All The Movies I’ve Watched During Quarantine, Ranked

My boyfriend Dan (with who I am currently quarantining), is a man of many hobbies. When he’s not watching sports/sports gambling/blogging about live theatre/singing along to show tunes/playing online trivia/doing magician stuff/asking me to make him a tuna sandwich/refusing to buy me expensive jewelry, he’s typically watching a movie.

Sometimes, when I’m not on my 47th rewatch of Grey’s Anatomy, I’ll watch one with him.

And so that is how during quarantine we have watched a shit ton of films. Some of them I had never seen, some he had never seen and not all of them were enjoyable! I decided to rank them for my own amusement and your (hopefully) enjoyment.

All my digital media training is telling me to rank them worst to best to build anticipation, but those lists always suck because who cares about what’s good? I’m starting with #1. Save the worst for last! It’s more exciting that way!

The Goodbye Girl

This is my favorite movie we’ve seen so far. It’s a very cute rom-com and I never realized how appealing young Richard Dreyfuss is. I even Googled if he’s Jewish (aka crush-worthy/HE IS). 10/10. Definitely watch this if you are a complicated woman who wants to feel all squooshy inside or if you’re a schlubby actor-type with a white knight complex. You’ll feel seen.

My Cousin Vinny

Worth it for Marisa Tomei’s outfits, alone! Also a great movie to watch if you feel like you can’t get enough Joe Pesci, which is how I feel 90% of the time. Also I saw him when I was on a walk the other day in Toluca Lake. He wasn’t wearing a mask. Oh, Joe!

Bonus points if you recognize that one of the leads is Rachel Green’s ex from Friends!

Scream

I know! I’d never seen Scream before! I finally get why everyone has the major horn for that Dad from Riverdale. He was crazy and hot. Also, petition to revive Matthew Lillard’s career from its Ghostface grave.

Charade

It’s not like I have a Kate Spade tea cup with an Audrey Hepburn quote on it or anything (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but I think Hepburn is FABULOUS in this movie and that Cary Grant is pretty darn cute. Was he gay IRL? Is that an old Hollywood rumor? I don’t care! Those two have chemistry for days.

A great movie to watch when you’ve had enough of your boyfriend, have your period and just want some wine and chocolate.

To Catch A Thief

Made me want to go to the French Riviera/ wear a pretty dress/ drink a sazerac sling. These are top marks from me, people.

First Wives Club

I’ve seen this movie 100 times but Dan had never seen it. It’s a classic. Bette Midler, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, SJP AND Maggie Smith?? Your fave movie could NEVER.

Interview With A Vampire

This felt like a Twilight prequel? Almost? Kirsten Dunst gave me major Renesmée vibes. Plus, one thing I have discovered during quarantine is that I think I fucking LOVE Tom Cruise. I mean, I hate him (#TeamNicole) but he’s so good at acting!!! Damn!!

Romancing The Stone

Another actor whose movies I’ve learned I have a soft spot for is Michael Douglas. This movie had big Indiana Jones energy but I wish the female lead had been Goldie Hawn or someone like that. I’d love to see who was on the short list for casting. Good movie to watch with a pizza!

Dirty Harry

We watched this movie because I have been feeling homesick for San Francisco and my family and I knew it had some cool shorts of North Beach. After watching this I realized how good my dad’s Clint Eastwood impression actually is.

American Graffiti

This movie had me feeling nostalgic for something that doesn’t and maybe never existed! I loved it!

Donnie Brasco

I fucking love movies about the mob.

Coco

Okay, fuck this movie for making me cry but FUCK! This movie!!!!! So fun and also sweet!!!

Election

Dan was SHOCKED that I had never seen this film. I enjoyed it but I think it kind of made me hate Matthew Broderick. Baby Reese was incredible though.

The Princess and the Frog

Dan had never seen this one and I’m really glad he liked it because I think it’s one of my favorite Disney movies.

Honeyboy

This movie was very sad and then I spent a really long time Googling Shia LaBeouf!

Fatal Attraction

I knew the term “bunny boiler” came from this movie. Dan says my dad made that term up. Glenn Close is national treasure.

