anyone who had to suffer or is currently suffering because they couldn’t/can’t get the medical care that they need. It’s embarrassing on so many levels.

I am sorry to the summer I thought I was going to have. I am sorry to my friends who I haven’t seen in months. Please know that I miss you every single day. I am sorry to Chicago, to Andrew, to my aunt and my uncle. My parents. My grandma. Mary. I apologize to the nights out I missed. The restaurants that closed that I wanted to try. To my therapist for calling her 18000000 times. To my eyes for only ever taking in my computer screen. To California for its fires. For things that aren’t my fault and for everything that is. To Chelsea, to Tori, to Julia to Amanda. To Mijal. To Dan.

I read something somewhere once about some years being the ones where you plant the seeds and the next years being the ones where you watch it all grow. I am really hoping to see something good bloom eventually.

Love you all

LL

Home Goods & Home Okays

Hello it’s me, your favorite anthropomorphic hot Cheeto, here to talk to you about decorating.

I am currently in the process of moving and while I’m not totally all moved in yet, I have been decorating/planning how to decorate/crying/dreaming about how I would decorate if I had more money.

I am a Cancer sun, Cancer rising, so I am a homebody.

I like my apartment to be a place where I can rest and recharge. I want all of it to be as comfortable as possible, with lots of textures and colors and plants and candles. I want to feel cozy and like I could sit and eat a snack in virtually every square inch!

I also really like knick knacks.

Rooms that look like this make me feel cozy:

View this post on Instagram

Felt cute, might archive later 😊

A post shared by ANDREA BURKE (@asburke) on

and this

and this

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🌀 home stuff 🌀

A post shared by Harling Ross (@harlingross) on

However, I am someone who frequently spills iced coffee/red wine on to my white bed sheets. I am afraid to hammer nails into my walls or hooks into the ceiling because I will most certainly fuck it up and ,,,,,,asbestos. My new kitchen is itty bitty. I’m going to be living with my boyfriend. My budget is like $5.

HERE IS HOW I AM MAKING IT WORK, URBAN OUTFITTERS HOME SECTION BE DAMNED!!!

Get a statement piece

I can’t afford hundreds of those cool neon bendy candles I keep seeing on Instagram. All I have are my own shitty Target ones. So I got this purple rug after reading about it on The Strategist. Yes, it’s bright AF but it’s going to add a much needed pop of color to the rest of the room which I am decorating with a grey couch, a white TV stand and a white bookshelf.

This way, when people enter my apartment they won’t be like “wow she doesn’t even have cool candles” they’ll be like “WOW THAT IS A PURPLE ASS RUG.”

Bookshelves are multi-purpose

Did I arrange my boyfriend’s copies of David Sedaris books by color? That’s a secret I’ll never tell. But I WILL tell you that I am using our new Ikea bookshelf as a spot to display artwork from my friends, cards I have been sent in an effort to save the USPS, plants and various little bits and bobs. However, if I had an Urban Outfitters home budget, you’d better believe I’d be getting one of these!

This may seem like a duh to everyone BUT I am happy to find an alternative to wall shelves. Don’t tell me they’re easy to just nail in. I’m sure they are. You’re more than welcome to come over and do that for me!

Here’s what is saving my little kitchen

My new kitchen is small.

Like New York apartment small.

Like I can reach into the refrigerator and pull something out of the oven while also passing someone at the table something from inside a cupboard, SMALL.

As you can imagine, there is also virtually no storage.

So as a woman with a lot of cookware (and a lot of wine) I invested in a bar cart and a rolling kitchen rack. Now I have room on my shelves for food instead of wine glasses, won’t have to store my alcohol like I live in a college dorm and have two really cute spaces that I can mix/match/decorate as I please. I’ll provide photos later. Promise.

Let the light in

Excluding the living room, the apartment tends to be on the darker side due to the windows and where they are placed. To make the bedroom feel light and airy, I went to Home Goods (shoutout title of this post) and purchased the biggest round mirror I could find and any light/natural wood frames. The goal is to make the room feel bigger, brighter, lighter and warmer. That means I am going to be decorating it with mirrors, replacing dark wood frames with light ones and furnishing the space with light fabrics but with cool textures.

