Los Angeles Tsunami Saturday Link Pack

I picked a tarot card this morning. The wheel of fortune. It signifies change, destiny, good luck and new directions. But that was after the tsunami warning canceled my Hermosa Beach yoga plans. And after the rain canceled my last-minute Silver Lake Reservoir walk plans. And after I didn’t go out to get a fancy coffee. I just had one from the Keurig.

So I’m hoping my luck changes.

For whatever reason, my The Best Things I Have Purchased At Erewhon post keeps getting clicks. But I don’t have any Erewhon recommendations today. Just a homemade puppy chow of salty, sweet deliciously random links. I hope you like them.

EAT THIS:

I’m not doing Veganuary. I’m just trying to eat more vegetables. I’ve been cooking my way through The Weekday Vegetarians and posting my progress via Instagram. You guys keep asking me to send you photos of recipes but I would like to remind you that Google is in fact, free. I got about five requests for this super-green pasta recipe made with kale pesto. It was VERY easy to find online.

The Kardashians like this salad dressing and so do I. Special shoutout to the El Co shopping center. Real ones know East Coast Bagel and always see Howie Mandel sitting outside the Starbucks.

If you know me, you know I love California Chicken Cafe. I have made this CCC Chinese chicken salad dupe to much success, multiple times.

Do we think this vegan calamari could be good? I have all the ingredients for it.

Has anyone been to Little Barn Coffee House? I really want to go.

The Girl Scouts have a new cookie out and if you have a daughter/niece/cousin/friend who is a Girl Scout, I would like to buy these from them!!

Really craving an M&M cookie rn.

WATCH THIS:

I watched The Worst Person in the World last night and it felt like swallowing a pair of scissors (emotionally).

Are you watching Yellow Jackets? Let’s talk about it. I think I’m a Jackie 😦 Anyway, Showtime turned the soundtrack into a Spotify playlist. It reminds me deeply of my time in the Midwest.

Are you trying to get into ASMR videos as a way to relax? I freakin LOVE this one.

WEAR THIS:

The TikTok girlies were right: This is the best concealer.

So, who is going to try this new tinted Supergoop! CC Cream?

These are my favorite jeans I have ever owned. Don’t go for the weird diagonal button. Pick the regular button. They are super high-waisted, comfortable enough to wear all day and make your legs look 10000 miles long.

Still not back on hard pants? These are the softest lounge shorts I have ever worn.

Costco has Pendleton sherpa fleece blankets for $30.

Does anyone feel like buying me these boots?

Remember when I really wanted this $2,100 Balenciaga le cagole shoulder bag? I found a $70 dupe. HINT! HINT! TO ANYONE BUYING ME A VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT!

No idea what this smells like but the bottle is so pretty. I want it.

The next Okay to Rest drop is happening soon. Trying to remember this while I chill out during my day of canceled plants.

HOUSE STUFF ? IDK WHAT TO CALL THIS SECTION:

I ❤ my Amazon Basics food processor. Gonna make this hummus with it.

I need some art for a blank wall in the kitchen. Honestly, I might get this.

Looking for a wall clock that looks like this but isn’t $300. 😡 Lmk if you find one.

Ready to replace my bedroom mirror with this massive one.

Dan, can we pretty please get this bed frame?? Or this one.

Okay it is now 1:36 p.m. which means it’s time to mope in the living room and consume a full mason jar of water.

love u

text me

im bored

L

The Best Things I Have Purchased at Erewhon Part 2

Hello again! You guys really seemed to like reading about the best things I have purchased at Erewhon, so I thought I’d make a part 2.

Let’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Three Wishes Cereal – Cinnamon

I have always loved cereal. When I was little and we would go visit my grandma, she always had mini boxes of cereal that I would eat for breakfast and snack. In college, my aunt would buy me boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and I would eat it for (what felt like) most meals. Three Wishes is grain free, gluten free, has 8 grams of protein and 3 grams of sugar per serving. Even though it is not the absolute candy that is Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I happen to think Three Wishes tastes really, really good. My favorite way to eat it is with almond milk and frozen blueberries.

Mama Emma Fresh Pumpkin Gnocchi

Idk who Mama Emma is, but I would like to be her child. The first time I tasted this gnocchi, I gasped. It’s lighter than air, flavorful and takes about 3 minutes to make. I went on the Mama Emma website, and they say their pumpkin gnocchi has “extraordinary nutritional and healing properties.” Mama Emma!!!!! Guaranteed, this is a food I will be eating all fall long. It’s great with marinara, pesto or a little olive oil and some parm.

