The Zodiac Signs as Thanksgiving Side Dishes


Aries, you’re a dynamic babe, just like these butternut squashes with maple tahini sauce. The earthiness of butternut squash, combined with the sweet yet tangy surprise of maple tahini, is the perfect metaphor for you – it’s lively, adventurous, and a little bit of a risk but fuck it, it’s Thanksgiving!


Roasted potatoes are hardly exciting but they more than make up for it by providing so much comfort and warmth, just like a Taurus. Potatoes are so reliable that even a novice cook attempting to impress their new boyfriend can’t fail with roasted potato! Sure, the turkey might be too dry or the stuffing ends up tasting like cardboard, but these good old down-to-earth beauties will stand the test of time!


Little Gem, no one is thinking that you’ll bring a dish that is remotely traditional or expected. You’re straight up serving parsnip confit with pickled currants. We know you love a mix of high and lowbrow! After you’ve had your fill of parsnips and currants, you’ll kick back and soak up the confused looks and taste-test bites around you. Pfft, these people just don’t appreciate the culinary artistry before them!


Sweetest crab! Thanksgiving is basically like the Olympics for homebodies so you’ve already got a leg up on the competition! While other people were partying on Thanksgiving Eve and wasting their November weekends with sports and outdoor fall things, you were at home studying up on recipes and hosting tips, and even made a diorama of the REAL first Thanksgiving. So naturally, your side dish is perfectly made stuffing – the piece de resistance, the side to end all sides, one side to rule them all!


Leo, let’s cut to the chase. You’re born to be the host of a massive Thanksgiving – you just want to spoil all your friends but also have the ability to maintain control over the entire meal while all eyes are on you when you reveal the turkey. In the event that you’re not fulfilling your hosting dreams this Thanksgiving, you’ll still be giving the people something that they didn’t even know that they wanted – perfectly roasted carrots that resemble those from the dinner scene in Mrs. Doubtfire. This little nostalgic dish will solidify you as life of the Thanksgiving party.


Sweet Virgo, you’ve been practicing your side dish for the past two weeks, haven’t you? All those hours of work, research, and fussing will have paid off on Thanksgiving day when you arrive with an exquisite pumpkin pie. Just remember – you are truly your own (and everyone else’s) biggest critic. Eat your pie and be happy!


When a Libra doesn’t like a dish at Thanksgiving, they try to hide their uneaten food in the trash by covering it up with other plates and napkins. You’re certainly not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings but once they step out of the room, that’s a different story for Aunt Claire and her salty stuffing. So a Libra’s best strategy is to win over the crowd with a fan favorite mac and cheese. No one can hate mac and cheese! It’s a genius plan!


Warm and cozy isn’t really your vibe, little Scorpion. While everyone else is already feeling full and sleepy from the appetizers, you’re ready to bring a little mischief to Thanksgiving. After all, you’ve got to make this evening entertaining for yourself. Your first plan was deviled eggs because well you’re also a little devilish yourself but then you thought, no, dream bigger darling. And voila! Mulled wine!


Sag, don’t forget Thanksgiving is coming up! We know that at a moment’s notice, you could be jetting off to the Iberian Peninsula for the holiday but just in case you can make it after all, you’ll bring along something inspired by one of your many excursions, like this sweet potato and meringue dish based on a classic Mexican dessert.


No one is more trusted with the cranberry sauce than a Capricorn. Oh sure, it seems like a simple thing to make but this dish requires precision and a serious, steady hand aka this is a job for a Cap. Who else has the temperament to babysit a slow simmering sauce waiting for sugar to dissolve but not burn?


An Aquarius can be found on Thanksgiving in their natural habitat – telling everyone that they will only come to dinner as long as everyone going acknowledges that the story of the first Thanksgiving is a lie. Also, please let’s make sure to preserve all leftovers so we diminish food waste! Now that everyone is in agreement, Aquarius will bring an untraditional take on the apple pie – a buttery, flaky, and glazed apple galette tart. Take that, fake first Thanksgiving!


Oh darling Pisces, before you go getting yourself all weepy by thinking that your Thanksgiving party looks just like a Norman Rockwell painting, don’t forget to share your dish with all of your friends! It’s a little whimsical and a tad eccentric – just like you! Don’t get your feelings hurt if they tell you this isn’t a traditional Thanksgiving side – some people just don’t have any imagination!

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