Author: thelatelyblog

Let’s just be honest, let’s just BeReal

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Hello from swampy Los Angeles! How have you been? It’s been ages. You look so good! Have you gone keto? Are you dermaplaning?

Recently, I attended a party where someone asked me what I do for a living. When I told them, they said they couldn’t imagine writing every day because it’s “just not fun.”

Let me clue you in on a little something — sometimes, it’s NOT fun!!

I log on and do this shiz every. single. day. Deals pieces on Apple TVs don’t just grow on trees. My “writing” job involves researching, drafting, editing, updating, SEO software, endless Slack conversations about heds and H2s, reading analytics software and uhhh trying to make it all sound interesting so somebody will click or buy.

Then I get to share the damn thing and have you bitches DM me some variation of “TLDR LOL which is better?”

Obviously, I’m a glutton for punishment. Harry Styles did to Chris Pine what I guess I appear to be begging all of you to do to me every time I share anything.

But I love writing. Especially when I get to write about whatever the hell I want. Unfortunately, ~this~ can be really fun for me. But somewhere between 2021 and 2022 I lost the thread. My professional writing life took the wheel and the part of me that likes to gab about buying things, inventing new careers and deleting Facebook fell asleep in the backseat.

Well, she’s awake now and she wants to stop at Starbucks.

My goal is to write something on here every day for the rest of the month. It might not be good. It might be silly. It might be embarrassing. It will probably be about shopping/eating/HBO programming.

Read it or don’t. I just want to have some fun writing before I inevitably delete this thing.

ANYWAY!!!!!!

Here are some recent fun things I purchased/want to buy:

I am now the proud owner of a pair of those Birkenstock Boston clogs that everyone is wearing.

Have you heard of skin cycling? I’m trying it out and this is my new go-to retinol.

L.A. is a sauna right now….this tinted, blurring skin balm stays in place and keeps my skin from getting oily.

Tell me why I NEED these boots. P.s. are cowboy boots over? Or are we just getting started? Discuss in the comments.

This scalp oil changed my life. I’m probably going to do a whole piece on it because it’s just that good.

I read this Ottessa Moshfegh book in one sitting.

You know I’m a hoops girl. I would love a new pair for fall. I’m thinking these?

When will it be cold enough to wear a crewneck!! I have never been to North Dakota but that does NOT stop me from wanting this amazing sweatshirt!

Speaking of crewnecks, it’s football szn. Bear down, bb! I’m on the hunt for a cute vintage Chicago Bears sweatshirt that I can wear when my boyfriend drags me along to watch the big game. So far I’ve found this option. It’s listed as “funny vintage” but that’s probably because the Bears usually lose. See! I know sports. Urlacher has hair!

Are you in LA? You need to have dinner here. Order the hummus ful and get the lamb skewers. You’re welcome.

BTW I don’t have a BeReal account. Stop asking!!

love u

L

Los Angeles Tsunami Saturday Link Pack

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I picked a tarot card this morning. The wheel of fortune. It signifies change, destiny, good luck and new directions. But that was after the tsunami warning canceled my Hermosa Beach yoga plans. And after the rain canceled my last-minute Silver Lake Reservoir walk plans. And after I didn’t go out to get a fancy coffee. I just had one from the Keurig.

So I’m hoping my luck changes.

For whatever reason, my The Best Things I Have Purchased At Erewhon post keeps getting clicks. But I don’t have any Erewhon recommendations today. Just a homemade puppy chow of salty, sweet deliciously random links. I hope you like them.

EAT THIS:

I’m not doing Veganuary. I’m just trying to eat more vegetables. I’ve been cooking my way through The Weekday Vegetarians and posting my progress via Instagram. You guys keep asking me to send you photos of recipes but I would like to remind you that Google is in fact, free. I got about five requests for this super-green pasta recipe made with kale pesto. It was VERY easy to find online.

The Kardashians like this salad dressing and so do I. Special shoutout to the El Co shopping center. Real ones know East Coast Bagel and always see Howie Mandel sitting outside the Starbucks.

If you know me, you know I love California Chicken Cafe. I have made this CCC Chinese chicken salad dupe to much success, multiple times.

Do we think this vegan calamari could be good? I have all the ingredients for it.

Has anyone been to Little Barn Coffee House? I really want to go.

The Girl Scouts have a new cookie out and if you have a daughter/niece/cousin/friend who is a Girl Scout, I would like to buy these from them!!

Really craving an M&M cookie rn.

WATCH THIS:

I watched The Worst Person in the World last night and it felt like swallowing a pair of scissors (emotionally).

Are you watching Yellow Jackets? Let’s talk about it. I think I’m a Jackie 😦 Anyway, Showtime turned the soundtrack into a Spotify playlist. It reminds me deeply of my time in the Midwest.

Are you trying to get into ASMR videos as a way to relax? I freakin LOVE this one.

WEAR THIS:

The TikTok girlies were right: This is the best concealer.

So, who is going to try this new tinted Supergoop! CC Cream?

