This Food YouTube Series Helps Me Cope With My Anxiety

A major part of coping with anxiety is assembling a collection of self-soothing mechanisms and tools. It’s almost like you’re Ariel from The Little Mermaid but instead of whosits and whatsits galore, you acquire a treasure trove of comforting artifacts and rituals that you can utilize whenever you feel a wave of anxiety building and ready to break inside your brain, your heart, your body. And yes, therapy, exercise, and medication are important but they don’t always work for everyone, based on a variety of factors not limited to time, money, and resources. There are countless forms that anxiety soothers can take – it can essentially be anything that helps you feel just a little bit lighter, mentally. And it doesn’t have to cost you a lot of time or money to be effective.

Many people I know, including myself, food is one way to cope with anxiety. There’s clearly a reason why the phrase “comfort food” exists. As one of the greatest universal calming tools, food represents something more than what it is on the plate. For me, I find the most comfort in food when it’s being made. As an admittedly bad and clumsy cook, I find it really relaxing to watch other people make food. Like when my mom makes Sunday dinners that warm up the whole kitchen, creating condensation on the windows in the winter. Or when my boyfriend puts together a Greek salad for us after work a few times a week.

Or when I watch cooking shows, like the Great British Bake Off, which is a tried and true calming mechanism for me, especially when I am trying to fall asleep and can’t get my brain to calm down. The dulcet British accents, cozy baking tent vibes, and cheery and cute contestants all make it easier to slip into sleep. I discovered GBBO a few years ago in the middle of a few particularly anxious months and it made such a difference in my day-to-day life during that time. It will forever be a part of my anxiety-relieving treasure trove.

One of my latest additions to the myriad of things I use to help with my anxiety is a series on the Bon Appetit YouTube channel called It’s Alive with Brad. I stumbled across it only a week ago and I already have recommended it to five people. If you like cooking shows but can also appreciate mishaps and bloopers that you lose with a traditional and edited show, this series is for you. The videos star Brad Leone, BA’s test kitchen manager, as he explores “living” foods like kombucha, miso, mushrooms, oysters, honey – the list goes on and on. The other star of the series is the off-camera Vinny who actually films the series and whom Brad constantly refers to throughout the videos. Earlier episodes show Brad in the BA test kitchen creating these living foods but the series evolved to now include episodes of Brad (and Vinny of course) traveling around the United States meeting with local food makers. A recent investigation of both Brad and Vinny’s Instagrams tells me they’re in Italy so I’m already excited for the episodes to come. Overall the series is equal parts light, educational, funny, and comforting, making it a welcome addition to the anxiety relief rotation.

Here’s a few of my favorite It’s Alive videos:

 

Just Some Soothing Photos Of Casseroles

Sometimes being a human person in the world is tough and scary. Give your brain a break. Look at these photos of casseroles.

They’re warm and weird and wonderful. They’re soft and spongy and noodle-y. They don’t have to get up and go to work or read the news. They don’t do anything. They don’t hate anybody or hurt anybody or do bad things. They exist for no purpose other than eating and keeping your tummy warm. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Some of these are more-so hot dishes and also kugel but whatever. Shhhh, it’s time for casseroles.

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Haven’t made this in quite awhile! Yum! #tunanoodlecasserole #sogood #onepotmeal

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Imagine me, the perfect 50’s #housewife and serving this up to my perfect family, along with martinis and there would be some amazing dessert I made 💁🏼‍♀️🍸🍽 . . . None of that is what happened. I did however make a #tunanoodlecasserole that I got inspiration from @chrissyteigen It has a #kettlecookedchips and cheese 🧀 topping. Peas and celery inside it, along with some pickled #jalapeno (on my side only) One kid ate it up because I said it was chicken pasta 🤦🏼‍♀️ with chips & the other dissected it/complained about each #ingredient BECAUSE#kidsarefun It was delicious even without a martini #allieluvsfood #whatsallieeating #dinner #noms #foodporn #foodie #food #homemade #foodie #homecooking