My duvet cover (which is a dupe for an expensive Urban Outfitters one) is white, but features a cool textured fringe-y bottom. I am currently searching for the perfect uniquely-shaped pillow (would love one like this) and I have been looking at headboard alternatives (because I never found one that I liked) and am giving strong consideration to a few macramé hangings including: this one and this one.

Randomly I own these woven baskets that I am going to use to store extra blankets in, so those will go in the room as well. Of course, there will also be plants just like… everywhere.

The place IS coming together. Slowly but surely. You don’t have to take my word for it but eventually photos will do it justice! Thank you to everyone who has given me furniture as they have moved away or just Mari Kondo-ed their space. It’s all bringing me joy.

If you feel like sending me a house warming gift, I’d love candlesticks. Or a bottle of wine.

loving u

LL

The Year That Wasn’t

Once upon a time, there was a year that didn’t exist.

On December 31, people everywhere counted down “3…2…1” and at the stroke of midnight, everything disappeared.

Or that’s how it feels anyway when I think about how 2020 has gone. Yes, we had a January and February and even a week or two of March, but where has the rest of the time gone?

I’d like to think it hasn’t all been wasted. The creative, food, fashion, and beauty communities have demanded accountability from their people in power, and some even got it. The Black Lives Matter protests have continued, because Black lives matter and because everyone should be protesting the horrific treatment (whether it makes headlines or not) of women, men and non-binary people in the Black community. Everyone should be anti-racist. We have been working on defunding the police. These things happened this year. These things matter.

The fact that we all abandoned our sourdough starters does not.

However, I have been thinking about all the things I wanted to do and thought I was going to do this year, and now can’t.

So here’s my list:

Visit Australia

I was thinking Melbourne. The universe was thinking Coronavirus.

Have my friends over to my apartment for a dinner party

In March, I moved to a new apartment. COVID hit exactly two weeks later. During that time, exactly 3 friends saw my new place. Now I am moving into ANOTHER apartment across town. Kind of sad that no one was ever able to come here and that I was never able to have a house warming!! But I will treasure the Thai food and movies I watched with Chelsea and Julia and that one time I cooked eggplant and steak with Mijal. Also… how close I currently am to a Sephora.

Chicago Summer

There’s nothing quite like summertime Chi. The city comes alive. Everyone is showing off their pasty white winter legs on sunny patios, the lake is a sparkling Sapphire, you can drink in the middle of street and eat Harold’s chicken if you spend too much money at Taste of Chicago. It’s the best. I wanted to go this year. Oh well!

Get a new tattoo

I have about 7 different ideas, only two of which I can remember at any given time. Also, my tattoo shop is closed.

Guide my little cousin through her first year of college

My poor little cousin. She is a freshman this year, and at my alma mater. I was so excited to be “the cool cousin” and give her pro-tips about dorms, where to go out, where to eat, etc… But as excited as I was, it’s definitely 10000 times worse for her.

Go out with friends

I would pay infinity dollars to safely be out at a bar with my friends on a Friday night, standing in a little circle of my ladies. I want to be definitely tipsy, shouting to be heard over whatever bar music. I am picturing The Lincoln. My next cocktail is something fruity. I’m wearing block heels and a leather jacket. My friend Katie is asking me to come stand outside with her while she smokes a cigarette. I will take an Uber home before my friends ask to go to the next bar. Life is good.

Try new restaurants

This is the only thing I have still done under Q. While I am not able to take in the ambiance of new establishments, I have still been able to try their food via the comfort of my bed. I now need to buy new sheets as these have all been stained.

Visit New York

It’s on my list every year to go. I don’t know why I want to do it. I hate New York.

Go to at least one hotel

I did plan on staying in a hotel this year. I still can. But with enormous trepidation!!! Everything gives me anxiety!!! Including towels folded like swans and bathtub plugs swimming with other people’s ickies!!!

Learn ASL and take an ASL class

I guess I could still take a class online?

Try on clothing in a shop

I DID plan on trying clothes on in a dressing room at some point in 2020. Basically my style has just become oversized tees and bike shorts because I don’t want to go through the hassle of bringing shit home, trying it on and then going alllll the way back to return what doesn’t fit.

ANYWAY, I have stopped blaming it totally on people who won’t stay home to flatten the curve and now blame it mostly on our government’s total lack of sense/preparation/caring.

I mean if you’re still going to crowded bars and big parties and stuff, f*ck you.

