My Instagram feed has become a parade of people I know displaying their hidden talents. I had no idea so many of them could make focaccia bread! Or cross stitch! Or build furniture! And while it’s been wonderful to watch, it’s also inspired me to try to find my own.
After crashing and burning at friendship bracelets, failing miserably at French braids and making my boyfriend ingest a truly awful fried rice made with apple chicken sausage, I’ve finally figured out what MY hidden quarantine talent, or “quaranTALENT,” if you paid attention to my headline — is.
Shockingly, it’s not TikTok (although I definitely think it’s hers), or baking banana bread (we know how that turned out), cutting my hair (have yet to attempt), or even tie dying sweats.
Here is what it is: BAKING COOKIES.
I am actually really freakin good at this? I have made mostly chocolate chip (my preferred cookie), some gluten free with choccy bits and most recently, a vegan oatmeal chocolate chip recipe from the NYT cooking app that used a banana instead of butter or eggs. And they’ve all been delicious.
I really did not bake cookies often before this? The last time I recall making some was for my boyfriend in college and I burned them.
I am much more of a cook (fried rice aside) than a baker because cooking = playing and baking = rules.
Plus, baking is really just chemistry and I failed chem in high school. Shoutout Doctor Kasparian, C Block!
However, I have found calming magic in the methodical baking of cookies. I get a lot of pleasure from mixing and then forming the sticky little dough balls in my hands, then smooshing them a little on to the crinkly parchment paper resting atop my cookie sheet. My brain gets calm knowing you can basically put anything in a cookie — chocolate chips, peanut butter, sprinkles, shredded coconut, pretzels, etc… and it will turn out okay.
I like the way they smell.
I like that if they are a lil lumpy it’s okay.
I like that they take 10 mins to bake.
I like the way they look sitting in the Tupperware that I have now coined my “cookie container.”
I enjoy this process so much I have even briefly flirted with the thought of purchasing a cookie jar. Is that gauche? Just look at this gorgeous one from Williams Sonoma and tell me I’m wrong!
What’s your quarantalent? Do you have one? Do you WISH you had one? What would it be? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be here, looking at cookie recipes.
“Snack Break” is Lately’s new interview series where we chat with people we think are interesting for about as long as it takes you to finish your work snack. Our first in the series is with The Broke Yolk founder and friend of Lately, Tori Hyndman.
Tori Hyndman is one of the funniest people on the internet.
She’s the creative force behind The Broke Yolk, the most entertaining food and lifestyle blog that you’re not reading yet, but need to be.
Hyndman does it all from suburban food tours to easy recipes to snarky side comments that will have you howling. Her voice is that of your best friend who also knows how to whip up the perfect hash AND make a mean martini. She’s who you want in your kitchen but also who you want in your phone to call when you’ve drunk texted your ex on the way to get 2am pizza.
Lately was lucky enough to ask our longtime internet friend a few questions. Check them out below!
So, why did you start The Broke Yolk?
TBY: I started The Broke Yolk because I was getting tired of Twitter being the only place I could write/scream into the void. I do some writing at work but I don’t have the ability to drone on about non-dairy milks or deliberately call out the guy who I hooked up with last Halloween. I think I just wanted a new place to talk about food and what I’m cooking. And I wanted to be creative and try my hand at graphic design and work on my website skills.
Who is inspiring you rn?
TBY: I am a fan of women doing cool things in the food and restaurant space – Molly Yeh makes me want to be happy and bake cakes. Ina Garten makes me feel like I can roast a bird, luxuriate and order custom shirts and not feel bad about it. My mom is a great cook who taught me to use an obscene amount of garlic and I will forever thank her for that. I like Alison Roman’s red-orange nails.
Not Bobby Flay he sucks.
LOL. I know you’re also obsessed with the Bon Appetit staff. A lot of people on the internet are these days. I sadly am not. Please explain this to me!!
TBY: I am not “obsessed.” I did have an unhealthy crush on a human employed by the magazine and slid into DMs more than once but I have moved on and am better for it.