Erewhon’s Turmeric Tahini Dressing

This is the best-tasting salad dressing ever. This salad dressing is a gorgeous saffron color. It’s lightly tangy without being too acidic on the tongue. It’s also made with tahini (my fave), turmeric (anti-inflammatory!), maple syrup, lemon juice, ginger, oregano and sunflower seeds. WARNING! It does not keep forever (prob about 7 days). When I buy it, I like to top my salads/roasted vegetables with it that week.

Misha’s Kind Foods Non-Dairy Cheese – Joi

If you’re reading this and it’s giving you the icks because I am talking about things that are gluten-free and dairy-free…..why are you reading a piece about Erewhon then? If you’re STILL with me and haven’t logged off to go buy McDonald’s or sm, I like to use this spreadable non-dairy cheese as a cream cheese on bagels and as a spread on crackers/sandwiches. I LOVE the Joi flavor, described by the Misha Kind Foods website as: “blending the bright spice of fresh jalapenos, de-seeded to infuse flavor without a hint of heat, along with herbaceous, bold notes of thyme and oregano.” It’s not spicy. It’s herbaceous! And really hits that cheese craving.

Atlantic Sea Farms Fermented Seaweed Salad

If you’re trying to incorporate more fermented foods for your gut health (and these days, who isn’t?) might I suggest this tasty seaweed salad? You can eat it plain, add it to rice, toss it in a salad, pair it with some fish, idk do whatever you want. It’s really good. PRO TIP: If you don’t like seaweed, you definitely won’t like this. If you still want a lil fermented something, I recommend Wildbrine’s Probiotic Red Beet & Cabbage Kraut. It’s semi-sweet and tastes mostly like beets. Also good on everything I mentioned above.

Erewhon’s Eggless Sandwich

Erewhon’s prepared foods are unrivaled. You know this. We have been over this. If you’re a fan of hand-held breakfast items, this morning sandwich is freakin IT. No, it’s not made with a fake egg. There are no eggs or pretend eggs. That’s what I like about it. It’s an English muffin, perfectly spiced turmeric curry tofu, tempeh bacon, spinach and a little olive oil. It’s so incredibly savory and filling but not in the way that a Starbucks breakfast sammy is. I feel nourished after I eat this. Try it (esp when you’re hungover 🤪) and thank me later.

Metagenics OmegaGenics EPA-DHA 1000

Remember when you were in college and your new roommate/best friend told you that you both should start taking Biotin to strengthen your hair and nails, but all it made you do was break out? Those long words I typed up there in the caption hed are a brand of fish oil pill. Want to know why my hair/nails are so long and strong? These pills. These do exactly what Biotin was supposed to do for me (and DID NOT). The lovely holistic health expert at Erewhon recommended this brand, because the pills are slightly lemon flavored (masking the fish taste) and don’t make you have fish burps. They also conveniently keep my heart healthy! I know some people think fish pills don’t do anything. Those people probably have brittle nails.

Happy shopping!

xx

L

Hashtag Career Goals

You’re supposed to dress for the job you want, but we all work from home now.

Plus, I have no idea what a “podcaster with no agenda” would wear.

Probably pajamas?

While I am a “rock star content producer” interested in creating “viral hits,” I am also “extremely tired.”

There was a time when I had the energy to bounce back and forth from freelancing job to freelancing job while also writing for my normal 9 to 5. I was pitching anyone with an email address and piling up clips like I worked at SuperCuts.

I had ideas! This is less of a brag and more just sheer shock at the way I used to exist compared to the current husk of a human I have become since the onslaught of global pandemic that is never not onslaught-ing.

I feel uncreative and sexless about being a writer. To clarify, that’s “sexless” in the “not sexy” way. Not “sexless” as in purposely left that part of my driver’s license blank. I looked the word up and those were both options for the definition.

So to break myself out of my bad mood? funk? evening of self loathing? I will write for you some creative, fun job ideas that I think I could be really good at and that will not only revitalize me, but also re-invigorate my waning existence as a human being under capitalism/career.

Nail Polish Namer

I am fairly certain that this is already a real job. But I know I would absolutely crush it. I am very good at naming things. For instance, when I was a small child I named all of my dolls and stuffed animals, Carrot. I think that shows a remarkable brilliance on my part, as most children were not sporting produce names until after the birth of Apple Martin. Meanwhile, I had like seven baby dolls named Carrot. Naming a nail polish should be no problem.

Coffee Shop Playlist Coordinator

I’ll say it, because no one else will. Coffee shops need better/louder music to muffle the sound in the bathroom. Did you really think your Damien Rice track is going to muffle the sound of a triple iced latte exiting my body? Because I know it won’t. I think more cafes need to play The White Stripes with heavy a focus on “Icky Thump.” Pardon the pun.

