This Is What Party Food You Would Be According to The Zodiac

Inspired by my recent attendance at a party with fabulous snacks!

Yes, there are a lot of dips!

Also…qualifying everything as apps!

Aries: Buffalo Chicken Dip

Depending on who you are (and who made you) you can be a little spicy–just like this dip! Under your baked exterior you have a gooey, cheesy heart. Someone just needs to a sharp enough chip or cracker to break through!

Taurus: Chips and Onion Dip

Taurus, you’re a classic. We can’t get enough of you. No matter if you’re homemade or store-bought, you’re everybody’s favorite party app because you bring the grounding flavors that leave people coming back for more.

Gemini: Shrimp Cocktail

First of all, don’t you dare be offended Gemini. Shrimp cocktail is good AF!!!! You’re fresh and tangy, just like this shellfish and tomato combo. Plus, because you’re easily bored we made you an app that’s fun to eat! Don’t forget to douse yourself in lemon, first.

Cancer: Mozzarella Sticks

Yes, we made you the warmest and gooiest snack, Cancer. You are comfort and indulgence both in food and in personality! Everybody feels cozier after having a taste–except the lactose adverse. You can’t please everyone!

Leo: Guacamole

Your commitment to receiving the most attention makes you a solid option for guacamole. Guess what people always want more of? Guac. Guess what always costs extra? Guac. Plus, it helps that eating avocado is actually great for that lion’s mane you call hair.

Virgo: Caprese Skewers

Okay, first of all look how pretty! Virgo you care about organization and aesthetics and this app is all about execution! Plus, knowing your secret temper you may have saved a few of those skewers in your pocket for later in case you need to confront whoever has been messing up the arrangement of the chicken nuggets!

Libra: Fried Macaroni Balls

Libra baby, you’re all fun on the outside and all warm and soft on the inside. You’re all about this balance of flavors and textures. Like macaroni balls, you charm everyone you meet so don’t be surprised if there are quite a few people crowding around your plate.

Scorpio: Chicken Wings

You’re oh so seductive Scorpio, just like wings in all flavors. Whether you’re boneless or bone-in, you offer so much to those who eat you and they relish the flavors (and personalities) you put on. You don’t need ranch or bleu cheese to make you a more palatable snack or person, it’s purely complementary.

Sagittarius: Pigs in A Blanket

You’re just a juicy surprise inside a flaky warm bun!! We made you a pig in a blanket because you love adventure (so you’re portable) and typically don’t give a floop what anyone thinks about your or what sauces you’re dipped in. You’re full of protein (and energy) but you have a soft side too. Plus, we could seriously eat 1000000 of you. You’re the best.

Capricorn: Chicken Nuggets

Chicken nuggets are not bland and boring, they are an absolute party STAPLE. If we come through to your party and there are no chicken nugz……we’re leaving. That’s also how we feel about Capricorns. Why stay anywhere there aren’t any of those guys? They work so hard to pair perfectly with every dip and sauce. Plus, they can be enjoyed as a main and not just an app–so versatile, so creative–just like a Cap!

Aquarius: Bagel Bites

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PIZZA BAGELS 🤘🏼🍕😛 #hungryhungry

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My wayward Aquarian, you’re a bagel bite. You’re a little outside the box as far as snacks go, but everyone gets freakin excited as hell when they see you. You’re also cute as fuck JUST like a mini bagel.

Pisces: Mini Quiche

You love being posted up all cozy so like your water sister Cancer, you’re a very cozy-making app. You want to give your friends the most, and so you offer them a little of everything–which is why mini quiches come in so many flavors. They’re the Pisces of the frozen food aisle. Never crust-less tho…obvi.

What Kind Of Friend Are You?

Will you be there for me, when the rain starts to fall? Let’s find out!

You can replace “she” and “her” with any pronoun you like sweet pea : )

Dinner Friend

This is the friend you always go to dinner with. She’s never down to go out after because she’s tired or she has some thing. The self-described “grandma” of her friend group will gab with you over Thai noodles and might have a glass or two of wine, but you won’t see her at a bar or for brunch–she’s working out/sleeping in/has other friends, and you’ll never see her for like…shopping or a movie. She really only has about an hour before she has to go, which is just enough time to devour some sushi. She’s got work in the morning. Or a late night spin class. She’s so busy. Want to meet at Jitlada later?

Going Out Friend

This friend wants to go out!! She is ready to go out!! She wants to take a vodka soda to the face!! She’s wearing sky-high heels and her tightest black jeans and she wants you to come out with us later! She’s going out in Silverlake but might go downtown if this guy texts her. She wants to take shots or get a guy to buy her shots. This week was so hard/boring, let’s go out! It’s 7pm on a Friday….do you know where your going out friend is?

Party Friend

Party friend is different from Going Out friend because you barely know Party Friend. She’s someone you see at parties. She’s friends with someone you know and she’s always there to wave at or talk to if you don’t know anybody else. She’s nice. She likes to smoke weed and sit on the couch. Bye Party Friend.

Sweatpants Friend

Sweatpants Friend has seen you at your absolute worst. She knows what you look like without makeup on, she’s seen you pop a pimple, she’s seen your ass in a thong in fluorescent Target lighting. She is probably your best friend/soul mate. Yeah you guys go out and have fun together, but you can also cry together or FaceTime while one of you poops. Sweatpants Friend is your forever love.

Work Friend

Work Friend is cool because she’s not NOT your friend, you know? Like you work together and maybe eat lunch together and you’ve been to happy hour a few times with other co-workers and her, but she’s never seen the inside of your apartment. She knows that you hooked up with Dylan from Tinder and that you absolute hate one of your managers. She doesn’t know what you do when you’re alone or who your real-life friends are. You just got a Slack from her.

Internet Friend

Your Internet Friend knows you better than most of your other friends (excluding Sweatpants Friend). She has seen the weird-ass gross-ass horny-ass tweets you RT, Instagrams that you like, and she’s Venmoed you for coffee at least once. She lives on the internet aka D.C./Austin/Detroit/Chicago/New York/LA. Her Twitter is fire. You love her IG stories. You’ve never met in real life, but you have plans to meet her when either one of you travel for work/a wedding/a concert. Explaining your friendship is becoming less and less weird as we move into 2019. It’s the internet, it’s not like she’s a stranger!