People love BA, especially the Test Kitchen crew, because the content is centered around beautiful people making delicious food while they hanging out with (what appears to be) their friends. The newer verticals like Basicallyand Healthyishare doing a good job of meeting Millennials and Gen Z where they are and what they want out of cooking/feeding themselves.
Mostly I think people like BA because the Test Kitchen people are hot and are all individually micro-influencers. Personally, I think they’re all sleeping with each other.
What’s YOUR best cooking advice, Toe?
TBY: Wolfgang Puck told me to learn how to make one thing really well (I didn’t think that was great advice, but it’s my only chance to say that Wolfgang Puck gave me cooking advice, so take it haters).
Okay then to make it more relatable, what’s your worst cooking mistake?
Sometimes I leave the oven/a burner on which is scary I guess because we could die. Other than that, and the time I accidentally dropped all of my ravioli down the garbage disposal when draining the water, I like to roll with the punches.
You currently live in D.C….where are your favorite places to eat?
TBY: Depends on the occasion and who’s buying but I love Le Diplomate. It’s a Steven Starr restaurant (Philly-based restaurateur) so I feel a kinship to my cheesesteak brethren when I eat there. Regardless, everything is so yummy.
Must-gets are the oysters (seafood tower if you’re not paying), the gougères, which are these little airy bread-cheese puffs of heaven, the warm shrimp salad, the mushroom tart, roast chicken, crème brûlée— it’s all so good.
What would your last meal be?
TBY: Probably shake shack ☹
Give me three people (living or dead) that you would love to eat a meal with.
TBY: I always get nervous with these questions because I don’t think I want to eat a meal with three strangers??? I would be so nervous. Picking people I know seems weird unless they are dead relatives or something.
Can I bring a friend? If so, it would be Friend, Mindy Kaling, and BJ Novak because I mostly just want to see how Mindy and BJ vibe in real life. Is there tension? Does he listen or smile when she speaks? I need to know.
I’m not cooking (because what if it’s bad). We can order in some fancy takeout and I’ll bring wine and a dessert from a nice bakery.
I will also make note of how much BJ tips the delivery guy.
I can’t believe I am the friend you are bringing to dinner with Mindy and BJ! Thanks! But if it was just us, where would you take me?
TBY: In D.C. I would take you to this place called Little Sesame for lunch. It’s a yummy hummus shop and it’s so good and decorated all cute. For dinner we could do Compass Rose or Iron Gate for nice ambience and good cocktails. There’s a cool vegan restaurant called Fancy Radish we could go to because I haven’t tried it yet!
You’re on your way to becoming an influencer. What food or beverage brand would you want to sponsor you?
TBY: Eggland’s Best needs a hot young face and I am up for the challenge.
Let’s say you come out with a cookbook. What are you going to name it?
TBY: Eggs n’ stuff. Cooking with Friends (your anxiety and depression). I’m still brainstorming.
Also, you are my only friend who makes martinis and I love that about you. Tell me what got you into this?
TBY: My mom is my martini inspiration! [Queen Jag] loves dirty vodka martinis (exclusively Ketel One) and taught me how to make one. I do strictly vodka over gin, extra dirty, and I LOVE a blue cheese stuffed olive.
My mom always says, “no vermouth” when she orders them, but honestly, I can’t tell the difference. You can get buzzed off one drink which makes ‘Tini Time classy and economical!
If the whole internet isn’t reading The Broke Yolk by now, they SHOULD. What are some things you want your new readers (and old readers I guess) to take away from your posts? Besides laughing at all your incredible asides, of course.
TBY: I want them to learn that you do not need to be cool or hot or good at cooking to make food and have fun with it (I am however all of those things so I see where this can get confusing). I want them to allow themselves to feel feelings and not feel guilty about whatever they’re putting in their mouths (I want to allow myself that too).
What post should they start with?
TBY: I’ve only been posting for about a year and I’ve only posted like 10 times…but I worked really hard on the one about my hometown’s weird eating spots. It was fun to write when I was hiding from my family at my parent’s house over the holidays and I came out of it with an appreciation for the strange, but also extremely normal, place I grew up.
I also love the Glossary page (does that count as a post?) because I say wild things and I want to continue to say wild things and play with language and abbreviation and acronyms so I like the idea of having a resource for my readers to learn a little more about me and why I say the things I say.