ASMR Video Test Subject

Over the last year and a half I have really started to fall in love with ASMR. The soft-spoken videos where someone pretends to brush your hair/give you a facial/pluck negative energies are a welcome brain break from Netflix and TikTok. ASMRist itsblitzzz frequently practices her techniques on her friends. Honestly, I am quite jealous! None of my friends run a popular ASMR YouTube account (that I know of). No one has ever offered to ASMR me! I want to do this! I promise I will sit and not make noise. I probably (50/50 chance) won’t even fall asleep! Itsblitzzz even provides her ASMR subjects with a snack! This is my new dream job! Who will pay me to do this?

Supportive Friend Concierge

I used to work fashion retail, so I can tell when someone wants “a friend” to validate their impulsive choices. Basically this is a service, where you call or text me (I could show up but that will definitely cost you extra) to give you the support you “buy now”! Are those ugly-cute shoes actually cute? Or just ugly? Babe, they’re on sale! Who cares! Listen, I am not here to judge and I am certainly not your friend so you won’t have to worry about me ever saying “why do you never wear THATTHING again?? You used to love it!” when you inevitably hate your impulse buy after 2 to 3 business days. Hypothetically, this concierge service could also extend to supportive texts about hooking up with your ex. However, I feel like that could get me sued?

Bread Bitch

Hear me out on this one— You’re at dinner with a group of friends. The waiter plops down a basket of fresh, steaming sliced baguette. Everyone is paralyzed with nerves. “Are we eating bread this week? Does no one want it? Will I look like crazy if I go first?” you think. A bead of sweat trickles down your back. “Please god someone break this curse!!” That’s when I step in. I will be the bread bitch. I will go first. I will give the gluten green light. Sacred moments with your sourdough roll are forever saved. You’re welcome, America.

Anyway, feel free to pass around my resume if any positions like these open up.

I’ll be here all week.

Try the plant-based veal.

L

Links for Lunch

Hello it’s me! Using my newly allotted work-enforced “creative time” to uhhhhh show you some things I found on the internet and share my thoughts.

Gonna just gloss over the fact that it has been a while.

Things that happened while I was gone: went on a real vacation for the first time in a year (!!!), got a new couch, celebrated a birthday, figured out how to use my WaterPik without spraying my entire face/body/bathroom, discovered my new favorite bronzer, watched a lot of babies on TikTok, etc…

It’s nice to be back and writing to you again ❤️

We jUST bought a new couch (Living Spaces, baby!) but my friend Jessica showed me what is essentially the Hawaiian Ikea and they have some great pieces including a dupe for the Restoration Hardware cloud sofa.

I’ve been craving routine and structure— I’m just about to enter my Saturn return— so I’ve started cooking Sunday night dinners as a cozy way to wind down the weekend and show myself some love. I have two favorite recipes right now that I swap depending on my mood. This one (from TikTok) is lighter (but still filling) and bright and crunchy and delicious. This one is….a white lady casserole nightmare so please don’t click on this and think it is anything BUT that. It is a comforting, cheesy delicious Sunday night blanket and nothing more. I usually add ground turkey for some protein.

I bought this candle as a birthday present to myself and also because I love all things Goldie Hawn.

The candlemakers also have their own pop culture podcast that I can’t get enough of.

I’m home from my humid tropical vacation and back in the desert dystopia that is L.A. If you live in a dry climate, this is my holy grail moisturizer. My skin would be shattering into 1000000 sharp pieces without it.

I read The Ugly Cry: A Memoir on the plane and I am STILL thinking about it. Danielle Henderson is a superb storyteller. I highly recommend buying from your local bookstore. I’m linking out to my favorite one: Unabridged in Chicago.

This is the No. 1 product that has saved my long, heat-damaged hair.

If you’re feeling anxiety about finding meaning while living a tiny life on a small dying rock that is hurtling through space, listen to this podcast.

I’m going to San Diego in 2 weeks and I’m really looking forward to trying this restaurant. My dermatologist also recommended this taco place. Have you ever been to SD and/or tried either? Lmk! And send me some recs.

While I’m in town you KNOW I am going to be checking out this haunted hotel.

And on that note:

July is pretty much almost not quite over…so basically it is Halloween IMO.

Can’t wait to wholly embrace this aesthetic:

lots of luv

ur spooky ghoul

L

The Best Things I Have Purchased At Erewhon

Erewhon is a grocery store in Los Angeles for crazy people. Not just crazy people, crazy rich people. Sometimes I delude myself into thinking that I can shop there. These are some of my favorite purchases!