Always exhausted & always yours

L

Why I’m Starting Again

Sometimes it feels so singularly embarrassing to exist. If you’re anything like me — which I hope you aren’t — it’s exhausting. Remembering anything, making a small (or large) mistake, saying hello to a stranger and garbling the words, committing, realizing what you’ve committed to, comparing yourself to Instagrams, living in America amidst a global pandemic, living in Trump’s America (idk why that feels worse than living in a global pandemic, but it does), being invited to a Zoom call and then immediately trying to figure out how to get out of it, not finishing a craft (OR A WRITING PROJECT) that you started, surviving inside a burping, sneezing, digesting, hairy human body, can be soul crushing.

So that’s why I’m here. I guess.

To show myself (and you, if you’re reading this) that yeah, it’s embarrassing to live, but life does go on. There is a large sliding scale of discomfort and sometimes you’re at “getting your ears pierced” and sometimes you’re at “full pelvic exam.”

Right now, I’d like to think I’m at “rigorous cheek swab.”

So I’m writing again.

I do believe this is the ….third? fourth? millionth time? Maybe? That I’ve said HIIIIIIIIII I’M BACK!!!! And let me tell you, it feels embarrassing! But also, really nice to have a place to write. Because I have a lot of things to say and sometimes you read them and that’s good. I hope it makes the both of us feel less alone.

Originally I was going to make this post a list. But that felt too impersonal. Come back for pasta recipes, pictures of my new apartment (I got a purple rug), good TikToks, tru sad girl hours, TV recommendations, astrology, weird shit I’ve found on Amazon and beauty/skincare ideas.

love u

L

All The Movies I’ve Watched During Quarantine, Ranked

My boyfriend Dan (with who I am currently quarantining), is a man of many hobbies. When he’s not watching sports/sports gambling/blogging about live theatre/singing along to show tunes/playing online trivia/doing magician stuff/asking me to make him a tuna sandwich/refusing to buy me expensive jewelry, he’s typically watching a movie.

Sometimes, when I’m not on my 47th rewatch of Grey’s Anatomy, I’ll watch one with him.

And so that is how during quarantine we have watched a shit ton of films. Some of them I had never seen, some he had never seen and not all of them were enjoyable! I decided to rank them for my own amusement and your (hopefully) enjoyment.

All my digital media training is telling me to rank them worst to best to build anticipation, but those lists always suck because who cares about what’s good? I’m starting with #1. Save the worst for last! It’s more exciting that way!

The Goodbye Girl

This is my favorite movie we’ve seen so far. It’s a very cute rom-com and I never realized how appealing young Richard Dreyfuss is. I even Googled if he’s Jewish (aka crush-worthy/HE IS). 10/10. Definitely watch this if you are a complicated woman who wants to feel all squooshy inside or if you’re a schlubby actor-type with a white knight complex. You’ll feel seen.

My Cousin Vinny

Worth it for Marisa Tomei’s outfits, alone! Also a great movie to watch if you feel like you can’t get enough Joe Pesci, which is how I feel 90% of the time. Also I saw him when I was on a walk the other day in Toluca Lake. He wasn’t wearing a mask. Oh, Joe!

Bonus points if you recognize that one of the leads is Rachel Green’s ex from Friends!

Scream

I know! I’d never seen Scream before! I finally get why everyone has the major horn for that Dad from Riverdale. He was crazy and hot. Also, petition to revive Matthew Lillard’s career from its Ghostface grave.

Charade

It’s not like I have a Kate Spade tea cup with an Audrey Hepburn quote on it or anything (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but I think Hepburn is FABULOUS in this movie and that Cary Grant is pretty darn cute. Was he gay IRL? Is that an old Hollywood rumor? I don’t care! Those two have chemistry for days.

A great movie to watch when you’ve had enough of your boyfriend, have your period and just want some wine and chocolate.

To Catch A Thief

Made me want to go to the French Riviera/ wear a pretty dress/ drink a sazerac sling. These are top marks from me, people.

First Wives Club

I’ve seen this movie 100 times but Dan had never seen it. It’s a classic. Bette Midler, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, SJP AND Maggie Smith?? Your fave movie could NEVER.

Interview With A Vampire

This felt like a Twilight prequel? Almost? Kirsten Dunst gave me major Renesmée vibes. Plus, one thing I have discovered during quarantine is that I think I fucking LOVE Tom Cruise. I mean, I hate him (#TeamNicole) but he’s so good at acting!!! Damn!!

