Leap tall buildings in a single bound
Answer all 376 unread emails
Color code my Google Cal like Audrey Gelman
Vibrate into oblivion
Call my gynecologist to schedule an appointment even though they’re really mean there
Devise a plan for dinner
Write entire paragraphs without looking at my screen
Make memes, crush dreams
Schedule Instagram posts for three separate accounts
Run a marathon
Develop facial blindness (like Brad Pitt!)
Text my best friend 100 times in a row about the magic of coffee
Order food to the wrong address
Send a correction email with too many “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Publicly denounce Pete Buttigieg on Twitter
Delete Twitter
Throw my computer into a dumpster
Rip off all my clothing
Dance naked in the street
Remember all the lyrics to every song in “The Greatest Showman”
See through time
Contact dead relatives
Use 100% of my brain
Lately 