All of the Juices

I am a juice girl. Please say nothing to me about the sugar content of juice. I am ignoring you. I am too busy turning my tongue green, chugging a concoction of chard, dandelion, cucumber and moss. I love drinks that taste like dirt. I also love drinks that taste like citrus. Erewhon has all of that! And more (check out their Strawberry almond milk. Omg so good)! If you ever go to Erewhon, buy a juice. You will be like “$9??? For this??” Yes. For that.

You came here! Now pay the troll toll.

Erewhon Hand Sanitizer

THIS SMELLS SO F*CKING GOOD. As someone with a hand sanitizer for my entry way, purse, and car, I need a variety of scents. Otherwise, all I smell is Purell-alcohol and I feel sick. This is my favorite hand sanitizer for the car (I also keep like 3 Kreation sanitizers stashed in there as well, but tbh those smell like ass). Erewhon’s sanitizer smells like sandalwood and lavender and lemon and probably Kourtney Kardashian (notorious Erewhon shopper).

It by no means replaces hand washing— it’s not even my hand sanitizer with the highest alcohol content! But it is the nicest, best-smelling way to remind myself that everything is germ-y and terrifying and that I should not touch my face. Plus, it makes my car smell so good after I’ve sprayed.

Zab’s Hot Sauce St. Augustine Style

Okay, so I originally saw this hot sauce on an influencer’s IG story (itsmetinx), but I trust her taste in pretty much everything. First of all, the bottle is so cute. I love the little fire-breathing blue dog(?) (fox?) on it. It’s described as having a slow-burning heat, but the hot sauce itself is vaguely fruity, with a little bit of spice. I like to use this on rice and beans, avocado, chicken, sweet potatoes, etc, for a little bit of sweet heat.

Wylde One Yoga in a Cup

I had a really strong Four Sigmatic phase, and I still gravitate toward anything made with mushrooms. Yoga in a Cup is a blend of chill-inducing reishi mushrooms and Ashwagandha. It tastes a bit like chai tea, especially when you mix it with a little almond or oat milk. As someone who has tried many mushroom elixirs, this one makes me feel the most mellow. I recommend sipping on some while you take a candle-lit bath or watch TV.

Deux Enhanced Cookie Dough

You’re either a person who wishes they could eat cookie dough with a spoon, or you’re not. If you’re not, please get off my site. I don’t need that kind of negativity here. This vegan, gluten-free, immunity or beauty-boosting (depending on what flavor you pick) dessert is…..perfection? It tastes like luxury. It’s a PMS cure. My personal fave is the chocolate chip flavor but the brownie batter is also divine. Why can’t all my immunity/collagen/protein ish be given to me in cookie dough form???

Matzo Ball Soup

All of Erewhon’s soups are good, but if you like and regularly enjoy matzo ball soup, then you know the struggle of finding good supermarket MBS (matzo ball soup) is hard. Is Erewhon’s like your Bubbe makes? No. But it is a revelation!!! The matzo balls are light and herby. The broth is as drinkable as your favorite tea. There are BIG chunks of juicy chicken, vibrant carrot and celery in there! Where Gelson’s and Bristol Farms MBS fails, Erewhon EXCEEDS. These soups come in mason jars and my favorite thing that I have ever done is turn my Erewhon soup jug into an iced coffee …jug? cup? I never have to make a second coffee this way. It holds so much.

Joolies

If you like dates and don’t want to risk getting Covid at a farmer’s market, buy these. Put them in a salad. Put them in a smoothie. Eat them as a snack. Trust me. You’re welcome.

Iwon Organics Spicy Sweet Pepper Protein Stix

Apparently, Hot Cheetos are bad for you. I know, I was shocked too. But now I am on the hunt for a spicy, crunchy snack dupe. I love my Cheetys. Not because of their cheese-factor but because they are spicy and I like it when my mouth gets a little numb. These are nicely spiced! Not to mention non-GMO, soy-free, gluten-free, vegan and made with plant-based ingredients. However, they do not turn your fingers that lovely shade of red-orange.

I really like these but I am still on the hunt for something that really makes my mouth sweat. (Gross!)

Health Essential Candle Frankincense-Myrrh Luxury Glass

There is something truly unhinged about being in a grocery store and seeing an 8 ounce candle that retails for $23.99 and deciding, I’m going to get that! But let me tell you, IT IS WORTH IT. Is it a financially smart decision? No. But is shopping at Erewhon a financially smart decision anyway? Also probably no!!! Some days demand expensive candles (a lie I am telling myself and you, sorry) because you feel like the world is burning and the only thing you can control is what scent you want your bedroom to be.