Romancing The Stone

Another actor whose movies I’ve learned I have a soft spot for is Michael Douglas. This movie had big Indiana Jones energy but I wish the female lead had been Goldie Hawn or someone like that. I’d love to see who was on the short list for casting. Good movie to watch with a pizza!

Dirty Harry

We watched this movie because I have been feeling homesick for San Francisco and my family and I knew it had some cool shorts of North Beach. After watching this I realized how good my dad’s Clint Eastwood impression actually is.

American Graffiti

This movie had me feeling nostalgic for something that doesn’t and maybe never existed! I loved it!

Donnie Brasco

I fucking love movies about the mob.

Coco

Okay, fuck this movie for making me cry but FUCK! This movie!!!!! So fun and also sweet!!!

Election

Dan was SHOCKED that I had never seen this film. I enjoyed it but I think it kind of made me hate Matthew Broderick. Baby Reese was incredible though.

The Princess and the Frog

Dan had never seen this one and I’m really glad he liked it because I think it’s one of my favorite Disney movies.

Honeyboy

This movie was very sad and then I spent a really long time Googling Shia LaBeouf!

Fatal Attraction

I knew the term “bunny boiler” came from this movie. Dan says my dad made that term up. Glenn Close is national treasure.

Heaven Can Wait

CLASSIC movie about someone dying when they shouldn’t have and the people who run heaven having to put their soul into someone else’s body. CLASSIC!

Basic Instinct

We watched it to see Sharon Stone. Again, some really nice shots of San Francisco. I thought it was kind of dumb but thinking about it now I guess it was more dumb-fun. Also how does she look so elegant in a white turtleneck and why can’t I pull that off!?

Waiting for Guffman

Your typical silly Christopher Guest comedy. Good cast. Great movie to half-pay attention to.

Anna and The Apocalypse

This movie was weird AF, especially because I didn’t know it was a musical. It’s about a Christmastime zombie apocalypse in England? Ireland???? It’s cute and predictable but still a good watch, especially because real life feels sort of like a zombie apocalypse rn anyway.

Scream 2

Not as good as the first one but still kind of fun. Not realistic that Buffy would die but ok.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The best Indiana Jones movie.

Punch Drunk Love

Probably the only Paul Thomas Anderson film I like. Don’t take my film school diploma away!!! It’s a time Adam Sandler was serious in a film and it worked!

Death On The Nile

Better than Murder on the Orient Express!

All the rest of the Indian Jones movies

I know, it’s a crime I’d never seen these. They were fine.

A Few Good Men

Tom Cruise is fun! Demi Moore is not fun but I like her! This movie is ok.

Shampoo

My dad said we should watch this one. It was aight. Goldie Hawn wore some cool outfits.

National Treasure

Kind of fun but also I didn’t really care. Sorry to Dan who LOVES this movie.

Monsters University

Nothing special but easy to watch especially after you’ve had a lot of margaritas and just cried your eyes out to Coco.

Tangled

Am I the only person who thinks this movie is just,,,,, fine? Also what is the lesson here??? Blonde hair is magic and brown hair is not??? Weird.

Private Benjamin

Cute but it falls apart.

Leaving Las Vegas

VERY depressing! Kind of glad I saw it? Would have been fine never watching it though.

Bob & Carole & Ted & Alice

The seventies were strange but Dyan Cannon dressed well is the moral of this story.

North By North West

Felt like semi-enjoyable required reading but also I fell asleep watching this so I don’t think I actually know how it ends?

Rope

Ugh. Pass.

Step Brothers

TRULY do no understand the hype. Arrest me. Maybe it’s because my parents aren’t divorced? There are much better buddy comedies out there that aren’t quite so stupid.

The Exorcist

I get that it’s iconic and that it was terrifying at the time but also this movie barely made any sense and it felt like you had to know a lot of back story on things before you watched it. Also, okay — so he offers himself up to Satan and then tosses himself out a window. Is Satan dead now? Wouldn’t that be a bigger deal? Or did Satan just jump into someone else’s body? Wouldn’t THEY be possessed? This barely made sense. ALSO SHUTUP ABOUT SPOILERS. THIS MOVIE HAS BEEN OUT FOR LIKE 50 YEARS ALREADY.