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A Mexican casserole that’s both healthy & delicious? Filled with roasted corn and peppers? Yesss. Don’t worry on the prep time as it’s cooked by our chefs at your home using your ingredients! Now isn’t that easy? Our services are NOW AVAILABLE across Dubai Marina, JBR, JLT, Emirates Living (Springs, Lakes, Meadows, Greens, Emirates Hills), Barsha Heights (Tecom), Al Barsha, Jumeirah, Greens Community (DIP), Arabian Ranches, Mira & Palm Jumeirah! Call/WhatsApp for more info: 0554211707 #chefsindubai #personalchef #homechefs #homechefuae #homechefmeals #privatechefsindubai #foodporn #cooksindubai #homemademeals #dubai #mydubai #uae #cooks #cooksondemand #foodcoma #nomnom #love #foodlove #instafood #instagood #food #tasty #mexican #mexicanfood #casserole #mexicancasserole @homechefuae @whatscookinguae @foodtalkindia @foodtalkdubai_official @instagram @mydubai @foodinandoutdubai @dubai__foodies @foodnetwork @tastyvegetarian

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💚Der Blumenkohl-Makkaroni-Auflauf duftet schon aus dem Ofen💚. . Blumenkohl ist doch was Feines! Findest Du nicht auch? Bis Ende Oktober läuft noch die heimische Saison und mein Blumenkohl-Makkaroni-Auflauf ist schnell gemacht und schmeckt der ganzen Familie. . Das i-Tüpfelchen ist die knusprige Brösel-Kruste aus Kräcker und Parmesan – einfach nur „ober-leckerschmecker“. Die ideale Mittags- und Feierabendküche ist in nur 35 Minuten auf den Tisch gezaubert. Guten Appetit😍. . Ich wünsche Dir noch einen schönen Mittwoch Abend😘. . 💋Rezept-Link im Profil💋 oder unter 💋www.emmikochteinfach.de/blumenkohl-makkaroni-auflauf/💋. . 🇬🇧🇺🇸 Simple cauliflower & pasta casserole – with cheese and ham👍. . #ofengericht #nudelauflauf #makkaroni #blumenkohl #blumenkohlauflauf #cauliflower #pasta #nudeln #auflauf #casserole #casseroles #comfortfood #selbstgemacht #einfachkochen #gesundkochen #gesunderezepte #gesundessen #gesundabnehmen #abnehmenohnezuhungern #abnehmen #gutenappetit  #rezeptaufdemblog #mittagessen #lunch #abendessen #dinner #healthyfood #fitnessfood #instafood #rezeptideen

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PLEASE VOTE !

you’re prob really tired and stressed out like everybody else but the only way we can effect positive change literally at all in this political and social climate is to vote. So get on that now. Like right now. Register to vote and then do it. I mean it. Fucking go. Get us OUT of this nightmare.

Ok thanks

These Girls And Their Instagrams Are Cooler Than Their Famous Dads

Katie Kimmel

Katie Kimmel is Jimmy Kimmel’s daughter, and she is exponentially cooler than her TV host dad. Katie designs shirts, mugs, sweaters, totes, vases, and just makes really heckin’ cool art. Her Instagram is a little space of joy and an excellent follow. We wanted everything from her collection with Lou & Grey and now that we’ve discovered her weird little iron-on shrimp patches, you bet your ass we’re buying one! (Also our graphic that I shittily made is inspired by her shirts! K Thnx BYE)

Romy Reiner

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Would you buy this sweater?

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Romy Reiner is the daughter of Rob Reiner (The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally) and the granddaughter of Carl Reiner (Various Sid Caesar Shows, The Dick Van Dyke Show). Not only is she a comedy legacy and Instagram superstar, Romy is an incredible photographer and cartoonist. Plus, she’s totally our style inspo for every season.

Gracie Abrams

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4 u

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J.J. Abram’s daughter Gracie makes really fucking great music. She also keeps it super real on the ‘gram. Following her feels like following your sister’s cool friend that you’ve always heard about but never met. She’s fashionable, she’s talented, and she’s funny. She is who you wish you were when you were that age.

Stella Aykroyd

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going to miss her waking me up every morning 🐕

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We always seem to find ourselves saving photos from Stella Aykroyd’s Insta to post later, as part of our larger “saved” collage. Whatever she’s doing in life, Dan Aykroyd’s daughter seems to be having the most beautiful and best time. Plus, sometimes she posts lil’ throw back pics of her dad which are cool, but really we stay for the art.

Cazzie David

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@hiyahheek made me come to silver lake

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Does it seem redundant to include Cazzie David? We don’t care. Obviously you know who she is, and if you don’t–where have you been?? She’s Larry David’s daughter but she’s also a powerhouse writer, actor, comedian, and podcast guest. She dated Pete Davidson for a hot minute too. Yea, Larry David is good, but like Cazzie….iconic.