This candle smells like a very expensive mom. Imagine you are the small child of wealthy parents, and you’re living in a mansion. You have wandered away from your nanny to go hide in to your mother’s walk-in closet. You are letting the sleeves of her cashmere sweaters tickle your face as you hide behind them. The cool silk of her skirts is brushing lightly against your knees. It smells like safety. It smells like fancy lady perfume. That is this candle!!!!!!!

Honorable Mention: The Salad and Hot Bar/Prepared Foods

I mean technically it’s not a salad or hot bar anymore because you can’t serve yourself. However, they offer a bunch of salads and hot food options pre-packed in individual servings, that were once a part of their salad and hot bar. My faves are their asian chicken salad, macrobiotic salad (which is less salad and more vegetables and rice and beans) and their kelp noodle salad. V good chicken, falafel, salmon and veggie sides.

Skip the sushi. It’s eh.

xo

I’ve Finally Discovered My QuaranTALENT

My Instagram feed has become a parade of people I know displaying their hidden talents. I had no idea so many of them could make focaccia bread! Or cross stitch! Or build furniture! And while it’s been wonderful to watch, it’s also inspired me to try to find my own.

After crashing and burning at friendship bracelets, failing miserably at French braids and making my boyfriend ingest a truly awful fried rice made with apple chicken sausage, I’ve finally figured out what MY hidden quarantine talent, or “quaranTALENT,” if you paid attention to my headline — is.

Shockingly, it’s not TikTok (although I definitely think it’s hers), or baking banana bread (we know how that turned out), cutting my hair (have yet to attempt), or even tie dying sweats.

Here is what it is: BAKING COOKIES.

I am actually really freakin good at this? I have made mostly chocolate chip (my preferred cookie), some gluten free with choccy bits and most recently, a vegan oatmeal chocolate chip recipe from the NYT cooking app that used a banana instead of butter or eggs. And they’ve all been delicious.

I really did not bake cookies often before this? The last time I recall making some was for my boyfriend in college and I burned them.

Go figure.

I am much more of a cook (fried rice aside) than a baker because cooking = playing and baking = rules.

Plus, baking is really just chemistry and I failed chem in high school. Shoutout Doctor Kasparian, C Block!

However, I have found calming magic in the methodical baking of cookies. I get a lot of pleasure from mixing and then forming the sticky little dough balls in my hands, then smooshing them a little on to the crinkly parchment paper resting atop my cookie sheet. My brain gets calm knowing you can basically put anything in a cookie — chocolate chips, peanut butter, sprinkles, shredded coconut, pretzels, etc… and it will turn out okay.

I like the way they smell.

I like that if they are a lil lumpy it’s okay.

I like that they take 10 mins to bake.

I like the way they look sitting in the Tupperware that I have now coined my “cookie container.”

I enjoy this process so much I have even briefly flirted with the thought of purchasing a cookie jar. Is that gauche? Just look at this gorgeous one from Williams Sonoma and tell me I’m wrong!

Anyway.

What’s your quarantalent? Do you have one? Do you WISH you had one? What would it be? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be here, looking at cookie recipes.

xx

L

Lately Snack Break: The Broke Yolk

“Snack Break” is Lately’s new interview series where we chat with people we think are interesting for about as long as it takes you to finish your work snack. Our first in the series is with The Broke Yolk founder and friend of Lately, Tori Hyndman.

Tori Hyndman is one of the funniest people on the internet.

She’s the creative force behind The Broke Yolk, the most entertaining food and lifestyle blog that you’re not reading yet, but need to be.

Hyndman does it all from suburban food tours to easy recipes to snarky side comments that will have you howling. Her voice is that of your best friend who also knows how to whip up the perfect hash AND make a mean martini. She’s who you want in your kitchen but also who you want in your phone to call when you’ve drunk texted your ex on the way to get 2am pizza.

Yes, The Broke Yolk is part cooking blog and part diary but it’s also 100% “Whatever [Tori] wants it to be goddamnnit.

Lately was lucky enough to ask our longtime internet friend a few questions. Check them out below!

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So, why did you start The Broke Yolk?

TBY: I started The Broke Yolk because I was getting tired of Twitter being the only place I could write/scream into the void. I do some writing at work but I don’t have the ability to drone on about non-dairy milks or deliberately call out the guy who I hooked up with last Halloween. I think I just wanted a new place to talk about food and what I’m cooking. And I wanted to be creative and try my hand at graphic design and work on my website skills. 

Who is inspiring you rn?