When I worked from home, eating breakfast was an event.
I would fry eggs while I dialed into the morning editorial meeting. It wasn’t uncommon for me to leisurely munch on avocado toast topped with tomatoes while editing something from a freelancer. But now I work in an office.
Whereas before, I had time to throw a bunch of fruit and mylks into a blender, now I have about 10 minutes to eat, brush my teeth, paint on a face and rip off my pajamas in favor of real pants.
I’ve trained myself not to get hungry until 8:45 A.M. when I’m in my car, one exit away from work.
In the shuffle (or in the interest of more sleep), I’ve completely lost breakfast.
My morning scrambles have turned into to-go iced coffees and at best a gluten free muffin or a Kreation juice. By 11 a.m. I am both starving and increasingly broke. Oat milk is an extra dollar! An extra shot is $2! (And of course, I need it.)
It’s not that I don’t WANT to eat breakfast. I do. But in the grand scheme of thing a.k.a arriving at work on time and with clean clothing on my body, I’ve stopped making it a priority.
Ideally, I’d love to save money and eat food from home or even AT home. But losing sleep just so I can butter a piece of toast and shove it down my gullet hardly seems like a realistic option.
Yes, I see people eating breakfast AT work but the thought of having a bowl of cereal at my desk sounds revolting. I don’t want to microwave a frozen breakfast burrito because frankly–they smell like farts.
My office practices a weekly bagel Friday but I view the communal cream cheese as a breeding ground for bacteria. PLUS, I don’t think dairy (cream cheese) is meant to sit unrefrigerated on a conference table for that long.
Meal prep comes to mind, but that always leads to some sort of Pinterest disaster and besides, I find overnight oats to be gross and gruel-like.
SO WHAT THE HECK DO I DO?
Don’t suggest yogurt. I only like to eat that if it’s covered in fruit and honey. I’d like to eat something nutritionally beneficial or at the very least, something besides a bagel.
I’d even settle for a filling (and tasty) green smoothie!
I miss breakfast and I want to become a breakfast girl again.
After all, it is the most important meal of the day.
What do these three items have in common? Absolutely nothing–except that they have greatly improved my life.
If you are a human who eats any sort of pizza, ever gets cold/ has period cramps, or are someone who uses a hairbrush, I’m about to make your life 10% better (at the very least).
If you’re not cutting your pizza with scissors, you’re an idiot. They’re actually called “kitchen shears” and not “pizza scissors” but regardless, they make slicing your pizza an absolute breeze.
I find actual pizza cutters to be ineffective. I also lack the control I crave when I want to cut my pizza, just so. Plus, those things never REALLY penetrate the crust, do they? Knives also fuck up the cheese on your slice, you have to saw away at your pizza like a log, and I’m pretty much just scared of them in general.
Scissors however I am proud to say I have been using since Pre-K. I am a scissors master. It makes way more sense to use something I am actually good at using to slice my way through a hot Trader Joe’s frozen cauliflower crust pizza (or whatever) than wield a weapon I am not sure about.
PRO TIP: Don’t use the scissors you have in your kitchen knick knack drawer because those are germ-y from cutting clothing tags/amazon boxes/your bangs/pet things/idk. Invest in stainless steel kitchen shears!! Use them exclusively for pizza! You can find them on Amazon. YOU’RE WELCOME
My beautiful and kind friend Chelsea Denise Ashley Duff (not her actual name) won me a heated blanket during my family’s annual Chanukah white elephant game. From the day I plugged it in it has been nothing short of revolutionary.
My house gets really cold (great in the summer, awful in the winter) and although I know Chicago is going through a heat wave (that will end LOL) it’s still semi-cold everywhere else, even Los Angeles.
When I use it not only do I not have to shiver to get warm and then sweat beneath seven different blankets, but I can control the temperature so I don’t overheat. Plus, it warms me up right away which means less time with cold feet.
Another benefit of this heated blanket is that it’s basically a massive soft heating pad. So if you are a person who gets period cramps, laying under this baby feels really really soothing on your uterus.
