Celebrities I Would Have a Full-Scale Meltdown Over If They Unfollowed Me

Maybe you know (or maybe you have a life) but Billie Eilish unfollowed YouTuber Tana Mongeau on Instagram and it ruined her existence day.

She even made a vlog about it.

I don’t know anything about Mongeau other than the fact that I think she got married to one of the Paul brothers (the one who didn’t take a video of a dead body). However, I respect the level of extra she is being over this unfollow.

Billie Eilish is a queen. Unfollowing Mongeau is like revoking her stamp of approval. She is officially no longer “cool” by music prodigy/baggy clothes wearing/green haired, William Eyelash’s standards.

Damn. That must feel cold ASF.

Luckily, there are really only a few celebs I would lose my lunch over if they unfollowed me.

***Please note, none of these people currently follow me (and probably never will!)****

Chrissy Teigen

Chrissy unfollowing me would be a deep personal burn I would never heal from. I feel like we like/talk about a lot of the same things??? Don’t reject me Chrissy! We have the same face shape and I use your pics for hair inspo!!!

Luna Stephens

She doesn’t have an Instagram because she’s 3 years old but IF SHE DID (or in the future) if she ever followed and then UNFOLLOWED me, I would throw myself off a cliff. She is my favorite celebrity baby!!!!

North West

This is a personal rejection I would not be able to face.

Rihanna

People would have to hide sharp objects from me if this happened.

Martha Stewart

Honestly, I would understand if she unfollowed me. She’s such a fucking queen. But if she unfollowed me it would disappoint my mom and my grandma a lot lol.

Diane Keaton

Genuinely love her social media presence and would cry if she and her multiple layers of black and white clothing and accessories clicked “unfollow.”

Harry Styles

Let’s be real, him FOLLOWING me would send me into a tailspin.

Jimmi Simpson

Hahahaaahahahahhahah

 

 

 

Things I Want to Buy Off Instagram

Let us not forget that at any given time, I am a parody of myself.

This shopaholic, boy-crazy, bittersweet persona exists solely to be blown out of proportion, whenever I feel like giving it wings.

That being said–there’s a lot of sh*t I want online.

In the words of President Ariana Grande, “I see it, I like it, I want it.”  As much as I would LOVE to finish that lyric, seldom are the times that “I got it,” and more frequently are the times that “I put it in my virtual shopping cart, I made it all the way to check out, I saw what shipping would cost, I gave up.”

but IF I had a sugar daddy (or mommy heyyy 👅) these are the things I would send them screenshots of, hoping they would do that thing I like (spend money on me).

Necessaire Scrub

The worst thing about Necessaire is that every influencer I like promotes the f@ck out of it, so I’m Stockholm Syndrome-d into wanting it.

The best thing about Necessaire, is that it seems to actually work. I’ve been looking for a new scrub to replace my summer scent (too citrusy for September) and this sandalwood one seems perfect. Plus, it contains glycolic acid, lactic acid, and salicylic acid, so the majority of the exfoliation is not going to be from gritty beads but rather a gentle chemical exfoliation that always ALWAYS does my skin right.

Laura Lombardi Chains

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⛓🍽⛓

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My fascination with this jewelry line was born out of a joke. It was included in a StartPacksofNYC meme that was just so…me. These twisty, curvy, chubby gold chains are deeply aesthetically pleasing. I can see them looking chic over a turtleneck at work or against my bare skin, adding a little edge to a cocktail dress.

My favorite pair of earrings right now are these little gold hoops I have from & Other Stories  (they were $19 and one of my best purchases ever) but I’ve often bemoaned that I don’t have anything simple to set them off.

Luckily for me, after a few drinks I was feeling like a Rockefeller and purchased this bracelet and this ring.

Lisa Says Gah

As I’m sure you can tell, my brain is gearing up for fall. We yet to hit Labor Day but I’ve already texted multiple people about Starbucks’ new pumpkin cream cold brew (scared of it). But this creamsicle-colored sweater and the little neon crossbody bag spark MAJOR joy in my pumpkin patch-meandering, apple picking, cinnamon candle-having heart.

If it weren’t 1000000 degrees in Los Angeles and I had my sugar parent’s AmEx, this ensemble would be ordered and on the way to my house in 2-3 business days.

Treasures of NYC

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grab n go

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Treasures of NYC always posts things I want, I’m just too stinkin broke. I love this lil cutie, also this little one that would help me like my Carrie Bradshaw truth:

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★sweet saddle dreamzz ☾

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Fashion Secrets

I am going to show you my favorite Instagram account, so for starters, you’re welcome. They find the best stuff on Amazon. You can prime like half this stuff. Incredible.

I almost don’t want to share this because all 8 of you who read this will make their IG blow up (jk). But whatever. Here are some of their things I have bookmarked:

That’s it for now.

HMU if you’re rich and feel like buying all of this.

Thanks

x

Unpopular Opinion: I Wish Summer Would End Already

Summer is less fun when you’re an adult. You’re supposed to ~relax~ but you don’t get a two month break to go make lanyards at sleep away camp or swim all day and eat popsicles, wrapped in wet towel, slowly soaking pool water into your living room carpet.

