All The Things I’m Gonna Eat When I Can’t Eat Bread For Like A Week

Passover begins Friday, and for some Jews that means no bread for 7-8 days (depending on how you observe the holiday). The best way that I can explain Passover is by having you listen to the Crazy Ex Girlfriend song, “Remember That We Suffered.”

Not only is it one of the best songs to ever grace the series, but it captures the thesis statement of Passover (and most Jewish holidays tbh) which is to reflect on the fact that once upon a time, the Jewish people did not have it so good (cut to 2018/2019 when once again, we don’t have it so good. But also…did we ever?)

If you think everything I am saying right now is bullshit and you want to Google Passover, this is what comes up: Passover “commemorates the liberation of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery, lasting seven or eight days from the 15th day of Nisan.”

…..I feel like my explanation told you way more.

One of the main things you do for Passover besides recite the 10 plagues and black out on four glasses of wine, is stop eating chametz– or leavened foods (breads)– for a week, to remind you of how our ancestors didn’t even have time for their bread to rise before they had to flee. You’re allowed to eat matzo (pronounced mot-zah) because that’s basically what they had to eat.

You may be thinking “LOL okay I can survive without toast or sandwiches for a week, matzo is like crackers!” but let me tell you what leavened bread really means…

NO: bread, cereal, cake, cookies, pizza, pasta, tortillas, pita, bagels, soft pretzels, beer, legumes, corn, rice, wheat, rye, oats, barley, spelt, and I’m honestly probably forgetting some others.

Plus, one of the many things I have in common with Oprah is that we both LOVEEEEEE bread. I eat pasta constantly and most of my mornings start with toast or a bagel. So bread withdrawals will probably turn me into a monster. Also, you try eating large sheets of crackers for a week. You’ve never BEEN so constipated.

So while I will be enjoying matzo brittle and maybe the odd matzo pizza (I would rather die than try this matzo lasagna recipe tho, matzo is NOT noodles) I will be mainly relying on vegetables and meat as nourishment.

Is this what Atkins is?

My friend Bredée is obsessed with Yum Nua, a Thai beef salad that sounds pretty tasty and easy to make, so I thought I might try that.

I would eat sashimi if I were still eating raw fish.

There is a cucumber salad with melon and rosewater labneh from Kismet in Los Feliz that I am obsessed with, also they have this new oyster mushroom dish I want to try, so I’ll likely have dinner there sometime next week.

I could do a protein style burger from In-N-Out, which means it’s wrapped in lettuce and doesn’t include a bun. Obvi I would order with no tomato (because I hate them).

Normally I’m a veggie burger girl– but a lot of veggie and plant-based burgers are actually made with rice, wheat, corn, and other things that I can’t eat during Passover, so that’s a bummer.

I CAN’T EVEN HAVE OAT MILK I DON’T THINK???? Honestly this is just occurring to me now? Please respond in the comments if you know for sure otherwise brb gonna text my rabbi lol.

At least I can do almond milk.

I can eat Zoodles (I hate zoodles).

This radicchio, apple, and pear salad. 

I could eat a lot of fruit and some sort of yogurt situation. However, I am incredibly picky about yogurt because it reminds me of getting sick in the car as a child.

Honestly, who knows if I will succeed. I try this every year and somehow forget and eat a snack I shouldn’t or just cave entirely. But I enjoy embracing the holiday practice with optimism! It’s tradition, and what do the Jewish people love more than anything?

^^^^Tradition.

Chag Pesach sameach! And lmk if you have any food ideas for me.

xo

 

24-Hours Of Self-Indulgence

We asked one Lately editor to keep a diary about what she ate/spent/did in one day. The results were a chilling reflection of hedonism.

6:30 A.M. 

I wake up and check my phone. I have a text from my boyfriend, three Instagram notifications (not popular), and eight Twitter notifications (POPULAR (jk it’s all Twitter telling me my followers liked someone else’s tweet)). I am currently working from home so I set up my computer for the morning meeting I am to have in exactly half an hour.

8 A.M.

The morning meeting is over, I pitched some story ideas at work and now I am scrolling through the internet. Things I have open on my browser at all times: The Cut, The Strategist, Amazon, Cup of Jo, Man Repeller, and Twitter. I have yet to drink water or eat anything.