Reality Bites

I watched this because a podcast told me to. SNOOZE.

The Master

The Master Cleanse is more fun to endure.

Collateral

Tom Cruise but make it boring.

Phantom Thread

My boyfriend loves this movie and likes to quote the thing about asparagus and oil. I absolutely hated this movie and tried to take frequent trips to the bathroom and kitchen so I didn’t have to watch it but Dan would always pause it until I came back. Thanks. 🙃

Mission Impossible 2

FINALLY!!! THE WORST MOVIE WE WATCHED!!! #1!!!! CAPITAL B, BAD!!!! I didn’t watch Mission: Impossible but I can assure you, ANYTHING is better than very stupid Mission: Impossible 2. This was a total waste of time. Watching George O’Malley scratch 007 into Meredith Grey’s hand is a better time than streaming this. SKIP.

I’ve Finally Discovered My QuaranTALENT

My Instagram feed has become a parade of people I know displaying their hidden talents. I had no idea so many of them could make focaccia bread! Or cross stitch! Or build furniture! And while it’s been wonderful to watch, it’s also inspired me to try to find my own.

After crashing and burning at friendship bracelets, failing miserably at French braids and making my boyfriend ingest a truly awful fried rice made with apple chicken sausage, I’ve finally figured out what MY hidden quarantine talent, or “quaranTALENT,” if you paid attention to my headline — is.

Shockingly, it’s not TikTok (although I definitely think it’s hers), or baking banana bread (we know how that turned out), cutting my hair (have yet to attempt), or even tie dying sweats.

Here is what it is: BAKING COOKIES.

I am actually really freakin good at this? I have made mostly chocolate chip (my preferred cookie), some gluten free with choccy bits and most recently, a vegan oatmeal chocolate chip recipe from the NYT cooking app that used a banana instead of butter or eggs. And they’ve all been delicious.

I really did not bake cookies often before this? The last time I recall making some was for my boyfriend in college and I burned them.

Go figure.

I am much more of a cook (fried rice aside) than a baker because cooking = playing and baking = rules.

Plus, baking is really just chemistry and I failed chem in high school. Shoutout Doctor Kasparian, C Block!

However, I have found calming magic in the methodical baking of cookies. I get a lot of pleasure from mixing and then forming the sticky little dough balls in my hands, then smooshing them a little on to the crinkly parchment paper resting atop my cookie sheet. My brain gets calm knowing you can basically put anything in a cookie — chocolate chips, peanut butter, sprinkles, shredded coconut, pretzels, etc… and it will turn out okay.

I like the way they smell.

I like that if they are a lil lumpy it’s okay.

I like that they take 10 mins to bake.

I like the way they look sitting in the Tupperware that I have now coined my “cookie container.”

I enjoy this process so much I have even briefly flirted with the thought of purchasing a cookie jar. Is that gauche? Just look at this gorgeous one from Williams Sonoma and tell me I’m wrong!

Anyway.

What’s your quarantalent? Do you have one? Do you WISH you had one? What would it be? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be here, looking at cookie recipes.

xx

L

So Everything Sucks & The World Feels Horrible

Now what?

I tried to bake banana bread today. Chrissy Teigen’s recipe. I had been looking forward to it all week and even braved the store to buy some brown-ish bananas. But because I was too excited and didn’t remember to check, I hadn’t noticed that my roommate and I didn’t have a bundt pan to bake it in….or really any proper pan to bake it in. She has an 8×8 brownie tin and tbh it kind of sucks.

The other half of this bad news black and white cookie is that our oven doesn’t heat evenly and I have also found that the temp drops while cooking!

So basically my beloved, vanilla pudding, chocolate chip Chrissy recipe was 75% perfectly baked with a circle of raw banana bread dough in the middle.

That’s kind of how life has felt recently.

We have so many good things and then there’s just this sinister center, spoiling it all. You can delete Twitter, you can avoid Apple News, you can walk from Studio City to Silverlake and fill your Uggs with blood blisters but you can’t outrun the bad news of what’s happening in this life, right now, all over the world.

I texted my best friend Andrew this morning and told him about my bread.

“Honestly, I’ve had that happen before and my advice to you is just…eat the cooked outside and move on,” he said.

