Lately Snack Break: The Broke Yolk

“Snack Break” is Lately’s new interview series where we chat with people we think are interesting for about as long as it takes you to finish your work snack. Our first in the series is with The Broke Yolk founder and friend of Lately, Tori Hyndman.

Tori Hyndman is one of the funniest people on the internet.

She’s the creative force behind The Broke Yolk, the most entertaining food and lifestyle blog that you’re not reading yet, but need to be.

Hyndman does it all from suburban food tours to easy recipes to snarky side comments that will have you howling. Her voice is that of your best friend who also knows how to whip up the perfect hash AND make a mean martini. She’s who you want in your kitchen but also who you want in your phone to call when you’ve drunk texted your ex on the way to get 2am pizza.

Yes, The Broke Yolk is part cooking blog and part diary but it’s also 100% “Whatever [Tori] wants it to be goddamnnit.

Lately was lucky enough to ask our longtime internet friend a few questions. Check them out below!

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So, why did you start The Broke Yolk?

TBY: I started The Broke Yolk because I was getting tired of Twitter being the only place I could write/scream into the void. I do some writing at work but I don’t have the ability to drone on about non-dairy milks or deliberately call out the guy who I hooked up with last Halloween. I think I just wanted a new place to talk about food and what I’m cooking. And I wanted to be creative and try my hand at graphic design and work on my website skills. 

Who is inspiring you rn?

TBY: I am a fan of women doing cool things in the food and restaurant space – Molly Yeh makes me want to be happy and bake cakes. Ina Garten makes me feel like I can roast a bird, luxuriate and order custom shirts and not feel bad about it. My mom is a great cook who taught me to use an obscene amount of garlic and I will forever thank her for that. I like Alison Roman’s red-orange nails.

Not Bobby Flay he sucks. 

LOL. I know you’re also obsessed with the Bon Appetit staff. A lot of people on the internet are these days. I sadly am not. Please explain this to me!!

TBY: I am not “obsessed.” I did have an unhealthy crush on a human employed by the magazine and slid into DMs more than once but I have moved on and am better for it.

People love BA, especially the Test Kitchen crew, because the content is centered around beautiful people making delicious food while they hanging out with (what appears to be) their friends. The newer verticals like Basically and Healthyish are doing a good job of meeting Millennials and Gen Z where they are and what they want out of cooking/feeding themselves.

Mostly I think people like BA because the Test Kitchen people are hot and are all individually micro-influencers. Personally, I think they’re all sleeping with each other.

What’s YOUR best cooking advice, Toe?

TBY: Wolfgang Puck told me to learn how to make one thing really well (I didn’t think that was great advice, but it’s my only chance to say that Wolfgang Puck gave me cooking advice, so take it haters).

Okay then to make it more relatable, what’s your worst cooking mistake?

Sometimes I leave the oven/a burner on which is scary I guess because we could die. Other than that, and the time I accidentally dropped all of my ravioli down the garbage disposal when draining the water, I like to roll with the punches.

You currently live in D.C….where are your favorite places to eat?

TBY: Depends on the occasion and who’s buying but I love Le Diplomate. It’s a Steven Starr restaurant (Philly-based restaurateur) so I feel a kinship to my cheesesteak brethren when I eat there. Regardless, everything is so yummy.

Must-gets are the oysters (seafood tower if you’re not paying), the gougères, which are these little airy bread-cheese puffs of heaven, the warm shrimp salad, the mushroom tart, roast chicken, crème brûlée— it’s all so good.

What would your last meal be?

TBY: Probably shake shack

Give me three people (living or dead) that you would love to eat a meal with.

TBY: I always get nervous with these questions because I don’t think I want to eat a meal with three strangers??? I would be so nervous. Picking people I know seems weird unless they are dead relatives or something.

Can I bring a friend? If so, it would be Friend, Mindy Kaling, and BJ Novak because I mostly just want to see how Mindy and BJ vibe in real life. Is there tension? Does he listen or smile when she speaks? I need to know.

I’m not cooking (because what if it’s bad). We can order in some fancy takeout and I’ll bring wine and a dessert from a nice bakery.

I will also make note of how much BJ tips the delivery guy.