TBY: I am a fan of women doing cool things in the food and restaurant space – Molly Yeh makes me want to be happy and bake cakes. Ina Garten makes me feel like I can roast a bird, luxuriate and order custom shirts and not feel bad about it. My mom is a great cook who taught me to use an obscene amount of garlic and I will forever thank her for that. I like Alison Roman’s red-orange nails.

Not Bobby Flay he sucks. 

LOL. I know you’re also obsessed with the Bon Appetit staff. A lot of people on the internet are these days. I sadly am not. Please explain this to me!!

TBY: I am not “obsessed.” I did have an unhealthy crush on a human employed by the magazine and slid into DMs more than once but I have moved on and am better for it.

People love BA, especially the Test Kitchen crew, because the content is centered around beautiful people making delicious food while they hanging out with (what appears to be) their friends. The newer verticals like Basically and Healthyish are doing a good job of meeting Millennials and Gen Z where they are and what they want out of cooking/feeding themselves.

Mostly I think people like BA because the Test Kitchen people are hot and are all individually micro-influencers. Personally, I think they’re all sleeping with each other.

What’s YOUR best cooking advice, Toe?

TBY: Wolfgang Puck told me to learn how to make one thing really well (I didn’t think that was great advice, but it’s my only chance to say that Wolfgang Puck gave me cooking advice, so take it haters).

Okay then to make it more relatable, what’s your worst cooking mistake?

Sometimes I leave the oven/a burner on which is scary I guess because we could die. Other than that, and the time I accidentally dropped all of my ravioli down the garbage disposal when draining the water, I like to roll with the punches.

You currently live in D.C….where are your favorite places to eat?

TBY: Depends on the occasion and who’s buying but I love Le Diplomate. It’s a Steven Starr restaurant (Philly-based restaurateur) so I feel a kinship to my cheesesteak brethren when I eat there. Regardless, everything is so yummy.

Must-gets are the oysters (seafood tower if you’re not paying), the gougères, which are these little airy bread-cheese puffs of heaven, the warm shrimp salad, the mushroom tart, roast chicken, crème brûlée— it’s all so good.

What would your last meal be?

TBY: Probably shake shack

Give me three people (living or dead) that you would love to eat a meal with.

TBY: I always get nervous with these questions because I don’t think I want to eat a meal with three strangers??? I would be so nervous. Picking people I know seems weird unless they are dead relatives or something.

Can I bring a friend? If so, it would be Friend, Mindy Kaling, and BJ Novak because I mostly just want to see how Mindy and BJ vibe in real life. Is there tension? Does he listen or smile when she speaks? I need to know.

I’m not cooking (because what if it’s bad). We can order in some fancy takeout and I’ll bring wine and a dessert from a nice bakery.

I will also make note of how much BJ tips the delivery guy.

I can’t believe I am the friend you are bringing to dinner with Mindy and BJ! Thanks! But if it was just us, where would you take me?

TBY: In D.C. I would take you to this place called Little Sesame for lunch. It’s a yummy hummus shop and it’s so good and decorated all cute. For dinner we could do Compass Rose or Iron Gate for nice ambience and good cocktails. There’s a cool vegan restaurant called Fancy Radish we could go to because I haven’t tried it yet!

You’re on your way to becoming an influencer. What food or beverage brand would you want to sponsor you?

TBY: Eggland’s Best needs a hot young face and I am up for the challenge. 

Let’s say you come out with a cookbook. What are you going to name it?

TBY: Eggs n’ stuff. Cooking with Friends (your anxiety and depression). I’m still brainstorming. 

Also, you are my only friend who makes martinis and I love that about you. Tell me what got you into this?

TBY: My mom is my martini inspiration! [Queen Jag] loves dirty vodka martinis (exclusively Ketel One) and taught me how to make one. I do strictly vodka over gin, extra dirty, and I LOVE a blue cheese stuffed olive.

My mom always says, “no vermouth” when she orders them, but honestly, I can’t tell the difference. You can get buzzed off one drink which makes ‘Tini Time classy and economical!

If the whole internet isn’t  reading The Broke Yolk by now, they SHOULD. What are some things you want your new readers (and old readers I guess) to take away from your posts? Besides laughing at all your incredible asides, of course.

TBY: I want them to learn that you do not need to be cool or hot or good at cooking to make food and have fun with it (I am however all of those things so I see where this can get confusing). I want them to allow themselves to feel feelings and not feel guilty about whatever they’re putting in their mouths (I want to allow myself that too). 

What post should they start with?

TBY: I’ve only been posting for about a year and I’ve only posted like 10 times…but I worked really hard on the one about my hometown’s weird eating spots. It was fun to write when I was hiding from my family at my parent’s house over the holidays and I came out of it with an appreciation for the strange, but also extremely normal, place I grew up.

