Blogs take a lot of time, dedication, and money and unfortunately we have none of those things.
But what we DO have is Jessica Simpson’s tell-all, Open Book.
If you’re a loyal reader, you know we were and still are OBSESSED with Jessica’s pregnancy foot pics that documented her monstrous swollen ankles.
We are not Quentin Tarantino. We just loved the radical honesty and truly amazing IG content. Show me another female celebrity doing this much to document their changing body (sans gross sensual belly pics) through a similarly humorous and horrified gaze!!
Although we haven’t listened to a Jessica Simpson song since 2006, we–meaning I, Lily– purchased the audiobook of Open Book out of genuine curiosity.
I’d been seeing headlines around town about it. Something, something John Mayer ‘Sexual Napalm,’ CLICK– and that she spared no celebrity (including herself) in telling her truth. We love a strong woman!!!
I am a paperback girl but because I drive 75623646723423 hours to work and back every day I have become an audiobook girl as well.
What you need to know about this book is that it is:
1. Narrated by Miss Simpson.
2. Does not spare a SOUL except goddess Britney Jean Spears.
3. Sad as hell and will make you cry.
I was expecting a fun, easy celeb read like Next Level Basic by Stassi Schroeder or maybe something with a little juice like literally anything by Andy Cohen. I’ve been on a string of creepy books because I can listen to them in the car without getting scared (shoutout Baby Teeth) and weird books (anything Otessa Moshfegh) and wanted a palate cleanser.
What I got was an insanely compelling, tear-jerking, unflinching look at what it was/is to be a 90’s teen star turned TV personality turned business woman turned disaster turned mom? Idk I haven’t finished the book yet tbh.
BUT WHAT I HAVE LISTENED TO IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD (and I’m like 70% through).
Her entire childhood is movie-worthy. It’s wild listening to her stories about auditioning for Disney and losing it out to Britney Spears (who she NEVER says a bad word against). There is totally some venom towards Xtina and Justin Timberlake but like, to be expected. She talks a lot about her marriage with Nick Lachey (remember him? lol) and her substance abuse problems.
You get to learn a lot about CaCee Cobb, wife of Donald Faison! There is a part where she talks to Celine Dion while in the hospital on a lot of pain meds! It’s magic!
Basically, this is a great read if you are either a fan of Jessica’s or looking to become one. Or if you are someone who really likes Friday Night Lights and The Righteous Gemstones or watch a lot of Fixer Upper and are scared of Chip and Joanna Gaines.
This book is making me want to go to Texas.
This book is making me want to stream “With You” and pretend I’m in an Amanda Bynes movie. If this isn’t a ringing endorsement then I don’t know what is.
Also, her book tour looks have been SICKENING in the best possible way.
Anyway, just felt the need to share. Maybe you’ll hear from me again, maybe you won’t.
Writing this felt like getting back on a bicycle only to realize you have two flat tires.
So who knows.
Laters on the menjay