Tag: coffee

M*ney

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I am currently saving money for a pair of shoes that don’t actually exist.

I know that I want new shoes. I mean, I always want new shoes. But after a recent closet purge at Buffalo Exchange where I made $160 selling what felt like $1,000 worth of goods, I realized I had sold a lot of my nicer pieces, including fancy shoes that I currently have no business wearing (because where the hell do I even go?), but will want to replace to wear later.

I pulled open tabs on Staud, Suzanne Rae, Maryam Nassir Zadeh, Brother Vellies, etc… and quickly realized — 1. Sh*t, I am broke, and 2. Would it feel as good to instantly replace my shoes (and go into even MORE debt) than it would to save up for a pair I actually have my eye on?

Also 3….. or do I want a purse??

So, they’re more metaphorical “shoes” than anything.

One of the few reasons I am so glad to live in 2020 (including being on the same plane of existence as Harry Styles) is that there is an app for everything. I’ll preface this by saying, THIS IS NOT AN AD. I have in no way been paid to endorse anything. I just really love the Digit app.

You can make this money app do whatever you want (besides give you more money lol). Right now, I have it scheduled to pull a little money (and I mean truly a tiny bit) from my checking account for a “rainy day fund,” and a little bit of money that I use to pay my credit card bill with.

So when I realized I might want new shoes/a new purse/diamond earrings/the magic potion that will make Harry Styles fall in love with me, I set up a new “Savings Goal,” as the app calls it.

I labeled it “NEW SHOES!!!” Because I am someone who enjoys caps and exclamation points to make life more exciting. I picked a random number to save up to that would afford me dream shoes, and in a time frame that would turn my little nest egg into a present for New Years (because 2021 HAS to be better than 2020. Especially if I start it by wearing new shoes.)

The app then alerted me that it would need to save between $5 – $15 every day, depending on what’s in my checking account.

My lizard brain thought…$5 to $15?? That’s like…my daily Starbucks coffee and a bagel! NO! But then my humanoid brain whispered into my hippocampus, “I dare you to do it, bitch.”

Yes, this post is disgusting and steeped in privilege. I am a woman who can afford to save money for something she doesn’t actually need. Giving up a daily dose of Starbucks is not a hardship.

What I have learned about myself since March 2020, when everything shut down and changed, is that I am a person who spends money to feel better. During the pandemic, it has reached a fever pitch (mom I know you are reading this and freaking out. Please take a breath and calm down.) I know, through communicating with friends, that other people are going through a similar thing. But it still feels incredibly shameful and isolating.

It feels good to buy goods that support small business, because everyone is floundering. But then I feel like I am floundering (mental health wise) and I want to support myself through self care. Then I realize that I am a piece of sh*t because the world around me is crumbling and I need to donate to bail funds and free food fridges and NOT buy that Amazon potato peeler because I should be at a place in my life where I am perfectly fine just peeling all my fruit and potatoes and things with a knife, and if I wanted to practice good self care I would just go paint my nails or something. Which makes me think about how I want new nail polish and then the cycle starts again.

So I have been meditating on it.

I may not actually buy “shoes” or a “purse” or anything at all.

I would like to think I am trying to break this money cyclone I have created for myself, and be more mindful when it comes to WHY I am making purchases, and stop that bottomless hole feeling. Do I feel anxious right now? Am I buying new bedsheets because I am depressed or because I can’t get that hot sauce stain out? Will I still want this item in 2 weeks? Remember the glitter chair quarantine purchase????

By acknowledging that I am saving money for a goal, I am attempting to have less of a knee-jerk response to self-soothe by entering my secret code on any website that takes Shopify.

That includes unsubscribing from sites I like that offer me daily deals and my compulsory “I left the house coffee” (which NGL, is going to be super hard because it has become a ritual for me to go on a walk to get that delicious, delicious iced bean water).

I will be real with you my beautiful readers, who I hope don’t think I am now scum on the bottom of a Jimmy Choo… I do still want shoes. And I will probably allow myself one coffee outing a week. But I have made this blog post in an attempt to be accountable? In an attempt to be transparent?

Both, I guess.

I just hope someone out there relates to this/doesn’t tell me to burn in hell for behaving irresponsibly with my money.

Please don’t punch me in the face if you see me with an iced latte on the street.

X

LL

I Tried Starbucks’ Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew So You Don’t Have To

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I’m basic but I’ve never been PSL basic.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 

The cloyingly sweet, orange-hued hot seasonal beverage that ushers in autumn earlier and earlier every year, has never been my Buxie (not Starbs or ‘Bux, mind you) drink of choice.

I own a pair of Uggs and multiple Kylie Lip Kits but when it comes to coffee, I’m relatively tame. An iced almond milk (or oat if you have it) latte please. Hot, if it’s below 50 degrees outside.

Black, if I’m hungover.

When I saw that Starbucks had released a seasonal cold brew, my interest was piqued. Cold brew tastes like jet fuel to me (in a fun way) and I wondered how they were going to add pumpkin spiciness to that. I texted my best friend Andrew about it and he told me to “shut my mouth.”

I meditated on the idea of this coffee concoction for a day or so. I talked to other friends about it, none of which had tried it–but suggested I do…for science.

What tipped me over the edge was the fact that Andrew (aforementioned friend) later tried it and LIKED it. Armed with the knowledge that he and I like almost all the same things, I entered Starbucks this morning and ordered one.

First surprise: The drink itself is a light brown color, topped with an orange-y foam that is sprinkled with cinnamon.

IMG_6904

It’s more like a nitro cold brew than an actual cold brew with ice and stuff.