These are my favorite jeans I have ever owned. Don’t go for the weird diagonal button. Pick the regular button. They are super high-waisted, comfortable enough to wear all day and make your legs look 10000 miles long.

Still not back on hard pants? These are the softest lounge shorts I have ever worn.

Costco has Pendleton sherpa fleece blankets for $30.

Does anyone feel like buying me these boots?

Remember when I really wanted this $2,100 Balenciaga le cagole shoulder bag? I found a $70 dupe. HINT! HINT! TO ANYONE BUYING ME A VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT!

No idea what this smells like but the bottle is so pretty. I want it.

The next Okay to Rest drop is happening soon. Trying to remember this while I chill out during my day of canceled plants.

HOUSE STUFF ? IDK WHAT TO CALL THIS SECTION:

I ❤ my Amazon Basics food processor. Gonna make this hummus with it.

I need some art for a blank wall in the kitchen. Honestly, I might get this.

Looking for a wall clock that looks like this but isn’t $300. 😡 Lmk if you find one.

Ready to replace my bedroom mirror with this massive one.

Dan, can we pretty please get this bed frame?? Or this one.

Okay it is now 1:36 p.m. which means it’s time to mope in the living room and consume a full mason jar of water.

love u

text me

im bored

L

Holiday Gifts Under $25

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‘Tis the damn season, so I figured I would make another gift guide.

Can you believe I make $0 off these links?

Me either!

Anyway, why is everything so dang expensive?? I’m just trying to get my friends some Christmas and Chanukah presents and go. If you are also trying to find some small things to mail to your far away friends, hand off to your next door neighbor, stuff in your sister’s stocking or just reward yourself for getting through the week: These holiday gifts under $25 are for you!

Really cool wine glasses: $25 via Amazon

Shoutout to my friend Tori who told me she was looking for some “cool” wine glasses. That sent me down a rabbit hole of various glass shapes and price points. If you don’t want to spend a ton of money but still want to feel like you’re sipping out of something fancy, I really like this $25 option.

Trendy sunglasses: $10.99 via Amazon

These sunnies are such a cute shape. They also come in a few other colors. Plus they’re $11 so if you’re prone to losing sunglasses (like I am 😩) then you will only feel slightly less bad when they disappear into the crevices of your car/the leather booth at a CPK/your friend’s parent’s vacation home.

The Tinx Tumbler: $22 via Amazon

I use this tumbler every single day. It comes in multiple colors, sizes and keeps your drinks icy cold AND super hot (yes, I have hot girl walked with a hot coffee in here!). Tinx, everybody’s favorite cheugy older sister TikToker, is the one who originally recommended this product. Unlike her taste in L.A. restaurants, she absolutely did not miss with this one.

Everyday Oil: $22

Hands down, this is my favorite body oil. The glass packaging feels EXTREMELY luxe. I use the mainstay blend which is scented with palo santo, lavender, geranium and clary sage. If you’re scent-averse (or gifting to someone who is) they also sell an unscented version. I like to store my bottle in the shower. As soon I turn off the water I apply a heavy pump of this oil all over my skin to trap moisture. The 1 oz size is $14, 2 oz is $22 and 8 oz is $48.

Designer Dust Co. highlighter: $18

My friend Nicole’s brand Designer Dust Co. makes THE BEST sparkling highlighter. They come in four gorgeous, buttery-soft shades. A must-have for any friend/family member who is into beauty. The brand even has a celebrity following– Rachel Bloom is a fan!

A very cute ceramic cup: $20

You know what would make a cute gift? This ceramic cup and some fancy hot cocoa with artisanal marshmallows.

Did someone say hot chocolate and marshmallows?

These cuties are $10.

Ariana Grande Cloud Eau De Perfume: $25

It was the cult perfume of 2020 and I’ve heard it’s a good dupe for Baccarat Rouge. I personally can’t wear the scent anymore because it reminds me of my depression. HOWEVER, it smells wonderful on everyone who wears it and it’s $25 at Walmart rn.

Palate Polish: $14

My friend Bri turned me on to this wonderful women-owned nail polish brand. Palate Polish is 10-free, vegan and cruelty free. Their polishes come in a variety of gorgeous, quick-drying colors and are named for foods. I personally own a bunch of their polishes and love them.

For your friend who STILL doesn’t have a wine corkscrew: $14

This purchase is absolutely inspired by my beautiful friend Mijal. If you too have a friend who deserves a rose gold wine opener (I personally don’t call them corkscrews but that’s because I am trash), this is a pretty and practical option. It’s something everyone should have in their home on the off chance a guest brings over something BESIDES a twist-off.

Wall art: $25

Perhaps you have a sister who went camping at a national park once and made it her entire personality or a best friend that you drive to Joshua Tree with whenever you want to sing Olivia Rodrigo anthems at the top of your lungs. Brandi creates prints representing a variety of national parks, in the style of classic tattoos. While you can buy a poster right now, her next t-shirt drop is on Dec. 4. Swo set your phone alarms accordingly!

Cozy plush open-toe Slippers: $19

You KNOW there is nothing I love more than some fluffy footwear. If you’re not looking to spend Ugg money on a loved one, these vibrant, soft-looking slippers are almost as good. They come in five different colors and are under $20! I might even get a pair for myself lol.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS !

I HOPE THIS POST DOES WELL IN SEO-HO-HO-HO

xx

Chanukah Harry

A Very Specific Gift Guide

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Ask and ye shall receive.

Doesn’t it feel like the older you get, the less exciting your wants become? I remember being eight years old and wishing for a Meygan Bratz doll harder than anything. She came with a furry vest and a corduroy beret. Now, all I think I want is new underpants.

But apparently my readers need me.

And as I am still a girl with a passion 4 fashion (second Bratz reference!) I have no problem doing the necessary shopping and listing to inspire your gifting needs, whatever they may be.

I’m going to write about the things I want. If you’re doing some shopping for friends/family I imagine these would make good presents for:

A. Extroverted introverts who would rather stay in and be cozy with dinner, a glass of wine and a bubble bath

B. Cool grandmas/ aging aunts/ exhausted 28 year olds

C. Someone exactly like me (See A and B)

Fawn by Ellis Brooklyn

In college, my best friend Andrew and I were obsessed with this Bobbi Brown scent called “Bath.” The scent truly captured the essence of having just stepped out of a warm, milky bubble bath. Brown retired the scent a number of years ago and I’ve been looking for a dupe ever since. Somehow, this is it? The scent description is all wrong in my opinion. Whoever did the copywriting for Ellis Brooklyn seems to think it smells like tropical vacation. I firmly disagree. Anyway, it’s on sale right now at Sephora.

Thinx Boyshorts

Are you a person with a period? Do you hate sleeping with something all up in you? You need to get a pair of Thinx. My favorite is the cotton boyshort (mom if you are reading this I am a size M) but these period absorbing panties come in a variety of styles. They are comfortable, won’t let you down leak-wise and don’t look too crazy bulky under jeans/leggings/etc. I currently own three pair but the tops have all started to fray and I need to replace them ASAP.

Madewell Flannel Oversized Ex-Boyfriend Tunic Shirt

I love the color, the length and the oversized fit of this Madewell flannel. As a longtime fan of the brand (and former employee), I can attest that their flannels are always soft, cozy and flatter a variety of body types. They tend to run big so I would size down. For instance, I’m a size small in their flannels (if you are a person reading this who wants to buy this for me).

More clothing wants/recommendations

  • I want everything from Favorite Daughter, namely these jeans. However, they’re currently out of stock. Keeping my eye on these for when they refresh.
  • Every year I want this Everlane sweater, every year it is sold out in a size XS before I can order it. LOVE the colors pepper and persimmon. Pro tip: they run HUGE. Hence why I order an XS.
  • Who doesn’t love an Ugg? I own three pair and the Fluff Yeah are my favorite.
  • Have been obsessed with this FP Movement jacket ever since I laid eyes on it. No idea why I am so dedicated to looking like a traffic cone.

Bijou Candles

This queer, women-owned brand makes cruelty-free candles inspired by women in pop culture and history. I have my eye on the 70’s icons trio (especially the Cher). They also have coven, punks, starlets and First Wives-inspired candles. Use this link and you’ll get $10 off your order.

More candles:

  • I’ve heard nothing but good things about the brand Borough Home. This citrine collection looks amazing.
  • My friend TC got me a “This smells like Harry Styles” candle from Cool Girl Candles. They have a lot of other candles that smell like celebs that would make a great gift for someone you luv who luvs…Timothee Chalamet? Jack Harlow? Idk they have a lot of people.

Fairley Jewelry

Are you my boyfriend? Are you reading this post? I want this peridot necklace. Thanks for stopping by! No but really, I enjoy this jewelry brand. They look like what I thought grown up jewelry looked like when I was a kid. Big sparkly gems on thin gorgeous chains. They ship from Australia so if your name is Dan thinking of getting this, I’d order it soon.

Other cool jewelry I have my eye on/recommend:

Nice Pajamas

Normally I fall asleep in a big t-shirt covered in a variety of permanent stains. But I’ve decided that because I’m approaching 30, it’s time for me to own some nice pajamas. Why do nice pajamas cost so much money??? I love these silk ones from Summersalt and these from Nap. I guess I’ll keep looking for dupes. However, if you have $$$ to spend on the sleepyhead in your life…. I imagine these would be great options.

These cookie sheets are kind of a Great Jones Holy Sheet dupe, don’t you think? Plus, they’re half the price.

More kitchen wants and recs:

Jew-ish by Jake Cohen

Because I’m tired of having to search the internet for various recipes from this book and I might as well own it anyway.

More cookbooks I want:

Maude Bath Kit

Do you love Dakota Johnson? I love Dakota Johnson. She’s an investor and co-creative director for this sexual wellness and body brand. Also, this really cool girl that I follow on Instagram is their EIC. Anyway, this trio of bath items is scented with warming notes of amber, cedar leaf, lemongrass, tonka bean and medjool date. Doesn’t that sound delicious to soak in?