I try to start my days with a glass of ice cold water. I typically forget about said glass of water and by the time it’s 10 a.m., it’s room temperature and I don’t want to drink it anymore so I toss it down the sink and pour a new glass.

I make coffee in my massive cheetah thermos-thing I got from the 99-cents store. My drink of choice is a 6-oz of something from Pete’s that I make in my Keurig plus a shit ton of ice, and a heavy pour of chocolate almond milk. One of these days I am going to freeze coffee ice cubes but also that would involve buying ice cube trays (I want these ice sticks). I have a note in my phone about this that I have ignored for months.

I am starving. I have never woken up and not been absolutely ravenous.

I am a huge fan of breakfast sandwiches, so I toast two slices of whole grain bread in my toaster oven and put two slices of cheddar cheese on one of the two. I fry an egg. I am in the mood for a grilled cheese-vibe, and IMO no grilled cheese is complete without a thin layer of pickle relish.

IF YOU THINK THAT IS DISGUSTING, I URGE YOU TO CLICK THIS LINK THAT CHANGED MY LIFE/TRY IT FOR YOURSELF.

We are out of pickle relish. I put bread and butter pickle chips on it plus a squirt of mustard. Yes, it’s like 8:30 in the morning. She is a salty-centric queen and she makes no apologies.

10 A.M.

I have to pour myself a new glass of water. Lol.

I also realize that I have yet to wash my face/brush my teeth. Right now I am using this Andalou vitamin-c cleanser that my friend Andrew recommended to me. It smells like gummy bears and it’s brightening without stripping me of my natural oils. I am currently moisturizing with Manyo Factory Herb Green Fresh Lotion. I got it from the skincare place in chinatown that Rio Viera-Newton (of “The Strategist” and also of “being an internet cool girl”) loves when I was in New York. It’s called oo35mm and it is really tiny but the people who work there are super helpful and friendly!!

I used to use a lot more stuff on my face but then I got tired and now I don’t!

I brush my teeth.

12 P.M.

I ordered lunch from Health Nut, the place the Kardashians’ used to love, and order their Chinese Chicken Salad. Typically, I get their “Noodlerama” which is salad with cold rice noodles and spicy dressing, but today I feel like eating lettuce with chicken and some tiny crunchy things that Health Nut really needs to consider adding more of.

Recently, I had my deodorant confiscated from the Stockholm airport (why? idk!) so I am in the market for a new deo. I have been using some version of Old Spice ever since college (smells like an ex-boyfriend) but now I want to switch to something natural because I am worried that everything I’m using is killing me!

This deodorant is supposed to 1. work and 2. smell just like Old Spice, plus it’s natural and comes in super chic packaging. On the same Sweden trip, I also thrashed my favorite Madewell transport tote. It’s taken a heavy beating over the past five years traveling with me everywhere from Chicago to Singapore and now it’s completely falling apart.

I order a new one (with a zip-top!) in the color “saddle” because I am nothing if not a basic bitch, forever and ever. But also, if you’re in the market for a travel bag that can fit a weekend’s worth of clothing, an over-stuffed makeup bag, and a laptop–this is the bag for you.

During my purchase I also spy this architecturally interesting bag, but it doesn’t ship until July! So….bye.

2 P.M. 

I’m on Instagram. I really want some hot Cheetos. Has anyone actually purchased Necessaire? I want to try it but also, I think I only want to try it because my favorite Instagrammers are being paid like 5k to post about it all day. They have a body wash, but they also do lotion and lube and stuff. I text Kate about it and make a mental note to circle back later.

I eat a sunbutter cup. It’s like a Reese’s but with sunflower seed butter and dark chocolate (so nothing like a Reese’s). I need more underwear and I am genuinely digging these from Amazon. They’re a dupe for the Gap Body ones we love at Lately, and since the closest Gap Body to me is like 15 miles away, I’ll just Prime these to my house instead.

My to-do list is still a mile long. I have a lot of hand-wash laundry to get to. I have 600 emails to respond to and I feel like at least half of them are embargoed news that I missed while I was OOO (out of office).

I want to make skillet lasagna for dinner.