I will be honest with you, I used to travel without a hair brush. They are mostly too big and bulky for my toiletry case and carry-on and also, I don’t wash my hair every day because it’s drying for my hair type, so I could get away with not having one on short trips.
However on long trips, I would typically attempt a sad finger-comb through my locks that would do nothing to tame the snarls all over my head. It made me feel incredibly self conscious and also kind of dumb for not just lugging around a large hair brush despite only having to use it once or twice on my trip and not having one made me (not the universe) responsible for my bad hair days.
It’s small enough to fit inside a purse and tough enough to get through massive knots in wet and dry hair. Plus, it comes in a ton of cute colors and it’s only $12!! I use this little brush in the shower and it dries super quickly after because it’s all plastic so it doesn’t get my things damp if I need to pack up quickly. Plus, it’s super easy to pick the hair out of it and throw it away. This is a travel-must IMO.
Anyway, what products have changed your life recently?
Passover begins Friday, and for some Jews that means no bread for 7-8 days (depending on how you observe the holiday). The best way that I can explain Passover is by having you listen to the Crazy Ex Girlfriend song, “Remember That We Suffered.”
Not only is it one of the best songs to ever grace the series, but it captures the thesis statement of Passover (and most Jewish holidays tbh) which is to reflect on the fact that once upon a time, the Jewish people did not have it so good (cut to 2018/2019 when once again, we don’t have it so good. But also…did we ever?)
If you think everything I am saying right now is bullshit and you want to Google Passover, this is what comes up: Passover “commemorates the liberation of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery, lasting seven or eight days from the 15th day of Nisan.”
…..I feel like my explanation told you way more.
One of the main things you do for Passover besides recite the 10 plagues and black out on four glasses of wine, is stop eating chametz– or leavened foods (breads)– for a week, to remind you of how our ancestors didn’t even have time for their bread to rise before they had to flee. You’re allowed to eat matzo (pronounced mot-zah) because that’s basically what they had to eat.
You may be thinking “LOL okay I can survive without toast or sandwiches for a week, matzo is like crackers!” but let me tell you what leavened bread really means…
Plus, one of the many things I have in common with Oprah is that we both LOVEEEEEE bread. I eat pasta constantly and most of my mornings start with toast or a bagel. So bread withdrawals will probably turn me into a monster. Also, you try eating large sheets of crackers for a week. You’ve never BEEN so constipated.
So while I will be enjoying matzo brittle and maybe the odd matzo pizza (I would rather die than try this matzo lasagna recipe tho, matzo is NOT noodles) I will be mainly relying on vegetables and meat as nourishment.
Is this what Atkins is?
My friend Bredée is obsessed with Yum Nua, a Thai beef salad that sounds pretty tasty and easy to make, so I thought I might try that.
I would eat sashimi if I were still eating raw fish.
There is a cucumber salad with melon and rosewater labneh from Kismet in Los Feliz that I am obsessed with, also they have this new oyster mushroom dish I want to try, so I’ll likely have dinner there sometime next week.
I could eat a lot of fruit and some sort of yogurt situation. However, I am incredibly picky about yogurt because it reminds me of getting sick in the car as a child.
Honestly, who knows if I will succeed. I try this every year and somehow forget and eat a snack I shouldn’t or just cave entirely. But I enjoy embracing the holiday practice with optimism! It’s tradition, and what do the Jewish people love more than anything?
Chag Pesach sameach! And lmk if you have any food ideas for me.
We asked one Lately editor to keep a diary about what she ate/spent/did in one day. The results were a chilling reflection of hedonism.
I wake up and check my phone. I have a text from my boyfriend, three Instagram notifications (not popular), and eight Twitter notifications (POPULAR (jk it’s all Twitter telling me my followers liked someone else’s tweet)). I am currently working from home so I set up my computer for the morning meeting I am to have in exactly half an hour.
The morning meeting is over, I pitched some story ideas at work and now I am scrolling through the internet. Things I have open on my browser at all times: The Cut, The Strategist, Amazon, Cup of Jo, Man Repeller, and Twitter. I have yet to drink water or eat anything.
