I Tried Starbucks’ Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew So You Don’t Have To

I’m basic but I’ve never been PSL basic.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

The cloyingly sweet, orange-hued hot seasonal beverage that ushers in autumn earlier and earlier every year, has never been my Buxie (not Starbs or ‘Bux, mind you) drink of choice.

I own a pair of Uggs and multiple Kylie Lip Kits but when it comes to coffee, I’m relatively tame. An iced almond milk (or oat if you have it) latte please. Hot, if it’s below 50 degrees outside.

Black, if I’m hungover.

When I saw that Starbucks had released a seasonal cold brew, my interest was piqued. Cold brew tastes like jet fuel to me (in a fun way) and I wondered how they were going to add pumpkin spiciness to that. I texted my best friend Andrew about it and he told me to “shut my mouth.”

I meditated on the idea of this coffee concoction for a day or so. I talked to other friends about it, none of which had tried it–but suggested I do…for science.

What tipped me over the edge was the fact that Andrew (aforementioned friend) later tried it and LIKED it. Armed with the knowledge that he and I like almost all the same things, I entered Starbucks this morning and ordered one.

First surprise: The drink itself is a light brown color, topped with an orange-y foam that is sprinkled with cinnamon.

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It’s more like a nitro cold brew than an actual cold brew with ice and stuff.

Second surprise: It’s not very sweet. It’s a neutral taste with a hint of pumpkin.

It’s more milky than coffee. I wish it was more coffee-forward. Also, as someone who only drinks alternative milks (LOL THERE IS NO DENYING MY BASIC-NESS IT PERMEATES ME) I am worried about how this will effect my tummy/skin.

Third (not-so) surprise: I don’t like it.

I wish it was sweeter!! Which is weird for me, someone who isn’t huge on sweet coffee drinks. It’s like a pumpkin milk but not in a dessert-y way. That’s the best way to sum it up. I could see this being the milk left behind after a bowl of pumpkin granola. Kind of bland and not nearly as cold as I would like it to be with a smattering of scent and flavor.

1/5 stars. Would not drink it from a cereal bowl or a Buxie cup.

Very glad I only opted for a “tall.”

Venmo me for this quality research…I’ll be grabbing an iced latte to go around noon.

xx

 

 

 

Things I Want to Buy Off Instagram

Let us not forget that at any given time, I am a parody of myself.

This shopaholic, boy-crazy, bittersweet persona exists solely to be blown out of proportion, whenever I feel like giving it wings.

That being said–there’s a lot of sh*t I want online.

In the words of President Ariana Grande, “I see it, I like it, I want it.”  As much as I would LOVE to finish that lyric, seldom are the times that “I got it,” and more frequently are the times that “I put it in my virtual shopping cart, I made it all the way to check out, I saw what shipping would cost, I gave up.”

but IF I had a sugar daddy (or mommy heyyy 👅) these are the things I would send them screenshots of, hoping they would do that thing I like (spend money on me).

Necessaire Scrub

The worst thing about Necessaire is that every influencer I like promotes the f@ck out of it, so I’m Stockholm Syndrome-d into wanting it.

The best thing about Necessaire, is that it seems to actually work. I’ve been looking for a new scrub to replace my summer scent (too citrusy for September) and this sandalwood one seems perfect. Plus, it contains glycolic acid, lactic acid, and salicylic acid, so the majority of the exfoliation is not going to be from gritty beads but rather a gentle chemical exfoliation that always ALWAYS does my skin right.

Laura Lombardi Chains

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⛓🍽⛓

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My fascination with this jewelry line was born out of a joke. It was included in a StartPacksofNYC meme that was just so…me. These twisty, curvy, chubby gold chains are deeply aesthetically pleasing. I can see them looking chic over a turtleneck at work or against my bare skin, adding a little edge to a cocktail dress.

My favorite pair of earrings right now are these little gold hoops I have from & Other Stories  (they were $19 and one of my best purchases ever) but I’ve often bemoaned that I don’t have anything simple to set them off.

Luckily for me, after a few drinks I was feeling like a Rockefeller and purchased this bracelet and this ring.