5:30 P.M. 

After work I watch every episode of Netflix’s “Special” which I HIGHLY recommend. I schedule an appointment with my lash artist in Culver City and with my dermatologist in Agoura– both luxuries that keep me from looking like a drowned rat every day of my life.

Next I grocery shop for everything I need for my lasagna.

It’s from Basically, Bon Appetit’s Millennial-inspired cooking and recipe site, and it looks easy to make. I love cooking and find it soothing. I haven’t had a hard day, but my brain has felt like a mess for a while after having traveled and drank a shit ton and I hoped it would be nice to make myself a meal and enjoy the process of being present in my kitchen.

But spoiler alert, this recipe is not so easy to make!!!! Especially when you’re attempting to halve the recipe and suck at math-slash-are alone and need to use like 4 different bowls and lift a very heavy pan!!

Although I make a mess in the kitchen and my lasagna turns out ugly as sin (also makes more than I can ever possibly eat), it’s fucking delicious and nourishes me in mind, body, and spirit.

Yes, there are nights when all I want is a big salad with a ton of vegetables. I think a baked fish with a side of greens can be a centering experience. But nothing is as especially healing as a big bowl of warm pasta with some sort of spicy red sauce and a lot of cheese. Nothing corrects my center of gravity quite like that. I find my stillness in the noddles. The aromatic sauce and gooey cheese envelopes my soul.

If I were drinking right now, I would be enjoying this experience with a hearty glass of red wine.

Regardless, I feel soothed.

I cuddle up on the couch with my dog and watch “The Bisexual”. Passover starts Friday at sundown and I think about how soon I won’t be able to eat any leavened bread. That means no bagels or breakfast sandwiches. I’m going to practically be a beast for a week. Thank god for matzo brittle.

 

An Ode To Leftovers

You make dinner. You stress about it and season it and salt it. You toil and trouble and because you drank too much wine you burned the onions and had to start over. When you sat down to eat you were hungry and exhausted.

It is not this way with leftovers.

Leftovers are your gift to you.

I’m not talking about the Thai food from five days ago (throw that out btw), I’m talking about all that’s left of the pasta/chili/rice/chicken thing you made last night that’s now sitting in the tupperware on the top shelf of your fridge.

You shouldn’t be letting it spoil. You should really be enjoying day two of your dinner–preferably for lunch–and here’s why:

Your sauce has really had time to come together. Whereas it may have been a little soup-y initially, while your sauce has been sitting on that shelf it’s figured out how to cling better to the pasta/meat/rice/vegetables. The flavors have developed and become richer. It’s probably something scientific, but I would like to think of it as magic.

Leftovers were meant to be microwaved. I know people extoll the virtues of reheating pizza in an oven or on a skillet and tossing cold pasta into a pan, but leftovers are a meal of luxurious convenience and not dirty dishes.  You did those yesterday. You’ll do them again tonight. Plus, I fucking love when the cheese melts and gets a little hard on the plate.

Leftovers inspire creativity. Add more vegetables to give it an extra shot of color and freshness. Drown it in cheese. Add hot sauce if you’re feeling spicy. You already know what the initial dish tastes like. Leftovers are your chance to spruce things up or change them however you’d like. It’s your dinner’s second chance. It’s a mouth adventure.

Eat them standing in the fridge, waiting at the counter, out of your lunch bag at work, in a bowl at home. It’s yours. You made it, you didn’t have to open Postmates to order it, and sometimes they taste even better cold. Leftovers aren’t lazy, they’re easy. They’re past-you looking out for present-you. They’re home-cooked happiness. Thanks, you.

All that crying over the onions was worth it after all.

 

This Is What Party Food You Would Be According to The Zodiac

Inspired by my recent attendance at a party with fabulous snacks!

Yes, there are a lot of dips!

Also…qualifying everything as apps!