Harley Quinn Smith

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you guys!!!! The California Cruelty Free Cosmetics Act is so close to becoming a reality! It’s going to be voted on by the California assembly within the next two weeks. This would make it illegal to sell products that have been tested on animals in the state of California after January 1st, 2020. This would be a major accomplishment for the animal rights community and would free so many innocent living beings from suffering in labs. I think this is an issue that vegans and non-vegans alike can agree on. It’s not a matter of taking anything away from humans, it’s a matter of ending unnecessary abuse of innocent animals. There is no need to test on animals when there are so many nonviolent alternatives that are so much more accurate in their results!!! There are no down sides to this act (except for the evil cosmetic companies who choose profit over saving living beings from harm), and it will change and save the lives of so many animals. So PLEASE help in getting this act to pass by spreading the word, boycotting non-cruelty free cosmetic brands (fuck you @esteelauder) and by calling California assembly members and telling them to vote yes on SB1249!!!

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Kevin Smith’s daughter Harley, is very very cool. She sings in a band, she acts, and she’s a huge activist for animals. She’s a major beauty and style inspo on Instagram as well as a vegan icon (tbh). Plus, we think she could totally be Rio Viera Newton’s long lost little sister (do you see the resemblance??? Is it just the hair?? Idk, I am asking you!)

A Time I Felt Truly Attractive

Recently on Twitter, someone prompted the Twitterverse to tell them about a time “you felt truly attractive.” My response was “At my grandpa’s funeral.”

But let me explain.

My grandfather and I became very close towards the end of his life. It was just as much of a joy for me to see him as it was for him to see me, and in his usual Jewish grandfatherly way, would kvell (Yiddish for bursting with pride, to say something with pride) about how beautiful he thought I was. This was even when I would roll up to the Jewish Home For the Elderly in yoga pants with like, no eyebrows on and dirty hair.

The man had style before he was bed-ridden. There are photographs in my house of him in his younger years, wearing trendy outfits for the time and looking handsome. He appreciated the effort people put into looking good. He would tell me when he liked my coat or if he thought the color of a shoe or a bracelet was eye-catching. He was detail-oriented and happy to see every little thing that I wanted to show him, from my haircut to my toe polish to my new tattoo.

Towards the end, I tried to put some extra effort into how I looked when I saw him, because he had such little contact with the outside world. I wore colors and lipstick and fun jewelry.

It wouldn’t have mattered if I hadn’t. I could have come in Norts and a big sweater every day with no makeup on and he would have been just as ecstatic to see me. We would have talked about traveling (his favorite thing), eating (his second favorite thing), our family, paranormal things (I loved to ask him about ghosts), dying, god, the Russians, his Russian parents, or anything. The connection between us was never about how I looked on the outside, but it felt like a nicety he could never be afforded. He was too sick to be out of the home for long, to see many people, and the people he did see every day weren’t necessarily the most sparkly. So for him, I sparkled. I wanted to bring him the best version of me. Someone thriving, someone vibrant, someone pretty. Someone from the outside, because he was trapped in there.

When he died, I wanted to sparkle for him one last time. It felt like a do-over for how we said goodbye.

The last time I ever saw my grandfather in the flesh, I had a fever of 102 and almost didn’t come. I had to fight my family to let me go and see him. It was Christmas. I wore a yellow medical mask around my nose and mouth. “Get that sticker off your face. Let me see you,” he had said to me. I don’t know why he thought it was a sticker.

“You can’t,” I had answered. “I don’t want to get you sick.”

I couldn’t kiss him on the head when I said goodbye, so I held his hands. He was still glad to see me.

He died the next day.

So, to honor him, I wanted to go all out. I wanted to look amazing. I wanted not only to be sparkly, I wanted to look hot. I wanted elderly Jewish family members and distant relatives alike to see me and be like “Woah, that’s Hillard’s grand daughter?” Hell yea, it is bitches. Progeny, but make it sexi.

I bought a funeral-appropriate but still cocktail party-esque black dress from Nordstrom, Spanx with butt pads (accidentally), this deep-berry stain lipstick from NYX, opaque tights, heeled boots, and an itty bitty purse that was black and cheetah print and could only fit my cellphone and a handful of Ativan.

I had my lashes done. I got my hair blown out. I arrived in San Francisco for the funeral and completely fell apart.

