Tag: celebrity

Jessica Simpson Is the Paulo Coelho of Our Generation

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Hi!

We’re back.

Blogs take a lot of time, dedication, and money and unfortunately we have none of those things.

But what we DO have is Jessica Simpson’s tell-all, Open Book.

If you’re a loyal reader, you know we were and still are OBSESSED with Jessica’s pregnancy foot pics that documented her monstrous swollen ankles.

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Any remedies?! Help!!!!

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We are not Quentin Tarantino. We just loved the radical honesty and truly amazing IG content. Show me another female celebrity doing this much to document their changing body (sans gross sensual belly pics) through a similarly humorous and horrified gaze!!

Although we haven’t listened to a Jessica Simpson song since 2006, we–meaning I, Lily– purchased the audiobook of Open Book out of genuine curiosity.

I’d been seeing headlines around town about it. Something, something John Mayer ‘Sexual Napalm,’ CLICK– and that she spared no celebrity (including herself) in telling her truth. We love a strong woman!!!

I am a paperback girl but because I drive 75623646723423 hours to work and back every day I have become an audiobook girl as well.

What you need to know about this book is that it is:

1. Narrated by Miss Simpson.

2. Does not spare a SOUL except goddess Britney Jean Spears.

3. Sad as hell and will make you cry.

I was expecting a fun, easy celeb read like Next Level Basic by Stassi Schroeder or maybe something with a little juice like literally anything by Andy Cohen. I’ve been on a string of creepy books because I can listen to them in the car without getting scared (shoutout Baby Teeth) and weird books (anything Otessa Moshfegh) and wanted a palate cleanser.

What I got was an insanely compelling, tear-jerking, unflinching look at what it was/is to be a 90’s teen star turned TV personality turned business woman turned disaster turned mom? Idk I haven’t finished the book yet tbh.

BUT WHAT I HAVE LISTENED TO IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD (and I’m like 70% through).

Her entire childhood is movie-worthy. It’s wild listening to her stories about auditioning for Disney and losing it out to Britney Spears (who she NEVER says a bad word against). There is totally some venom towards Xtina and Justin Timberlake but like, to be expected. She talks a lot about her marriage with Nick Lachey (remember him? lol) and her substance abuse problems.

You get to learn a lot about CaCee Cobb, wife of Donald Faison! There is a part where she talks to Celine Dion while in the hospital on a lot of pain meds! It’s magic!

Basically, this is a great read if you are either a fan of Jessica’s or looking to become one. Or if you are someone who really likes Friday Night Lights and The Righteous Gemstones or watch a lot of Fixer Upper and are scared of Chip and Joanna Gaines.

This book is making me want to go to Texas.

This book is making me want to stream “With You” and pretend I’m in an Amanda Bynes movie. If this isn’t a ringing endorsement then I don’t know what is.

Also, her book tour looks have been SICKENING in the best possible way.

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Brrrr ❄️ #OpenBookLOOKS

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Channeling my inner Elle Woods 💕#OpenBookLOOKS

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Anyway, just felt the need to share. Maybe you’ll hear from me again, maybe you won’t.

Writing this felt like getting back on a bicycle only to realize you have two flat tires.

So who knows.

Laters on the menjay

L

Celebrities I Would Have a Full-Scale Meltdown Over If They Unfollowed Me

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Maybe you know (or maybe you have a life) but Billie Eilish unfollowed YouTuber Tana Mongeau on Instagram and it ruined her existence day.

She even made a vlog about it.

I don’t know anything about Mongeau other than the fact that I think she got married to one of the Paul brothers (the one who didn’t take a video of a dead body). However, I respect the level of extra she is being over this unfollow.

Billie Eilish is a queen. Unfollowing Mongeau is like revoking her stamp of approval. She is officially no longer “cool” by music prodigy/baggy clothes wearing/green haired, William Eyelash’s standards.

Damn. That must feel cold ASF.

Luckily, there are really only a few celebs I would lose my lunch over if they unfollowed me.

***Please note, none of these people currently follow me (and probably never will!)****

Chrissy Teigen

Chrissy unfollowing me would be a deep personal burn I would never heal from. I feel like we like/talk about a lot of the same things??? Don’t reject me Chrissy! We have the same face shape and I use your pics for hair inspo!!!

Luna Stephens

She doesn’t have an Instagram because she’s 3 years old but IF SHE DID (or in the future) if she ever followed and then UNFOLLOWED me, I would throw myself off a cliff. She is my favorite celebrity baby!!!!