Aries: Buffalo Chicken Dip

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WW friendly buffalo chicken dip served with corn thins for this football Sunday night. Wow! I never get much interest on my posts so I don’t usually post the recipes. But keep reading for the recipe 😀 . . . . 🔸2 of the bigger cans of chunk chicken breast (or use @_laurengrace_eats crockpot shredded chicken if you have it on hand) 🔸1/2 cup @franksredhot 🔸1/2 cup fat free ranch 🔸1/2 cup reduced fat Mexican blend cheese 🔸 1 block fat free cream cheese 🔹set your oven to 350°. Bake for 20 mins. Take it out and sprinkle with a little more cheese. Bake for 5 more mins. I put mine in a 9×9 baking dish. I love buffalo chicken dip and could eat the entire pan. I get 6 servings out of it at 3FSP each! Or 18FSP for the whole dish and cut it into as many servings as you see fit. Serve with @nabiscosnacks corn thins 😀 . . . . #ww #weightwatchers #wwfreestyle #weightwatchersfreestyle #itrackbites #flexprogram #smartpoints #freestyle #wwig #wwinstagram #wwfam #wwinstafam #weightloss #weightlossjourney #wwsisters #wwsisterhood #weighin #weightloss #weightlossjourney #loseit #caloriecounting #lunch #bcd #buffalochickendip #goodthins #cornthins

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Depending on who you are (and who made you) you can be a little spicy–just like this dip! Under your baked exterior you have a gooey, cheesy heart. Someone just needs to a sharp enough chip or cracker to break through!

Taurus: Chips and Onion Dip

Taurus, you’re a classic. We can’t get enough of you. No matter if you’re homemade or store-bought, you’re everybody’s favorite party app because you bring the grounding flavors that leave people coming back for more.

Gemini: Shrimp Cocktail

First of all, don’t you dare be offended Gemini. Shrimp cocktail is good AF!!!! You’re fresh and tangy, just like this shellfish and tomato combo. Plus, because you’re easily bored we made you an app that’s fun to eat! Don’t forget to douse yourself in lemon, first.

Cancer: Mozzarella Sticks

Yes, we made you the warmest and gooiest snack, Cancer. You are comfort and indulgence both in food and in personality! Everybody feels cozier after having a taste–except the lactose adverse. You can’t please everyone!

Leo: Guacamole

Your commitment to receiving the most attention makes you a solid option for guacamole. Guess what people always want more of? Guac. Guess what always costs extra? Guac. Plus, it helps that eating avocado is actually great for that lion’s mane you call hair.

Virgo: Caprese Skewers

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I know, I know… Christmas just got over and the LAST thing you wanna think about is planning your New Year's party.🤦🏻‍♀️ But I gotchu😉👍🏼 These caprese skewers are low-calorie (less than 40 calories per skewer) with protein and veggies to hold your guests over til the main event.🎊🥂🍾 SO delicious with a reduced balsamic drizzle!😋👌🏼 Recipe created in collab with @abby and @tfn_team. . ✳️#NutritionTip: A 2013 scientific review of 29 controlled studies showed that dairy does have modest weight-loss benefits, at least in short-term, calorie-restricted instances. In other words, if you tolerate dairy, there's no reason to cut it out of your fat loss plan. Full research article on the health effects of dairy is linked on the blog! . In other news, today will be the first day hitting the gym in 8 days!😱 In the past, this might have stressed me out, but I’ve learned the value of having a deload week now and then😉 . 🍅Caprese Skewers🍃 Makes 6 servings . 🍅Ingredients: 24 toothpicks 48 cherry tomatoes 24 mozzarella balls 48 small basil leaves 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar 1/2 tsp. dried oregano (optional garnish) . *Substitutions and directions on the blog ➡️➡️➡️ www.noexcusesnutrition.com (link in bio, scroll to recent posts) . 🍃Calories (per serving = 4 skewers, including optionals): 148kcal, Fat: 9.3g, Sat fat: 6.1g, Carbs: 6g, Fiber: 2g, Sugar: 4g, Protein: 10g, Sodium: 117mg🍅 #NENsavoryrecipes . . . . . #capreseskewers #easyrecipes #healthyholidays #highprotein #lowcarb #eatyourveggies #glutenfree #realfood #healthyrecipes #healthyfoodshare #fitfood #fitfoodie #eatclean #cleaneats #IIFYM #ifitfitsyourmacros #flexibledieting #fuelyourbody #eatrealfood #foodisfuel #homecooking #nutritionist

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Okay, first of all look how pretty! Virgo you care about organization and aesthetics and this app is all about execution! Plus, knowing your secret temper you may have saved a few of those skewers in your pocket for later in case you need to confront whoever has been messing up the arrangement of the chicken nuggets!