I remember looking at my face in the mirror as I got ready (I am a makeup before outfit girl) and feeling like an alien. I was blotchy and booger-y and had massive dark circles. I put heavy-duty primer on, followed by a heavy application of foundation. I concealed. I contoured. I didn’t bronze because it was January and who would have believed me. My eyebrows were arched and full. My lips looked kissed by berries. The routine of applying a full and detailed face with a shit ton of products actually calmed me down. Spritzing myself with setting spray felt therapeutic.

It was only until after I opened my package of Spanx that I realized they included butt pads. I called my sister in to laugh at them. They were incredible and unnecessary and looked amazingly subtle under my dress followed by a pair of tights. I did up my dress. I put on my shoes. I grabbed my purse. I was wearing butt pads!

If you didn’t know that I was headed to a funeral, I looked HOT. I looked vampy and leggy and like I had a perfectly circular and pert butt. If you didn’t know better you might have thought I was on my way to a date or a very sexy business meeting at 10 a.m.

In the words of my least favorite Bachelorette, I “did the damn thing.” I greeted his former co-workers, his friends, our family members I had never met, our family members I knew. I smiled. I stood up straight. I shook hands. Then it came time for the service.

God bless Too Faced Cosmetics and the power of waterproof mascara. No matter how hard I cried, how much snot I wiped on my sleeve, or the amount of wine I drank after the service–it all held together. While my eyes were red (crying and drunk) my lashes looked luscious. The makeup on my nose stayed on even after honking it into a tissue 1000000 times. My hair was shiny and curled at the bottom thanks to Dry Bar and it photographed well in the photos I took in the Columbarium bathroom for the guy I was dating at the time. Yes, I even took a photo of my butt. You couldn’t see the pads under the tights. I was hot!!

(P.S. Zayde, I’m sorry for taking a picture of my butt at your funeral. I blame the grief and the wine.)

Did I feel beautiful? No. I felt like throwing up and crying some more. But did I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I looked good? Hell yeah brother. Hell yea. I don’t think I have put so much careful love and attention into looking that good, again. Not even for a date.

But even though I sparkled and shone with lipgloss and nice hair, I showed up. That’s what was important. I was there with my family, and I got to say goodbye, without a face sticker or a mask or a fever. I was there because I loved him. That’s all he would have really wanted anyway.

 

 

 

Everything I Considered Buying This Week

I may be broke, but you might not be! Here’s a list of everything I almost purchased this week but didn’t once I looked at my bank account balance:

A’PIEU Madecassoside Needle Spot Patch

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Summer Dawn (my fave Instagram girl) posted about these on her Insta story and said they are the best pimple patches she has ever tried.

Kiehl’s Age Defender Eye Repair Cream

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My Instagram boo @Tynanbuck storied this eye cream and said it was “fucking unreal”. Excuse me, I want that!!!

UGG Slippers

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Kate and I have long discussed purchasing matching fluffy UGG heeled sandals a la Marta from Nice Paper, but these Coquette Clog Slippers seem a little more functional. I would wear them around the house, to walk my dog, to grab coffee, to a friend’s house, and probably….everywhere else lol. Did I just re-talk myself into buying them? MAYBE! But they’re like walking on a cloud!

Gola Classics Women’s Tennis Mark Cox Trainer

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I saw these bad boys while I was shopping at Lou & Grey. I love the off-white color and the saddle brown stripes. They’re simple, they’re chic, they’re very fall.

Tilda Swinton Like This Eau de Parfum by Etat Libre D’Orange 

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My beautiful Twitter friend Chelb is responsible for this one. She gave me a sample of this scent and I can’t stop wearing it. It’s at once spicy, soft, musky, and green. PLUS, IT’S INSPIRED BY TILDA SWINTON. It’s awesome and I want it in full-size.

Madewell’s 10″ High-Rise Skinny jeans

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I used to work at Madewell and am a full convert for Madewell denim. It’s stretchy, soft, and holds you in in all the right places. Plus, the washes tend not to have unflattering whiskering or weird green-tinged washes. I have a favorite pair of Madewell jeans that I bought when I worked there in college almost 5 years ago. I beat the hell out of them and wear them practically every day. They’re just now starting to wear a little thin on one inner thigh. I was thinking of getting these as a replacement! The insane part is, they’ve pre-cut the bottom to make it a step-hem. I did that to mine, only to mimic our super cool store manager all those years ago. It’s just now catching on!