Heaven Can Wait

CLASSIC movie about someone dying when they shouldn’t have and the people who run heaven having to put their soul into someone else’s body. CLASSIC!

Basic Instinct

We watched it to see Sharon Stone. Again, some really nice shots of San Francisco. I thought it was kind of dumb but thinking about it now I guess it was more dumb-fun. Also how does she look so elegant in a white turtleneck and why can’t I pull that off!?

Waiting for Guffman

Your typical silly Christopher Guest comedy. Good cast. Great movie to half-pay attention to.

Anna and The Apocalypse

This movie was weird AF, especially because I didn’t know it was a musical. It’s about a Christmastime zombie apocalypse in England? Ireland???? It’s cute and predictable but still a good watch, especially because real life feels sort of like a zombie apocalypse rn anyway.

Scream 2

Not as good as the first one but still kind of fun. Not realistic that Buffy would die but ok.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The best Indiana Jones movie.

Punch Drunk Love

Probably the only Paul Thomas Anderson film I like. Don’t take my film school diploma away!!! It’s a time Adam Sandler was serious in a film and it worked!

Death On The Nile

Better than Murder on the Orient Express!

All the rest of the Indian Jones movies

I know, it’s a crime I’d never seen these. They were fine.

A Few Good Men

Tom Cruise is fun! Demi Moore is not fun but I like her! This movie is ok.

Shampoo

My dad said we should watch this one. It was aight. Goldie Hawn wore some cool outfits.

National Treasure

Kind of fun but also I didn’t really care. Sorry to Dan who LOVES this movie.

Monsters University

Nothing special but easy to watch especially after you’ve had a lot of margaritas and just cried your eyes out to Coco.

Tangled

Am I the only person who thinks this movie is just,,,,, fine? Also what is the lesson here??? Blonde hair is magic and brown hair is not??? Weird.

Private Benjamin

Cute but it falls apart.

Leaving Las Vegas

VERY depressing! Kind of glad I saw it? Would have been fine never watching it though.

Bob & Carole & Ted & Alice

The seventies were strange but Dyan Cannon dressed well is the moral of this story.

North By North West

Felt like semi-enjoyable required reading but also I fell asleep watching this so I don’t think I actually know how it ends?

Rope

Ugh. Pass.

Step Brothers

TRULY do no understand the hype. Arrest me. Maybe it’s because my parents aren’t divorced? There are much better buddy comedies out there that aren’t quite so stupid.

The Exorcist

I get that it’s iconic and that it was terrifying at the time but also this movie barely made any sense and it felt like you had to know a lot of back story on things before you watched it. Also, okay — so he offers himself up to Satan and then tosses himself out a window. Is Satan dead now? Wouldn’t that be a bigger deal? Or did Satan just jump into someone else’s body? Wouldn’t THEY be possessed? This barely made sense. ALSO SHUTUP ABOUT SPOILERS. THIS MOVIE HAS BEEN OUT FOR LIKE 50 YEARS ALREADY.

Reality Bites

I watched this because a podcast told me to. SNOOZE.

The Master

The Master Cleanse is more fun to endure.

Collateral

Tom Cruise but make it boring.

Phantom Thread

My boyfriend loves this movie and likes to quote the thing about asparagus and oil. I absolutely hated this movie and tried to take frequent trips to the bathroom and kitchen so I didn’t have to watch it but Dan would always pause it until I came back. Thanks. 🙃

Mission Impossible 2

FINALLY!!! THE WORST MOVIE WE WATCHED!!! #1!!!! CAPITAL B, BAD!!!! I didn’t watch Mission: Impossible but I can assure you, ANYTHING is better than very stupid Mission: Impossible 2. This was a total waste of time. Watching George O’Malley scratch 007 into Meredith Grey’s hand is a better time than streaming this. SKIP.

I’ve Finally Discovered My QuaranTALENT

My Instagram feed has become a parade of people I know displaying their hidden talents. I had no idea so many of them could make focaccia bread! Or cross stitch! Or build furniture! And while it’s been wonderful to watch, it’s also inspired me to try to find my own.