I try to start my days with a glass of ice cold water. I typically forget about said glass of water and by the time it’s 10 a.m., it’s room temperature and I don’t want to drink it anymore so I toss it down the sink and pour a new glass.
I make coffee in my massive cheetah thermos-thing I got from the 99-cents store. My drink of choice is a 6-oz of something from Pete’s that I make in my Keurig plus a shit ton of ice, and a heavy pour of chocolate almond milk. One of these days I am going to freeze coffee ice cubes but also that would involve buying ice cube trays (I want these ice sticks). I have a note in my phone about this that I have ignored for months.
I am starving. I have never woken up and not been absolutely ravenous.
I am a huge fan of breakfast sandwiches, so I toast two slices of whole grain bread in my toaster oven and put two slices of cheddar cheese on one of the two. I fry an egg. I am in the mood for a grilled cheese-vibe, and IMO no grilled cheese is complete without a thin layer of pickle relish.
We are out of pickle relish. I put bread and butter pickle chips on it plus a squirt of mustard. Yes, it’s like 8:30 in the morning. She is a salty-centric queen and she makes no apologies.
I have to pour myself a new glass of water. Lol.
I also realize that I have yet to wash my face/brush my teeth. Right now I am using this Andalou vitamin-c cleanser that my friend Andrew recommended to me. It smells like gummy bears and it’s brightening without stripping me of my natural oils. I am currently moisturizing with Manyo Factory Herb Green Fresh Lotion. I got it from the skincare place in chinatown that Rio Viera-Newton (of “The Strategist” and also of “being an internet cool girl”) loves when I was in New York. It’s called oo35mm and it is really tiny but the people who work there are super helpful and friendly!!
I ordered lunch from Health Nut, the place the Kardashians’ used to love, and order their Chinese Chicken Salad. Typically, I get their “Noodlerama” which is salad with cold rice noodles and spicy dressing, but today I feel like eating lettuce with chicken and some tiny crunchy things that Health Nut really needs to consider adding more of.
Recently, I had my deodorant confiscated from the Stockholm airport (why? idk!) so I am in the market for a new deo. I have been using some version of Old Spice ever since college (smells like an ex-boyfriend) but now I want to switch to something natural because I am worried that everything I’m using is killing me!
This deodorant is supposed to 1. work and 2. smell just like Old Spice, plus it’s natural and comes in super chic packaging. On the same Sweden trip, I also thrashed my favorite Madewell transport tote. It’s taken a heavy beating over the past five years traveling with me everywhere from Chicago to Singapore and now it’s completely falling apart.
I order a new one (with a zip-top!) in the color “saddle” because I am nothing if not a basic bitch, forever and ever. But also, if you’re in the market for a travel bag that can fit a weekend’s worth of clothing, an over-stuffed makeup bag, and a laptop–this is the bag for you.
I’m on Instagram. I really want some hot Cheetos. Has anyone actually purchased Necessaire? I want to try it but also, I think I only want to try it because my favorite Instagrammers are being paid like 5k to post about it all day. They have a body wash, but they also do lotion and lube and stuff. I text Kate about it and make a mental note to circle back later.
I eat a sunbutter cup. It’s like a Reese’s but with sunflower seed butter and dark chocolate (so nothing like a Reese’s). I need more underwear and I am genuinely digging these from Amazon. They’re a dupe for the Gap Body ones we love at Lately, and since the closest Gap Body to me is like 15 miles away, I’ll just Prime these to my house instead.
My to-do list is still a mile long. I have a lot of hand-wash laundry to get to. I have 600 emails to respond to and I feel like at least half of them are embargoed news that I missed while I was OOO (out of office).
I want to make skillet lasagna for dinner.
After work I watch every episode of Netflix’s “Special” which I HIGHLY recommend. I schedule an appointment with my lash artist in Culver City and with my dermatologist in Agoura– both luxuries that keep me from looking like a drowned rat every day of my life.
Next I grocery shop for everything I need for my lasagna.
It’s from Basically, Bon Appetit’s Millennial-inspired cooking and recipe site, and it looks easy to make. I love cooking and find it soothing. I haven’t had a hard day, but my brain has felt like a mess for a while after having traveled and drank a shit ton and I hoped it would be nice to make myself a meal and enjoy the process of being present in my kitchen.