More relaxing essentials that I want or you need to know about:

The Best Things I Have Purchased at Erewhon Part 2

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Hello again! You guys really seemed to like reading about the best things I have purchased at Erewhon, so I thought I’d make a part 2.

Let’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Three Wishes Cereal – Cinnamon

I have always loved cereal. When I was little and we would go visit my grandma, she always had mini boxes of cereal that I would eat for breakfast and snack. In college, my aunt would buy me boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and I would eat it for (what felt like) most meals. Three Wishes is grain free, gluten free, has 8 grams of protein and 3 grams of sugar per serving. Even though it is not the absolute candy that is Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I happen to think Three Wishes tastes really, really good. My favorite way to eat it is with almond milk and frozen blueberries.

Mama Emma Fresh Pumpkin Gnocchi

Idk who Mama Emma is, but I would like to be her child. The first time I tasted this gnocchi, I gasped. It’s lighter than air, flavorful and takes about 3 minutes to make. I went on the Mama Emma website, and they say their pumpkin gnocchi has “extraordinary nutritional and healing properties.” Mama Emma!!!!! Guaranteed, this is a food I will be eating all fall long. It’s great with marinara, pesto or a little olive oil and some parm.

Erewhon’s Turmeric Tahini Dressing

This is the best-tasting salad dressing ever. This salad dressing is a gorgeous saffron color. It’s lightly tangy without being too acidic on the tongue. It’s also made with tahini (my fave), turmeric (anti-inflammatory!), maple syrup, lemon juice, ginger, oregano and sunflower seeds. WARNING! It does not keep forever (prob about 7 days). When I buy it, I like to top my salads/roasted vegetables with it that week.

Misha’s Kind Foods Non-Dairy Cheese – Joi

If you’re reading this and it’s giving you the icks because I am talking about things that are gluten-free and dairy-free…..why are you reading a piece about Erewhon then? If you’re STILL with me and haven’t logged off to go buy McDonald’s or sm, I like to use this spreadable non-dairy cheese as a cream cheese on bagels and as a spread on crackers/sandwiches. I LOVE the Joi flavor, described by the Misha Kind Foods website as: “blending the bright spice of fresh jalapenos, de-seeded to infuse flavor without a hint of heat, along with herbaceous, bold notes of thyme and oregano.” It’s not spicy. It’s herbaceous! And really hits that cheese craving.

Atlantic Sea Farms Fermented Seaweed Salad

If you’re trying to incorporate more fermented foods for your gut health (and these days, who isn’t?) might I suggest this tasty seaweed salad? You can eat it plain, add it to rice, toss it in a salad, pair it with some fish, idk do whatever you want. It’s really good. PRO TIP: If you don’t like seaweed, you definitely won’t like this. If you still want a lil fermented something, I recommend Wildbrine’s Probiotic Red Beet & Cabbage Kraut. It’s semi-sweet and tastes mostly like beets. Also good on everything I mentioned above.

Erewhon’s Eggless Sandwich

Erewhon’s prepared foods are unrivaled. You know this. We have been over this. If you’re a fan of hand-held breakfast items, this morning sandwich is freakin IT. No, it’s not made with a fake egg. There are no eggs or pretend eggs. That’s what I like about it. It’s an English muffin, perfectly spiced turmeric curry tofu, tempeh bacon, spinach and a little olive oil. It’s so incredibly savory and filling but not in the way that a Starbucks breakfast sammy is. I feel nourished after I eat this. Try it (esp when you’re hungover 🤪) and thank me later.

Metagenics OmegaGenics EPA-DHA 1000

Remember when you were in college and your new roommate/best friend told you that you both should start taking Biotin to strengthen your hair and nails, but all it made you do was break out? Those long words I typed up there in the caption hed are a brand of fish oil pill. Want to know why my hair/nails are so long and strong? These pills. These do exactly what Biotin was supposed to do for me (and DID NOT). The lovely holistic health expert at Erewhon recommended this brand, because the pills are slightly lemon flavored (masking the fish taste) and don’t make you have fish burps. They also conveniently keep my heart healthy! I know some people think fish pills don’t do anything. Those people probably have brittle nails.

Happy shopping!

xx

L

Hashtag Career Goals

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You’re supposed to dress for the job you want, but we all work from home now.

Plus, I have no idea what a “podcaster with no agenda” would wear.

Probably pajamas?

While I am a “rock star content producer” interested in creating “viral hits,” I am also “extremely tired.”

There was a time when I had the energy to bounce back and forth from freelancing job to freelancing job while also writing for my normal 9 to 5. I was pitching anyone with an email address and piling up clips like I worked at SuperCuts.

I had ideas! This is less of a brag and more just sheer shock at the way I used to exist compared to the current husk of a human I have become since the onslaught of global pandemic that is never not onslaught-ing.

I feel uncreative and sexless about being a writer. To clarify, that’s “sexless” in the “not sexy” way. Not “sexless” as in purposely left that part of my driver’s license blank. I looked the word up and those were both options for the definition.

So to break myself out of my bad mood? funk? evening of self loathing? I will write for you some creative, fun job ideas that I think I could be really good at and that will not only revitalize me, but also re-invigorate my waning existence as a human being under capitalism/career.