Lisa Says Gah

As I’m sure you can tell, my brain is gearing up for fall. We yet to hit Labor Day but I’ve already texted multiple people about Starbucks’ new pumpkin cream cold brew (scared of it). But this creamsicle-colored sweater and the little neon crossbody bag spark MAJOR joy in my pumpkin patch-meandering, apple picking, cinnamon candle-having heart.

If it weren’t 1000000 degrees in Los Angeles and I had my sugar parent’s AmEx, this ensemble would be ordered and on the way to my house in 2-3 business days.

Treasures of NYC

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grab n go

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Treasures of NYC always posts things I want, I’m just too stinkin broke. I love this lil cutie, also this little one that would help me like my Carrie Bradshaw truth:

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★sweet saddle dreamzz ☾

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Fashion Secrets

I am going to show you my favorite Instagram account, so for starters, you’re welcome. They find the best stuff on Amazon. You can prime like half this stuff. Incredible.

I almost don’t want to share this because all 8 of you who read this will make their IG blow up (jk). But whatever. Here are some of their things I have bookmarked:

That’s it for now.

HMU if you’re rich and feel like buying all of this.

Thanks

x

My Office Job Made Me Lose Interest in Making Breakfast

When I worked from home, eating breakfast was an event.

I would fry eggs while I dialed into the morning editorial meeting. It wasn’t uncommon for me to leisurely munch on avocado toast topped with tomatoes while editing something from a freelancer. But now I work in an office.

Whereas before, I had time to throw a bunch of fruit and mylks into a blender, now I have about 10 minutes to eat, brush my teeth, paint on a face and rip off my pajamas in favor of real pants.

I’ve trained myself not to get hungry until 8:45 A.M. when I’m in my car, one exit away from work.

In the shuffle (or in the interest of more sleep), I’ve completely lost breakfast.

My morning scrambles have turned into to-go iced coffees and at best a gluten free muffin or a Kreation juice. By 11 a.m. I am both starving and increasingly broke. Oat milk is an extra dollar! An extra shot is $2! (And of course, I need it.)

It’s not that I don’t WANT to eat breakfast. I do. But in the grand scheme of thing a.k.a arriving at work on time and with clean clothing on my body, I’ve stopped making it a priority.

Ideally, I’d love to save money and eat food from home or even AT home. But losing sleep just so I can butter a piece of toast and shove it down my gullet hardly seems like a realistic option.

Yes, I see people eating breakfast AT work but the thought of having a bowl of cereal at my desk sounds revolting. I don’t want to microwave a frozen breakfast burrito because frankly–they smell like farts.

My office practices a weekly bagel Friday but I view the communal cream cheese as a breeding ground for bacteria. PLUS, I don’t think dairy (cream cheese) is meant to sit unrefrigerated on a conference table for that long.

Meal prep comes to mind, but that always leads to some sort of Pinterest disaster and besides, I find overnight oats to be gross and gruel-like.

SO WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?

Don’t suggest yogurt. I only like to eat that if it’s covered in fruit and honey. I’d like to eat something nutritionally beneficial or at the very least, something besides a bagel.

I’d even settle for a filling (and tasty) green smoothie!

I miss breakfast and I want to become a breakfast girl again.

After all, it is the most important meal of the day.

*Cue “Making Breakfast” by Twin Peaks*

Help me out and LMK in the comments below.

xo

Unpopular Opinion: I Wish Summer Would End Already

Summer is less fun when you’re an adult. You’re supposed to ~relax~ but you don’t get a two month break to go make lanyards at sleep away camp or swim all day and eat popsicles, wrapped in wet towel, slowly soaking pool water into your living room carpet.

It’s kind of bullshit.

At best, you organize weekend trips with your friends that will bankrupt you, figure out a reasonable amount of PTO and WFH days to finagle into some sort of obligatory family trip you have to check your email from no matter what, get sun burns on rooftops because you’re too drunk to reapply sunscreen AND order multiple “cute” swimsuits from online that you will try on and return no less than three times.

This all while working 40+ hours a week and sweating profusely everywhere, all the time.

It’s August and while we’re admittedly in the decline of summer, I personally can’t wait for it to mercifully end.

Summer feels like it started in May. I can’t pinpoint an exact day but suddenly it was 100 degrees and I was wearing all white outfits and carrying straw bags and sunglasses from brunches to the beach. I had 47 margaritas in June alone and was sunburned 90% of July.