After crashing and burning at friendship bracelets, failing miserably at French braids and making my boyfriend ingest a truly awful fried rice made with apple chicken sausage, I’ve finally figured out what MY hidden quarantine talent, or “quaranTALENT,” if you paid attention to my headline — is.

Shockingly, it’s not TikTok (although I definitely think it’s hers), or baking banana bread (we know how that turned out), cutting my hair (have yet to attempt), or even tie dying sweats.

Here is what it is: BAKING COOKIES.

I am actually really freakin good at this? I have made mostly chocolate chip (my preferred cookie), some gluten free with choccy bits and most recently, a vegan oatmeal chocolate chip recipe from the NYT cooking app that used a banana instead of butter or eggs. And they’ve all been delicious.

I really did not bake cookies often before this? The last time I recall making some was for my boyfriend in college and I burned them.

Go figure.

I am much more of a cook (fried rice aside) than a baker because cooking = playing and baking = rules.

Plus, baking is really just chemistry and I failed chem in high school. Shoutout Doctor Kasparian, C Block!

However, I have found calming magic in the methodical baking of cookies. I get a lot of pleasure from mixing and then forming the sticky little dough balls in my hands, then smooshing them a little on to the crinkly parchment paper resting atop my cookie sheet. My brain gets calm knowing you can basically put anything in a cookie — chocolate chips, peanut butter, sprinkles, shredded coconut, pretzels, etc… and it will turn out okay.

I like the way they smell.

I like that if they are a lil lumpy it’s okay.

I like that they take 10 mins to bake.

I like the way they look sitting in the Tupperware that I have now coined my “cookie container.”

I enjoy this process so much I have even briefly flirted with the thought of purchasing a cookie jar. Is that gauche? Just look at this gorgeous one from Williams Sonoma and tell me I’m wrong!

Anyway.

What’s your quarantalent? Do you have one? Do you WISH you had one? What would it be? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be here, looking at cookie recipes.

xx

L

What to Pair With Wine When You’ve Got Nothing in the Fridge

Forgot to grocery shop?

Didn’t have time to grab anything on the way home?

Too exhausted/depressed from the stress of your daily life to make a real meal and too poor to order Postmates (until Friday 😈) but have a bottle of wine on hand?

Don’t drink on an empty stomach!

Lately has got you covered.

Josh Cellars Sauvignon Blanc + left over pineapple fried rice with a shit ton of Sriracha + Bachelor in Paradise

Nobilo Sauvignon Blanc + Trader Joe’s olive oil popcorn and some defrosted pot stickers with sweet chili sauce + old reruns of Law & Order: SVU + a phone call to your mom

Apothic Red + 3 Babybel cheese rounds and some really stale cracked pepper crackers + an hour of mindless Instagram scrolling + one questionable Amazon purchase

Mezzacorona Pinot Grigio + a pizza bagel that you made yourself with jarred tomato sauce, an onion bagel, TJ’s shredded mozzarella and some dried basil + a face mask + You’ve Got Mail

Dry Creek Chenin Blanc + a salad you made with the end of your lettuce, a lot of Persian cucumber slices, a leftover half of browning avocado, TJ’s jasmine rice and some Chinese dressing + a really hot bath

14 Hands Winery Rosé + a handful of cheddar goldfish + a phone call to your ex

 

3 Products That Have Totally Changed My Life

What do these three items have in common? Absolutely nothing–except that they have greatly improved my life.

If you are a human who eats any sort of pizza, ever gets cold/ has period cramps, or are someone who uses a hairbrush, I’m about to make your life 10% better (at the very least).

Pizza Scissors

If you’re not cutting your pizza with scissors, you’re an idiot. They’re actually called “kitchen shears” and not “pizza scissors” but regardless, they make slicing your pizza an absolute breeze.

I find actual pizza cutters to be ineffective. I also lack the control I crave when I want to cut my pizza, just so. Plus, those things never REALLY penetrate the crust, do they? Knives also fuck up the cheese on your slice, you have to saw away at your pizza like a log, and I’m pretty much just scared of them in general.