Libra: Fried Macaroni Balls

Libra baby, you’re all fun on the outside and all warm and soft on the inside. You’re all about this balance of flavors and textures. Like macaroni balls, you charm everyone you meet so don’t be surprised if there are quite a few people crowding around your plate.

Scorpio: Chicken Wings

You’re oh so seductive Scorpio, just like wings in all flavors. Whether you’re boneless or bone-in, you offer so much to those who eat you and they relish the flavors (and personalities) you put on. You don’t need ranch or bleu cheese to make you a more palatable snack or person, it’s purely complementary.

Sagittarius: Pigs in A Blanket

You’re just a juicy surprise inside a flaky warm bun!! We made you a pig in a blanket because you love adventure (so you’re portable) and typically don’t give a floop what anyone thinks about your or what sauces you’re dipped in. You’re full of protein (and energy) but you have a soft side too. Plus, we could seriously eat 1000000 of you. You’re the best.

Capricorn: Chicken Nuggets

Chicken nuggets are not bland and boring, they are an absolute party STAPLE. If we come through to your party and there are no chicken nugz……we’re leaving. That’s also how we feel about Capricorns. Why stay anywhere there aren’t any of those guys? They work so hard to pair perfectly with every dip and sauce. Plus, they can be enjoyed as a main and not just an app–so versatile, so creative–just like a Cap!

Aquarius: Bagel Bites

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PIZZA BAGELS 🤘🏼🍕😛 #hungryhungry

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My wayward Aquarian, you’re a bagel bite. You’re a little outside the box as far as snacks go, but everyone gets freakin excited as hell when they see you. You’re also cute as fuck JUST like a mini bagel.

Pisces: Mini Quiche

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Mini quiche-uri 🧀🍅🥦 Crustă fragedă din pâte brisée, zis şi “aluat franţuzesc”, umplutură savuroasă ”scăldată-n” smântână și ouă de casă, acoperite c-o mână bună de cașcaval gustos și date la cuptor până se rumenesc frumos. Mini quiche-urile sunt varianta drăguță, gustoasă și deosebită a petrecerilor de birou. Comode la aranjat și lesne la servit, ele nu necesită veselă suplimentară și-ți economisesc o mulțime de timp. De asemenea, de mare ajutor sunt la petrecerile celor mici, unde fiecare copilaș are mini tarta sa și nu se ceartă nimeni pentr-o felie anumită, căci toate mini quiche-urile sunt la fel. În imagini sunt două tipuri de mini tarte sărate: 🥦 Montpellier: file de pui, ciuperci, broccoli 🧀 Alma: spanac, ricotta, Parmezan, ouă de prepeliță. Pregătim și alte feluri de mini quiche-uri atât vegetariene cât și cu carne. Pentru detalii scrie-ne un mesaj sau sună ☎️069562107.

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You love being posted up all cozy so like your water sister Cancer, you’re a very cozy-making app. You want to give your friends the most, and so you offer them a little of everything–which is why mini quiches come in so many flavors. They’re the Pisces of the frozen food aisle. Never crust-less tho…obvi.

Is Corn Bad For You?

I was once at a PR dinner where someone told me that corn is the worst thing that you could possibly eat. They told me this as I was slicing thickly buttered corn off of a cob to presumably put into my mouth and enjoy.

Corn is delicious, so I knew they couldn’t possibly be talking about the taste. They had to be talking about how nutritious it is–or the lack there of. This thought has honestly plagued me since they said it so I thought I would do my own investigating.

When you type “is corn” into Google, the first few things that pop up are:

-Is corn keto?

-Is corn healthy?

-Is corn a grain?

-Is corn gluten-free?

So clearly, people are having issues figuring out if corn will fit in to their keto and gluten-free diets as well as whether or not corn is a grain and if corn is overall a healthy thing to eat. Before now, I probably would have googled “is corn okay to eat after X many days” because I like to live dangerously and eat old leftovers sometimes when I find them in my fridge.