But spoiler alert, this recipe is not so easy to make!!!! Especially when you’re attempting to halve the recipe and suck at math-slash-are alone and need to use like 4 different bowls and lift a very heavy pan!!
Although I make a mess in the kitchen and my lasagna turns out ugly as sin (also makes more than I can ever possibly eat), it’s fucking delicious and nourishes me in mind, body, and spirit.
Yes, there are nights when all I want is a big salad with a ton of vegetables. I think a baked fish with a side of greens can be a centering experience. But nothing is as especially healing as a big bowl of warm pasta with some sort of spicy red sauce and a lot of cheese. Nothing corrects my center of gravity quite like that. I find my stillness in the noddles. The aromatic sauce and gooey cheese envelopes my soul.
If I were drinking right now, I would be enjoying this experience with a hearty glass of red wine.
Regardless, I feel soothed.
I cuddle up on the couch with my dog and watch “The Bisexual”. Passover starts Friday at sundown and I think about how soon I won’t be able to eat any leavened bread. That means no bagels or breakfast sandwiches. I’m going to practically be a beast for a week. Thank god for matzo brittle.
French fries, hash browns, chicken nuggets, burgers, and grilled cheese.
Scrambled eggs, fish sticks, potato chips, onion rings, corn dogs, crab cakes, and if it touches your bacon.
Macaroni and cheese. Matzo brei. Accidentally getting some on your bagel or pancakes.
These are all things that taste amazing with ketchup, because ketchup is so fucking good on everything, with a single caveat!
The food item must contain a starch.
Look at the above foods. Besides being mainly things you can order at McDonald’s, what else do they have in common?
Yesterday one of our Lately editors (who shall remain nameless) posted a photo of her delicious breakfast to her Instagram story and raised mass hysteria because it depicted a hash brown with sliced avocado topped with ketchup.
While some were shocked that an editor who works in food journalism would consume a Trader Joe’s frozen hash brown (which is ridiculous, considering that I make like $4 a week and they are a tasty budget friendly TJ’s item), many were disgusted–nay, devastated! That someone! Would put! Ketchup! ON! AN! AVOCADO!!!!!!!!!
But they were missing the point.
The avocado is anchored to the hash brown aka the starch. We have already established that hash browns taste good with ketchup! If this editor (okay, it’s me guys. I did it) had been having eggs with avocado and ketchup, would you have been so offended? Do you not add things like vegetables to your dishes? Do you not eat your colors? What kind of 5-year-olds are you!!!!
I am a big fan of hot and cold combinations. I love warm brownies with ice cream, Shaq-promoted Icy Hot, and I’ve always been interested in that lube that’s supposed to be cold and warm sensations.
Ketchup is so cooling and so sweet. When I eat it on a hot food like macaroni and cheese (something other people have called me a monster for doing!! which is WILD because it tastes fucking amazing) my mouth sings a little song of joy.
The flavor of ketchup is also like sugar tomatoes. Which is appealing to me, a person who did not like actual tomatoes until roughly this year.
Ketchup is made for the pedestrian palate. Think of how many adults put ketchup on their hotdogs!! The actual one thing I will not do because it is sacrilege to the city of Chicago, Illinois!!
Tr*mp puts ketchup on his steak. Okay…maybe that is a bad example. But still, I think THAT is more outrageous than someone eating a fried potato rectangle with avocado on it and some ketchup.
Basically what I’m saying is, you’re all a big bunch of babies. Not because I’m over hear eating caviar topped snails because I am some sort of big time food editor. No. Because you’re all grossed out by ketchup, on something you 100% would eat if it didn’t have a green vegetable (I guess they’re a fruit?) on it. I’m urging you to try it.
Literally make a scramble with eggs, potatoes, and top it with avocados. Squirt a tiny bit of ketchup on the side. Dip your forkful in, and let the combination make your mouth smile. It’s fucking good, isn’t it?
Now that we’ve got that settled, would this be a bad time to tell you that I do eat avocados plain, with barbecue sauce?