Nail Polish Namer

I am fairly certain that this is already a real job. But I know I would absolutely crush it. I am very good at naming things. For instance, when I was a small child I named all of my dolls and stuffed animals, Carrot. I think that shows a remarkable brilliance on my part, as most children were not sporting produce names until after the birth of Apple Martin. Meanwhile, I had like seven baby dolls named Carrot. Naming a nail polish should be no problem.

Coffee Shop Playlist Coordinator

I’ll say it, because no one else will. Coffee shops need better/louder music to muffle the sound in the bathroom. Did you really think your Damien Rice track is going to muffle the sound of a triple iced latte exiting my body? Because I know it won’t. I think more cafes need to play The White Stripes with heavy a focus on “Icky Thump.” Pardon the pun.

ASMR Video Test Subject

Over the last year and a half I have really started to fall in love with ASMR. The soft-spoken videos where someone pretends to brush your hair/give you a facial/pluck negative energies are a welcome brain break from Netflix and TikTok. ASMRist itsblitzzz frequently practices her techniques on her friends. Honestly, I am quite jealous! None of my friends run a popular ASMR YouTube account (that I know of). No one has ever offered to ASMR me! I want to do this! I promise I will sit and not make noise. I probably (50/50 chance) won’t even fall asleep! Itsblitzzz even provides her ASMR subjects with a snack! This is my new dream job! Who will pay me to do this?

Supportive Friend Concierge

I used to work fashion retail, so I can tell when someone wants “a friend” to validate their impulsive choices. Basically this is a service, where you call or text me (I could show up but that will definitely cost you extra) to give you the support you “buy now”! Are those ugly-cute shoes actually cute? Or just ugly? Babe, they’re on sale! Who cares! Listen, I am not here to judge and I am certainly not your friend so you won’t have to worry about me ever saying “why do you never wear THATTHING again?? You used to love it!” when you inevitably hate your impulse buy after 2 to 3 business days. Hypothetically, this concierge service could also extend to supportive texts about hooking up with your ex. However, I feel like that could get me sued?

Bread Bitch

Hear me out on this one— You’re at dinner with a group of friends. The waiter plops down a basket of fresh, steaming sliced baguette. Everyone is paralyzed with nerves. “Are we eating bread this week? Does no one want it? Will I look like crazy if I go first?” you think. A bead of sweat trickles down your back. “Please god someone break this curse!!” That’s when I step in. I will be the bread bitch. I will go first. I will give the gluten green light. Sacred moments with your sourdough roll are forever saved. You’re welcome, America.

Anyway, feel free to pass around my resume if any positions like these open up.

I’ll be here all week.

Try the plant-based veal.

L

Are You Watching ‘The White Lotus’?

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If you’re watching The White Lotus then you are legally obligated to talk with me about this truly unhinged show.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

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My dad hates this show and yet he is still watching it. He told me he didn’t appreciate seeing Steve Zahn’s (fake?) balls. He thought Jennifer Coolidge’s boat scene with her mom’s ashes was too long. He likes Armond (Murray Bartlett). He does NOT like Alexandra Daddario.

And now that you have a 60-year-old man’s opinions on this new HBO show, let me give you mine!

While this show is doing a lot of interesting things (chief among them: white affluent families, all the worst parts about a long vacation and analingus), this show is mostly dragging our living generations.

Show me a better depiction of a rich white Millennial than former Obvious Child white boy of the month, Jake Lacy.

I’m starting with Millennials because I am one.

What is the Boomer buzzword for Millennials? ENTITLED. His character Shane Patton believes he deserves everything. If he’s ever thwarted in his search for lazy self pleasure, he can always call his mom to do it for him. Why does he get away with it? Well he’s white…he’s rich….he is semi-nice looking. If I didn’t appreciate Jake Lacy’s range so much I would HATE Shane. He’s such a little asshole. I’m pretty sure in one scene I clocked him wearing Chubbies.

And then we have Rachel. She doesn’t come from money, she’s hustled her entire life only to get to a career of creating fluffy content for listicle-based sites (please believe me when I tell you I am crying) and now she’s “made it” by marrying rich. She’s having a hard time letting go of her “identity” a.k.a a white girl in debt. Rachel isn’t the other end of the Millennial spectrum. If she were, she wouldn’t be on vacation in Hawaii with her new rich husband.

She’s a vehicle to express this generation’s malcontent with everything despite achieving what GenX/Boomers see as a dream….I think? Idk. She is worried that her identity is going to be sucked up into her husband if she doesn’t keep working, but she also doesn’t seem to find any value in what she does. If they wrote this like 5 years ago she would work at Buzzfeed.

Then we have Gen Z. The three Gen Z-ers are Olivia (Sydney Sweeney), Paula (Brittany O’Grady) and Quinn (Fred Hechinger). When Connie Britton says something like you’d hear from the mouth of Gwyneth Paltrow (isn’t CB’s character’s company called something similar to GOOP? Like GOOF? GOOL?), Olivia and Paula are quick to explain to the audience why it’s problematic in the snarkiest of ways. I think that’s due to a combination of Gen X/Boomers fearing but respecting Gen Z’s ability to publicly acknowledge social justice issues.