Second surprise: It’s not very sweet. It’s a neutral taste with a hint of pumpkin.

It’s more milky than coffee. I wish it was more coffee-forward. Also, as someone who only drinks alternative milks (LOL THERE IS NO DENYING MY BASIC-NESS IT PERMEATES ME) I am worried about how this will effect my tummy/skin.

Third (not-so) surprise: I don’t like it.

I wish it was sweeter!! Which is weird for me, someone who isn’t huge on sweet coffee drinks. It’s like a pumpkin milk but not in a dessert-y way. That’s the best way to sum it up. I could see this being the milk left behind after a bowl of pumpkin granola. Kind of bland and not nearly as cold as I would like it to be with a smattering of scent and flavor.

1/5 stars. Would not drink it from a cereal bowl or a Buxie cup.

Very glad I only opted for a “tall.”

Venmo me for this quality research…I’ll be grabbing an iced latte to go around noon.

xx

 

 

 

When I Drink Cold Brew I Can…

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Leap tall buildings in a single bound

Answer all 376 unread emails

Color code my Google Cal like Audrey Gelman

Vibrate into oblivion

Call my gynecologist to schedule an appointment even though they’re really mean there

Devise a plan for dinner

Write entire paragraphs without looking at my screen

Make memes, crush dreams

Schedule Instagram posts for three separate accounts

Run a marathon

Develop facial blindness (like Brad Pitt!)

Text my best friend 100 times in a row about the magic of coffee

Order food to the wrong address

Send a correction email with too many “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Publicly denounce Pete Buttigieg on Twitter

Delete Twitter

Throw my computer into a dumpster

Rip off all my clothing

Dance naked in the street

Remember all the lyrics to every song in “The Greatest Showman”

See through time

Contact dead relatives

Use 100% of my brain

 

 

 

 

 

This Is What High School Clique You Were In Based On Your Favorite Coffee Shop

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Starbucks: The Basics

You got super hyped about the latest Frappuccino drop and then super hyper from drinking one. You made sure to show off your square French-mani acrylics while you took a pic holding your drink extended in front of you, Uggs peaking out at the bottom of your scenic background. Your Facebook quote was something like “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.” Your body spray was from Victoria’s Secret. You asked to borrow my American Apparel purple zip-up hoodie during cheer practice and “lost” it but I saw you wearing it in one of your Facebook mall albums.

Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf: Forever 21 Indie Girls

You would call your style “boho” and you claim to be vegan even though I saw you eating BBQ chicken pizza from the cafeteria when you told everyone you were super-hormonal from your period. “I love MGMT!” You wear headbands around your forehead and a lot of loose-woven long cardigans and knits. “I wish I could buy everything at Urban.” You think you’re cooler than “The Basics” because you’ve smoked weed once. You order extra whipped cream on your blended drink just like they do.

Pete’s Coffee: The Real Nerds

You get coffee with your mom when she gets coffee her on her way to take you to Sylvan Learning Center. You don’t actually get coffee because you don’t like the way it tastes. How’s that dry-ass scone? Don’t forget to clean out your retainer!

La Colombe: Theatre Nerds

You have a crush on the lead of every school musical. He’ll turn out to be gay and you’ll claim you knew it all along but you probably didn’t. You started drinking your coffee black because it seemed artsy and then you realized that tasted nasty and started getting into La Colombe’s draft lattes. You claim to never sleep. You wrote the words to some song from Rent or Sweeney Todd or whatever the hell musical was popular in 2009 all over your binder. You’re late to rehearsal. You can’t hang out because you have rehearsal.

Blue Bottle Coffee: Yearbook

You’re on the Yearbook team AND you’re ASB President AND you’re on debate or like some other club that will look great on college apps. You really only hang out with other people in Yearbook who are exactly like you. You’re uncomfortably close to one or two teachers and you don’t think it’s weird at all! You have a camera on you at all times and you genuinely have school spirit. You are the most well-caffeinated person I know. It’s terrifying.

Intelligentsia: The Hipsters/Loners/Floaters

You don’t know their friends. They “go to another school.” Somehow this group never bands together, they prefer to be alone doing their own thing, but occasionally they will overlap. They got Instagram before you did. They applied to art schools you’ve never heard of on the other side of the country. Their coffee choice is usually something respectable and not too high maintenance. They’re not cool, but they’re not NOT cool? They’ll find their people in college.

Dunkin’: The Jocks

You get a massive coffee to wake you up for practice along with some sort of egg sandwich and a doughnut. It’s like 4 a.m. or something. After practice you get a massive iced coffee and you’ll drink it and then dump out the ice and fill your cup with water from a water fountain and drink it all day. If you’re a guy you’re trying to be “swole” if you’re a girl you don’t say shit like that you’re just trying to get in to ASU on a volleyball scholarship.

McDonald’s: Burnouts & Stoners

I 100% have a crush on you. You cut class, I don’t think you’ve ever done homework, and you smoke weed in your car during lunch. You’re in a band and I’m friends with your sister and when I come over you’re always wearing a white tank undershirt and your boxers. Other people think you’re either super cool or a total waste of time. You don’t care what your coffee tastes like. You don’t care about anything. I am swooning rn

Pret A Manger: Foreign Exchange Students

No one knows why you came to our school and you had some caché being from over seas but now the glamour has worn off and we don’t get you at all!!! You’re mean to everyone. You say everything is better in Belgium where you’re from, especially the coffee. You hate it here but you make friends with all the jocks who think you’re hilarious. Somehow you are homecoming king.