Sometimes being a human person in the world is tough and scary. Give your brain a break. Look at these photos of casseroles.
They’re warm and weird and wonderful. They’re soft and spongy and noodle-y. They don’t have to get up and go to work or read the news. They don’t do anything. They don’t hate anybody or hurt anybody or do bad things. They exist for no purpose other than eating and keeping your tummy warm. Doesn’t that sound nice?
Some of these are more-so hot dishes and also kugel but whatever. Shhhh, it’s time for casseroles.
you’re prob really tired and stressed out like everybody else but the only way we can effect positive change literally at all in this political and social climate is to vote. So get on that now. Like right now. Register to vote and then do it. I mean it. Fucking go. Get us OUT of this nightmare.
Can you believe it’s ONLY Tuesday? Since we’ve heroically made it to the second day of the work week, I am sharing photos of my raison d’être, which just so happens to be cheese.
Call it a cheese plate, a cheese board, a charcuterie, or if you’re my ex boyfriend a “char-coot.” Whatever the hell it is, it’s delicious. American Airline’s fruit and cheese box could never. Starbucks cheese bistro box is shook. Look at these photos of meats and cheeses and fruits and chill. We’ll make it to the weekend soon.
Aries needs some spicy meats and tangy sauces and spreads to go with their cheese selection. They hate olives but that doesn’t mean they don’t want them on the plate for aesthetic purposes. What’s in that brie? You have no idea. Pass the gabagool!
Taurus can’t seem to guilt themselves into eating a mainly cheese plate. They know they need to keep it fresh with some veggies and fruits. However, they will eat all the cheese and drizzle every bite with honey. Sorry not sorry.
OFC Gemini would include something sweet like chocolate on their charcuterie to mess with the balance. How is this decadent, sweet, sour, salty, good, and terrible all at once? Honestly all we want is mouthful of tomato and cheese followed by a handful of pomegranate seeds.
Baby mama of the zodiac, your cheese plate doesn’t play. It’s like 80% cheese. You came here to feed yourself and everyone else and you know what the good stuff ACTUALLY is. None of this cornichon business. You’ve already shoveled like 4 handfuls of cheese in your mouth while I’ve been talking, haven’t you?
Leo, you like to look good, but you don’t care if your food does. It’s fine if its all kind of mashed together as long as its tasty AF. You dropped some major coin on those marcona almonds but they were worth it tbh. You’re prettier than your plate is, but you’ll still take a pic next to it because you’re proud.
Everything about this cheese plate is neat and in its place. Even the herbs. Plus, the pumpkin makes it homey AF. Don’t touch it though. You’ll ruin it! You know what, you’re probably better off serving it to people than letting them take what they want, you absolute control freak. I would hate you but this does look good.
Libra your cheese plate is just as fun and whimsical as you are. You included things people typically wouldn’t think to and flavor combinations that might seem zany, but are damn good. You’re so creative I just want to take a bite out of that brie, and you…damn
You cool ass Scorpio bitch!!!!!! Look at this vaguely Mediterranean set up!!! How did you come up with this? How are you so crafty? Get that prosciutto-wrapped breadstick out of your mouth. It’s giving me ideas.
You don’t need much to make a good meal, and you know that Sag. You take some simple stand out flavors and enjoy the simple but still delectable combos. You know what works AND you made deviled eggs with bacon too? You absolute charcuterie genius.
Papa of the Zodiac, you wanted to make sure everybody got some bread or a cracker to pair with their meat and their cheese. Your detail-oriented-ness has not gone unnoticed here what with the orderly set up and the peanut butter pretzels, but it’s SO YOU to forget to slice your cheese. How are we supposed to eat this? Break it off? I’m leaving with a whole wedge in my purse. BYE
Aquarius my little air headed baby, what the fuck is this and why do I love it? I can’t identify some of the things on your plate but you probably found them at some cool market I’ve never heard of and thought it might go well with your other ingredients. Well it DOES.
Pisces, as the mom-friend you went all out on your cheese board and it looks fucking divine. But could you shut up about all the work you went to? No one asked you for this!!! Eat a fig with some of that blue cheese and shutup. I love you.