Julie Houts “Become Your Pasta” Illustration

I love this illustration so much I want it in my house!!!! Nothing has spoken to me more in life!

LuMee Duo Phone Case with Front & Back LED Lighting 

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For bomb pics in dark cabs/restaurants/bars/bathrooms, at any angle.

Trashboy Shirt By NapkinItems 

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My favorite Instagrammer Napkin Apocalypse made shirts inspired by her son’s love of garbage trucks. Her son designed that little truck under the part that says Trashboy. Even if you hate this shirt, you gotta check out Napkin Apocalypse. You’re welcome.

HUDA BEAUTY Easy Bake Loose Baking & Setting Powder Pound Cake

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I borrowed some of this from my beautiful friend and makeup expert Julia, when we were in New York. It sets your face like a motherfucker. Highly recommend. Would LOVE to own.

Anyway, instead of buying any of this I bought like 4 airplane tickets, infinity Ubers, stayed in 2 airbnbs, some cold medicine, 100000 gallons of soup, a new sweater, and some candy corn.

The Most Comfortable Underpants In The World Are From GAP*

Underwear is so important. When I decided to love myself and stop wearing Victoria’s Secret “cheeksters” “thongies” or whatever glitter-dipped g-strings I was buying that were giving me major front-wedgies, I began an underpants exploration.

There was an intermediary period where I tried Target, and those were fine, but cheaply made and the lace was itchy. There was Aerie, which I found to be fine, but not exactly the fit I wanted. I even went online and found a brand that I like for pretty lacy things, but for every-day-comfortable-even-when-your-butt-is-sweating, it wouldn’t do.

Underpants are so personal. Yes, they cover your bits, but you also want panties that make you feel good and like you can move, and don’t irritate or dig into the soft flesh of your hips and thighs. My mom bought me underpants with a thick elastic waistband until I was 11. My tummy hung over the sides. They left huge red marks. I decided never again.

I’m 25 and I now know what I want. Yeah, I want thongs that don’t have weird rips in the front lace from god knows what or big granny panties covered in period stains that I keep for years because, laziness. I want big girl panties. Adult woman underwear. Something that keeps my crotch covered but looks cute. Something soft. Something breathable. Something without elastic but doesn’t fall off. No lace. no bows. The kind of underwear that if it fell out of your laundry bag in public you wouldn’t be like, “Gee, That’s embarrassing!” because it says “SASSY” on the ass.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And then I found these at the GAP. I’m going to be real, I don’t like GAP. The GAP? Is Gap capitalized? I think their clothing is “feh,” their jeans are bad, and their sale section is a nightmare. But I needed underwear. I have been traveling and staying with friends and in hotels and haven’t done laundry and didn’t think turning my dirty pairs of panties inside out was the best course of action. I wandered in to the store only because my other options were J Crew (do they even have underwear?) and Nordstrom Rack (sizing and brands are questionable at any time).

They were under a sign labeling them as “softies,” which is exactly what I was looking for. The next buzz word I saw said, “breathe.” They were breathable!!! My coochie was gonna get to breathe! I touched them. They felt undeniably soft and light. They came in a variety of rises and colors, and many of them didn’t have some dumb ugly bow like I was a present or a baby!!!! I chose the high rise bikini because I wanted my tummy to feel covered and delicious in soft fabric damnit!

The next day I put them on and wow. Seriously, wow. I can’t even begin to explain to you what bliss it was. All day I felt comfortable. I didn’t pick a front wedgie even ONCE! No itchy lace, nothing digging into my body, and even better–they were cheetah print!! The cherry on top? A person I trust to see me undressed saw me wearing them, cheetah print from butt to belly button, and said they looked “hot.” Comfortable and hot? These panties are KILLIN IT.

******My only grouse, and the reason why I put an asterisk in the headline of this piece, is because they only go up to a size XXL. And that’s only online. What the fuck GAP. gap. gAp. Everyone deserves to feel the breathable comfort of these reasonably priced crotch-coverings!!!!!!!

Anyway, this isn’t sponsored or anything. I just really like them and wanted to tell you.

K bye.

This Is What Cheese Plate You Would Be According To The Zodiac

Can you believe it’s ONLY Tuesday? Since we’ve heroically made it to the second day of the work week, I am sharing photos of my raison d’être, which just so happens to be cheese.