Scissors however I am proud to say I have been using since Pre-K. I am a scissors master. It makes way more sense to use something I am actually good at using to slice my way through a hot Trader Joe’s frozen cauliflower crust pizza (or whatever) than wield a weapon I am not sure about.

PRO TIP: Don’t use the scissors you have in your kitchen knick knack drawer because those are germ-y from cutting clothing tags/amazon boxes/your bangs/pet things/idk. Invest in stainless steel kitchen shears!! Use them exclusively for pizza! You can find them on Amazon. YOU’RE WELCOME

Heated Blanket

My beautiful and kind friend Chelsea Denise Ashley Duff (not her actual name) won me a heated blanket during my family’s annual Chanukah white elephant game. From the day I plugged it in it has been nothing short of revolutionary.

My house gets really cold (great in the summer, awful in the winter) and although I know Chicago is going through a heat wave (that will end LOL) it’s still semi-cold everywhere else, even Los Angeles.

When I use it not only do I not have to shiver to get warm and then sweat beneath seven different blankets, but I can control the temperature so I don’t overheat. Plus, it warms me up right away which means less time with cold feet.

Another benefit of this heated blanket is that it’s basically a massive soft heating pad. So if you are a person who gets period cramps, laying under this baby feels really really soothing on your uterus.

This is not the one I have, but it’s close.

Tangle Teezer

I will be honest with you, I used to travel without a hair brush. They are mostly too big and bulky for my toiletry case and carry-on and also, I don’t wash my hair every day because it’s drying for my hair type, so I could get away with not having one on short trips.

However on long trips, I would typically attempt a sad finger-comb through my locks that would do nothing to tame the snarls all over my head. It made me feel incredibly self conscious and also kind of dumb for not just lugging around a large hair brush despite only having to use it once or twice on my trip and not having one made me (not the universe) responsible for my bad hair days.

Enter, the Tangle Teezer!

It’s small enough to fit inside a purse and tough enough to get through massive knots in wet and dry hair. Plus, it comes in a ton of cute colors and it’s only $12!! I use this little brush in the shower and it dries super quickly after because it’s all plastic so it doesn’t get my things damp if I need to pack up quickly. Plus, it’s super easy to pick the hair out of it and throw it away. This is a travel-must IMO.

Anyway, what products have changed your life recently?

Peloton? The Bible? LMK!

xo

24-Hours Of Self-Indulgence

We asked one Lately editor to keep a diary about what she ate/spent/did in one day. The results were a chilling reflection of hedonism.

6:30 A.M. 

I wake up and check my phone. I have a text from my boyfriend, three Instagram notifications (not popular), and eight Twitter notifications (POPULAR (jk it’s all Twitter telling me my followers liked someone else’s tweet)). I am currently working from home so I set up my computer for the morning meeting I am to have in exactly half an hour.

8 A.M.

The morning meeting is over, I pitched some story ideas at work and now I am scrolling through the internet. Things I have open on my browser at all times: The Cut, The Strategist, Amazon, Cup of Jo, Man Repeller, and Twitter. I have yet to drink water or eat anything.

I try to start my days with a glass of ice cold water. I typically forget about said glass of water and by the time it’s 10 a.m., it’s room temperature and I don’t want to drink it anymore so I toss it down the sink and pour a new glass.

I make coffee in my massive cheetah thermos-thing I got from the 99-cents store. My drink of choice is a 6-oz of something from Pete’s that I make in my Keurig plus a shit ton of ice, and a heavy pour of chocolate almond milk. One of these days I am going to freeze coffee ice cubes but also that would involve buying ice cube trays (I want these ice sticks). I have a note in my phone about this that I have ignored for months.

I am starving. I have never woken up and not been absolutely ravenous.

I am a huge fan of breakfast sandwiches, so I toast two slices of whole grain bread in my toaster oven and put two slices of cheddar cheese on one of the two. I fry an egg. I am in the mood for a grilled cheese-vibe, and IMO no grilled cheese is complete without a thin layer of pickle relish.

