This Is Your Life On Mercury Retrograde

We’re blaming this sh*t for EVERYTHING

Forgetting your car keys inside your already locked home

Spilling coffee down your shirt even though you’re using a straw

Walking into closing elevator doors

Your computer freezing

Your phone freezing

Your brain freezing

Crying at work

Forgetting your lunch

Having a pimple

Having three pimples

Food stuck in your teeth

Spelling erroerss

Instagram is down

Your tweet got 0 likes

Burned toast

Split ends

Your podcast only halfway downloaded and now you’re in a dead zone for another hour

Getting a ticket

A sunburn

Getting ghosted

Getting into a fight

A hair in your food

Choking on literally nothing

Battery dies in your vibrator

No one telling you you have a booger

Getting your period in white pants

Getting your period in any pants, really

A text from your ex

No wifi

 

 

 

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