HOWEVERRRRRRR White Lotus writers have gone the Euphoria/Gossip Girl reboot route and decided that today’s teens are all fucking and on drugs.

Is this true? I am not a teen. Even when I was one, I am pretty sure I took nothing harder than an Advil PM and stared at a poster of Nick Jonas.

A moment that sticks out for me is when Paula, the only main-cast person of color besides Belinda (Natasha Rothwell), is cuddled up in bed after excusing herself from dinner. Olivia is with her and Olivia apologizes for her family. “I’m not like them. I’m your friend,” she tells her. Obviously, this bitch is lying. She is trying to steal Paula’s crush and this is AFTER she promised she wouldn’t take a guy from her again. AGAIN?? Olivia is a bad friend! And she is just like her wack ass family! Thank you White Lotus writers for that heavily loaded line.

Also, when is Euphoria coming back? I miss that show.

All I will say about Quinn is that I think he is supposed to be the neutral good. His only crime is jerking off on the beach and being obsessed with his phone. But who amongst us has/is not!

My first exposure to Connie Britton was Friday Night Lights. Now, I believe she should have a starring role in everything. Connie Britton supremacy!! Also, please god never let my love for this strawberry blonde woman to come back and bite me in the ass.

Connie’s character Nicole Mossbacher is a total Gen X girl boss (if that’s a thing). She always has meetings!! She is rearranging the room for feng shui! She is usually holding a glass of wine or slathering lotion on her arms. She loves Hillary Clinton! She believes it’s hard out there for young, straight white men! She would be a male Boomer’s wet dream if she wasn’t so empowered/refused to have sex with her husband.

Speaking of her husb, he cheated on her. Now she gets to wear $75,000 bracelets. Of course, she seems rich enough to get those on her own…but whatever. Also, why did we have to sit through Steve Zahn talking about his constant boner for her. We get it. Connie Britton is gorgeous!!!

Also is this what Gen X straight men worry about? Their sexual attraction to their wives fading so they have to resist the urge to gag when they have sex with them? They also seem to have gay panic when they discover their ultra-macho dads loved fucking men instead of feeling angry/sad that they grew up in a culture that forced people to hide an important part of themselves. Even when it seems like he’s sad that his dad had to hide, it’s still in the context of so that MARK never knew him. Not that his poor dad couldn’t be himself around his son.

TBH everything out of Mark Mossbacher’s mouth is trash. I was more invested in the idea that he might have cancer/am more invested in MarkMond (Mark and Armond shippers hello!) than I could ever be in his relationship with his wife/son/dad/self.

That’s it for my generational dragging discourse.

Dear, Mike White and Natasha Rothwell (White Lotus writers/ Rothwell plays Belinda) you’re doing an amazing job.

I would also write something about Jennifer Coolidge but her “box” is crazy rich white lady (not in the way that Connie Britton’s character is) and that is less “conditioned generational stereotype” and more of an essence of spirit that has permeated the ether since the dawn of time.

Armond as well, transcends time and space.

Also if this show doesn’t end with Belinda somehow obtaining the funds to start her own wellness space and saying BYEEEEE to the psychopaths at this hotel, I will throw my TV off the balcony. I see the “Black woman healer” role her character is trapped in and it is depressing AF. She deserves much better than caring for crazy ass Jennifer Coolidge and horny Armond.

Also, I apologize for using people’s character names and real names interchangeably. I won’t go back and fix it.

I hope next week we see more of Lukas Gage’s butt. That was a treat. Also what the fuck ever happened to Lani (Jolene Purdy) ?

Until next time

L

Links for Lunch

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Hello it’s me! Using my newly allotted work-enforced “creative time” to uhhhhh show you some things I found on the internet and share my thoughts.

Gonna just gloss over the fact that it has been a while.

Things that happened while I was gone: went on a real vacation for the first time in a year (!!!), got a new couch, celebrated a birthday, figured out how to use my WaterPik without spraying my entire face/body/bathroom, discovered my new favorite bronzer, watched a lot of babies on TikTok, etc…

It’s nice to be back and writing to you again ❤️

We jUST bought a new couch (Living Spaces, baby!) but my friend Jessica showed me what is essentially the Hawaiian Ikea and they have some great pieces including a dupe for the Restoration Hardware cloud sofa.

I’ve been craving routine and structure— I’m just about to enter my Saturn return— so I’ve started cooking Sunday night dinners as a cozy way to wind down the weekend and show myself some love. I have two favorite recipes right now that I swap depending on my mood. This one (from TikTok) is lighter (but still filling) and bright and crunchy and delicious. This one is….a white lady casserole nightmare so please don’t click on this and think it is anything BUT that. It is a comforting, cheesy delicious Sunday night blanket and nothing more. I usually add ground turkey for some protein.

I bought this candle as a birthday present to myself and also because I love all things Goldie Hawn.

The candlemakers also have their own pop culture podcast that I can’t get enough of.