I’m so tired. I just want to wear a sweater and drink a dirty chai oat milk latte on a chilly morning in peace.

I’m so over #lovesummerhateverythingelse that I don’t want to catch so much as a whiff of coconut-y sunscreen or a lick of watermelon Chazstick (my preferred summer lip balm from Dedcool) until 2020.

It just seems easier to live my life not in summer mode. There’s less pressure to have fun, there’s no panicking about losing beach time, I don’t feel as obligated to eat salad and I don’t have to freak out about my life again until late November (Thanksgiving is a different kettle of fish).

I’m not saying I need piles of leaves and pumpkin patches (although HMU in October for all your fall festivities), all I’m asking for is the ability to at least think about enjoying a bowl of soup on my lunch break without getting heat stroke. And also maybe to find a nice flannel at a reasonable price to wear on weekends.

Labor day is only two weeks away and I know you bitches on your beach vacations will be crying over the side of your yachts once this hot girl summer officially comes to an end.

But I have an inbox full of pumpkin spice pitches and it’s making me want to retire my flip flops and put lotion on these sand-scuffed feet, slip on my fuzziest socks and work from home.

 

This Is Your Life On Mercury Retrograde

We’re blaming this sh*t for EVERYTHING

Forgetting your car keys inside your already locked home

Spilling coffee down your shirt even though you’re using a straw

Walking into closing elevator doors

Your computer freezing

Your phone freezing

Your brain freezing

Crying at work

Forgetting your lunch

Having a pimple

Having three pimples

Food stuck in your teeth

Spelling erroerss

Instagram is down

Your tweet got 0 likes

Burned toast

Split ends

Your podcast only halfway downloaded and now you’re in a dead zone for another hour

Getting a ticket

A sunburn

Getting ghosted

Getting into a fight

A hair in your food

Choking on literally nothing

Battery dies in your vibrator

No one telling you you have a booger

Getting your period in white pants

Getting your period in any pants, really

A text from your ex

No wifi

 

 

 

Is It Too Late To Buy The Instagram Skirt?

I could have easily just texted Kate about this, but I also wanted to ask all of you.

You know this skirt. You might love this skirt or simply love to hate this skirt, but it is THE INSTAGRAM SKIRT.

If you still do not know to which skirt I am referring, it is the Realisation Par “Naomi” skirt in the wild things print.

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Depending on where you live, you’ve probably seen at least 80 different girls wearing this exact skirt or imitations of this exact skirt.

The further we roll into spring (and the more I see people wearing it with cute tank tops), the more I consider purchasing it. Or purchasing a dupe because this skirt is $180 and I am a $6 oat milk matcha away from being flat broke.

But is it too late to get this skirt????

It’s been around for a while. It’s cycled through all my favorite influencers like a Glossier rep code.

There is already an Instagram dedicated to mocking the women who wear it! Which is:

A. To be expected because god forbid anyone let women enjoy things

B. KIND OF FUCKED UP!

C. Okay, a tiny bit funny

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Found by @cgisom in New York

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It seems to have become a beacon of basic-ness, like Kylie Lip Kits and Lulu Lemon (two things I heartily enjoy but do cringe a tiny bit at indulging in).

But it would look SO cute at the beach or in the desert (PALM SPRINGS 2K19) or on the street or just like hanging up in my closet taunting me to wear it everywhere.

I don’t even know how it’s going to fit! I’ve never even tried it on!

But still the question remains…..should I get this skirt? Is it too late? Has it become passé?

LMK

xo

Summer Activities We’re Super Excited For

It’s getting hot out there and to help us slip into the the “hashtag love summer hate everything else” mindset, we’ve decided to list all the things we’re most excited for this summer 2K19:

Pools

Road trips

Buying expensive sunscreen and forgetting it at home

Sunburns

Backyard barbecues

Watermelon

Playing cornhole

Getting eaten alive by mosquitos

The beach

Summer vacation Instagrams

Summer thirst trap Instagrams

Scrolling through Instagram for like three hours while you sit in the sun

Awkward bathing suit tan lines

Blisters from your new sandals

Trying to sell out-of-season clothing to Buffalo Exchange

Making $2 at Buffalo Exchange

Depression re-watching The Office

Sweating in your car

Sweating on the train

Being sweaty all the time

Chub rub

Rosé