This morning it felt overwhelming and exhausting and discouraging to still be quarantining with absolutely no signs of things going back to our regular pace of life. Also, a deli in LA that has been around longer than I have been alive, is closing officially and for some reason that news really sunk me because as a Jew, and as a person who loves delis — I hate seeing good places I went to with my grandparents close.

But after a lot of crying this morning (bc bread and deli and also quarantine) I have decided starting this today, I am going to try to take to heart the words of my best friend — not just in regards to my banana bread (I did eat the cooked portion and it WAS divine. Thank u Chrissy!) but to all aspects of this life and this sucky situation.

I will eat around it.

I will consume the good parts while acknowledging that yes, the under-baked glop did ruin my perfect thing, but that I’ve still got to move on.

There are other breads to bake. And if I don’t feel like baking, fuck it! There are a ton of local bakeries that need help right now and I’ve got the funds. I can find joy in my favorite things in other ways.

Plus, it wasn’t a total loss. It was also a learning experience. I now know I need to buy a bundt tin so like…if anyone can show me a small business that sells bakeware it would bring me joy to give them my coins.

Everything sucks and the world feels horrible but there’s a good 75% that’s still edible and yummy and full of things to enjoy like watching the movie Charade or taking a bath surrounded by scented candles, eating pasta with lots of cheese, or walking all the way to the top of the hill to get a gorgeous view of the valley.

One day all of this will be over.

Eventually.

I hope.

Until then

75% yours

xx

P.S. LESS DEPRESSING POSTS ON THE WAY SOON I SWEAR!!!

Life After Lashes

When I was in college, I genuinely believed that I would die of embarrassment if a boyfriend saw me without makeup. My mother once told me that Dolly Parton’s husband had never seen her without her full glam on, (which, who knows if this is true lol) so I dedicated myself to always carrying around concealer, a lipstick and of course– mascara.

We could go into the patriarchal structures that put me (and my mom and Dolly) here, but that seems time consuming. Instead I will just say, I feel better with it on. Especially on my eyes.

I have lost probably hours of my life — if you were to add up all the time I spent from ages 14 to 24 — curling my lashes and mascara-ing them in whatever waterproof version of “blackest black” I could find.

This is just facts, okay? My natural lashes are stick straight. They barely hold a curl. They are also that sort of nothing-y “bronde” color that was so popular with celebs in 2016. My sister has eyelashes like a camel (please google camel eyelashes to see that this is a compliment). When she wears mascara, she doesn’t look like she has little sticks jutting out of her eyes, she looks like one blink could carry her away.

ENTER LASH EXTENSIONS

The first time I decided to try lash extensions was because of the rapper Kreayshawn. I was following her on Instagram and couldn’t stop noticing her long, fluffy, perfect inky-black lashes. One day, she tagged the salon. I made an appointment a few clicks later.

That was two years ago. TWO. And I haven’t looked back. The times I have had my normal lashes in between then and now have been because I messed up booking appointments or because I ran out of money and had to wait until the next paycheck to get them.

What’s so good about them???? I wake up and I have lashes. I don’t have sushi rice grains, I have fucking curtains. I don’t have to wear mascara ever expect for when I paint some on my very blonde lower lashes. I just get up and go. It’s so easy!

I feel polished when I have them. I feel pretty. I feel confident. I feel like myself.

While I realize it’s not THAT deep, they’re just tiny hairs glued to my even tinier hairs — CUE CORONAVIRUS

I didn’t have time to book a lash appointment before we were all told to social distance and my lash tech stopped working. I knew my days of perfect lashes were numbered so I tried to enjoy them.

Eventually, I had to remove the 4 that remained stuck to my face (jojoba oil on a cotton round, very gently). It was personally very devastating! And tbh I felt like crying a lot! These lashes — although a luxury — feel like a part of my face.

I guess the only way I can make it make sense to you is this: Imagine one day you woke up and someone had shaved off your eyebrows. While there is a chance they won’t grow back, typically they do. So while you know it’s not the end of the world, you still have to adjust to being like HOLY FUCK I HAVE NO EYEBROWS!!!

Sure you can paint them on but wouldn’t you rather have the eyebrows you actually want???? Wouldn’t you feel a little less like yourself when you look in the mirror, because who is that person? And why don’t they have eyebrows???

(I realize that there are people in this world who are also very self conscious about their white blonde eyebrows/lack of brows. I apologize for using this as an example.)

