All The Movies I’ve Watched During Quarantine, Ranked

My boyfriend Dan (with who I am currently quarantining), is a man of many hobbies. When he’s not watching sports/sports gambling/blogging about live theatre/singing along to show tunes/playing online trivia/doing magician stuff/asking me to make him a tuna sandwich/refusing to buy me expensive jewelry, he’s typically watching a movie.

Sometimes, when I’m not on my 47th rewatch of Grey’s Anatomy, I’ll watch one with him.

And so that is how during quarantine we have watched a shit ton of films. Some of them I had never seen, some he had never seen and not all of them were enjoyable! I decided to rank them for my own amusement and your (hopefully) enjoyment.

All my digital media training is telling me to rank them worst to best to build anticipation, but those lists always suck because who cares about what’s good? I’m starting with #1. Save the worst for last! It’s more exciting that way!

The Goodbye Girl

This is my favorite movie we’ve seen so far. It’s a very cute rom-com and I never realized how appealing young Richard Dreyfuss is. I even Googled if he’s Jewish (aka crush-worthy/HE IS). 10/10. Definitely watch this if you are a complicated woman who wants to feel all squooshy inside or if you’re a schlubby actor-type with a white knight complex. You’ll feel seen.

My Cousin Vinny

Worth it for Marisa Tomei’s outfits, alone! Also a great movie to watch if you feel like you can’t get enough Joe Pesci, which is how I feel 90% of the time. Also I saw him when I was on a walk the other day in Toluca Lake. He wasn’t wearing a mask. Oh, Joe!

Bonus points if you recognize that one of the leads is Rachel Green’s ex from Friends!

Scream

I know! I’d never seen Scream before! I finally get why everyone has the major horn for that Dad from Riverdale. He was crazy and hot. Also, petition to revive Matthew Lillard’s career from its Ghostface grave.

Charade

It’s not like I have a Kate Spade tea cup with an Audrey Hepburn quote on it or anything (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but I think Hepburn is FABULOUS in this movie and that Cary Grant is pretty darn cute. Was he gay IRL? Is that an old Hollywood rumor? I don’t care! Those two have chemistry for days.

A great movie to watch when you’ve had enough of your boyfriend, have your period and just want some wine and chocolate.

To Catch A Thief

Made me want to go to the French Riviera/ wear a pretty dress/ drink a sazerac sling. These are top marks from me, people.

First Wives Club

I’ve seen this movie 100 times but Dan had never seen it. It’s a classic. Bette Midler, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, SJP AND Maggie Smith?? Your fave movie could NEVER.

Interview With A Vampire

This felt like a Twilight prequel? Almost? Kirsten Dunst gave me major Renesmée vibes. Plus, one thing I have discovered during quarantine is that I think I fucking LOVE Tom Cruise. I mean, I hate him (#TeamNicole) but he’s so good at acting!!! Damn!!

Romancing The Stone

Another actor whose movies I’ve learned I have a soft spot for is Michael Douglas. This movie had big Indiana Jones energy but I wish the female lead had been Goldie Hawn or someone like that. I’d love to see who was on the short list for casting. Good movie to watch with a pizza!

Dirty Harry

We watched this movie because I have been feeling homesick for San Francisco and my family and I knew it had some cool shorts of North Beach. After watching this I realized how good my dad’s Clint Eastwood impression actually is.

American Graffiti

This movie had me feeling nostalgic for something that doesn’t and maybe never existed! I loved it!

Donnie Brasco

I fucking love movies about the mob.

Coco

Okay, fuck this movie for making me cry but FUCK! This movie!!!!! So fun and also sweet!!!

Election

Dan was SHOCKED that I had never seen this film. I enjoyed it but I think it kind of made me hate Matthew Broderick. Baby Reese was incredible though.

The Princess and the Frog

Dan had never seen this one and I’m really glad he liked it because I think it’s one of my favorite Disney movies.

Honeyboy

This movie was very sad and then I spent a really long time Googling Shia LaBeouf!

Fatal Attraction

I knew the term “bunny boiler” came from this movie. Dan says my dad made that term up. Glenn Close is national treasure.

Heaven Can Wait

CLASSIC movie about someone dying when they shouldn’t have and the people who run heaven having to put their soul into someone else’s body. CLASSIC!

Basic Instinct

We watched it to see Sharon Stone. Again, some really nice shots of San Francisco. I thought it was kind of dumb but thinking about it now I guess it was more dumb-fun. Also how does she look so elegant in a white turtleneck and why can’t I pull that off!?

Waiting for Guffman

Your typical silly Christopher Guest comedy. Good cast. Great movie to half-pay attention to.

Anna and The Apocalypse

This movie was weird AF, especially because I didn’t know it was a musical. It’s about a Christmastime zombie apocalypse in England? Ireland???? It’s cute and predictable but still a good watch, especially because real life feels sort of like a zombie apocalypse rn anyway.

Scream 2

Not as good as the first one but still kind of fun. Not realistic that Buffy would die but ok.

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The best Indiana Jones movie.

Punch Drunk Love

Probably the only Paul Thomas Anderson film I like. Don’t take my film school diploma away!!! It’s a time Adam Sandler was serious in a film and it worked!

Death On The Nile

Better than Murder on the Orient Express!

All the rest of the Indian Jones movies

I know, it’s a crime I’d never seen these. They were fine.

A Few Good Men

Tom Cruise is fun! Demi Moore is not fun but I like her! This movie is ok.

Shampoo

My dad said we should watch this one. It was aight. Goldie Hawn wore some cool outfits.

National Treasure

Kind of fun but also I didn’t really care. Sorry to Dan who LOVES this movie.