I can’t believe I am the friend you are bringing to dinner with Mindy and BJ! Thanks! But if it was just us, where would you take me?

TBY: In D.C. I would take you to this place called Little Sesame for lunch. It’s a yummy hummus shop and it’s so good and decorated all cute. For dinner we could do Compass Rose or Iron Gate for nice ambience and good cocktails. There’s a cool vegan restaurant called Fancy Radish we could go to because I haven’t tried it yet!

You’re on your way to becoming an influencer. What food or beverage brand would you want to sponsor you?

TBY: Eggland’s Best needs a hot young face and I am up for the challenge. 

Let’s say you come out with a cookbook. What are you going to name it?

TBY: Eggs n’ stuff. Cooking with Friends (your anxiety and depression). I’m still brainstorming. 

Also, you are my only friend who makes martinis and I love that about you. Tell me what got you into this?

TBY: My mom is my martini inspiration! [Queen Jag] loves dirty vodka martinis (exclusively Ketel One) and taught me how to make one. I do strictly vodka over gin, extra dirty, and I LOVE a blue cheese stuffed olive.

My mom always says, “no vermouth” when she orders them, but honestly, I can’t tell the difference. You can get buzzed off one drink which makes ‘Tini Time classy and economical!

If the whole internet isn’t  reading The Broke Yolk by now, they SHOULD. What are some things you want your new readers (and old readers I guess) to take away from your posts? Besides laughing at all your incredible asides, of course.

TBY: I want them to learn that you do not need to be cool or hot or good at cooking to make food and have fun with it (I am however all of those things so I see where this can get confusing). I want them to allow themselves to feel feelings and not feel guilty about whatever they’re putting in their mouths (I want to allow myself that too). 

What post should they start with?

TBY: I’ve only been posting for about a year and I’ve only posted like 10 times…but I worked really hard on the one about my hometown’s weird eating spots. It was fun to write when I was hiding from my family at my parent’s house over the holidays and I came out of it with an appreciation for the strange, but also extremely normal, place I grew up.

I also love the Glossary page (does that count as a post?) because I say wild things and I want to continue to say wild things and play with language and abbreviation and acronyms so I like the idea of having a resource for my readers to learn a little more about me and why I say the things I say.

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Tori Hyndman aka Toe aka The Broke Yolk

The New 5 Love Languages

“Likes” & Comments Of Affirmation

For this person, nothing means more to them than a like or a comment on the ‘gram. Compliments, especially of the heart-eye emoji variety are the very definition of love. “Babe you look *kissy emoji* *kissy emoji* *100 emoji* *fire emoji* is akin to  being kissed deeply on their soul. If you’re not #teamfollowback, you won’t last long.

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Roundup 💫 #CommentsByCelebs

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Acts Of Postmates Service

Can having a stranger deliver a bean and cheese burrito to your house at 9pm on a Wednesday be an act of love? Absolutely! The words this person wants to hear most are, “what’s the address?” but they don’t want YOU to deliver it yourself. Part of the act of this service is the service of not forcing them to see anybody they know while they’re not wearing any makeup, have worn the same pajamas for three days, or have a life shattering pimple. How is this different from gifts? It’s not. “Thank you so much for taking care of me baby xxx”

Quality FaceTime

Say, “I love you,” with your semi-divided attention, all the damn time. You’re not just there for the person with Quality FaceTime as their love language, you’re there for them when you’re in the shower, on the toilet, eating dinner, at the club, in the car…seeing your face 24/7 even in bad lighting lets this person feel special and loved. Watch out for poor signal and areas without wifi.

Butt Touch

They just want you to touch their butt. They want a booty rub. They want a butt slap. They want your hand in their pocket Peter Kavinsky style. Whether you’re laying at home in bed or walking down the street–your hand had better find its way to that tush even if it’s flat, bubble, wide, little, dimpled, stretch marked, tattooed, or what. “Butt touch” is the 2018 hand hold.

Gifts

Yeah, gifts are still gifts. Gimme.

The Real Different Kinds Of Guys You Date In Your Twenties

This may be some Carrie Bradshaw shit, but we’re so tired of those trope-laden listicles about the kind of men you date in your twenties. They’re not good and they’re not accurate!! So we’ve created our own listicle about the real men you date in your twenties– if you’re dating men. The absolute monsters, the duds, the creeps, and the sort of good ones.

