Hallelujah – Pentatonix
You’re a traditionalist at heart, and you privately think Hallelujah is the fucking most gorgeous song ever. Aries, you’re one to have a hot toddy and get all misty-eyed while mumbling along. This Pentatonix cover is acapella so it’s JUST different enough to capture your goldfish-like attention. You’ll never admit how beautiful you think it is–that is, until you’ve had a few.
Happy XMas (War Is Over) – Celine Dion
First of all, fuck John Lennon. This Celine cover is incredible and you know it Taurus!! You love the message of this song, because it’s not too Jesus-y but it’s about treating others with respect and kindness. You also believe that you can hit those high notes like Celine when you’re alone in your car. Sure, babe!
Santa Tell Me – Ariana Grande
You’re such a tricky little B, Gemini. You’re obsessed with the idea of mistletoe and getting kissed under it. You want an Xmas flirtation more than you want a new iPhone. A traditional Christmas song just won’t do for you. An Ariana bop it is!
Last Christmas – Taylor Swift
You get the most emo Christmas song, Cancer. For you Christmas is definitely a time of reflection. While Wham! is nice, you’ve never really escaped your 2008-self. That’s why you instantly adore this Taylor cover. You’re dedicating it to all your exes. Especially the idiot nursing his whiskey and crying to Pentatonix.
All I Want For Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey
Did you think we would make you anything other than the most popular Christmas song like…ever? OFC you’re Mariah, Leo! Christmas is all about you!!!! Like Mariah Carey, you’ve probably made all your friends/siblings/children memorize the backing vocals so you can sing lead. Good work.
Step Into Christmas – Elton John
You stan a classic, Virgo. This Christmas song is super jazzy and dance-able. It makes you smile immediately when you put it on. You love Christmas because you get to be in charge of decorating, list-making, and gift-giving. It’s all about order and preparation, which is where you thrive! Luckily, singing along won’t throw off whatever psychotic system you’ve prepared for wrapping presents and decorating the tree.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays – N’Sync
Christmas for you is all about feeling cozy, Libra. It’s just the right amount of love and cookies and decorations. That’s why you’re a song that celebrates the feeling of the season! Because you’re a Libra and all about balance, you’re not just saying Merry Christmas, you’re also wishing everyone a happy holidays! Shout out to Jews!
Baby It’s Cold Outside – Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton
Scorpio, you’re the best possible version of the worst possible song. This song is probably about date rape? No one can really tell. But Dolly Parton and Rod Stewart together is absolute magic. This song is sleezy but also a little sexy–like you! If you’re mad that we didn’t make you the Meghan Trainor version that is sooooo Scorpio of you.
My Only Wish (This Year) – Britney Spears
Your secretly squishy heart loves this song. Also, it’s Britney so–duh. You love this song. It’s poppy and fun like you and reveals your most hidden desires, which you’re not so great at doing IRL. I hope you find the Justin to your Britney this year, boo boo.
Say All You Want For Christmas – Nick Jonas and Shania Twain
You’re trying to act like you don’t love a little drama in your life, but Capricorn, you do. You’re desperate for some Christmas love to disrupt the placid waters you’re currently floating in, going nowhere. This dazzling duet is just as complex and capable of love as you are. If you were Nick Jonas, I would kiss you rn.
Mistletoe – Justin Bieber
My forever young-at-heart and oh so enthusiastic Aquarian, this J Biebs song is sO you. The beat is super catchy, the lyrics are cute, and it’s chill as fuck but people still get so hype when it comes on. Sound familiar?
Hoping For Snow – The Vamps
Pisces baby, you’re non traditional and would be a Christmas song we’ve never heard of but you’re stanning ever since it came out. The song is actually good, which you’ve been saying the entire time you showed it to us. Okay, we get it! I hope Santa Claus brings you the validation you so clearly need to function!!!! Yay!
All the signs are also somehow the Chanukah Song Part II (the better one)! Great! Thanks!