It’s kind of bullshit.

At best, you organize weekend trips with your friends that will bankrupt you, figure out a reasonable amount of PTO and WFH days to finagle into some sort of obligatory family trip you have to check your email from no matter what, get sun burns on rooftops because you’re too drunk to reapply sunscreen AND order multiple “cute” swimsuits from online that you will try on and return no less than three times.

This all while working 40+ hours a week and sweating profusely everywhere, all the time.

It’s August and while we’re admittedly in the decline of summer, I personally can’t wait for it to mercifully end.

Summer feels like it started in May. I can’t pinpoint an exact day but suddenly it was 100 degrees and I was wearing all white outfits and carrying straw bags and sunglasses from brunches to the beach. I had 47 margaritas in June alone and was sunburned 90% of July.

I’m so tired. I just want to wear a sweater and drink a dirty chai oat milk latte on a chilly morning in peace.

I’m so over #lovesummerhateverythingelse that I don’t want to catch so much as a whiff of coconut-y sunscreen or a lick of watermelon Chazstick (my preferred summer lip balm from Dedcool) until 2020.

It just seems easier to live my life not in summer mode. There’s less pressure to have fun, there’s no panicking about losing beach time, I don’t feel as obligated to eat salad and I don’t have to freak out about my life again until late November (Thanksgiving is a different kettle of fish).

I’m not saying I need piles of leaves and pumpkin patches (although HMU in October for all your fall festivities), all I’m asking for is the ability to at least think about enjoying a bowl of soup on my lunch break without getting heat stroke. And also maybe to find a nice flannel at a reasonable price to wear on weekends.

Labor day is only two weeks away and I know you bitches on your beach vacations will be crying over the side of your yachts once this hot girl summer officially comes to an end.

But I have an inbox full of pumpkin spice pitches and it’s making me want to retire my flip flops and put lotion on these sand-scuffed feet, slip on my fuzziest socks and work from home.

 

These Girls And Their Instagrams Are Cooler Than Their Famous Dads

Katie Kimmel

Katie Kimmel is Jimmy Kimmel’s daughter, and she is exponentially cooler than her TV host dad. Katie designs shirts, mugs, sweaters, totes, vases, and just makes really heckin’ cool art. Her Instagram is a little space of joy and an excellent follow. We wanted everything from her collection with Lou & Grey and now that we’ve discovered her weird little iron-on shrimp patches, you bet your ass we’re buying one! (Also our graphic that I shittily made is inspired by her shirts! K Thnx BYE)

Romy Reiner

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Would you buy this sweater?

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Romy Reiner is the daughter of Rob Reiner (The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally) and the granddaughter of Carl Reiner (Various Sid Caesar Shows, The Dick Van Dyke Show). Not only is she a comedy legacy and Instagram superstar, Romy is an incredible photographer and cartoonist. Plus, she’s totally our style inspo for every season.

Gracie Abrams

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4 u

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J.J. Abram’s daughter Gracie makes really fucking great music. She also keeps it super real on the ‘gram. Following her feels like following your sister’s cool friend that you’ve always heard about but never met. She’s fashionable, she’s talented, and she’s funny. She is who you wish you were when you were that age.

Stella Aykroyd

We always seem to find ourselves saving photos from Stella Aykroyd’s Insta to post later, as part of our larger “saved” collage. Whatever she’s doing in life, Dan Aykroyd’s daughter seems to be having the most beautiful and best time. Plus, sometimes she posts lil’ throw back pics of her dad which are cool, but really we stay for the art.

Cazzie David

Does it seem redundant to include Cazzie David? We don’t care. Obviously you know who she is, and if you don’t–where have you been?? She’s Larry David’s daughter but she’s also a powerhouse writer, actor, comedian, and podcast guest. She dated Pete Davidson for a hot minute too. Yea, Larry David is good, but like Cazzie….iconic.

Harley Quinn Smith

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you guys!!!! The California Cruelty Free Cosmetics Act is so close to becoming a reality! It’s going to be voted on by the California assembly within the next two weeks. This would make it illegal to sell products that have been tested on animals in the state of California after January 1st, 2020. This would be a major accomplishment for the animal rights community and would free so many innocent living beings from suffering in labs. I think this is an issue that vegans and non-vegans alike can agree on. It’s not a matter of taking anything away from humans, it’s a matter of ending unnecessary abuse of innocent animals. There is no need to test on animals when there are so many nonviolent alternatives that are so much more accurate in their results!!! There are no down sides to this act (except for the evil cosmetic companies who choose profit over saving living beings from harm), and it will change and save the lives of so many animals. So PLEASE help in getting this act to pass by spreading the word, boycotting non-cruelty free cosmetic brands (fuck you @esteelauder) and by calling California assembly members and telling them to vote yes on SB1249!!!

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Kevin Smith’s daughter Harley, is very very cool. She sings in a band, she acts, and she’s a huge activist for animals. She’s a major beauty and style inspo on Instagram as well as a vegan icon (tbh). Plus, we think she could totally be Rio Viera Newton’s long lost little sister (do you see the resemblance??? Is it just the hair?? Idk, I am asking you!)