We would say “beware the following,” but this is the kind of bullshit you’ll put up with from 20 to 29. Hopefully when you’re 30 you’ll know better (you won’t!)

The Former Film Student

It doesn’t matter if he studied at NYU, USC, or Emerson. This guy thinks he’s PTA (that’s Paul Thomas Anderson. Can you even name three of his films?) and he’s working on a screenplay with his friend Josh that no one is allowed to see until it’s done. They went to Columbia together–that’s Columbia College, Chicago. He wants to take you to a movie in the park so he can lean over every ten minutes and explain it to you. He wears the same shirt every day and willfully ignores significant pop culture moments. Somehow you’re charmed???

The Bartender

He doesn’t get off until like 11 p.m. at the earliest so most of your dates are late night. It’s pretty cool at first until you realize you’re fucking exhausted and drunk all the time. He sleeps all day. He introduces you to new and exciting cocktails that you will order on subsequent dates to impress them. You never see him in daylight. He’s sad all the time because his days consist of sleeping and then going to work for long hours in a dark bar with drunk people. You end it with a text.

The Friend Of A Friend

You met him at your college best friend’s party. They’ve known each other since they were 12. You thought he was totally hot. You hook up for a few nights before realizing that it’s making your college friend uncomfortable. He moves states anyway.

The Ex Boyfriend You Can’t Seem To Quit

You dated for 4 months and then you broke up. You got back together and dated for almost a year. Then you broke up. Then you got back together, broke up, and got back together again. You might be broken up right now, but you’re totally getting back together later. Unless he’s fucking that girl you broke up with him for last time. Then you are never getting back together, like ever.

The Guy You Met On Tinder You Just Realized Was Racist

The date is going really well. He looks like his pictures, he has a cool job, and the conversation is interesting. You’re thinking this could really be going somewhere until he says something fishy about the Asian community in your area. You ask him to elaborate. It only gets worse. Check, please!

The Guy Who Introduced You To His Work Friends As His “Cousin”

He took you on a date to his WeWork space for wine and cheese night. You like a casual date, but this feels perhaps a little too casual. He introduces you to his co-workers as his “cousin.” Game over. He answers a phone call from his mother in front of you and puts it on speaker while they fight for 15 minutes. Game Over.

The Guy You Went To Middle School With Only You’re Hooking Up Now

You weren’t really friends in middle school (he was cool and you weren’t), but you were home in the suburbs and swiped right on each other. He grabs your boob in your mom’s car and fucks you in his childhood bedroom when his parents aren’t home. It’s a little nostalgic but mostly depressing.

The Guy You’re Never Going To Meet But You’re Emotionally Invested In

You met on an app when you were on vacation/in another state/west of the 405 and he is probably your soulmate. You talk for hours and have sizzling chemistry. You get jealous when you think he’s going on dates or if a girl comments on his Instagram. You’re probably never meeting in real life, but he’s YOURS damnit!

The Guy Who Won’t Have Sex With You On Your Period

He has no problem with you whacking him off in his bed, in the car, at the bar, in a house, on a mouse, anywhere. But blood is his kryptonite. You’re bleeding?? Sorry his penis is terrified. His fingers can’t even go down there! It doesn’t matter that you’re wearing a Diva Cup! This wittle baybee is scawed. Also, he still wants you to suck his dick.

The Guy Who Won’t Open Your Insta DM But Tagged You In A Photo Like A Monster

You went on a few dates around town, but conversation has fizzled. One day you look at your phone and realize there’s a notification. He’s tagged you in a photo from when you went to a sports game together, like a psychopath. WHO DOES THAT?? You DM him to say hey and mention that you saw it, but he doesn’t open it for days. He doesn’t open it at all. What the fuck?

The Good Guy You’re Not Attracted To

He listens, he laughs, he pays for your dates. He thinks you’re pretty even when you have no makeup on and a lot of hormonal acne. He’s genuinely interested in your mind, body, and soul. But he’s not doing it for you. You’re just not that into him. Never mind that he would probably Postmates you hungover Chick-fil-A or listen to you complain about your mom. He’s not unattractive, he’s just not….an asshole 😦