Unpopular Opinion: I Wish Summer Would End Already

Summer is less fun when you’re an adult. You’re supposed to ~relax~ but you don’t get a two month break to go make lanyards at sleep away camp or swim all day and eat popsicles, wrapped in wet towel, slowly soaking pool water into your living room carpet.

It’s kind of bullshit.

At best, you organize weekend trips with your friends that will bankrupt you, figure out a reasonable amount of PTO and WFH days to finagle into some sort of obligatory family trip you have to check your email from no matter what, get sun burns on rooftops because you’re too drunk to reapply sunscreen AND order multiple “cute” swimsuits from online that you will try on and return no less than three times.

This all while working 40+ hours a week and sweating profusely everywhere, all the time.

It’s August and while we’re admittedly in the decline of summer, I personally can’t wait for it to mercifully end.

Summer feels like it started in May. I can’t pinpoint an exact day but suddenly it was 100 degrees and I was wearing all white outfits and carrying straw bags and sunglasses from brunches to the beach. I had 47 margaritas in June alone and was sunburned 90% of July.

I’m so tired. I just want to wear a sweater and drink a dirty chai oat milk latte on a chilly morning in peace.

I’m so over #lovesummerhateverythingelse that I don’t want to catch so much as a whiff of coconut-y sunscreen or a lick of watermelon Chazstick (my preferred summer lip balm from Dedcool) until 2020.

It just seems easier to live my life not in summer mode. There’s less pressure to have fun, there’s no panicking about losing beach time, I don’t feel as obligated to eat salad and I don’t have to freak out about my life again until late November (Thanksgiving is a different kettle of fish).

I’m not saying I need piles of leaves and pumpkin patches (although HMU in October for all your fall festivities), all I’m asking for is the ability to at least think about enjoying a bowl of soup on my lunch break without getting heat stroke. And also maybe to find a nice flannel at a reasonable price to wear on weekends.

Labor day is only two weeks away and I know you bitches on your beach vacations will be crying over the side of your yachts once this hot girl summer officially comes to an end.

But I have an inbox full of pumpkin spice pitches and it’s making me want to retire my flip flops and put lotion on these sand-scuffed feet, slip on my fuzziest socks and work from home.

 

Summer Activities We’re Super Excited For

It’s getting hot out there and to help us slip into the the “hashtag love summer hate everything else” mindset, we’ve decided to list all the things we’re most excited for this summer 2K19:

Pools

Road trips

Buying expensive sunscreen and forgetting it at home

Sunburns

Backyard barbecues

Watermelon

Playing cornhole

Getting eaten alive by mosquitos

The beach

Summer vacation Instagrams

Summer thirst trap Instagrams

Scrolling through Instagram for like three hours while you sit in the sun

Awkward bathing suit tan lines

Blisters from your new sandals

Trying to sell out-of-season clothing to Buffalo Exchange

Making $2 at Buffalo Exchange

Depression re-watching The Office

Sweating in your car

Sweating on the train

Being sweaty all the time

Chub rub

Rosé

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Summer Sandals That Got Away From Me

Granted, it’s still 90º outside and I live in Los Angeles where there is no chance of it being less than sweltering any time soon–but the season for these magical-looking sandals has come and gone.

Pumpkin Spice Lattes are being served and candy corn is lining the shelves of Walgreens once more. That means I have completely fucked up and missed out on getting a pair of my dream sandals, AGAIN.

I discovered Brother Vellies from someone on Instagram. I want to say it was IG cool girl Pandora Sykes? Or potentially my own personal fashion icon Marianne Theodorsen. Regardless, I had never seen sandals as perfect as these.

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🍦

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Seemingly totally flat–and not at all arch support friendly–vegetable-tanned leather soles topped with just the absolute perfect PUFF of feathers on cross-front sandals in various sherbet and other shades. The Madewell mules I regrettably purchased last year with matted grey rat-fur could NEVER.

These sandals are like functional boudoir. They’re sexy and fun and unnecessary and expensive (all words that describe me LOL) and I had plans to buy them all summer long and now as I feel as though I have definitely missed my chance.

It wouldn’t make sense to be walking around in October or November even though I’m sure I’ll be sweating balls in LA. Should I ferry off to Chicago, New York, London, or if we’re being realistic–San Francisco, my poor toes would absolutely freeze. They would go with jeans, but would look incongruous with a coat. Brother Vellies also sells a heeled version that would look incredible with a long dress and a leather jacket, BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME!!!

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Palms Pumps • almost sold out 🍒

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As summer draws to a close, and people push pumpkin loaf on me until I have to unbutton my jeans, I have nothing left to do but mourn the loss of what could have been some freakin amazing summer ‘fits.

Until then….I guess I’ll be in my Uggs.