Call it a cheese plate, a cheese board, a charcuterie, or if you’re my ex boyfriend a “char-coot.” Whatever the hell it is, it’s delicious. American Airline’s fruit and cheese box could never. Starbucks cheese bistro box is shook. Look at these photos of meats and cheeses and fruits and chill. We’ll make it to the weekend soon.

Aries

Aries needs some spicy meats and tangy sauces and spreads to go with their cheese selection. They hate olives but that doesn’t mean they don’t want them on the plate for aesthetic purposes. What’s in that brie? You have no idea. Pass the gabagool!

Taurus

Taurus can’t seem to guilt themselves into eating a mainly cheese plate. They know they need to keep it fresh with some veggies and fruits. However, they will eat all the cheese and drizzle every bite with honey. Sorry not sorry.

Gemini

OFC Gemini would include something sweet like chocolate on their charcuterie to mess with the balance. How is this decadent, sweet, sour, salty, good, and terrible all at once? Honestly all we want is mouthful of tomato and cheese followed by a handful of pomegranate seeds.

Cancer

Baby mama of the zodiac, your cheese plate doesn’t play. It’s like 80% cheese. You came here to feed yourself and everyone else and you know what the good stuff ACTUALLY is. None of this cornichon business. You’ve already shoveled like 4 handfuls of cheese in your mouth while I’ve been talking, haven’t you?

Leo

Leo, you like to look good, but you don’t care if your food does. It’s fine if its all kind of mashed together as long as its tasty AF. You dropped some major coin on those marcona almonds but they were worth it tbh. You’re prettier than your plate is, but you’ll still take a pic next to it because you’re proud.

Virgo

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Hellooooo pumpkin season! 🎃🎃🎃 This won’t be the last time you see pumpkins on my cheese boards, including that festive pumpkin butter. And to compliment it, I used two of my favorite cheeses from @cypressgrovers: Humboldt Fog & STRAIGHT UP. Now if there’s one cheese that people go nuts for it’s Humboldt Fog! The moment you guys spot that distinctive ash down the center… I get tons of comments about how it’s the best cheese in all the land! Well I’m here to say, it’s true! But you should also know that #CypressGrove makes lots of other awesome cheeses. The Fresh Goat Cheese Cups are new & come in 4 flavors. I used the STRAIGHT UP (classic goat cheese which tastes lovely with the pumpkin butter), placed it in a ramekin & garnished with some rosemary. You can go three posts back to see how I used two of their other flavors (DANGER ZONE and SWEET DREAMS) on another recent cheese board! PLUS…more tips on how to make this Fall-inspired board on IG Stories. #Ad #AintTooProudToCheese

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Everything about this cheese plate is neat and in its place. Even the herbs. Plus, the pumpkin makes it homey AF. Don’t touch it though. You’ll ruin it! You know what, you’re probably better off serving it to people than letting them take what they want, you absolute control freak. I would hate you but this does look good.

Libra

Libra your cheese plate is just as fun and whimsical as you are. You included things people typically wouldn’t think to and flavor combinations that might seem zany, but are damn good. You’re so creative I just want to take a bite out of that brie, and you…damn

Scorpio

You cool ass Scorpio bitch!!!!!! Look at this vaguely Mediterranean set up!!! How did you come up with this? How are you so crafty? Get that prosciutto-wrapped breadstick out of your mouth. It’s giving me ideas.

Sagittarius

You don’t need much to make a good meal, and you know that Sag. You take some simple stand out flavors and enjoy the simple but still delectable combos. You know what works AND you made deviled eggs with bacon too? You absolute charcuterie genius.

Capricorn

Papa of the Zodiac, you wanted to make sure everybody got some bread or a cracker to pair with their meat and their cheese. Your detail-oriented-ness has not gone unnoticed here what with the orderly set up and the peanut butter pretzels, but it’s SO YOU to forget to slice your cheese. How are we supposed to eat this? Break it off? I’m leaving with a whole wedge in my purse. BYE

Aquarius 

Aquarius my little air headed baby, what the fuck is this and why do I love it? I can’t identify some of the things on your plate but you probably found them at some cool market I’ve never heard of and thought it might go well with your other ingredients. Well it DOES.

Pisces

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Is it the weekend yet?!

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Pisces, as the mom-friend you went all out on your cheese board and it looks fucking divine. But could you shut up about all the work you went to? No one asked you for this!!! Eat a fig with some of that blue cheese and shutup. I love you.