North West

This is a personal rejection I would not be able to face.

Rihanna

People would have to hide sharp objects from me if this happened.

Martha Stewart

Honestly, I would understand if she unfollowed me. She’s such a fucking queen. But if she unfollowed me it would disappoint my mom and my grandma a lot lol.

Diane Keaton

Genuinely love her social media presence and would cry if she and her multiple layers of black and white clothing and accessories clicked “unfollow.”

Harry Styles

Let’s be real, him FOLLOWING me would send me into a tailspin.

Jimmi Simpson

Hahahaaahahahahhahah

 

 

 

Amanda Bynes Is Back, You Guys!!

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And we’re so fucking excited.

Though it’s been a while since we’ve seen or heard anything about Ms. Bynes, she’s taking over the internet once again. But instead of the usual shit post about her appearance or her mental health, Bynes is taking over her own narrative by gracing the cover of Paper Magazine and let me tell you, she looks and sounds fucking GOOD.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqqKqTqguws/

The talented actress turned fashion student looks nothing short of glam in her plaid blazer, silk shirt, and acid washed jeans? Are those? We spy an intense Western wear-inspired belt buckle too which we LOVVVEEE. Also look at the hair! The face! The makeup! Honey, we have come such a long way from 2013!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BqqOi1jAV5k/

What we learned from the Paper Mag piece is that Bynes is into Post Malone (same), HBO’s Insecure (wow, also same), basically started Channing Tatum’s acting career, dreams of having her own fashion line (and has already designed some original pieces!!), wants to re-enter showbiz, and that she is genuinely excited for the future and feeling good–which is honestly the only thing that matters.

What really made us tear up was this part righttttt here:

Sometimes society confuses agreeableness or niceness with blandness or, even worse, weakness — especially when it’s a trait exhibited by a young woman — but make no mistake: Bynes is neither bland nor weak. She’s a woman who still possesses that same expressive sense of humor that first won over producers for All That as well as a type of thoughtfulness and self-awareness that comes with age — and gets amplified when you’ve had to navigate some dark waters.

That’s our fucking, gIRL RIGHT THERE!!!

We can’t wait to see everything Amanda will do in 2019. If you don’t plan on celebrating her return, leave! Good vibes only! BYE!

Now bring in the dancin’ lobstas!!!!

 

Jennifer Garner’s Pretend Cooking Show Is The Only Joy We Have Left In This World

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We wanted to be her best friend when she was Jenna Rink, and we want to be her best friend now. Jennifer Garner just seems like such a fucking great person and we could watch her pretend cooking show for hours.

The show is exclusively on her Instagram, which may or may not be the best place on the internet. In a world where opening Twitter can send you into a depression spiral, we’re so thankful that J. Garn exists.

Her latest (non Halloween) cooking video is all about salad. She doesn’t use croutons because if she wants some crunch, she just adds crunchy vegetables or nuts. Omfg. Jennifer you beautiful genius!!! We are NEVER going to use that tip in real life because croutons rule! But we love it and you.

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SALAD: ⬅️ used to mean limp carrot shavings and too cold tomatoes. NOW ➡️ salads are a celebration of what is seasonal and handy. They are also what’s for lunch. Always. #PretendCookingShow #fullepisodeonIGTV! . A blend of greens! Kale  Arugula Sweet mix  Swiss chard . Veggies!  Green beans  Broccoli  Peppers  Shaved Brussels sprouts  Roasted sweet potatoes/butternut squash . Fats!  Cheese  Nuts  Avocado . Grains/Protein A big scoop of warm brown rice  Chicken Whatever else sounds good. . Dressing of your choice! I use straight olive oil and red wine/balsamic vinegar. . The key for me is to pick a variety of the above and CHOP it up so that you aren’t battling a dinner plate sized honk of lettuce every other bite.

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How fucking calming is it to watch Jennifer Garner sing “in you gooooo” to some fish sticks? Answer: TRULY calming as fuck. These are homemade fish sticks that she is making for her family!! The absolute nutrition. Plus, she keeps it real by taking a big bite. “I need a beer,” she says. Jen we’ll grab one for you from the fridge if you tell us what shelf the ketchup is on! Or is she more of a condiments in the door kind of gal? You decide.

