The Different Kinds Of Voter-Selfies

The “Voting Sticker On The Face” Selfie

We get it. You think you’re soooooo cute and zany by putting your voting sticker on your face. Is it on your cheek? Adorable. Your forehead? Sweet. Over your lips so you can’t say something like “Do I have anything on my face?” We’re glad you voted though, honestly. You’re doing your part and that’s awesome. Thanks!

The “Pointing To My Shirt” Selfie

You’re practical. Your face probably isn’t even in the frame. It’s whatever shirt you’re wearing today, your sticker, and your finger pointing to it. It’s front and center. You want to get your message across. You also probably don’t have makeup on or something otherwise you might have taken an actual selfie, with your face in it. We get it. Polling places aren’t typically all that glamorous and you’re probably grabbing coffee after this in your sweats! Thank you for voting! You’re awesome!

The “Voting Sticker Plus My Kid” Selfie

You want to impress on a younger generation that voting is good! You want your kids to vote! But also look at your kids, everyone! Look at how cute they are! I am such a good parent! Mwahahahahahah. But seriously, thank you for voting. You’re helping change our current (and terrible!) political climate and you truly are setting an example for your children. Good work.

The “Voting Sticker Plus My Dog” Selfie

You want to show off how cute your dog is and also we want you to show off how cute your dog is. We will like this photo instantly. It’s a dog! And you voted. Double win! Good job. Your dog is a Democrat btw.

The “Voting Sticker All Alone” Selfie

You voted, congratulations! But are you someone’s mom or grandparent? This photo is great, because voting! but also like….stand in front of a pretty background or something at least! The dirty floor plus your voting sticker is getting a like (because like we said, voting) but…maybe your daughter can give you some tips for your next “I Voted!” photo. Anyway, good on you! We are very proud and excited.

The “Sexy Voter” Selfie

If your sexy voter selfie is influencing people to vote, then it’s fucking incredible and we love it. Put voter stickers over your nipples. Put it on your butt for a “belfie.” Hell, stick it over your as*hole. Go nuts. I don’t know. Just be an informed and active voter making choices that you think will benefit not just you, but your immediate community, your state, and your country.

It doesn’t matter how you do it (by mail or in person), just as long as you do.

GO VOTE MOTHER F*CKERS

 

(yes, I also just thought of the tumblr quote “it does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop” lol)

It’s A Paradise And It’s A War Zone

Can you believe esteemed former One Direction member Zayn Javadd Malik came up with a sentence that aptly describes every situation I’m about to list? “It’s our paradise and it’s our war zone,” he croons about sex with Gigi Hadid or something.

But what Zen didn’t realize is that this lyric actually applies to a lot of situations. Yeah he’s seeing the pain and the pleasure, but so are you when you shop at Target, poop in a Starbucks bathroom, or call your mom!

“Prisoners….Then we’re free, it’s a thin line.”

Damn. So relatable.

Public Restrooms

Thank god you’ve found this public bathroom to go pee in. You’ve been searching for ages, your bladder absolutely full, and now you’ve found one for FREE. None of that customers only bullshit. Speaking of shit, that’s what it smells like in here. Also there are wads of wet toilet paper EVERYWHERE. At least you’re finally getting to pee! By the way, the sink is fucking filthy. Hope you have some purehell! Oh wait, I meant Purell.

Coffee

You’re dead tired, you’re hungover, you want something warm in your tummy. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. You instantly need to poop. You have a headache. You’re jittery. You’re dehydrated. You’re dying?

Dairy

GIVE ME ALL THE CHEESE!!!!! Give me all the acne and constipation! Or if you’re lactose intolerant, diarrhea.

Work Week Happy Hour

Work was stressful and you and your co-workers require a much needed happy hour that will quickly go from stress reliever to full tilt LIT-UATION. Work who? Oh…that’s who. Have fun sweating vodka through your morning stand-up.

Online Shopping

It’s so easy to pull out your plastic and do some simple little clicks to get what you want! Man Repeller is always doing roundups of what’s in their cart. Strategist is always telling you what’s on sale. Click, click, click! Rich in fashion, poor in funds.

Calling Your Mom 

You called for the warm and fuzzies but somehow this conversation always ends with you needing a drink.

Listening to Sad Music When You’re Already Depressed

You will never feel better, or worse!

Getting Your Period When You Were Worried You Might Be Pregnant

Thank fucking god it came!!!! You’ve been worried for the past four days that you’ve been late (which is probably why it took longer to come–anxiety will do that to you). But now you have to deal with cramps, bloating, acne, and stained panties. At least you’re avoiding the joys of motherhood. Pass the Midol!

Target

You came to Target because it’s your safe space. You know you’re not going to get only the things you need, but you’ll probably show some restraint. How did you spend $107 on beauty products you don’t need plus some knock off sherpa Birkenstocks and like 4 cake mixes tho??? Fuck.

The Beach 

It looked so beautiful on Instagram but now your shoes (and V and butt) are full of sand, you have a sunburn, and every time you close your mouth somehow you crunch? Also the ocean never does good things for your hair no matter what they say! At least you got a cute pic in your bikini. Too bad it’s covered in sunscreen.