I am not an expert or a nutritionist or a doctor or on a diet. I am just a woman with a healthy curiosity about corn. So I did some investigating.

According to a report from Harvard, although corn is a vegetable it is the worst vegetable for you. 😡

The study found that starchy foods like corn and potatoes and peas have higher glycemic loads that make your blood sugar spike and will make you want to eat more of that item therefore causing you to gain weight. OH!

Since weight gain is not a bad thing, just a thing that happens if you are a person who eats and grows and ages, I had yet to be convinced. I wanted to find hard evidence that CORN IS BAD BECAUSE IT DOES XYZ TO YOUR BODY. You know, like internal bleeding from eating hot Cheetos. I kept digging.

Healthline brings up the fact that corn is frequently genetically modified, but that GMOs in relation to human health are a hotly debated topic. Some research shows that consuming GMOs can have a “toxic effect” on your organs. But apparently other research says there is practically no difference between the vegetable you grow in your backyard and the ones grown by Monsanto.

As someone who dated a person with raw vegan parents that owned a raw vegan restaurant and told fresh baby 18-year-old me that Monsanto is evil–something I have conducted further research on in my 20s and while I may not say that they are evil, they are incredibly sinister– I am more than likely to side with the fact that GMOS=bad.

HOWEVER

Healthline also lists a bunch of benefits about corn. Aside from it being tasty it benefits eye health, it’s packed with fiber, vitamins, minerals and it might even ward off colon disease.

This Healthline article was in DIRECT opposition of a thing I found on a weird paleo blog. This paleo blog says that it can actually harm your gut health severely. It also brings up GMOs. According to Paleo Flourish, corn is NOT paleo.

OKAY BUT THEN THIS RANDOM GUY, Dr. Axe, says that corn is high in vitamin c, is rich in magnesium and contains certain B-vitamins and potassium. He seems to be more in favor of corn but also brings up GMOs, high fructose corn syrup, and how it’s used in a lot of processed foods.

So is corn bad for you?

From what I can tell (I am NOT a corn expert, just a person who spent an hour online researching this) corn can be bad for you. Just like how people freak the fuck out over the high caloric content of a banana and its natural sugars, people seem to be freaking out about corn.

If it doesn’t fuck up your digestive system–meaning your body CAN digest it (not all bodies can)– it might spike your glucose levels which may cause you to eat more of it. If you’re eating genetically modified corn, it may cause health issues but also, if you’re eating fruits and vegetables from supermarkets in America without doing extensive research– You’re most likely eating genetically modified produce.

Corn does have nutritional benefits.

Gaining weight is a natural and normal.

If you want to explain to me why consuming corn will end my life…..shoot us an email or leave us a comment!

Corn is fine! Bye!

 

 

Ketchup Is So Fucking Good On Everything*

French fries, hash browns, chicken nuggets, burgers, and grilled cheese.

Scrambled eggs, fish sticks, potato chips, onion rings, corn dogs, crab cakes, and if it touches your bacon. 

Macaroni and cheese. Matzo brei. Accidentally getting some on your bagel or pancakes. 

Avo-freakin-cados. 

These are all things that taste amazing with ketchup, because ketchup is so fucking good on everything, with a single caveat!

The food item must contain a starch.

Look at the above foods. Besides being mainly things you can order at McDonald’s, what else do they have in common?

A STARCH!

Yesterday one of our Lately editors (who shall remain nameless) posted a photo of her delicious breakfast to her Instagram story and raised mass hysteria because it depicted a hash brown with sliced avocado topped with ketchup.

While some were shocked that an editor who works in food journalism would consume a Trader Joe’s frozen hash brown (which is ridiculous, considering that I make like $4 a week and they are a tasty budget friendly TJ’s item), many were disgusted–nay, devastated! That someone! Would put! Ketchup! ON! AN! AVOCADO!!!!!!!!!

But they were missing the point.

The avocado is anchored to the hash brown aka the starch. We have already established that hash browns taste good with ketchup! If this editor (okay, it’s me guys. I did it) had been having eggs with avocado and ketchup, would you have been so offended? Do you not add things like vegetables to your dishes? Do you not eat your colors? What kind of 5-year-olds are you!!!!