I also love the Glossary page (does that count as a post?) because I say wild things and I want to continue to say wild things and play with language and abbreviation and acronyms so I like the idea of having a resource for my readers to learn a little more about me and why I say the things I say.

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Tori Hyndman aka Toe aka The Broke Yolk

My Office Job Made Me Lose Interest in Making Breakfast

When I worked from home, eating breakfast was an event.

I would fry eggs while I dialed into the morning editorial meeting. It wasn’t uncommon for me to leisurely munch on avocado toast topped with tomatoes while editing something from a freelancer. But now I work in an office.

Whereas before, I had time to throw a bunch of fruit and mylks into a blender, now I have about 10 minutes to eat, brush my teeth, paint on a face and rip off my pajamas in favor of real pants.

I’ve trained myself not to get hungry until 8:45 A.M. when I’m in my car, one exit away from work.

In the shuffle (or in the interest of more sleep), I’ve completely lost breakfast.

My morning scrambles have turned into to-go iced coffees and at best a gluten free muffin or a Kreation juice. By 11 a.m. I am both starving and increasingly broke. Oat milk is an extra dollar! An extra shot is $2! (And of course, I need it.)

It’s not that I don’t WANT to eat breakfast. I do. But in the grand scheme of thing a.k.a arriving at work on time and with clean clothing on my body, I’ve stopped making it a priority.

Ideally, I’d love to save money and eat food from home or even AT home. But losing sleep just so I can butter a piece of toast and shove it down my gullet hardly seems like a realistic option.

Yes, I see people eating breakfast AT work but the thought of having a bowl of cereal at my desk sounds revolting. I don’t want to microwave a frozen breakfast burrito because frankly–they smell like farts.

My office practices a weekly bagel Friday but I view the communal cream cheese as a breeding ground for bacteria. PLUS, I don’t think dairy (cream cheese) is meant to sit unrefrigerated on a conference table for that long.

Meal prep comes to mind, but that always leads to some sort of Pinterest disaster and besides, I find overnight oats to be gross and gruel-like.

SO WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?

Don’t suggest yogurt. I only like to eat that if it’s covered in fruit and honey. I’d like to eat something nutritionally beneficial or at the very least, something besides a bagel.

I’d even settle for a filling (and tasty) green smoothie!

I miss breakfast and I want to become a breakfast girl again.

After all, it is the most important meal of the day.

*Cue “Making Breakfast” by Twin Peaks*

Help me out and LMK in the comments below.

xo

3 Products That Have Totally Changed My Life

What do these three items have in common? Absolutely nothing–except that they have greatly improved my life.

If you are a human who eats any sort of pizza, ever gets cold/ has period cramps, or are someone who uses a hairbrush, I’m about to make your life 10% better (at the very least).

Pizza Scissors

If you’re not cutting your pizza with scissors, you’re an idiot. They’re actually called “kitchen shears” and not “pizza scissors” but regardless, they make slicing your pizza an absolute breeze.

I find actual pizza cutters to be ineffective. I also lack the control I crave when I want to cut my pizza, just so. Plus, those things never REALLY penetrate the crust, do they? Knives also fuck up the cheese on your slice, you have to saw away at your pizza like a log, and I’m pretty much just scared of them in general.

Scissors however I am proud to say I have been using since Pre-K. I am a scissors master. It makes way more sense to use something I am actually good at using to slice my way through a hot Trader Joe’s frozen cauliflower crust pizza (or whatever) than wield a weapon I am not sure about.

PRO TIP: Don’t use the scissors you have in your kitchen knick knack drawer because those are germ-y from cutting clothing tags/amazon boxes/your bangs/pet things/idk. Invest in stainless steel kitchen shears!! Use them exclusively for pizza! You can find them on Amazon. YOU’RE WELCOME

Heated Blanket

My beautiful and kind friend Chelsea Denise Ashley Duff (not her actual name) won me a heated blanket during my family’s annual Chanukah white elephant game. From the day I plugged it in it has been nothing short of revolutionary.

My house gets really cold (great in the summer, awful in the winter) and although I know Chicago is going through a heat wave (that will end LOL) it’s still semi-cold everywhere else, even Los Angeles.

When I use it not only do I not have to shiver to get warm and then sweat beneath seven different blankets, but I can control the temperature so I don’t overheat. Plus, it warms me up right away which means less time with cold feet.

Another benefit of this heated blanket is that it’s basically a massive soft heating pad. So if you are a person who gets period cramps, laying under this baby feels really really soothing on your uterus.