My boyfriend thinks I’m psychotic because of this. He tutted at me when I over-nighted a lash curler and a new mascara from Sephora once my lashes were totally bare.

But this is the reality I am going to have to live in until April 19 (and probably after then because WTF IS GOING ON). I need to become comfortable with my face. I am not even going to pretend I can get to a place of even partial confidence being bare-lashed. So mascara will just have to do.

I haven’t had to apply it or curl my lashes in TWO YEARS. I feel like a newborn. And there are lots of ups and downs. For some reason, the lashes on my left eye lay much more nicely than on my right eye and will all slip easily into the curler. The lashes on my right eye are pieces of shit and like to fuck up my face! It’s fun having sisters who never seem to have met each other, not twins.

I am so so so so lucky and privileged to be healthy and to be able to work from home and to afford groceries and to even complain about this. But honestly, much like every other part of being alive in this 2020 hellscape, it sucks and I’m just going to have to get over it and move on.

I’ve tried to focus on other parts of my face that I like and that’s been nice.

Turns out I quite like my cheeks. My eyebrows aren’t bad either. No one please go and shave them off though. That’ll really throw me.

More later because….what else is there to do?

x

Jessica Simpson Is the Paulo Coelho of Our Generation

Hi!

We’re back.

Blogs take a lot of time, dedication, and money and unfortunately we have none of those things.

But what we DO have is Jessica Simpson’s tell-all, Open Book.

If you’re a loyal reader, you know we were and still are OBSESSED with Jessica’s pregnancy foot pics that documented her monstrous swollen ankles.

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Any remedies?! Help!!!!

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We are not Quentin Tarantino. We just loved the radical honesty and truly amazing IG content. Show me another female celebrity doing this much to document their changing body (sans gross sensual belly pics) through a similarly humorous and horrified gaze!!

Although we haven’t listened to a Jessica Simpson song since 2006, we–meaning I, Lily– purchased the audiobook of Open Book out of genuine curiosity.

I’d been seeing headlines around town about it. Something, something John Mayer ‘Sexual Napalm,’ CLICK– and that she spared no celebrity (including herself) in telling her truth. We love a strong woman!!!

I am a paperback girl but because I drive 75623646723423 hours to work and back every day I have become an audiobook girl as well.

What you need to know about this book is that it is:

1. Narrated by Miss Simpson.

2. Does not spare a SOUL except goddess Britney Jean Spears.

3. Sad as hell and will make you cry.

I was expecting a fun, easy celeb read like Next Level Basic by Stassi Schroeder or maybe something with a little juice like literally anything by Andy Cohen. I’ve been on a string of creepy books because I can listen to them in the car without getting scared (shoutout Baby Teeth) and weird books (anything Otessa Moshfegh) and wanted a palate cleanser.

What I got was an insanely compelling, tear-jerking, unflinching look at what it was/is to be a 90’s teen star turned TV personality turned business woman turned disaster turned mom? Idk I haven’t finished the book yet tbh.

BUT WHAT I HAVE LISTENED TO IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD (and I’m like 70% through).

Her entire childhood is movie-worthy. It’s wild listening to her stories about auditioning for Disney and losing it out to Britney Spears (who she NEVER says a bad word against). There is totally some venom towards Xtina and Justin Timberlake but like, to be expected. She talks a lot about her marriage with Nick Lachey (remember him? lol) and her substance abuse problems.

You get to learn a lot about CaCee Cobb, wife of Donald Faison! There is a part where she talks to Celine Dion while in the hospital on a lot of pain meds! It’s magic!

Basically, this is a great read if you are either a fan of Jessica’s or looking to become one. Or if you are someone who really likes Friday Night Lights and The Righteous Gemstones or watch a lot of Fixer Upper and are scared of Chip and Joanna Gaines.

This book is making me want to go to Texas.

This book is making me want to stream “With You” and pretend I’m in an Amanda Bynes movie. If this isn’t a ringing endorsement then I don’t know what is.

Also, her book tour looks have been SICKENING in the best possible way.

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Brrrr ❄️ #OpenBookLOOKS

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Channeling my inner Elle Woods 💕#OpenBookLOOKS

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Anyway, just felt the need to share. Maybe you’ll hear from me again, maybe you won’t.

Writing this felt like getting back on a bicycle only to realize you have two flat tires.

So who knows.

Laters on the menjay

L