I am a big fan of hot and cold combinations. I love warm brownies with ice cream, Shaq-promoted Icy Hot, and I’ve always been interested in that lube that’s supposed to be cold and warm sensations.

Ketchup is so cooling and so sweet. When I eat it on a hot food like macaroni and cheese (something other people have called me a monster for doing!! which is WILD because it tastes fucking amazing) my mouth sings a little song of joy.

The flavor of ketchup is also like sugar tomatoes. Which is appealing to me, a person who did not like actual tomatoes until roughly this year.

Ketchup is made for the pedestrian palate. Think of how many adults put ketchup on their hotdogs!! The actual one thing I will not do because it is sacrilege to the city of Chicago, Illinois!!

Tr*mp puts ketchup on his steak. Okay…maybe that is a bad example. But still, I think THAT is more outrageous than someone eating a fried potato rectangle with avocado on it and some ketchup.

Basically what I’m saying is, you’re all a big bunch of babies. Not because I’m over hear eating caviar topped snails because I am some sort of big time food editor. No. Because you’re all grossed out by ketchup, on something you 100% would eat if it didn’t have a green vegetable (I guess they’re a fruit?) on it. I’m urging you to try it.

Literally make a scramble with eggs, potatoes, and top it with avocados. Squirt a tiny bit of ketchup on the side. Dip your forkful in, and let the combination make your mouth smile. It’s fucking good, isn’t it?

Now that we’ve got that settled, would this be a bad time to tell you that I do eat avocados plain, with barbecue sauce?

 

 

 

 

The Morning Tonic That Makes Me Glow

Lately LOVES apple cider vinegar. Kate and I have texted about it before for like 15 minutes, just talking about how we take it (shot vs in a mixture), how often, how much, and what it does.

Yes, it smells super strong and on its own kind of tastes like ass. But the BENEFITS!!!

The first time I read about taking ACV (what we shall henceforth be calling apple cider vinegar bc abbrevs are totes amaze) was on The New Potato. I don’t remember who said they take a tablespoon of it every morning–either some Polish model/actress or a writer I really admire–but I was instantly intrigued. She said it made her skin absolutely glow.

So, I started taking shots of ACV in the morning, which I promptly quit after about 4 days. I couldn’t get used to the taste of it on its own and would have to drink like 4 big glasses of water after–which I guess, is another way to make your skin glow–but didn’t feel worth it.

Because I am a person who spends a lot of time reading about health and wellness trends I also tried drinking warm lemon water every morning, which I also quit after a short while because….who wants to drink warm lemon water all the time? I don’t. I think it’s kind of gross.

Then I realized, I could combine the two! And not just combine the two, but improve upon the concoction! So, what I have been doing is putting about a tablespoon and a half of ACV into a mug, adding boiling water and tea bag of my choice (frequently it’s throat coat because I like the taste and also I spend 80% of my day screaming) a generous splash of honey, and a teaspoon of lemon juice.

The whole thing has made me absolutely RADIANT!*

*a lie

But it HAS improved my skin, my gut health, and my immune system. According to Reader’s Digest (where I get alllll my health news) (jk) ACV has serious antibiotic properties which help assist with things like digestion and getting rid of bad bacteria that could be impeding your gut health and/or causing forms of acne. So basically, it makes you *ahem* regular, but it also fights the bad shit that might be wreaking havoc on your skin!

The lemon juice I add is also full of a shit ton (pardon the pun) of Vitamin C which is great for your immune system. It also helps maintain PH levels in your body and makes you pee a lot–which is annoying, especially if you’re hanging out with me–but helps not only to fight toxins, but to flush them out of your body and give a little boost to your renal system.

IMPORTANT: I DO NOT drink this to lose weight/detox/whatever bullshit anything online says like “drink lemon water/ACV and never be hungry again!” That is bullshit. I glow because I take time to nourish myself and give my body fuel. I make this beverage every morning, along with a lARGEEEEE glass of ice cold water, and my breakfast of choice.

I 10/10 highly recommend.

If the ACV taste is too strong you could always reduce it to 1 tbs or 1/2 tbs. Or add more lemon. Or honey! Play with it!

Anyway

Lmk if you try! It’s good.

Ok

bye

ily