Monsters University

Nothing special but easy to watch especially after you’ve had a lot of margaritas and just cried your eyes out to Coco.

Tangled

Am I the only person who thinks this movie is just,,,,, fine? Also what is the lesson here??? Blonde hair is magic and brown hair is not??? Weird.

Private Benjamin

Cute but it falls apart.

Leaving Las Vegas

VERY depressing! Kind of glad I saw it? Would have been fine never watching it though.

Bob & Carole & Ted & Alice

The seventies were strange but Dyan Cannon dressed well is the moral of this story.

North By North West

Felt like semi-enjoyable required reading but also I fell asleep watching this so I don’t think I actually know how it ends?

Rope

Ugh. Pass.

Step Brothers

TRULY do no understand the hype. Arrest me. Maybe it’s because my parents aren’t divorced? There are much better buddy comedies out there that aren’t quite so stupid.

The Exorcist

I get that it’s iconic and that it was terrifying at the time but also this movie barely made any sense and it felt like you had to know a lot of back story on things before you watched it. Also, okay — so he offers himself up to Satan and then tosses himself out a window. Is Satan dead now? Wouldn’t that be a bigger deal? Or did Satan just jump into someone else’s body? Wouldn’t THEY be possessed? This barely made sense. ALSO SHUTUP ABOUT SPOILERS. THIS MOVIE HAS BEEN OUT FOR LIKE 50 YEARS ALREADY.

Reality Bites

I watched this because a podcast told me to. SNOOZE.

The Master

The Master Cleanse is more fun to endure.

Collateral

Tom Cruise but make it boring.

Phantom Thread

My boyfriend loves this movie and likes to quote the thing about asparagus and oil. I absolutely hated this movie and tried to take frequent trips to the bathroom and kitchen so I didn’t have to watch it but Dan would always pause it until I came back. Thanks. 🙃

Mission Impossible 2

FINALLY!!! THE WORST MOVIE WE WATCHED!!! #1!!!! CAPITAL B, BAD!!!! I didn’t watch Mission: Impossible but I can assure you, ANYTHING is better than very stupid Mission: Impossible 2. This was a total waste of time. Watching George O’Malley scratch 007 into Meredith Grey’s hand is a better time than streaming this. SKIP.

You Really Need To See This: The Canadian Cat Show Documentary

Sometimes after scrolling through Netflix for twenty minutes while gobbling up all of our TV snacks, we stumble upon a documentary that is just so perplexing we have to click on it.

Frequently, it’s about a murder or a missing person or even a missing murderer but this time it was about something far less sinister but nevertheless equally as titillating.

Catwalk: Tales From The Cat Show Circuit does not have a Rotten Tomatoes score yet, but when it does I hope it receives a sold 100% because that is what it deserves.

I am not a cat person despite my sister owning a cat since I was about nine. She is away at college and the cat still lives here and he has IBS and I have to clean up his barf and poop and I don’t even like this cat, much less love it.  Having him around has really influenced my feelings on cats. However, this film has profoundly changed how I feel about cat documentaries!**

**I had never seen a cat documentary until now so really I had nothing to compare it too anyway and therefore held no opinion on the matter other than probably “yuck, cats”

The film takes place in Canada at various cat shows and mainly follows two competing cat owners, married cat show judges, and a handful of cat admirers.

Right away you discover that Kim, the owner of  Bobby the white cat who always gets second place has it out for Shirley, the owner of the forever first place winner, a red fluffy cat named Oh La La. Bobby has never bested Oh La La (pronounced oo la la ?) who looks like she has had her face smashed against a door but is admittedly–very fluffy and beautiful.

Kim and the judges extoll the virtues of Bobby who seems great but looks pretty much like a regular cat that you would see sitting in a window.

Kim is kind of the villain of this story. There are other contestants and cat breeders that you see, who genuinely love their cats and don’t care–especially this woman with a cat named Maestro who she says she doesn’t care if he wins or loses because he is “the most beautiful thing in the world.” But Kim is not this way. Kim is a pageant mom.

Cat shows are not like dog shows. The cats don’t run in a circle or jump or whatever it is that they do during dog shows idk. It really seems to be all about how the cat looks. Again, Bobby looks fine but Bobby is no match for Oh La La and her feather duster/dust bunny looks. Kim seems to take this incredibly personally. “If you’re not number one, you’re the first loser!” she says in one part….to her cat or to herself? Who can say.

I’m pretty sure Kim also makes reference to Shirley (who just seems like a nice older lady with a hobby) and Shirley’s cat receiving bodily harm at some point? Kim is horribly bitter that Bobby has NEVER won!!! NEVER!! And like all villains, the root moment that inspired her towards vengeance is revealed in the documentary. And let me tell you, it does not disappoint. I will not ruin the film. All I will say is, if you’re a sympathetic puker….fast forward. It was not a good look for Bobby lol.

Yes, there are some adorable kittens. Yes, all of the women have cat hair clinging to every stitch of their clothing. We learn that not only is Kim desperate for Bobby to win, Kim is also insanely passionate about scuba diving, teaches scuba classes, and wants to retire to Mexico! We stan a queen with a full life! One of the judges also loves to garden. These women have lives beyond their 6 cats!

Overall, the doc is super comforting. It’s just about cats chillin’ while their human owners pet them.

I’m not going to say it made me like cats, but I will say it made me want to hold a baby kitten the entire time I was watching this show. It also made me want to encourage Kim to pursue her scuba dreams because they seem to honestly make her feel more free than the cat show world ever could!

Anyway, this documentary is magic. It’s on Netflix. I recommend watching it under a big blanket, preferably with a glass of wine. Or I guess, with a cat.