This is not the one I have, but it’s close.

Tangle Teezer

I will be honest with you, I used to travel without a hair brush. They are mostly too big and bulky for my toiletry case and carry-on and also, I don’t wash my hair every day because it’s drying for my hair type, so I could get away with not having one on short trips.

However on long trips, I would typically attempt a sad finger-comb through my locks that would do nothing to tame the snarls all over my head. It made me feel incredibly self conscious and also kind of dumb for not just lugging around a large hair brush despite only having to use it once or twice on my trip and not having one made me (not the universe) responsible for my bad hair days.

Enter, the Tangle Teezer!

It’s small enough to fit inside a purse and tough enough to get through massive knots in wet and dry hair. Plus, it comes in a ton of cute colors and it’s only $12!! I use this little brush in the shower and it dries super quickly after because it’s all plastic so it doesn’t get my things damp if I need to pack up quickly. Plus, it’s super easy to pick the hair out of it and throw it away. This is a travel-must IMO.

Anyway, what products have changed your life recently?

Peloton? The Bible? LMK!

xo

All The Things I’m Gonna Eat When I Can’t Eat Bread For Like A Week

Passover begins Friday, and for some Jews that means no bread for 7-8 days (depending on how you observe the holiday). The best way that I can explain Passover is by having you listen to the Crazy Ex Girlfriend song, “Remember That We Suffered.”

Not only is it one of the best songs to ever grace the series, but it captures the thesis statement of Passover (and most Jewish holidays tbh) which is to reflect on the fact that once upon a time, the Jewish people did not have it so good (cut to 2018/2019 when once again, we don’t have it so good. But also…did we ever?)

If you think everything I am saying right now is bullshit and you want to Google Passover, this is what comes up: Passover “commemorates the liberation of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery, lasting seven or eight days from the 15th day of Nisan.”

…..I feel like my explanation told you way more.

One of the main things you do for Passover besides recite the 10 plagues and black out on four glasses of wine, is stop eating chametz– or leavened foods (breads)– for a week, to remind you of how our ancestors didn’t even have time for their bread to rise before they had to flee. You’re allowed to eat matzo (pronounced mot-zah) because that’s basically what they had to eat.

You may be thinking “LOL okay I can survive without toast or sandwiches for a week, matzo is like crackers!” but let me tell you what leavened bread really means…

NO: bread, cereal, cake, cookies, pizza, pasta, tortillas, pita, bagels, soft pretzels, beer, legumes, corn, rice, wheat, rye, oats, barley, spelt, and I’m honestly probably forgetting some others.

Plus, one of the many things I have in common with Oprah is that we both LOVEEEEEE bread. I eat pasta constantly and most of my mornings start with toast or a bagel. So bread withdrawals will probably turn me into a monster. Also, you try eating large sheets of crackers for a week. You’ve never BEEN so constipated.

So while I will be enjoying matzo brittle and maybe the odd matzo pizza (I would rather die than try this matzo lasagna recipe tho, matzo is NOT noodles) I will be mainly relying on vegetables and meat as nourishment.

Is this what Atkins is?

My friend Bredée is obsessed with Yum Nua, a Thai beef salad that sounds pretty tasty and easy to make, so I thought I might try that.

I would eat sashimi if I were still eating raw fish.

There is a cucumber salad with melon and rosewater labneh from Kismet in Los Feliz that I am obsessed with, also they have this new oyster mushroom dish I want to try, so I’ll likely have dinner there sometime next week.

I could do a protein style burger from In-N-Out, which means it’s wrapped in lettuce and doesn’t include a bun. Obvi I would order with no tomato (because I hate them).

Normally I’m a veggie burger girl– but a lot of veggie and plant-based burgers are actually made with rice, wheat, corn, and other things that I can’t eat during Passover, so that’s a bummer.

I CAN’T EVEN HAVE OAT MILK I DON’T THINK???? Honestly this is just occurring to me now? Please respond in the comments if you know for sure otherwise brb gonna text my rabbi lol.

At least I can do almond milk.

I can eat Zoodles (I hate zoodles).

This radicchio, apple, and pear salad. 

I could eat a lot of fruit and some sort of yogurt situation. However, I am incredibly picky about yogurt because it reminds me of getting sick in the car as a child.

Honestly, who knows if I will succeed. I try this every year and somehow forget and eat a snack I shouldn’t or just cave entirely. But I enjoy embracing the holiday practice with optimism! It’s tradition, and what do the Jewish people love more than anything?

^^^^Tradition.

Chag Pesach sameach! And lmk if you have any food ideas for me.

xo