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#PretendCookingShow— fish sticks! They’re fast. They’re delicious. #makeextra 🌟Full episode is on #IGTV🌟 . Ingredients: 1 lb of tilapia 1/4 cup of flour Salt Pepper 1 egg 1 cup Panko Bread Crumbs (regular or whole wheat) 3/4 cup Corn Flake Crumbs (or any sweet cereal you like, smashed to bits) Canola oil (or oil of your preference) . Directions: 1.) Trim your tilapia into fish stick size pieces. You want them to be of similar size and thickness. There is always one side of the fillet that is thinner so I make those into “wide and flat sticks” 🤷‍♀️ 2.) Gather three bowls to use for your batter station. . Bowl 1: 1/4 cup of flour, a few big pinches of salt, about a teaspoon of fresh ground pepper. Bowl 2: crack one egg, add a little water, mix with a fork. Bowl 3: combine the Panko and corn flake crumbs. Have an empty plate ready to catch your fish sticks when they are battered. . 3.) Start at bowl one, coat fish piece in flour, shake excess. Dip in bowl two, shake excess. Drop in bowl three, push crumbs into fish until fully coated. Place on plate. Repeat until all fish pieces are done. 4.) About half way through battering, I like to start heating my oil. About 1/4 inch on medium/high. 5.) When the oil is ready, place 5 to 6 fish pieces in your pan (or whatever will fit, giving them some breathing room). 6.) Prepare a plate covered in paper towels to catch fish sticks when they come out of the oil. 7.) They cook through fast. Pay attention to the color. When they are a deep golden brown, flip. When both sides are sufficiently brown, remove from pan and place on paper towel. Sprinkle with salt immediately. 8.) Repeat for remaining fish sticks, add/heat more oil if necessary. 9.) Yum.

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In all of her cooking videos she is singing in some strange Cookie Monster voice, but we’re thriving and vibing. Plus, she includes the recipes to everything she is making so we can cook just like Jennifer too! Oh, Jennifer you are so wonderful. Here she is making pudding. SHE’S TOO GOOD FOR YOU BEN AFFLECK.

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Today we’re talking pudding, people. Basic, delicious chocolate pudding. It’s easy to make, relatively healthy, and you will absolutely love it. Your kids will love it. The full episode with results is on my Facebook page!  Link in bio. If anyone tries this with non-dairy milks and has success, please let me know! #ineverfoundmyfavoritewhisk #😢#notaprettybaker #PretendCookingShow • @smittenkitchen Best Chocolate Pudding Ingredients: 1/4 cup cornstarch 1/2 cup sugar 1/8 teaspoon salt 3 cups whole milk 6 ounces semi- or bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped (or 1 cup good chocolate chips) 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract • Recipe: 1.) Combine the cornstarch, sugar and salt in a medium saucepan. 2.) Slowly whisk in the milk, in a thin stream at first so lumps don’t form, then more quickly once the cornstarch mixture is smoothly incorporated. 3.) Place over medium-low heat and stir occasionally, scraping the bottom and sides. Whisk as necessary should lumps form. 4.) After 10 minutes or so (slower over low heat is better, to give the cornstarch time to cook), before it starts to simmer, the mixture should begin to thicken, enough that it will coat the back of a spoon. 5.) Add the chocolate, and continue stirring for another 2 to 4 minutes, until chocolate is fully incorporated and mixture is quite thick. 6.) Remove from heat and stir in the vanilla. 7.) If you’re concerned about lumps (🙋🏻‍♀️): run the mixture through a fine-mesh strainer. 8.) Distribute among individual pudding cups or one large serving bowl, chill in the refrigerator until it is cool and set, about 2-3 hours. 9.) If you dislike pudding skin (🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️): put plastic wrap on top of the pudding and smooth it gently against the surface before refrigerating. 10.) Pudding is good for 3 days in the fridge. It won’t last that long. @debperelman and I promise. • 🎶: Great British Baking Show

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The Sims-esque music track that backs all of these videos is so weirdly soothing and so is how she sounds like your best friend from summer camp braiding your hair, when she talks. Just let the world wash away…..