IF YOU THINK THAT IS DISGUSTING, I URGE YOU TO CLICK THIS LINK THAT CHANGED MY LIFE/TRY IT FOR YOURSELF.

We are out of pickle relish. I put bread and butter pickle chips on it plus a squirt of mustard. Yes, it’s like 8:30 in the morning. She is a salty-centric queen and she makes no apologies.

10 A.M.

I have to pour myself a new glass of water. Lol.

I also realize that I have yet to wash my face/brush my teeth. Right now I am using this Andalou vitamin-c cleanser that my friend Andrew recommended to me. It smells like gummy bears and it’s brightening without stripping me of my natural oils. I am currently moisturizing with Manyo Factory Herb Green Fresh Lotion. I got it from the skincare place in chinatown that Rio Viera-Newton (of “The Strategist” and also of “being an internet cool girl”) loves when I was in New York. It’s called oo35mm and it is really tiny but the people who work there are super helpful and friendly!!

I used to use a lot more stuff on my face but then I got tired and now I don’t!

I brush my teeth.

12 P.M.

I ordered lunch from Health Nut, the place the Kardashians’ used to love, and order their Chinese Chicken Salad. Typically, I get their “Noodlerama” which is salad with cold rice noodles and spicy dressing, but today I feel like eating lettuce with chicken and some tiny crunchy things that Health Nut really needs to consider adding more of.

Recently, I had my deodorant confiscated from the Stockholm airport (why? idk!) so I am in the market for a new deo. I have been using some version of Old Spice ever since college (smells like an ex-boyfriend) but now I want to switch to something natural because I am worried that everything I’m using is killing me!

This deodorant is supposed to 1. work and 2. smell just like Old Spice, plus it’s natural and comes in super chic packaging. On the same Sweden trip, I also thrashed my favorite Madewell transport tote. It’s taken a heavy beating over the past five years traveling with me everywhere from Chicago to Singapore and now it’s completely falling apart.

I order a new one (with a zip-top!) in the color “saddle” because I am nothing if not a basic bitch, forever and ever. But also, if you’re in the market for a travel bag that can fit a weekend’s worth of clothing, an over-stuffed makeup bag, and a laptop–this is the bag for you.

During my purchase I also spy this architecturally interesting bag, but it doesn’t ship until July! So….bye.

2 P.M. 

I’m on Instagram. I really want some hot Cheetos. Has anyone actually purchased Necessaire? I want to try it but also, I think I only want to try it because my favorite Instagrammers are being paid like 5k to post about it all day. They have a body wash, but they also do lotion and lube and stuff. I text Kate about it and make a mental note to circle back later.

I eat a sunbutter cup. It’s like a Reese’s but with sunflower seed butter and dark chocolate (so nothing like a Reese’s). I need more underwear and I am genuinely digging these from Amazon. They’re a dupe for the Gap Body ones we love at Lately, and since the closest Gap Body to me is like 15 miles away, I’ll just Prime these to my house instead.

My to-do list is still a mile long. I have a lot of hand-wash laundry to get to. I have 600 emails to respond to and I feel like at least half of them are embargoed news that I missed while I was OOO (out of office).

I want to make skillet lasagna for dinner.

5:30 P.M. 

After work I watch every episode of Netflix’s “Special” which I HIGHLY recommend. I schedule an appointment with my lash artist in Culver City and with my dermatologist in Agoura– both luxuries that keep me from looking like a drowned rat every day of my life.

Next I grocery shop for everything I need for my lasagna.

It’s from Basically, Bon Appetit’s Millennial-inspired cooking and recipe site, and it looks easy to make. I love cooking and find it soothing. I haven’t had a hard day, but my brain has felt like a mess for a while after having traveled and drank a shit ton and I hoped it would be nice to make myself a meal and enjoy the process of being present in my kitchen.

But spoiler alert, this recipe is not so easy to make!!!! Especially when you’re attempting to halve the recipe and suck at math-slash-are alone and need to use like 4 different bowls and lift a very heavy pan!!

Although I make a mess in the kitchen and my lasagna turns out ugly as sin (also makes more than I can ever possibly eat), it’s fucking delicious and nourishes me in mind, body, and spirit.