I’m home from my humid tropical vacation and back in the desert dystopia that is L.A. If you live in a dry climate, this is my holy grail moisturizer. My skin would be shattering into 1000000 sharp pieces without it.

I read The Ugly Cry: A Memoir on the plane and I am STILL thinking about it. Danielle Henderson is a superb storyteller. I highly recommend buying from your local bookstore. I’m linking out to my favorite one: Unabridged in Chicago.

This is the No. 1 product that has saved my long, heat-damaged hair.

If you’re feeling anxiety about finding meaning while living a tiny life on a small dying rock that is hurtling through space, listen to this podcast.

I’m going to San Diego in 2 weeks and I’m really looking forward to trying this restaurant. My dermatologist also recommended this taco place. Have you ever been to SD and/or tried either? Lmk! And send me some recs.

While I’m in town you KNOW I am going to be checking out this haunted hotel.

And on that note:

July is pretty much almost not quite over…so basically it is Halloween IMO.

Can’t wait to wholly embrace this aesthetic:

lots of luv

ur spooky ghoul

L

Skincare That Actually Works*

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*or at least it did for me

The dental hygienist complimented my skin today. Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve noticed that it’s been looking more glow-y and even recently.

I’d love to share my new fave products with you, but before I do you should definitely know your skin type for best results.

For example, my skin is dehydrated (NOT dry), sensitive and acne-prone. I also have rosacea.

If you DO NOT have any of those things, I don’t know that these products will benefit you in any way! Maybe they will, but that can be your science experiment and I don’t want any part of it/any blame if it goes wrong. Also, I know I said I have sensitive skin, but if your skin is the type of sensitive skin that gets a rash from anything that isn’t 100% pure idkwhatthefuck, consult a dermatologist before using any of this!!

Secondly, I am not claiming that any/all of these products are affordable. Some of them you can definitely find at a drugstore and are under $30, but some of them aren’t!

Basically, this list won’t be for everyone.

We love an author that alienates their audience in the intro!

ANYWAY

If you’re still reading….. I am going to list my routine in reverse. Nighttime first. Why? Because chaos is fun.

Then I Met You Living Cleansing Balm

Do you ever have a skincare product that you look forward to the scent of? This cleansing balm smells SO good. I love its marigold color. I love its melty texture. I love the way it gently but effectively dissolves any and all makeup on my skin. I don’t love how whenever I need a new one, it’s always out of stock!! But when I have this in my rotation, it’s bliss.

I get the best results by doing a few passes over my face with a cotton pad soaked with micellar water (any kind will do), rubbing a nickel-sized portion of this balm all over my face then removing with a water soaked cotton pad (or several), then washing with a cleanser like the one I’m going to tell you about below.

Dr. Loretta Gentle Hydrating Cleanser

This cleanser is soooo beyond extremely gentle. I have stopped cleansing with a product in the morning (Charlotte Palermino taught me), so I keep this in the shower to cleanse with after a workout/before bed.

ENature Birch Juice Hydro Sleeping Pack

Allow me to be tragically honest with you. I don’t like the way this product smells or feels. I DO love how it works. When I wake up, my skin feels so freakin hydrated and soothed (V good product for this someone with rosacea) after I go to sleep with this weird goo slathered on.

If you were a kid who sunburned their face a lot and their mom made them go to bed wearing an aloe mask, it feels like that and smells stranger. But this works. Effectively.

OKAY NOW THIS IS THE MORNING STUFF.

As previously mentioned, I no longer cleanse my face in the AM with a product. Typically, I wet a wash cloth and gently rub it all over my face. Then, while my face is wet, I apply the following:

Then I Met You Birch Milk Refining Toner

This toner is one of the main reasons my skin has been looking brighter and more even. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Then I Met You Living Cleansing Balm, but I can always use Banila Clean It Zero in a pinch. I think this purple-milky toner is my new must-have. The blend of acids LIGHTLY exfoliates my skin without burning or stripping it. I get hormonal acne AND mascne, and this product has helped prevent it and clear any dark spots up.

Skinfix Barrier+ Triple Lipid-Peptide Face Cream

Hands down, this is my favorite moisturizer. Tragically, I ran out and currently don’t feel like spending $50 to replace it. I am going to try a La Roche-Posay cream in the interim, and I’ll let you know how that goes. But really, this moisturizer strengthens the F out of my skin barrier and plumps my skin to baby cheek goodness. It’s worth the money. I’m just currently broke!

Be sure to make sure your face is still a little wet when you apply this, it will trap the moisture in (a MUST for dehydrated skin). If your face isn’t a little wet, don’t be afraid to splash a LITTLE water on. Then apply product.

M-61 Hydraboost Face Oil

What started as a sample in my Blue Mercury bag has become a staple in my routine. I am a big fan of facial massage/lymphatic drainage every morning and I can’t even imagine doing it without this oil. I guess I love peptides and squalane, babes.

Cerave Healing Ointment

As someone in the skincare cult of Charlotte Palermino, I love an occlusive. Is this step overkill? Maybe! Is it locking in all my face products when I use smaller than a pea-sized amount? Yes! Is it hurting anybody? NO! IT GROWS THE ECONOMY.