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#PretendCookingShow, Episode 4 brings us one of my favorite “pass-it-back” snacks– you know, those easy snacks you can pass back to hungry kids in a car on the way to wherever your afternoons bring you. Here’s a way to make them at home with ingredients you know and can pronounce. The full episode with results is on my Facebook! Link in bio. #passitbacksnack #sofarsogood #notaprettybaker • Ingredients: 2 cups oats 1 cup unsweetened coconut 1/2 cup wheat germ 1/2 cup sunflower seeds 1/4 cup flaxseed 2 tbls butter 1/2 cup honey 1/4 cup brown sugar 1/2 tsp salt 1 tsp vanilla • Recipe: 1.) Preheat oven to 300 degrees. 2.) Combine dry ingredients. 3.) In saucepan melt the butter, honey, brown sugar, salt and vanilla. 4.) Mix all ingredients together. 5.) Line a 9×9 pan with parchment paper and pack it all in there. 6.) Put in oven for ten minutes. 7.) Take it out. Pack it down again and bake another 10 minutes. 8.) Yum. Let them cool. 9.) If you like chocolate (🙋🏻‍♀️) melt some chocolate with a spoonful of coconut oil/Crisco over a double boiler and drizzle over the bars. 10.) Cut. Enjoy! • 🎶: “Scrapping and Yelling” by Mark Mothersbaugh

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This honey video is NOT from her pretend cooking show, but you need to see how she made the music that “Ohhhhh yeah” sexy song while she handles the honey. It’s hilarious and such a bright spot in our days!!!! We love you Jennifer!!! We watched Love, Simon on an airplane, twice!!

Fucking, incredible.

These Girls And Their Instagrams Are Cooler Than Their Famous Dads

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Katie Kimmel

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bf072ICHCMe/?taken-by=katiekimmel

Katie Kimmel is Jimmy Kimmel’s daughter, and she is exponentially cooler than her TV host dad. Katie designs shirts, mugs, sweaters, totes, vases, and just makes really heckin’ cool art. Her Instagram is a little space of joy and an excellent follow. We wanted everything from her collection with Lou & Grey and now that we’ve discovered her weird little iron-on shrimp patches, you bet your ass we’re buying one! (Also our graphic that I shittily made is inspired by her shirts! K Thnx BYE)

Romy Reiner

https://www.instagram.com/p/BgSPCbkDJE0/?taken-by=romyreiner

Romy Reiner is the daughter of Rob Reiner (The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally) and the granddaughter of Carl Reiner (Various Sid Caesar Shows, The Dick Van Dyke Show). Not only is she a comedy legacy and Instagram superstar, Romy is an incredible photographer and cartoonist. Plus, she’s totally our style inspo for every season.

Gracie Abrams

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4 u

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J.J. Abram’s daughter Gracie makes really fucking great music. She also keeps it super real on the ‘gram. Following her feels like following your sister’s cool friend that you’ve always heard about but never met. She’s fashionable, she’s talented, and she’s funny. She is who you wish you were when you were that age.

Stella Aykroyd

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going to miss her waking me up every morning 🐕

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We always seem to find ourselves saving photos from Stella Aykroyd’s Insta to post later, as part of our larger “saved” collage. Whatever she’s doing in life, Dan Aykroyd’s daughter seems to be having the most beautiful and best time. Plus, sometimes she posts lil’ throw back pics of her dad which are cool, but really we stay for the art.

Cazzie David

Does it seem redundant to include Cazzie David? We don’t care. Obviously you know who she is, and if you don’t–where have you been?? She’s Larry David’s daughter but she’s also a powerhouse writer, actor, comedian, and podcast guest. She dated Pete Davidson for a hot minute too. Yea, Larry David is good, but like Cazzie….iconic.

Harley Quinn Smith

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you guys!!!! The California Cruelty Free Cosmetics Act is so close to becoming a reality! It’s going to be voted on by the California assembly within the next two weeks. This would make it illegal to sell products that have been tested on animals in the state of California after January 1st, 2020. This would be a major accomplishment for the animal rights community and would free so many innocent living beings from suffering in labs. I think this is an issue that vegans and non-vegans alike can agree on. It’s not a matter of taking anything away from humans, it’s a matter of ending unnecessary abuse of innocent animals. There is no need to test on animals when there are so many nonviolent alternatives that are so much more accurate in their results!!! There are no down sides to this act (except for the evil cosmetic companies who choose profit over saving living beings from harm), and it will change and save the lives of so many animals. So PLEASE help in getting this act to pass by spreading the word, boycotting non-cruelty free cosmetic brands (fuck you @esteelauder) and by calling California assembly members and telling them to vote yes on SB1249!!!

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Kevin Smith’s daughter Harley, is very very cool. She sings in a band, she acts, and she’s a huge activist for animals. She’s a major beauty and style inspo on Instagram as well as a vegan icon (tbh). Plus, we think she could totally be Rio Viera Newton’s long lost little sister (do you see the resemblance??? Is it just the hair?? Idk, I am asking you!)