Yes, there are nights when all I want is a big salad with a ton of vegetables. I think a baked fish with a side of greens can be a centering experience. But nothing is as especially healing as a big bowl of warm pasta with some sort of spicy red sauce and a lot of cheese. Nothing corrects my center of gravity quite like that. I find my stillness in the noddles. The aromatic sauce and gooey cheese envelopes my soul.

If I were drinking right now, I would be enjoying this experience with a hearty glass of red wine.

Regardless, I feel soothed.

I cuddle up on the couch with my dog and watch “The Bisexual”. Passover starts Friday at sundown and I think about how soon I won’t be able to eat any leavened bread. That means no bagels or breakfast sandwiches. I’m going to practically be a beast for a week. Thank god for matzo brittle.

 

Surprise Bitch! Bet You Thought You’d Seen The Last Of Us

In the words of Cardi B, we’re back bitches. We don’t want to hear we’re acting different–because we’re pretty much the same anyway.

Yes, we took a writing respite because life is a thing that gets in the way and we are only a small (but mighty) team of two busy ladies. But we’re here now! Did you miss us? We missed you.

So much has happened while we were on a break! Glossier came out with a bunch of new products we have no plans to try. The Jonas Brothers are back and they’ve had sex. Tavi Gevinson pointed out that Elizabeth Holmes and Gigi Hadid have the same voice and now we can’t un-hear it!

View this post on Instagram

My girl Elizabeth Holmes 👁👁💉

A post shared by Tavi Gevinson (@tavitulle) on

Anyway, this is not really a post with any point other than to say HEY! We’re back to our regularly scheduled programming.

So get ready to hear the latest from Lately prettttayyy prettayyyy soon.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

L & K

The Different Kinds Of Voter-Selfies

The “Voting Sticker On The Face” Selfie

We get it. You think you’re soooooo cute and zany by putting your voting sticker on your face. Is it on your cheek? Adorable. Your forehead? Sweet. Over your lips so you can’t say something like “Do I have anything on my face?” We’re glad you voted though, honestly. You’re doing your part and that’s awesome. Thanks!

The “Pointing To My Shirt” Selfie

You’re practical. Your face probably isn’t even in the frame. It’s whatever shirt you’re wearing today, your sticker, and your finger pointing to it. It’s front and center. You want to get your message across. You also probably don’t have makeup on or something otherwise you might have taken an actual selfie, with your face in it. We get it. Polling places aren’t typically all that glamorous and you’re probably grabbing coffee after this in your sweats! Thank you for voting! You’re awesome!

The “Voting Sticker Plus My Kid” Selfie

You want to impress on a younger generation that voting is good! You want your kids to vote! But also look at your kids, everyone! Look at how cute they are! I am such a good parent! Mwahahahahahah. But seriously, thank you for voting. You’re helping change our current (and terrible!) political climate and you truly are setting an example for your children. Good work.

The “Voting Sticker Plus My Dog” Selfie

You want to show off how cute your dog is and also we want you to show off how cute your dog is. We will like this photo instantly. It’s a dog! And you voted. Double win! Good job. Your dog is a Democrat btw.

The “Voting Sticker All Alone” Selfie

You voted, congratulations! But are you someone’s mom or grandparent? This photo is great, because voting! but also like….stand in front of a pretty background or something at least! The dirty floor plus your voting sticker is getting a like (because like we said, voting) but…maybe your daughter can give you some tips for your next “I Voted!” photo. Anyway, good on you! We are very proud and excited.

The “Sexy Voter” Selfie

If your sexy voter selfie is influencing people to vote, then it’s fucking incredible and we love it. Put voter stickers over your nipples. Put it on your butt for a “belfie.” Hell, stick it over your as*hole. Go nuts. I don’t know. Just be an informed and active voter making choices that you think will benefit not just you, but your immediate community, your state, and your country.

It doesn’t matter how you do it (by mail or in person), just as long as you do.

GO VOTE MOTHER F*CKERS

 

(yes, I also just thought of the tumblr quote “it does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop” lol)