Seriously use like…half a pea-sized amount, rub it between your hands and then gently pat it into your face. I have noticed a DRASTIC difference from doing this. Plus, it’s under $10.

Anthelios Mineral Tinted Ultra Light Sunscreen Fluid SPF 50

This is one of my favorite sunscreens. I am pale as hell. Something other white people LOVE to point out to me. This is tinted so when I wear it, I don’t wear foundation (or honestly even concealer). It’s SPF 50 so I feel protected. Because I am not typically wearing other makeups with it, this is super easy to reapply without worrying that I am messing up the makeup masterpiece that is my face. The only con is that it WILL stain your clothing should you get any on it before it dries.

My other fave sunscreen rn is from Saie, but it’s a lower SPF. I know I upset some people last time when I said you should be wearing sunscreen indoors, but the Saie one is a good option for every day if you aren’t planning on being outside all that much.

LMK if you have comments, questions, concerns.

I am not a derm or an expert. Just a human being with skin on their face who has tried some things and liked them.

yours,

Boo Boo the fool

On Mental Health

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Hello, and what the fuck is going on.

What is transitioning back to “regular/real life (??)”

And do I even want it???

I am not speaking for the collective we, because I know some people did fuck all during the pandemic to “slow the spread” (I fully expect to see my future fifth grade child make some awful history unit diorama on the 2020 pandemic with a little clay man holding a sign that says this).

I am just speaking for me.

I spent over a year inside. I spent almost 400 days seeing the same 4 people (with tiny treats seeing anyone else and I was BEYOND privileged to get to do that). I binge-watched every episode of The Crown, plowed my way through Michael Douglas and Al Pacino’s oeuvres, cooked fancy meals, defrosted tater tots, stopped eating, worked five days a week while mass chaos ensued, called my therapist, went for long walks around the neighborhood, had family die, continued to do every day that wasn’t Sunday, drifted apart from friends, stopped working, called my Grandma more than I ever have in my life, went further into debt than I ever have in my life, still had to work, learned how to give myself a fucking fantastic manicure, gave up on laundry, filled my apartment with plants, acted as a therapist to my parents, got in fights with my sister, drove down PCH blasting showtunes with my boyfriend and convinced and unconvinced myself that I should get a dog like 15 different times.

And now, New York is back, baby!

Or so I’ve heard.

I don’t fucking live there.

But over here in LA life is resuming too. People are going into the office. Or at the very least, going to indoor malls. We’re seeing our friends again. We are going to bars. Some of us are finally going on vacation and posting bikini pics WITHOUT a caption to justify the action!

So why does the whole thing kind of feel like shit?

I’m delighted that I get to see more of my friends again. I can actually go see my grandma and worry less that I am going to kill her! I’ve started taking pilates classes (with a mask on) and on June 15 the mask is coming off.

But a lot of things look and feel different to me and it’s making me fucking uncomfortable to pretend that I am eager to enjoy them.

I’m scared, dude!!!!

I grieved my 2019 existence for over a year. What am I supposed to do now? Dig it up out of its grave and dust it off? That version of me died and didn’t get a funeral (like my step Grandma!) and I’ve been struggling to make up for the loss.

I had a social life and now I’m at square one. I was having fun and now I’m at square one. I felt secure with what I wanted my life to look like and now I’m at square one.

It doesn’t help that this shit started when I was 26 and now I am going to be 28.

The only good thing about being 27 was that I survived.

But I also don’t have the same wants that I did when I was 26 (naturally). However, I also don’t have the same wants that I did when it seemed like the 5 second rule applied to dropping food on a table.

Now it’s like, how the fuck did I ever eat food that I dropped on a public table that hadn’t been cleaned?? That other people sneezed on or wiped their ass on (idk what people do, I’m just saying)???

Like what the fuck, who was that and why did she not fear for her life then???

Someone hit the play button on the world (LOL just the U.S.) and it’s all so loud and fast.

I feel 10000000 steps behind and at this point I can’t tell if I want to try to keep up or just quit.

I’d start a new life and move to the desert but I don’t think the man I live with and love very much would appreciate that.

This was traumatic. 2020 through now. The world has PTSD. Why are we just moving forward and not dealing with it?

Logically, I know I have the choice to opt out. I could sit at home and do more therapy and see people in little bits and work my way up to something sort of like comfortability.

But life will blast past me.

I will feel even more steps behind.

I could throw up.

I don’t even know really why I am writing this. I guess to see if anyone else feels this way? If anyone wants to talk about it? Just so someone knows that they are not alone. Including me.

If you spent the pandemic doing everything that you could and it fucked your mental health and now you feel painfully emotionally slow while everyone is blasting past you to enjoy life and you feel like you can’t or don’t….I am right here with you.

2021 doesn’t have to be a botch if we treat ourselves right. We just have to figure out what that means. And I won’t make any more depressing posts. I swear. (Maybe.)

Hopefully we can add some cham to all our pain….

like champagne

get it?

that was stupid.

Anyway

see you on the bull at Saddle Ranch!

x